silver linings

More than A Handful of Reminders

2012-01-27T11:04:00.000-08:00

It's 2.40 something in the morning, listening to Kina Grannis and pondering on the good things that are happening (not a very good mix I guess :P) around me and miles and miles apart from me. God is good. God is stronger. And God moves the same everywhere. Not sure why I'm so emotional but I just believe that its a very special night although nothing big or important has happened tonight. It's not the wind in my hair or the stars twinkling in the night. Not even the sweet voice of my favorite favorite singer. It is God.

I get so many reminders channeled from the web, the bible, friends and directly from God that it just continues to substantiate the truth of how real He is to me and how strong our relationship is. I'm truly glad, compressed with bursting happiness yet at the same time humbled with reverent awe of how God never fails to intricate His presence through more than a handful of reminders... I'm not gonna say more as this feeling is indescribable.

But before ending, I shall show you a conversation which sealed my day up very nicely from a straight A student I truly admire.

He was referring to something he found out through my blog and then going on to say what he said. And then we chatted about some other stuff like how I should not keep praising him bout his good grades and bring the "straight A student" thing into every thing we talk about.(But I see God in that as well!) Anyways, I apologized. And then he pointed out something that I have not really paid attention to.

Another divine reminder = My precious walk with God...

And I'll just leave it at there.....

Blessings- Laura Story

2012-01-25T10:55:00.000-08:00

Every time I come back home, I get introduced to another talented contemporary Christian artist (through my sister whose life just evolves around music) and this time it's Laura Story, the lyricist of the very popular song "Indescribable" that got borrowed and made famous by another very influential Christian artist, Chris Tomlin. :) When I first heard this song as my sister explained to me the story behind it, I was immediately drawn and now I feel like we can all relate to it one way or another.

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

All I need is You

2012-01-23T21:27:00.000-08:00

If You hold everyone on earth, how about the guy who just died? Dear Father, help me understand and continue to believe. However so, questions and fears would never come in the way of my love for You.

I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU....

(talk about mix feelings, man!)

Life is Fragile (even in times of happiness)

2012-01-23T21:03:00.000-08:00

Celebrating Chinese New Year have so far been great

I hope it sounded cheerful

Because I really am happy with the many things that are happening

However

The things that life throws at you when you least expect

A decaying tooth or a broken DVD

Hurting so bad making eating hard

Or not seeing the motion picture move fluidly

Cuts, pauses and jerks here and there

Making that "what-should-have-been" a wholesome experience

Oh so not hopeful at all

I have a friend whose brother just passed away

On the first day of the Chinese New Year

It was a big shocker

He just got married and has a baby on the way

Future lying ahead of him

Allowing him to achieve everything he had ever imagined

But like the words from a Band Perry's song

It got cut with the "sharp knife of a short life"

The most horrible and unthinkable thing here is the way he passed

They were playing fireworks in the morning when it happened

One was lit up but it didn't spark up

So he went closer to have a look at it

With head over cracker

The timing so bad

It blew up in his face and that was the end.

But what stunts me more is the way his sister responds to it

She acts way calm in her text messages and all

Just describing it as it was and when the funeral will take place

Things just doesn't fall in place

We even thought that it was just a gruesome joke

But this joke which life plays on us

Is no joke at all

It just gave me a bigger sense of urgency

That life is precious. PRICELESS.

And everything but pointless.

Then I look at this special person I love

How God have been protecting him so much

~~No matter how many times he turned his back on Him~~

No matter how long he has turned His back on God

Accidents after mishaps

It's like even lighting can't kill him

Seeing how many car accidents, falls, crashes, debts

And getting into trouble with the cops and officials

He has gotten himself into

Yet he is still alive

(wow/sigh)

It pains me to see him like that

Cooking utensils older than me

Cooked our CNY dinner

Its the same dishes every year (lol)

But I don't whine and just enjoy it

Of course I do ask why always the same...

And then the many times I've turned him down

My hectic schedule does nothing to allow

Breakfast, dinner, teatime or supper

Something that can just squeeze in to strengthen the bond

And every time I try to post pone

He says it's ok with a cheery tone

Covering up on the hurt and the feeling of being alone

What can I do or what can I say?

To make those emotions go away

"It's Jesus that you need!"

Sometimes I wanna scream in his face

But with that tone and emotions evoke

Is his true happiness and salvation

My real priority?

It's like you have prayed all you can

And cried out with all your heart

Placing his live in God's hands

But his very dull future remains a dull future

More accidents to come

Bigger debts that amounts to figures I don't want to think of

And you look at God and just ask God

"WHY?"

You pray until you go numb

Cos it has been that way your whole life

And I'm entering my third decade

But his life has been nothing but a poor facade

I'll just have to hold onto the little faith that I have for him right now

And pray that God will enlarge and expand it

Giving me a reason to live and believe

That he would be saved before he passes on

Although it seems so impossible

But my God is the God of the impossible

And it's not by might

But His that he will be saved

As for my dear friend's brother who just passed away

I pray that his family will all feel ok

Although it may be a hard time to pull through

I pray that this crisis will lead them to Christ

Please Lord

Show them Your Glory!

For in times when life seem so fragile

Like a solid vase with crack lines on it

Or when our lives feel like they are hanging by a thread

Know that that is pure, strong golden thread

That would eventually turn into a strong golden rope

With God at the other end

And right here in your heart

You have nothing to worried about

Just look at Him

And see those worries fade away

The same way I have felt many times

Even when LIFE IS FRAGILE...

PS: Life back home here is not that bad. I'm actually having loads of fun with family and friends that there's not enough time! And lots and lots of people have been wanting to talk to me about my spiritual experiences, booking time and having lunch and all. So God really is my silverlining. But sometimes I don't know what to conclude on situations when we get literally pulled in between 'life and death'. But God is still good. And like what I said in blogs define, I'm just trying to be real here. Cos life as a Christian is not all fancy-pancy with sunshines and rainbow all day. It would definitely be in Eternity, but right here, right now, I'm still in the midst of battling different things, but with God on myself, who can be against me?

Someone so Beautiful

2012-01-21T10:24:00.000-08:00

I was taking my shower when this thought came in as I was singing to a song "Indelible" by ~~Brooke Fraser~~ Brooke Ligertwood. It's a very beautiful song which slipped my mind for a couple of months but being in awe of who God is, this song brought back revelation of the greatness of Him. The pre-chorus goes "how could Someone so beautiful, feel something for me...", and the moment I sang that line I just saw this picture of me somewhere in a magnificent wide forest with streaks of blue in a dark night's sky, gazing up at the stars and seeing a glimpse of my Creator. Something so beautiful, indescribable, that makes me breathless. Then I think again, seriously, how could someone so beautiful feel anything for me? This small girl sitting here not having a clue of what the next part of her life would be. Yet He cares so much and wants to be involved with this tiny little thing (me). It just amazes me and keeps me knowing although it can be VERY unbelievable that my Father God in Heaven really cares about me! He who spoke life into living beings, the stars twinkle at His commands, mountains and seas parts before Him giving Him the honor He deserves, and flowers so beautiful dressed in the finest colors which makes the mixing of colors in a palette so dull. So huge and magnificent my God is. The song's true meaning came to life in my thoughts and deep down I am rest assured that no matter what comes my way, I am safe and sound in my Daddy's arms. And that's just the beauty and plus point of having a relationship with 'Someone so Beautiful'.......

This holiday...

2012-01-20T12:41:00.000-08:00

Spend quality time with your loved ones for as much as you can.

Bake and eat those sugar coated muffins without the fear of getting fat.

Buy that coffee you never liked as a kid.

Dance your heart out like no one is watching.

Go watch that Muppet movie although you think its lame.

And buy that puppy you've wanted since forever.

Stop. And take in your surroundings, breathing them in, for they may not last.

Stay positive even if it feels like its you against the world.

But most importantly.....

JUST KIDDING!!!! :P

WARNING: ~~All pictures are stolen and can be copied for fulfillment purposes.~~ All pictures are reblogged from very cool tumblrs. The captions though were self-created. Ignore my ramblings for I'm just too happy! Peace!

A great holiday!

2012-01-20T11:48:00.000-08:00

Our laughs are contagious! Truly a blessing to have such a friend.

Hope that you guys are having a great holiday preparing for Chinese New Year and all! Mine have so far been great! Already finished reading a book, entering my next, hope to finish 3 in this 3 weeks. Playing more of the guitar and the piano, learning new songs from my sister, trying to write some and the unsuccessful attempt of loosing weight. (Ironic, I know with CNY and all.) Spending as much time with my lovely family, scheduling time to meet all my friends in gatherings and reunions and trying to cut down on the TV and do more exercise. The best part is seeing my friends being happy as they encounter and experience God more and more! And all these through Facebook! God is awesome. Was a tad worried that I'll loose out on my quiet time with God and experiencing Him, but this round, I didn't fall short and it's great! My best break so far! Seeing friends going through spiritual heights really makes my day! Can't see how this holiday can get any better than that! But it totally is! Hope your holiday would be as fun,productive and fruitful as mine! Take care and God bless!!!

One picture that I can't stop liking, spot the smiles, the clothes and the shoes!

My dear friend, May in the middle is going through very wonderful happenings and I'm truly proud of her! Same as the guy with the huge smile up there in the first picture,Alex. Like his smile, his faith is contagious! Pure young ones with faith and passion who inspires me...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!

Blogs Defines

2012-01-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

People blog about everything nowadays

They blog about food, fashion and fun

Places they've visit

Their dog, their cat or little white rabbit

While others use it to bring in the "ka-ching"!

Making money out of it

Putting advertisements on them

(as you can see I'm obviously not excluded :P)

Meshing creative minds and entrepreneur skills

To start businesses and sell stuff online

Some go on and on and on and on

About every tiny detail about their lives

Like what time they woke up

Or what bus they took

Or how tight they wrapped their hands around someone's waist

As they soar away on a motorbike

There are so many things a blog reveals

They show the person you are

Or even the person you're not

(some creepy people love living double lives)

They tell of more than what people see on a daily basis

Blogs show.

Blogs tell.

Blogs expose.

Blogs defines.

The way some people spray their header with foul language to look cool

Or how some start with real "straight-up-in-your-face" welcome phrases telling you

That if you don't like what you read, who cares (lol)

Cos its their right to write what they want and want what they write

Or how others put it as "adult content" or "not for public view"

It is true that we can gage how a person is through their blog
The way we use it to express ourselves
Share our hearts out
The safe avenue for us to leash out our emotions, fears, angers and doubts
The deepest, darkest secrets we hid inside

All without the fear of getting unwanted advice or naggings from others
But as a sounding board (or in this case a sounding box)
A therapeutic practice for some
To be who they really are
Without the judgmental point of views
Or negative stares

I though about this topic a long time ago actually
When I told me friend that to get more views on my blog I should commercialize it
And to do that I shall blog more on "everyday", "readable" issues
Rather than just talking about God and spiritual stuff all the time
It's been months now or even up to half a year
And right here penning my thoughts down
I doubt that would be a good idea

I can blog about food and events I go to
Which I really do sometimes
But my hearts desire is to see people being exposed to the things of God
His Grace, Mercy and Power
The series of very fortunate events He's unfolding in my life
He is a huge part of me
Actually He's everything to me
So how can I leave Him out of my blog
If what I blog about concerns my life?

And so like how many bloggers rant on about how life treats them
Or how unfair it is to be in this sad world
Or how they have nursed a broken hurt from a loved one
Get over a family member's death
Buried a pet kitten in their backyard
Thrive through the ups and downs of this roller coaster we call life
I will continue to blog about my God.

So my dream of earning lots of cash
And becoming a famous blogger
Or getting thousands of hits per day
Can go out the window

But the real reason of why I blog can be cemented and substantiated
On the fact that that is truly why I blog from the beginning
Silver Lining
That subtle ray of sunlight
Coming out from behind a cloud after a thunderstorm or rainy day
That consoling aspect of a difficult situation
The gift of hope that our Father gives

So its that simple.
If I want to get to know more about a friend or pop star
I'll just read their blog
When I grow up I'll read my kids
For I want to know whats going on in their heads
And what happens behind the scenes
If my mom is so worried about my future partner
(which I think she is)
I'll just ask her to read his blog
(If he has one, that is)
Of course it's not that simple
Cos how many percent of a blog can you actually believe in?

But hey
When the emotions rise and situations concur
Many people race to their blogs to let it all out
Stopping themselves from a physical turmoil
They release themselves as they type it out
You can envision it right now
Some laughing as they remember a funny event
Some crying over a conflict or pain they encountered
Some writing down memories to seal them in time capsules
Some just penning down their hope and dreams for their future
And the list can be as long as it goes
All this with their hands on a keyboard
And eyes hooked onto the screen

As for me
I'll continue to blog the way I blog
Focusing on His thoughts and plans for me
I do it for self reflection
Also for therapy
My free space with no restrictions
There will be ups
There will be downs
For I won't be real if they were all good
But hey, remember the silverlining?
I'll use it to communicate what I cant convey in words
And keep God in the centre of all of it for
Blog Defines....

So how bout yours? :)

Somewhere I belong

2012-01-13T00:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we take for granted the beauty of where we live in.

Even as I sit hear eating my last lunch in the hostel's canteen
Somehow something inside of me starts forming
A feeling I can't put my finger on
Knowing that I won't be staying here for long

It's not the food I know
Even though it'll be the last time they're selling
Some say it's cos of food poisoning
But to me the food has never been that great

But how can it be
For going home I'm excited as could be
The mixed feelings entangled in me
Making it unclear for me to see

And then a thought comes in
Something straight from the heart of God
"This is where you belong now"
A place I am placed where God wants to save

How the "Big Bang theory"
Or how circumstances takes place
Making me cross paths with the people here
Amazes me more and more each day

Somehow I know that my few years here
Is what I can take even if it feels way more than that
Hostel and college carries countless of Divine memories
Defining and Amazing, changing my course of life

I don't know where the future will take me
Or who'll I marry
But deep down I'm sure off
The place which God have placed me

For it's right here and right now
A temporal staying which launches me into eternity
Destined for an indescribable destiny
I know that this "not-as-cool-as-other" hostels is truly
Somewhere I belong.....

With a beautiful surrounding and great friends, what more should we ask for?

A place where we can just be our funny-little-selves!

We love where we're at! Our beloved Hostel!!!!

Feeling the Untouchable

2012-01-13T00:14:00.000-08:00

As I'm here thinking of You

I wish I can touch You

To just reach out my hand and grasp the fullness of You

To feel You on my skin

And know that You're here

Right before me

And when I try

All I touch is nothingness

Not even the air hold weight which I can withhold

I feel nothing in front of me

Just the road ahead, endless, mysterious

The feeling of unknown right before me

I think of the times when I look at the sky

And instead of seeing millions of stars

I see a slight twinkle here and there

Not allowing the confusion of stars and satellites to haunt me

I just close my eyes and believe

That even though I can't see

Their existence still live

And then I do the unthinkable

Instead of my hands, I use my heart

Hoping that with everything in me

It will reach out to Yours

As my heart touches Your heart

And Yours touch mine

Somehow I know things beyond me will start happening

I begin to feel Your love sweep all around me

The way You take my breath away in an instant

Knowing that I'm everything but alone

As I feel the touch of You

Not physical but more real

As our hearts align

The Being of who You are incepts in my mind

As my heart beholds Your beauty

Worries and fears go away

The knowledge of how much You love me

Suddenly makes the biggest mistakes okay

Knowing that You're here right beside me

Living on the inside of me

I just to have to say again

"God, You take my breath away"

This is the beauty of our relationship

Which defies the definition of religion

You call I answer and the same goes around

Something not many people have just yet

But with Faith I believe that someday

The world will get

To know its more that just physical reality

But a spiritual truth

Besides, facts are the lowest form of truth

And You are the Truth

And that is why I have no doubt in

FEELING THE UNTOUCHABLE

Humility

2012-01-10T12:26:00.000-08:00

My Dearest Mommy

2012-01-10T11:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my mom's birthday

And I sincerely must say

That I am humbled by the fact

That I was gifted with such a gem

She's worked hard and strong

Not letting the way of life define her

But allowing God's sole plan

To go before her

In my twenty years of life on earth

I have learned so much from her

Her tenacity and subtle steadiness

Making her a pillar of much worth

Her actions of grace speaks louder than words

Determination in getting things done

Especially concerning the things of God

Has taught me to live my life for Him

She's different in a way

Making sure we put God in front of everything

Protecting our Sabbaths

Concerned about our spirituality

She made me stay a year back before entering college

To make sure in faith I'm not shaken

And on the word I shall be rooted

Keeping my self in God truly grounded

And now my sister is doing the same

I hope she realizes that free time with mom

Is running out fast

As we enter college and the rest of our lives

My mom has taught me to persevere in prayer

For that's how she got me after 9 years of praying

That is like half my age!

How did she do that?

Truly by His Grace

She speaks of inner strength in her wonderful being

To never ever compromise on what we believe in

She can be vocal at times

Standing up for the things of God

Allowing the fear of God to precede the fear of men

She once texted my sister and I

Struck by a sentence from a Christian magazine we both love

'Holiness precedes power'
"So true ya, what do you think?"

Caught us by random

Which received a questioning reply from my sis of

"You talking to me?" o.o LOL!

Works and toils throughout the night

Trying to make the best out of everything she can

Sometimes bringing negative attention

Questioning people

Doubting her capability

But she is never shaken

And this I shall learn from her

For she knows who she is in Christ

And prophecies given defends her outright

Putting back things to perspective making them align

My Dearest Mommy

Oh what would I do without you?

You have taught me in the things you say and don't

The way you walk so much of your talk

Sometimes I think you need a break

I pray the Lord will continue to bless you

As you walk in His eternal destiny for you

For you have always been obedient

Although it was hard with two young daughters

I have learned so much from you

Although we may quarrel in small fights

Deep down I know we just come out more tight

The tears we shed together

The belly of laughter's released

The way you look forward to watching "7th Heaven"

And "Touched by an Angel"

How you make us sit down and make cookies together

Or how we share talks over meals or nothing

Catching up on lost time

Both knowing that we can never turn back time

But still holding on to whats is left to our rights of each other

I look forward to those times

And even distance can't separate us

As we talk for hours on our free line

Me filling you in on the unending happenings in college, life and church

And you telling me how work and everyone is doing back home

This mother-daughter thing we have here?

Is totally precious and priceless

Coming here and seeing the world

Now I understand that not a lot of people get to partake of this

Thank you Mommy

For being who you are

Just being yourself

And not allowing anyone to dictate who you are

Teaching me integrity and dignity

All with LOVE, FAITH and purity

Making sure I'm in the hands of God

And getting all excited with what He's doing in my life

Besides the greatest gift of life you gave me

The greatest gift was when you surrendered my life into the hands of God

Devoting me and Deb to our Father in Heaven

Mommy

You have taught me some priceless lessons

I can learn no where else but from you

I don't how can I ever repay you

But just to say thank you

Of course I'm gonna treat you!

Can't wait to see you!

And I thank our Dear Lord for you

I sure hope it's not too late to say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
to you!!!!

My Mama and Me!

PS: If this day did not exist, there would be no you. And if there was no you, there would be no me. Therefore in this I'm truly grateful. I LOVE YOU!

Temporal Hits

2012-01-10T10:44:00.000-08:00

10 days after a new year and I get hit
Not the way where good sense is knocked into you
Nor the way you see blur lines and stars over your head
But a hit straight into the heart
Forced to bear the heaviness that don't linger but stay

So many things are happening and escalating
And even without a chance to say "breathe"
You feel the full force of events at once released
Not really suffocating you, for they're all good
But I'm still an emotional being coping with the moods

Last night was just awesome
God as a wild fire
Intense, unpredictable and untamed
Throwing me off tangent (almost literally)
Yet giving us clear directions in proper ascending

And then an overflow of yesterday's outpouring
Into my bedtime and up to wake time
I don't know what to conclude of it
But I won't sing lies as the lyrics go
"Mold me, Refine me, Use me for Your plans"

Not prepared for the exam
Yet I went it not knowing what to expect
A whole question left me in wondering
What on earth was I thinking
It's not an 'A' now but a pass that I'm hoping

Never felt it this bad in my entire college life
It's a bit over a year and a half
Managed to maintain my CGPA (which surprises me)
All up til now
To still hold that rate, I don't know how

Thought I could suppress the pain I feel inside
Of unbelief, regret and disappointment
In no one else but myself
Why didn't I study harder
I am the one to blame

Then I try rethinking, reanalyzing and secretly hoping
That it is all a dream and that time could turn back
To when I still had the time to study hard
To cover all my notes, lectures and books
To be a good student and do what I do

But no point reliving what is undone
You can't turn back the hand of time
The hurt you keep inflicting upon yourself
Does no good but only harm
Why the self-deprecation, when all it does is kills...

As I let out my discontent by going to the movies
Hoping that seeing "Jack & Jill" could make me laugh
To laugh my worries away at a funny comedy
Even behind those laughter, deep down I know
That the pain inside, still resides

Then I realize that this is only a temporal hit
Something the devil does cos he exist
Seeing how I'm entering the destiny God has for me
Making him jealous with full of deceit
Trying to get me, as so it may seem

Because so many things have been happening
The evil one can manipulate my mind
Making me think that I have messed up priorities
Nurturing a start of a chain of negative thoughts
Belittling me, hoping me weak

That I would blame it on God
Blame it on circumstances
Blame it on myself
Which he almost succeeded
But now I know his underlying motives

I caught myself thinking
That there's no need of self-torturing
Cos then to the devil I'm aiding
And of that I shall have no part in
For I'm a daughter of the King

This is only a temporal hit
One that makes me stand up right after I fall
For God's got my back
And He'll catch me when I fall
Just like how He did so quickly today

Let out my emotions
But not with anger and frustration to Him
Just soft words telling
And tears that were flowing
For I have passed the phase of questioning

And I feel Him and hear Him
Through the wind that blows at the right times
And the skies that paints of His creativity
Hearing Him tell me everything is okay
And that there are more to life then just grades

And then I have dinner with 2 friends for the first time
And I see open doors and hearts availed to God
From a few minutes it turn into hours
And deep down I know God is working again
In me and through me

Prayer group went very very well too
Not having the time to prepare cos of my last minute talk
I already knew what God wanted shared
To be bold and reverent in His presence
Not treating Grace lightly yet humbled and in awe

And right now I stand amaze at the swift hand of God
Which moves so quick not allowing me to soak in my despair
That when I get hit, with a proper reflex
I can come out of it just as quickly
And go on to do the things which God has entrusted in me

Temporal hits may come more frequently these days
But in this I shall not be afraid
For His rod and His staff
They shall comfort me
And He will never ever leave my side

The more hits that come
The more I shall get back stronger and tougher
Knowing that He who is in me
Is greater than he who is of the world
And with that and my identity intact
I know I'll be fine

So come and get me with your sly tricks
For you are actually nothing but a toothless lion
Trying to get me but with no avail
Cos my Daddy King, He always prevails
And in Him I'll entrust the safety of my life

Temporal hits
Are nothing but temporal
So right now I'll focus on what is eternal
That's souls and compassion for the lost
Knowing that Jesus is the answer for the world today
I'd rather be occupied by Kingdom issues
Than small petty stuff like crying over bad grades (lol!)
Cos I know who I am in Christ
And that truth and love is eternal

And so when you get hit down too
Whether its like a tow-truck kinda hit
Or a slight knock of the wind
Know that God's right there to catch you when you fall
He's got your back no matter what you think
Anyway, though the pain is there
It can be only temporal
If you choose it to be
Remember, it's all in the mind
A battlefield that's so define
It may lead you to utter defeat
Or a glorious, triumphant victory

Look to Him
And learn from Him
The way He attacks situations
With the slight of His hand
With not much effort needed
He'll take that hit for you
The pain will subside
But His love imprinted will remain
For he took so many hits, punches and kicks
All from the source of bitterness
So that we don't have to endure them no more

After all
What is God's all consuming fire and power
Love so amazing we could never define
Compared to this temporal hit
Whose power is nothing but temporal
Our God is greater
So don't mind when the temporal hits come....

See, temporal hits don't stay long.

Everyday Miracles- Making it a norm

2011-12-13T11:49:00.000-08:00

Miracles, signs and wonders have been happening so frequently in the past 3 days that I have to constantly digest all that is happening. God is good. Making short and long legs grow even, giving height to those who wants more (thinking they're too short) , healing my ulcer (yes, He not only heals cancer but even small things like ulcers), taking away headaches, pains and tummy aches. The latest and most incredible was of a girlfriend who had her right eye blind. Even she herself wasn't sure of why her right eye started deteriorating when she was 15 and became completely blind in one eye. Having about 4 to 5 surgeries in a period of about 4 years, with each surgery amounting to about 10 to 20K, it was crazy. The emotional, physical, psychological and relational pain she and her family had to go through. But I saw God put a stop to it, and opened that right blinded eye, right before my very eye. The girls were in tears. The guys and all were overwhelmed. For I believe it was the first time for every person there, to have witnessed how great a miracle.

She started crying and gazing, saying that she can see clearly. That gush of excitement and adrenaline rushing, can't help us comprehend what we just saw. Is it true that she can really see? Or is she being pressured to say that cos we were so many. I regretted that I doubted in my heart when we were praying, "Can You really open her eye? I know You can, but maybe not tonight? Silly me, O little of Faith!!! I was being so naive and being very rude and undeserving, doubting the hand of God, the creator of the Universe, the One who created the human body including the eye!

My friend did a few test on her, to see how much in percentage was her healing. At first she saw blur colors and shadows of people. Being able to see an outline of her surrounding, something she couldn't do before. (That's why she avoided sitting at the left of people just in case she didn't know they were even there in the first place.) But that night, she could vaguely make out those at her right. But it still gets better. We continue to pray as she could only make out shadows and outlines, for clearer vision, she needed to be able to read out words with the use of her right eye. We prayed and prayed, and after perseverance, worshiping God with a guitar, she made out the words of a shirt wore by a friend on her right "Miracle under the Azzuro Moon", our prom night's theme, sounded sweeter than it really was, spoken by a person who couldn't even make out the letters before. We started screaming, crying, some literally wailing, while I just fell to my knees to touch the tar road to know that all this was really happening. We were all truly overwhelmed with God's miraculous healing power.

We praised God and thanked Him. We believe this is just the start of a season of overflowing with miracles and signs and wonders. ~~The big and small, the significant and insignificant.~~ All that matters to God. I pray that as this miracle happens to a girl who has known God, strengthens her faith and the faith of the witnesses, more miracles such as this should happen upon pre-believers as well to show how real and loving our Father God is.

As for me, I shall doubt no more and have a renewal of the mind, having an expectancy for more of such happenings to arise. To believe that God won't stop this healing movement but escalate it faster and swifter and more rampantly. To start getting used to it. Cos isn't that what His word is all about? To bring Heaven on earth and to see everyday miracles become an interesting norm?

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

because he has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

and recovery of sight for the blind,

to set the oppressed free,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Luke 4:18-19

PS: Sorry for the bad recording, it was our first time. :) It would get better in the next miracle healing, so do stay updated! Love y'all!

Subtle and Special Reminders

2011-12-13T11:06:00.000-08:00

Its really crazy how things are happening these days
Nights on average with about 3 to 5 hours of sleep
Passing up assignments at 4.49 when its due at 5
Running countless of trips to and fro in a huge college-not fun
And having assignments being passed up later than the deadline

However, God has proven His grace and mercy over and over again
The favor given was never seen so great
Teacher who swears they'll never postpone deadlines, postponed them
Lecturer not present at her table during the deadline
Giving us space, making time ample

This one time I felt so alone
Cos we did the ultimatum by reshuffling the whole class
Groups where people didn't hate each other but wasn't fond of each other
Forced to do assignments together
Talk about the culture clashes, background mixes and communication lapse

It was the bright idea of a class rep and her assistant
To mix the students around to avoid being too clicky
Cliques broken for just one sem
To foster more friendships were our attempt
Little did we know that in people's hearts, they weren't content

But I don't regret
Because I still survived this sem
The hardest sem just yet
But I have a feeling I'll say that for every next sem
Cos it just gets more challenging as every year gets

1 subject on the Malaysian Constitution
Another on our Mass Media
Journalism 2, where deadlines are deadlines
And the tutor treating us like "real" journalists
Wanting genuine prominent interviews with "unreasonable" deadlines
(I doubt its unreasonable deadlines but some famous people just make things more difficult)

Toughest subjects just yet
And we were 'smart' enough to reshuffle
Making the lone riders the need to hustle
Giving us lessons to learn
And bringing out in teammates, their true colors

This one time I was rushing this particular assignment
Doing almost everything all by myself
Worried of the content, the Harvard referencing
Is my analyzation critical enough
Meeting the standard of higher education?

Through the running from CITC to class and back again
With my legs so tired but forced to carry me
A "not-so-close-friend" bumps into me
Saying "You haven't told me about your angels stories!"
A "we'll sit down one time and I'll share with you" comes from me

And then for that split moment as we rushed to our different destinations
She going off somewhere while I to class
With the adrenaline of rushing accompanying my
Something within gently reminds me
"Don't forget your glory encounters, and know that I am here"

A subtle, gentle yet special reminder
Coming from a friend whose curious of the Supernatural
Someone I meet less than 3 times a month
Reminding me that I have special encounters to share
And being adamant that until she hears them than only its fair

Or the way the skies were beholding the stars
Like a blackboard cleanly erased
Making the next few strokes of a chalk not vague
So many stars, so bright and beautiful
Gently reminding me again of my wonderful Creator

This special reminders means so much to me
That God comes through the strong sounds of rushing winds
But also through a still small voice that no one else can hear
If only we're quiet enough, to stop and breath
From the busy life we live than only can we see

The greatness of our God
The wonder of taking pleasure in all of His beauty
The stars, the trees, my college and friends
The sense of the urgency of a 'deadly' deadline
With a subtle and special reminder that God is still in control

I realize that although I want Him always on my mind
Busyness may subconsciously rob Him away
But nothing is too hard for Him
And with ease He just eases back into my thoughts
With the Subtle and Special Reminders He gives....

Life is Beautiful

2011-11-28T21:21:00.000-08:00

Something I got out of my devotion today..... *cheers!

One Thing Remains

2011-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

As I'm tossed and thrown into the sea of assignments, tutorials and unreasonable deadlines, I know that His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. No matter how hard I try to outrun myself in finishing my work on time, regretfully pushing God's time aside, I will never ever outrun His love for me. His grace, love and mercy is sufficient for me. No matter how tired, confused, stressed and messed up I am in the whirlwind of my college life right now, ONE THING REMAINS, my love for Him would never fail as well.....I feel like I'm falling in love with my Jesus more and more and more and more each day!

Verse 1:

Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant in the trial and the change
One thing... Remains (repeat)

Chorus:
Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me (3x)

Verse 2:
On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains

Bridge:
In death, In life, I'm confident and
covered by the power of Your great love
My debt is paid, there's nothing that can
separate my heart from Your great love

PS: Got suddenly reminded of this song when I was surfing the internet in Singapore, wanted to feel God even when I was far from home(hostel) and the words 'Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me" came and I "googled" it (because I have a vague memory of hearing this song in church once) and the moment I heard it, I was just overwhelmed with His presence that it brought me goosebumps and tears! Now in my room as I'm finishing up on my tutorial (gotta stop the procrastination) , and hearing the birds start to chirp to the rise of a new day, no fear has come, only contentment, knowing that as a new day dawns, His love for me is ~~no less~~ still the same.... and the renewal of mind that comes with it just makes me feel His love for me increases every single day. I just love this song that speaks of a simple yet frequently forgotten or unearthed truth....

Deep words

2011-10-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

Deep words I still have to digest but will cherish.... God is just blessing every aspect of my life. I guess when we take a step towards Him, He seriously takes 10 steps towards us, and messes up our whole life in a very interesting and peculiar way. I stand in awe of what my God is doing in my life. May you experience the same! Cheers!

It was all Me

2011-10-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

Even as I continue to soar so fast and high in my (long and interesting) spiritual journey with God, it is really really easy to take an accidental, subconscious step of pride and just fall off the cliff into my own self-destruction if I think all these crazy, heavenly (yep! I went to heaven), divine happenings happened because of.....ME.

You see, I have been true a really dry season in the last semester, seeking God and wanting a touch from Him, although He showed up in the most peculiar ways I wanted to hear directly from Him, to know Him and see Him. Little did I know that you really have to be careful with what you ask for because He is just blowing my mind with what He's doing in my life right now. Open doors everywhere (strangers, random people), friends that I have been praying for asking me about God, classmates being more aware of CF (even if it's cos there are "cute guys" from the photos), people from elsewhere attending our CF, 3rd Heaven experiences, dreams, bible insights, divine answers, favor with God and men and so much more.

If I think that all these are coming at me because of my works or effort, the way I pray every night in our hostel prayer group, how I fasted, the way I'm reading more of the bible or how I'm being such a good child of God obeying His commandments I am totally WRONG. God allows me to experience His greatness because of Him and not me.

It is something I have been learning in my church, that spiritual gifts, promises, financial blessings, life in abundance is given to us not because we're good enough (base on what we do for Him) but what He wants to give us just because HE IS LOVE.

I can fall very easily into pride thinking that my self-effort has brought me to where I am today, smack right in the bulls-eye of God's promises and blessings for me. But God knows best and even before I can bask in my self-righteous glory, he led me to this through my devotion time.

⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9

To not dampened the effect and truth which jumped out at me, I'll just copy the whole thing from my devotion.

"....we all want credit for the stuff we do. And God is the same way. When he does something great, he wants us to know that it was him- all him. ...Through Jesus death, we were brought to life. Our sinful hearts were transformed into hearts that desire him. We were made pure, holy and blameless in his sight. And we had absolutely nothing to do with it...it's all him. Knowing that we have such an amazing gift-salvation- it's tempting to think that we were somewhat responsible. We want to think that because we did something good, God rewarded us. But God says, "No way. You've got nothing to brag about....it was all me." It's only through God's grace that we're saved. Take time today to thank him for his grace and for your salvation that's not dependent on who you are or what you've done- only on who he is and what he's done."

I don't have to explain anymore, you get the picture. =)

Open Hearts

2011-10-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

Open hearts
Which takes me by surprise
Subconsciously, I see Faith arise
To personal preference they start to demise
To all that have been spoken they did not deny

Open hearts
I just stand amaze
At what God is doing in your own lives
Of the biblical truth you did not deprive
And even on little understanding you stand on what is right

Open hearts
I see your persistence
On doing your part in our God-man relationship
In fulfilling your role
As a true follower of Christ

Open hearts
I just don't know what to say
Seeing you being so interested
In something that is (unrightfully) controversial
You're putting aside personal preference
And that's a big step to redemption

Redemption of the times lost
The emotions caused
When you thought you walked out on God
And followed the ways of this earth

Open hearts
I pray that you'll experience what I've experienced
A Heavenly experience I can't fully fathom
To just break down Satan
By believing in the supervention

Open hearts
Revival takes more that one person
More than just God (He can but He wants us to be partakers)
It needs your participation
And your perseverance

Perseverance when no one's open
Or when they look at you one kind
Questioning your doctrine
Belittling your intention

Open hearts
I can just see the many things God's gonna do through you
If you continue to seek His face and know His hands
To understand that you are truly His beloved
Worthy to do be his heir and to do His work

Open hearts
Just continue to stay open
For God does not like us lukewarm
We either get in or get out
Or just totally get run over

Run over as in if we continue to stay on the fence
Compromising for the sake of integration
We kinda compromise on the way God wants to manifest
Sugarcoating and just hindering the true work God wants to bless

Open hearts
Continue to stay open to the things of God
And not of this world
Be cautious of what you let in
For the heart is also where He resides

Open hearts
I'm humbled and blessed to have you as friends
Showing me that God cares and He shares
Good things that He wants His children to experience
Heavenly experiences and all of His promises

Open hearts
Frankly speaking I was afraid to share
Fearing what might people think
But with your persistence and childlike faith
You have erased all of that

Open hearts
Seeing you making sure you heard my whole experience
And the crazy things God is doing in my church
In that mamak stall what I truly saw
Was a "Welcome" sign at your hearts door

A sign that speaks of maturity beyond your years
Welcoming the move of God wanting to hear more
Without a judging or questioning spirit
Of course you have to check it
And not just be led by blind faith

Open hearts
I am truly blessed by you
I pray that God will expand that opened heart of yours
That you may experience the wind that will just rush in and through you
Setting your hearts ablaze with the refiner's fire

Open hearts
I can just go on and on and on
Because I'm just so amaze at your openness
And view on this amazing move of God
Things to you just don't seem to be odd

Open hearts
May you continue to love God with all you have
And to know that you are truly save
I still stand amazed
At the open hearts you have

Open hearts
You know who you are
And I totally love you
Am praying for you
Knowing that in mighty ways
God is gonna totally use you...
peace!

Busy?

2011-10-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

It's 2.22 a.m. and I'm still not sleeping
Checking notifications on FB
Doing assignments and checking gmail
All in a days work
Its just that my days work is only starting
like.......now.

I have been really really really busy lately
To the point where I have a heap of clothes unfold
Some still hanging on hangers to dry
Table full of books, things and stuff
That I can't seen to put anything anywhere cos no table spot is in sight

2 days of public holiday has gone in an blink of an eye
Time isn't really on my side these days
And thus, the late late nights

Almost got so overwhelm just now knowing that I'm gonna be attack
As I am physically and mentally tired
This vulnerability has caught the attention of the devil
And it seems to wanna make my heart beat faster
Enter in thoughts and fear of the future
Making everything seem so utterly worthless

Tomorrow and the day after
Classes from 8 to 4
With few breaks in between
So help me God

Assignments and tutorials pile up
I just can't seem to handle it
So busy with CF
Have I forsaken academics?

Talked to my mom on the phone again
Telling her that I won't be sleeping yet again
Assignments up and time is up
By my own strength it shan't be done

As she prayed for me and I for her
I got reminded of how my friend and I prayed together
After an amen your worries miraculously disappears
Because suddenly you look at circumstances through the eyes of God

You suddenly realize although all your life you'd have
It's kinda overrated saying that we should see it from "God's Perspective"
But the truth of the matter is that prayer works
And after praying you see that God is way way bigger than the situation at hand

The heaviness in your heart leaves immediately
And you have confidence in yourself knowing that God will see you through
That because I took care of God's business
He would surely take care of mind

As long as through this busyness
I never loose focus of God
And then is where I realize
That God has been with me all along

So close
So near
So real
That I don't really feel busy after all.......

God knows best...

2011-10-24T22:29:00.000-07:00

God's faithfulness

2011-10-15T02:13:00.000-07:00

Even as so many things are happening this semester, the good still outweighs the bad and I'm still holding onto God's faithfulness. I shall be reminded of the great things He's been doing in my life. =)

That was first day of my new semester (this sem) and I was dumbfounded and in awe of what God was doing in my life so quickly! The previous night, talking to my mom, I was just so excited and told her I can't wait for what God's gonna do in me and through me this sem, and the next day, the above "open door" happened. Talk about glory speed! God is truly amazing and when I testified about it during our hostel night prayer, one of our friend Jansen (really proud of him), asked for his own open doors as well. Right after prayer, he went to mamak and a not-so-close friend just walked up to him and told him about his life worries and all!!! I was reminded then, about something Bill Johnson said that when a testimony is being testified, the same anointing of the testimony enters the room or place and that is actually what happened right after prayer!!! God is good. So as you read this testimony, may the anointing reach you and may you witness an "open door" as soon as possible! Be blessed for God is moving. Asking God to enlarge my capacity as too many "open doors" are coming my way, too fast and too quick! But that is a good problem ay...... God bless!

Where I am I shall not be Shaken

2011-10-14T04:15:00.000-07:00

It hurts when you're being questioned
Asked to "check it", recheck, and check again
Whether you're at the right place
Whether you're being lead astray
Deviated from the truth?

The feeling is so real I would not deny it
Just because friends seemingly know what they see
And advice what they deem
I shall not be shaken
Even though feelings are so real
I feel my hands numb while typing this

Question after question
Attack after attack
To God I must bring this confusion
And not let the devil attack

You try praying
But you don't know where to start
Are what they're saying true?
Am I being taught not the things of the bible?
But the things which are grey?

You try worshiping the Lord
But the truth of the matter is
The feelings and hurts you feel
Are real and there
No point sweeping them under the rug
And saying that "I'm strong" when I'm not

You start to question and wonder
Not God but yourself
Did I hear the Lord wrongly?
Did I make an abrupt change too quick?
Did I present my case to the Lord?
And actually waited for His view on all of this?

It's been more that a year I have asked the Lord
A tad too long ever since I knew I wasn't growing
But the confirmations came
And answer after concrete answer
I knew where I was suppose to go
Deep down I so really know

Checked with Pastors
Talked to different leaders
Had the encouragement of family
But not of many friends

And then this happens
Where because of your decision
Friendships may end in "ruin"

This week has been tough for me
Two days of crazy happenings
And an assignment deadline

Glad I made it through
But after all the busyness
And you actually have time to ponder
You wonder
What in the world is happening?
What is their problem?

When they say the harsh things they say
Are they saying them out of a love?
Or all out to condemn?
Why the crude words and so much questions?
Why question God's anointed one so deep?
Does it even matter or add onto their faith?
When they see themselves worthy to judge?

The truth hurts further when they come from close friends
People you actually love
You think to yourself
"Do they see me so stupid?
That even I wouldn't know whether I'm receiving the right teachings?"
Why do they question my move?
Is it an insecurity in them projected on me?

The love test comes
And you start choosing to love those who hurt you
Whether or not they know they're hurting you

I had to be so sure that I'm doing the right thing
(something quite unnecessary after all the confirmations from wise older ones)
But my surrounding tells another story
And presenting to God my case with tears
I knew I have nothing to fear

As I tried worshiping for it was hard
To wonder what I'm doing is the right thing?
Why my move is affecting so many people
He reminds me to take out a prophecy I received
The written scribbling I was so excited about
In one of the prophetic workshops I attended
(God's word but people still doubt prophets)

Glance through and came to this phrase
This was taken before my courageous move

"I'll do something new and people may not understand or receive.
Persevere because it's from God."
(not the misunderstanding part, but the part where I should move.)

I get confirmed and encouraged all over again
By my Father who makes sure I don't waver
Showing me full proof of His clear direction for me
And I'm not going the wrong way
For this I am sure of

But then again
The critics may continue criticizing
And people may still be wondering
Why I am where I am

It just hurts because you don't know whether the harsh words thrown at you
And all the personal attacks coming from different people indirectly
Are actually genuine concern of where I'm going in my faith
Or just out there to cause dispute against my new found family
Because they move so strong in the Holy Spirit and the Supernatural
Some may say they've entered too grey an area

But deep down I'm so sure and confident of this
The place which God have called me to be in
Shaken this week
But confident now
Knowing that my father God knows what I'm going through
And He WILL see me through
Although it is a painful journey
I look back onto the prophecies spoken over me
Having the full encouragement from my family
(They are wise discerning people you see)
And continue to love my friends no matter what reaction they would bring me
And see how the sequence of some AMAZING events have brought me into a family
Who focuses on pleasing God and God alone
I'm so sure that God wants me to stay where I am
For I'm growing just so much it takes my breath away
I shall not be moved

For God knew this was coming
And He asked me to persevere
Therefore it makes perfect sense to stay
Where I am I shall not be Shaken....

A True Worshipper

2011-10-08T07:50:00.000-07:00

Was talking to my mom the other night

Reliving and describing with the best that I can

All that God has been doing in me

And it took hours

Cos the emotions, tone and words conveyed

Just cant seem to mirror exactly

The magnitude of God's work

In my life right now

It. Is. Indescribable.

Was telling her I had a breakthrough of a past hurt

That there are so many "open doors" beyond me

Asking me to tell them about Christ

Random people taking notice of me

Talking to me

The great experiences I'm having in my new church

The way God is touching CF

Touching the lives of my friends

Giving me favor with men

Extending prayer group

Truly understanding that I'm loved by my Father

And the prophecy given to me that God wants to bless me in the artistic

Something about my singing and worship...

Jokingly said

(With a tad of pride or self-glorification)

That I can be a worship pastor

She saw right through me

Better than even I see myself

(sometimes it scares me)

Anyways she went on in a very reasoning yet "matter-of-fact" tone

"I think ah, we must always be worshipers ya, like really worship God and have a heart of worship, I think it is important to worship God all the days of your life, that is most important. Whether in front of people or not with a true worshiping heart, to first be a worshiper. Then the next level only think about worship leading ya? If not how to worship lead if you're not a worshiper? Doesn't really make sense right? So I think the key is to just worship the Lord first. Anything after that would be the next level. So first, be a worshiper. Than only a worship leader, if not than it would only be like, like, like...a.. what's that, rock leading, like a performance, and you don't want that to happen ya?"

This is what I can sort of remember although not verbatim

Notice the fact that she didn't even mention about me being a worship pastor

Cos what my mom emphasized on was the heart of a true worshiper

And not the glory or fame that (may) come with worship leading

She threw me back onto the "selfless" road

Where God takes centre stage and not me

Put my perspective back on track to what true worship is all about

And through the whole topic what jumped out at me were the words

"To worship God all the days of my life"

You see my mom is not really musically inclined

Neither is she tone deaf (I think)

But we always joke about the way she sings out of tune or off-key

And wonder where did my sis and I get our musical talents from

Getting involved in worship at a very young age

Seeing how my mom is the way she is

But that night God opened my spiritual knowing of worship

To a whole new different arena

From the mouth of my mom who had no clue about music

We always say it's not about the music

It's not about the lights

It's not about the talented musicians

The guitar riffs, the offbeat drum beats, the solo singing

But the manifest presence of God

And our undivided attention towards Him

As we offer our devotion through worship

But how much of that do we really live out and know?

Hearing my mom say the things she said that night

Humbled me all over again

That its not about standing on stage and looking good in the eyes of man

But worshiping God wholeheartedly

Satisfying Him as the only One who deserves my adoration

In the privacy of my own room

Where no one else sees

For a girl who loves music
Took lessons,
And can tell when a drum beat is off or whether one's singing in key

To hear her mom musically handicapped and all
Talk about the true meaning of being a worshiper

Made me realize that I have to have my feet on the ground

No matter how high my spiritual journey takes me

To not be proud but humbled by the fact

That God loves me so much that He wants to lavish me with new gifts and talents

Not because of who I am

But because of His love and grace

Father I pray that before anything or whatever I do

Be it leading worship up front

Or singing in my own room

I would know and know in my heart

That I'm not performing to an audience

But singing to an audience of One

To understand the gem of truth

My mother has

-of what worship is truly all about

to be

A TRUE WORSHIPER ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE.

amen.

The Love of a true Father

2011-10-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

The Love of a true Father

That is what I felt last night

As he held me in his arms

The pains, the fears, the harsh words thrown at

Evaporated into the air around me

So naturally and easily.

That even right now writing this

I have no questions

Or "after-events" pondering

Of whether it was just a temporal emotion

I have no doubt about the true fact

That my Daddy God loves me.

Took me quite a ~~bit~~ lot to muster up courage

To walk to up to the front

Tell my pastor I needed a father's hug

After lights were soon to be shut

And everyone getting ready, all packed to leave

Thought to myself

"I'll never forgive myself if I don't deal with this foreign-ness now"

To have arms wrapped around me

Minus the awkwardness and the unnatural feeling of when two bodies collide

You see my pastor felt that there were people who needed a mother's or father's love

To be assured of who they were as their sons and daughters

He willingly and selflessly allowed us to come up to him and his wife in front

To feel that LOVE we may have never felt before

I wanted to go to the "father figure"

Emotions, fear and unworthiness held me back

My legs were shaking I was afraid the short walk up front

Will end up with me collapsing half-way

It ended and I couldn't.

Was feeling so disappointed in myself

How would I ever be able to have a warm hug with my "unloving" dad

If I can't even hug someone with so much care?

Thanks to friends who were patient and caring

Making sure I have my hug of "healing" before the service ends

I mustered up everything within me

And with legs stills shaking and my heart pounding

I didn't need to say anything

And Pastor just said with a smile on his face

"Now you're finally brave enough to come for a hug"

Words spoken as he held me in his arms

Right at the bulls eye of my childhood's tainted past

Assuring that "I'm a good girl"

And that "I am smart"

Being proud of who I am and who I've become

Giving me more gifts

Blessing me so generously

Washing away the feelings of being

Unappreciated

I thank God for this hug

Not the exact, but the closest resemblance

Of the Father's heart of God for me

Insecurities and the feeling of being stupid

Of never being good enough

Or never living up to my earthly dad's standards

Have been trade in.

Erased.

And replaced.

By the truth which come forth from my Daddy God's heart.

The restoration process is almost complete

For this I know indeed

That last night

I so really, truly felt

The Love of a true Father.

(and I hope that you would feel that love too)

Where should I start?

2011-09-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

SO MANY THINGS ARE GOING ON BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.....

I guess I just have to start from the latest and work myself down to try to document all that God has been doing in my life....God is good just because. And I love Him so...

It's your life

2011-09-17T04:23:00.000-07:00

Camp, workshop, seminar or not....we should always be reminded of this.

This is why I love her

2011-09-03T01:56:00.000-07:00

Britt Nicole- Hanging On

2011-09-03T01:47:00.000-07:00

Unappreciated

2011-09-02T21:39:00.000-07:00

UNAPPRECIATED.

That's how I've always felt being around him

And 20 years later

Nothing has changed

Hurts when you actually understand what's he saying

And the older you get

You'd think he'll respect

But it seems more ridiculous than it could ever get

To be verbally abused

Is better than physical

At least you don't bleed right?

But the pain inside

May last a lifetime

Woke up early this morning

To go for a prayer climb

Great what God is doing in our church

To see the youth take ownership and run that hill at 7 in the morning

I'm so proud of them

Speaking in toungues so loud

People thought we were indians

Claimed the land

Believing this lantern carnival would be life transforming

Not cos of us

But cos of God

Led them in a quick prayer to my unliking

Had to rush back before 8

Cos his car broke down for like the 288th time

Talk about sacrificial love.

Coming back this round and the last few times

The belittling has lessen as so I thought

I.was.wrong

Shouted at in front of his workers

Belittled, compared

Strip of my dignity

And of my worth as a daughter

Who was driving the car now?

Felt unappreciated

I would never be good enough for him

No matter how hard I try

Being below average is not nice to be heard of

Hurts even more coming from your own dad

I wasn't gonna let him speak to me like that

I bet even his workers could see that his communication is handicapped

I followed instructions and directions exactly the way he said it

But oh no, he is "always" right and forever will be

Spoke up for the first time in my life in front of others

Heard my voice breaking but couldn't care less

I'm gonna put up with the same fight my mom went through

Cos that's just the way it is in complicated relationships

Silence.

After a "scene" and picking up the second worker

All the way to the work place

In my mind I was thinking

What have he gone through so bad

That would make him come to border lines like these?

Is there even a license given for people with not just a failed life

But who've been through a lifetime of hopelessness and defeat

To raise their voice, curse and spit

Anytime they like?

"Lord, help me love the man he ~~have become~~ is."

Thank God for a book I misplaced in the car

Found it and read it

Pretending to be indulged in it

While waiting for him and his workers to get their stuff out

Tried to not stare at the limping employee with his limping employer

Life has been hard and tough on him

But I guess it naturally manifests into his surroundings

With the pride, hate and arrogance he embraces

Dropped his workers

Now we have to head to his car that is older then me =.=''

Always breaking down, always giving problems

If I can't drive I'll feel embarrassed sitting in his

Seat belts don't work and you can practically see the moving road under you

That's what you get when you let your heart win.

Not humbled enough to allow your brothers and sisters to get you a decent car.

The journey I dreaded-

It was just me and him

Thank God Britt Nicole was on the speakers

Blasted it to avoid conversation
And to show him I'm proud of the music I listen to

To not let his silence dictate my faith no more

To show him that as I grow up the more I'll defend and speak out for my faith

Whether he likes or not

Asked whether I have eaten yet or wanna go get a drink

The unchristian part of me wanted to scream

"I have to go to work, you idiot!"

To let him realize that I'm actually doing him a favor

And avoiding the words "I'm fasting"

Like the discussion isn't heated enough already

How can you feel like everything's ok

When everything wasn't just a second ago?

Is that what pretending does?

Erase faults and leave situations hanging

When there's still a tenseness in the air between you?

Tears flowed mercilessly

Why did Britt Nicole have to sing about such things?

Talk about the "right" timing

"When she cries" was playing

But like usual he was oblivious

I guess that happens when you're aging

Couldn't wait to drop him at the petrol station where his car stayed the night

Poor car over-nighting and abandoned in places unknown for the hundredth time

Said a good bye

Drove off

And the tears came harder and stronger

Just couldn't stop

Asked God why this and why now?

When I already submitted the day to Lord

Asking Him to be in control of the day

As my sis says

Dad's timing is always "perfect"

When you have church events

He sends a cry for help

Talk about spiritual warfare at its best

I had to clean up my act

A day of work is before me and there's no time for pity-party and a teary face

I need to be strong and move on

With God on my side

With children's church and youth later tonite

Tomorrow's church bulletin

And decoration plus a presentation on my agenda

No way am I gonna allow the devil to win this

As I drove round the round-about

And whispered a word of prayer before reaching my church

I smiled with a slight smirk on my face

Not because of avenged

But because the devil has been defeated

Because there is nothing that can happen

That would make me love my dad less

Even if the devil uses emotions to get at me

The feeling of feeling unappreciated

I know I'm not fighting against flesh and blood

Or in this case, my OWN flesh and blood

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."~Ephesians 6:13

I know its not my dad himself when he belittles me

Its the devil behind it

And even though it seem so insurmountable to believe he'll come to Christ

I believe he WILL one day

And now as I draft this post with a smile on my face

With Britt Nicole on my computer speakers just yet again

The right song is playing at the right time

I'm "hanging on" and I know it's Divine

Cos even though my dad does not appreciate me (now)

My Heavenly One does...

"And I'm hanging on to every word He speaks, cos it's all I need...."

Ministry?

2011-08-30T13:09:00.000-07:00

Ministry

Something right now that seems foreign to me

Even though I was "thrown" into it at a very young age

Never realizing why or for who I did it back then

Following and serving just out of obedience

Ministry

At 10 I started leading kids in worship

When I myself was still a kid

Handpicked, chosen to go overseas

Praying on stage for participants in Hong Kong

Singing and dancing

I must say it was lots of fun

Ministry

Have been a worship leader

A clown

A game master

Done dramas

Done skits

Done object lessons

Ministry

Took its toll on me when it became "reaching expectations"

Outwardly I was or thought I was a blessing

But inwardly I felt empty and used

To reach out to a few hundred children

To show children workers how things ought to be

It was wrong of me to think that way

Ministry

I guess when you enter your teens

And start having a mind of your own

You start wondering what am I here for?

And why am I doing this?

Rightful questions questioned wrongfully

Almost resulting in bitterness

Ministry

Sometimes we turn into human-doings

When we should stay human-beings

Subconsciously allowing works to precede the heart

Serving men and leaders

Forgetting Jesus the true boss

Messing up the definition of serving and servanthood

Ministry

I resented it at one point

To the point of falling into depression

Went back to KK and didn't wanna have anything to do with it

Ironically, served in children, youth, worship and sports ministry

Happens when you're able and related to leaders

Ministry

Is there such a thing as too much of it?

What is the exceeding mark?

When should we stop and breath?

There has to be breathers

So we can take it all in

From the one who breathes life

Ministry

How would you know that you're called by God Himself

And not by the leader because they're forever lacking of people

To serve from ones heart

Not because they're talented, a pastor's kid or just being nice

But to be truly CALLED.

Ministry

Somehow I feel like I wanna serve again

But this time it comes from my heart

Not because someone has called me

But because I have heard from Him

And I shan't be afraid

Ministry

No one is indispensable

But everyone is irreplaceable

Whether its in the children's ministry

Or worship team

I would follow where God leads

Ministry

I was naturally placed in it

I followed and serve obediently

Enjoyed it actually

But age and reasoning came in

I felt neglected at one point

And I resented it

But I'm older now

And I realize that God brings us through times

All for a bigger purpose and plan

We see the thread

He sees the tapestry

The bigger picture

Ministry

I wanna come back now

I wanna serve my King

For its more than a physical act or thing

Its character building

And spiritual maturing

Ministry

I wont resent you no more

For I was wrong to do so

For when I was soaking during "carpet time"

I felt Him saying

"Come back to serve Me, with Me"

and then I realize that I don't serve Him on my own, I do it together with Him

and that makes it a lot easier because I'll get tired serving on my own and in my flesh

but with him supernatural strength is my portion

and I have fear no more

as I come back to

MINISTRY

This Sem's Exam

2011-08-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

This sem's exam

Was the worst one by far

Day 1 of exam:

Accidentally switched my exam slip and didn't check the name.

Wrote my friend's index number on my exam sheet.

Didn't know until 11 that same night.

Didn't really sink in until I realized I'd be getting his marks and mine his.

(If he was a better student I wouldn't mind....just kidding!honesty rules!)

Day 2 of exam:

Screwed up a whole 25 marks question.

Was blank totally.

Never felt like that in my whole college life.

Panicked for a moment.

Roughly calculated in my head whether I could still get an A.

I doubt it.

Day 3 of exam:

Exam on a Sunday.

Not cool.

Had 2pm paper.

Decided to go for 5pm service.

Was persuaded to go for the 10 am one too.

Caved in.

God will honor my decision.

Went to church.

Was blessed.

Prayed over for Divine wisdom.

Went into exam hall all energized.

Came out thinking "what if I don't do well?"

What kind of a testament would it be?

(Sometimes I don't dare say the paper was easy and God was good

because what if I don't do well? Then God isn't good? what is the

balance between pulling God into the state of our exams but not letting

it define the greatness of our God despite the results?)

Day 4 of exam (last day):

Woke up rushing to the bathroom.

Food poisoning.

Must be the chicken my friend gave me from bazar.

Had diarrhea more than 4 times.

Prayed it wont happen in the exam hall.

It didn't.

Thanked God.

Just as I was about to shout "FREEDOM!"

Was told that I had an interview to clean up my mess about the switched exam slips.

Interview in.

Interview out.

No conclusion yet.

Case brought to board of examiners.

Praying that God's grace would redeem my carelessness.

How my exams have fair this sem?

Only time would tell......

Anticipating.

But always believing.

That God knows what I'm doing.

As He continues designing.

His master plan for me.

How much I hate flying

2011-08-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

Flying back home was a ~~crazy-irritating-restless~~ struggle this time. Maybe it was because I was stuck between 2 guys. Maybe it was because I didn't get the window seat. Maybe it was because I hated myself cos I was reminded of how petite and short I was when I lugged my hand luggage into the overhead compartment with all the strength I can muster- very embarrassing. Or maybe it was cos no one offered to help and the air steward blocked by a few people could only stare and watch me struggle making embarrassment turn into utter defeat. I have always hated flying but never knew HOW MUCH I hated it til this last trip. The agitating feeling of confinement, with not much leg space and arm rest so tiny it has to be shared plus you don wanna wake the guy sitting next to you with just an accidental jerk of the arm. (makes reading, sleeping, thinking or doing whatever so much harder.) I was reminded that we can actually pray for the seats that we're gonna be placed in which I hope I was able to witness to anyone but to my disgrace, it was 2 guys on a fast and they seemed like they'd rather sleep then strike a conversation. Every minute passed by gruelingly, I wished that I could just land already! Even talking to God was hard.

Anyways, the upside was seeing 2 kids, really tiny toddlers find amusement in flying. They were so tiny I wouldn't be surprise if it was their first time. They were soo cute! Got my mind of flying for a little. And then they're parents made them sit down and I couldn't see their tiny little heads anymore. Got back to counting down every minute. When islands and land started to form, I was so jealous of the guy on my left cos I wanted to see! I would usually be taking pictures and the clicking sound of the person's camera phone in front of me wasn't helping at all. Tried so hard to stare but not stare, to focus on the beauty of God's creation even if it was only the plain blue sky with spots of white on it. But the guy caught me staring and I pretended to be really buried in the book I was reading. "AARRRGGGGHHH!" my head screamed. Went back to checking what time it was. Well at least the destination was very encouraging. So I just focused on the things I'll do in church, the workshop and kids seminar I'll be attending, time spent with friends and family, and other more productive stuff. We were landing and I had to push upright my sit again and it flipped back so fast and hard I hit my head. Wondered whether the guy beside me saw, but didn't wanna look at him but I think he did. = =''. What a day. Finally landed. "Now how am I going to get my bag down without going through the same struggle again" I thought to myself. Anyways, managed to get it down with the help of no one. (jokingly whining tone* where are all the nice people these days?) I would like to believe they were there,just not in my range of sight, helping others with their luggage. If I were tall enough, I would!

Really missed this

Pictures sometimes never justify what we can see with our own eyes.

Never take for granted when you have a friend flying by your side.

My favorite "sky-high" past time.

The Land Below The Wind!!!

I know they say "its not the destination but the journey" that counts. But in this case, if there is any possible way of shortening or just cutting out the whole journey (if I don't get a windows seat) I'd rather teleport my way there. The destination means so much more to me than the journey but because it means so much, I'll just have to put up with going through the journey, and now I'm just rambling....ignore me. lol!

When you have nothing better do, anything and everything becomes your models.

Happy sem-break, college mates!

Nail Polish!

2011-08-22T01:06:00.000-07:00

Amanda's set! Bubbly colors!

My colors! Classic (as what Amanda calls it)

RM 12 for 3!!!
Woohoo!
Need to get some more before promotions over!

Not sure why I'm suddenly addicted to nail polish and acoustic music these days
Maybe it was inside me all along
Never dared to face these fettish
But now I find no reason to be ashamed of them

Loving Life!!!
(and thanking God for everything that comes with it)

Making My Day

2011-08-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

My mom and I have this special "something" not a lot of mother-daughter relationships have. Its a norm to be talking on the phone with her for 1 to 2 hours. Every time I have news, whether good or bad, mind-boggling decisions or spiritual doctrine I can't figure, she would be the first one on my mind I wanna share them with. I am humbled that God has blessed me with a mom like that.

Another hour has passed

Wow, did we actually talk that long

But for what its worth

It is worth every bit of it

I tell her the exciting things in my new church

My skepticism erased by the assurance of her faith

That I'm in the right church at the right time

We both wonder why I wasted a year

But she confirms that it's all in God's plan

Because 1 year of hopping, searching and looking

Will just bring more evidence and confirmation

To the place I'm attending right now

She tells me the new things God's doing in our home church

I stand amaze at His wonders

She's gonna be a great vessel

Strongly used by God

Sometimes I feel sad and cheated

That my family is doing "everything" and all things

Because our church is fairly small

In every ministry, you name it

I ask her whether its heavy

(especially with me gone, but then I'm reminded no ones indispensable)

She says its not

So I believe she's doing it right for God

For she's so far not burnt out

We both discussed about my sister's future

What she is doing

And where she will study

(proud of her btw, fasting 12 hours a day, seeking God's will)

My mom said that sometimes she wonder

As she sees my sis and I struggle

In areas like finance for our studies

Unlike others who can study whatever they want

Wherever they want

My sis and I have to think through thoroughly

Cos funds are just not on our side

But when she sees my sister fasting from 7 to 7 everyday

She thanks God for the situation we're placed in

That this kinda stuff forces us to seek God out

And ask for His guidance and provision

And naturally we're building on character in godly stature

And she has to worry no more

For she would rather me and my sis

Be built upon the will of God

Then be spoiled and spoon-fed

That as we go through what seems like "hardship"

We're forced to be attuned to God

And seek His will for our lives

Cos we God ALL things are possible

And just trust that His plans for us are always GOOD

We ended our conversation praying for each other

I cherish the moments we do

And she said every time I call her I make her day

And that goes the other way round too

Cos every time I talk to her I feel lifted

Thanks mom

For Making My Day

Confirmation of our Creator

2011-08-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

* Thanks to Ee Rick for teaching me how to use the snipping tool! I'm having so much fun with it! lol =D

He is SO close

2011-08-13T16:59:00.000-07:00

Been waking up earlier and earlier each day

Don't know why, don't know how

Is it the stress of exams?

God wanting me to pray?

It's just weird.

Cos I'm a sleeper.

Never had the discipline of waking up by myself

Throughout the whole of my high school

From waking up at 8 to 6

And now 4.30 in the morning

What's going on with me?

Anyways, whether its a wake-up call from God or not

I can't go back to sleep

So the past few days have been filled with

Early morning walks with the Lord <3

Today was a but different

Since its a weekend and most hostelians were back home

I could pray in tounges

Strong tounges out loud

The feeling was awesome

Prayed for a few people

Situations and circumstances

When there were no more words

Tongues =)

Saw my favorite guard and went over to chat with him

It was 6 in the morning

What was I thinking?

Just felt that he was so close to the Kingdom of God

He told me about his life, his worries

His wife, his family

And that he's coming to the end of his life

And would be going home soon

IF ONLY HE KNEW MY GOD

Lesson unexpected-

He told me to treasure my mom

She's the only one on earth

Not someone I can buy from the grocery store

That when I get married one day

To give my husband another 100% of my love

And not divide it among both

That way my mom still receives the same 100% she always had

Unlike him who kinda forgot about his mom

Because he shared his love between his mom and wife

So his mom only received 50% of his love in that time

And now he regrets it

What a cute doctrine,ay?

He also said that after meeting me

I've put some ideas in his head

And got him thinking

"What is life?"

He's decided to resign end of this year

Because he'd rather have a 9 to 5 job

To be able to sleep with his wife and kids at night

And not torture himself with a job which needs him awake

When everyone's dreaming

Not sure whether that's a good idea

Cos it means lesser time for me to share God with Him

And to let him know life isn't about worries and doubts

But about Jesus and the peace and happiness He can give

Something wonderful which he said too

That even the birds don't have to worry bout what they'll eat

Yet we humans strive for provision and food

Rings a bell?

"Look at the birds of the air;

they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,

and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not much more valuable than they?"

-Matt 6:26-

Not sure whether he read that in the Koran or something

But I believe its not by coincidence

I wanted to say how valuable he is

But my reasoning came in the way and I just didn't know what to say

Hopefully I can meet him later as I go to church

And give him the answer straight out of the bible

Which he quoted from without finishing the sentence

That yes, birds have nothing to worry about

Because our Heavenly Father cares for them

But He cares for us more!!!

I pray for him everyday I pass the guard house

That God may open his heart and enlighten him

That he may realize that God does not give suffering

But peace, joy and love

All that this guard needs right now

I'm glad that I've put ideas and thoughts into his mind

Without really realizing

Should be the power of God moving

Don't underestimate any single conversation

It just might be an open door we can't see

He also asked a very good question

Since he's so intrigued by the freedom and care-free life birds have

He wondered where do they die

Good question

Where do birds die?

We see them flying everywhere
But unlike dead dogs, cats and mice lying on the grounds

We don't see birds falling to their deaths....

Anyways

I pray before he leaves this place

I'll have the guts to not just stop at sharing Jesus with him

But to ask whether he wants Jesus in

Because through the many dialogues over the weeks

I find that

He is just so close.....

Asia Ablaze

2011-08-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

Going to Asia Ablaze put my perspectives in place. I'm so glad I went! Thanks to Bong Yang for the constant persuading, my mom for the great encouragement and Amanda for accompanying me, I don't regret a single bit! (Even though it means skipping classes :P) It's been awhile since I felt the power of God and the move of the Holy Spirit and after experiencing it again, I realized just how much I missed it. (no wonder the dry season, most churches find it weird!) But I love the Holy Spirit and it's manifestation. So many things happened in these 3 days with Dr. Newberry and Pastor. Rodney Howard-Browne and his wife Adonica. These are really anointed people of God and I salute them, despite the backfiring and mouth-slandering towards them from people who spread disunity. I never had holy laughter this "bad" until the 2 people at my sides holding my hands had to bear with my jumping, shaking and hysterical laughs! Though it seemed undignified, I enjoyed every moment of it.

So the tongue issue that has always been a controversy (but new to me until I came to KL being exposed to so many denominations) was confronted. Being toss in the wind for so long and sitting on the fence, I have come to a decision that we NEED tongues! Think about it, imagine revival......without tongues. How can we see revival without the manifestation of the Holy Spirit in the form of Holy laughter, tounges, shaking, Glory Encounters and being drunk in the Spirit? If we continue to box up the move of the Holy Spirit, He may just pass us by and move on and I just don't want that to happen, especially for where I am right now- TAR college. I respect those who think that tongues are not needed and are more word based. But imagine a "word-based" revival. No lifting hands, no moving, nothing. "Revival's here! Everyone take out your bibles." Loving God is an inward expression that needs to be expressed. I would agree to disagree on this matter, as long as the fundamental is loving God. Anyways, we can have unity in diversity, and we need unity and not uniformity, but what if "this" uniformity means bringing heaven down? Don't we all want that? I'm sorry for the tone here, I apologize for that but sometimes it can be so frustrating when people start questioning and reasoning or even ridiculing God's anointed like Ps. Rodney. However, I don't apologize on my conviction because I have experienced God and I won't compromise. I would still agree to disagree but I won't stay neutral cos that to me, just seems lukewarm. Cheers!

My new family, World Harvest Church =)

Credits to Jetaime for this photo! Thank you!

Proud of you

2011-08-12T02:48:00.000-07:00

It's been 6 years since we've met

And now looking at you

I see a whole new person

The girl I knew had her head down

The girl I see now knows no boundaries

Coming out from where you come from

A home where wounded kids are brought

You came out of it stronger and tougher

I guess that house did good to you

And I hope lessons learnt there would never be forgotten

You have your freedom now

Use it wisely

But seriously speaking

I'm truly proud of you

Taking such a risk to come to KL

To study and be self-dependent

Not succumbing to the norm

Of how usual teenagers come out of places like that

Wanting to seek freedom

All in the name of rebellion

You found your way around KL

Through strangers that were nice

Thank God for taking care of you

And til now you're still safe and sound

I stand amaze at who you are

And what you've become

Confident, beautiful

And so independent

Not allowing the way of life or your hard environment

Stop you from reaching your dreams

You have a good job

A good boyfriend

And a good education now

Never cease thanking the Lord for them

Braces that even I can't afford

Amway supplements and a cool smartphone

I stand amaze at your self-support

Go get a bible

You can afford it

And you really need one =P

As you continue this new phase of life

I pray that you'll grow to be more reliant on God

To know that the things of this earth may pass away

But our God would stay the same always

To seek Him first

And let all else fall into place

That you may find a good church

And find that, your priority

Hope to stay connected to you this time round

And after all that I've seen and heard

I must say that I'm totally

Proud of who you've become.

You truly are one of my silverlinings......keep it up!

Just when I thought I wasn't good enough

2011-08-06T11:40:00.000-07:00

Thinking I wasn't good enough that morning

God reassured me that night

Coincidence like this could never happen

It. Must. Be. God.

On my own I will never be good enough

It can only be done through His Grace and Mercy

All glory goes to Him!

She didn't even know me.

2011-08-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

All these and she didn't even know me.

Talk about being prophetic and the God-sent answer.

I thought she had a long talk with someone who knew me well.

She didn't.

It was God.

Period.

God is awesome!!!!!!

Faith tested

2011-08-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

It was almost 1 in the morning

And I heard her screaming

A quick "mom, I need to go

Cos I think someones in deliverance" on the phone

And my heart beats faster hoping I would not see what's been conceived

As I quickened my steps towards that piercing scream

Hoping that it would not be what it seems

I make out the people from a far sight

"Yup, it's people I know"

With a heavy heart I thought

"God, why this if it would only tarnish the name of Christians?"

Why in the open, so public, so uncontrollable

What would people think or perceive of us?

That we're out of control and hopeless?

That we can actually be possessed by the devil?

Questions and thought accompanied me as I rushed to the scene

We have gone so far to be in the favor of guards

To be genuine Christians who are accepted in hostel

But why this, why now?

The scene was something I've never dealt with before

And the help we needed was nowhere to be found

After a few phone calls for help because it was truly beyond us

The words I feared spoken

"You take the lead"

I just didn't know what to do.

I was misinformed that Satan entered

But no way can that be

Cos there's no room for anything when the Holy Spirit is present

But when you're upfront with something so extreme

All you can do
Is to do nothing but pray

It was scary

Everyone was praying

Young Christians with trusting faith

But was it the right way?

I think it looked chaotic and helpless to people

People from other religions advising to do different things

"Call her name back!"

"Put this amulet on her, it may help"

All these with good intentions

But I had no choice but to be fervent

And say we don't need all these but the power of God

Then the guards came

And I got afraid

If they were gonna do what they do cos they thought this was an exorcism

Then the dark forces would be backed up

And me being me

I wouldn't dare ask the guard to just stop

Thank God for wisdom and a brave brother

Who just made the guard

Stop.

We prayed and prayed

Up to about under an hour

It stopped

And I was relieved

Glad that she was ok

But more happy cos we had the peace

Everyone slept well

Except people who didn't know our God

I look back at this

And I really do wonder

Why did God allow this

The way we prayed for her

The awkward positions

The many passerby's that were curious

The way things were handled

Was it the right way?

Shows all the more how much I need to be rooted in the word

And get under good leadership who can explain this kinda stuff

However so

I believe that this happened for a reason

And God can change what seems like utter disdain

Into something that could glorify Him

To change beauty for ashes

And to bring this generation back to Him

I stand amazed at how the young Christians there

Still had unshakable faith

Despite witnessing an event such as this

Their faith became stronger

And that is great cos we get to reach a whole new level

As we come out of an event such as these unshakable

A whole new level of spiritual maturity is reached

And we just get higher and higher

And stronger and stronger
When we pass the test

When our faith is tested.

Who we are...

2011-07-29T12:39:00.001-07:00

Sons and daughters of the one true King.

Is it worth your life?

2011-07-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

Coming to KL, my eyes have been opened and knowledge broadened. Just walking through campus or even the streets, I see so many people with disabilities. The blind, the lame, the homeless, the deformed. Yet they still push through and press on. Not allowing disabilities to come in the way of them pursuing an education or making a living. Seeing students on crutches or wheel chairs, taking the extra effort to bring themselves from one place to another. Or even some with protruding ribs or other deformities, still gaging up the courage to face a world of "normal" people with curious or even sympathetic side-way glances. Blind people with their white canes, coming on and off a LRT. It amazes me how they can maneuver their way around KL with the aid of a stick and dots on the floor. (Yet, I still get lost). Not knowing whether the path they're taking is safe or has pricks, whether there'll be and overhead board that would smack them in the head. Waking up every morning to pick and coordinate whatever they're gonna wear without knowing how a nice sky blue shirt can go well with the color of their jeans. I can't imagine not being able to see what I wear, let alone put on a belt blind eyed. The effort and extra time it takes.

Yet these amazing people can still live a fulfilling life by waking up (whether on the right or wrong side of bed) to another day of uncertainties. Seeing these people always brings to mind the hundreds of people that have committed or are contemplating suicide. They have everything to live for compared to the blind and crippled yet they opt for what looks like the answer- death. They have eyes to see the beauty of God's creation, legs to dance, run or jump with joy, no deformities that stands in their way of a healthful life. All of life's advantages behind them compared to the physically broken yet they just don't see.

Relationships, financial, mental or whatever the issue, it can be overcome by the grace of God. If only they'll focus on the beauty of life and stop victimizing themselves by surrendering to their own self-centeredness. Having negative thoughts like "the world would be a better place without me". Wake up and smell the fresh air! (although its not that fresh anymore due to men's sin) We have the world at our fingertips compared to the underprivileged, yet the ones that are complaining the most are...sadly, the ones who shouldn't.

Whatever the cause or whatever is happening. Whether it's a sour relationship or financial crisis. Think about it and think again. Is it really worth your life? Besides, seeing how Jeremiah prayed "LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps." Who are we to end it when it's not in our authority to begin with. Problems come and they will eventually go. Unlike the blind who faces a new battle every single day of their lives to walk in (physical) darkness. Of course God has to be in the equation. Minus Him, I would have no answer to the worth of my life.God is worth my life. If the disabled can live life to the fullest why not we? Cos seriously and frankly speaking, are the problems you're facing right now, really worth your life?

Even a seed germinates and lives on without a conducive environment.

Unlike this plant, we have friends that care

A surrounding of love

A God that IS love

And He loves you.

Talk to HIM and you'll find that there's more to life than just....dying.

Outside My Comfortable Circle

2011-07-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

Outside my comfortable circle

Something I'd not rather

To stick with my closer buddies I'd prefer

But to step out with confidence I must muster

It's not easy and it won't be

But I believe God has a plan for everyone He brings into our path

We have to communicate
And take time to listen

Even when we're
outside our comfortable circle

Encouraged

2011-07-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine

Whose name shan't be disclosed

Would always be on a high note

Even if she's on stony road

She just accepted God not too long ago

Not even a 1 year old christian

Yet it's like she's known the Lord all her life

Loving Him wholeheartedly calling Him lovely

Her faith speaks of maturity

Of genuine love and sincerity

Always lifting up Jesus' name

Putting complacent Christians to shame

Leaving her old religion

And coming into a real relationship

I admire her guts and tenacity

To go through hardship and face reality

For the love she has for the One above

Persecution from the ones she loves

Resentment and rejection

Nothing she deserves

Yet she smiles whenever I see her

Despite the scars

Her faith unaltered

With heart abandoned

She says she finds joy in suffering

For there will be no more in heaven

So she'll rather have it right here

Nothing compares to the knowledge of God

When I see her I see faith

Faith that knows no boundary

When I see her I see hope

Hope that never ceases

When I see her I see love

Love that never fails

For the One who has it all.

She inspires me to fall in love with Him daily

All over again in a meaningful relationship

To talk to Him for He is real

To share with Him all that's within me

The problems and trials I face?

Nothing compared to hers

For its a daily battle for her

As she faces opposition everyday

Her love for God is so contagious

It makes you wonder what's gotten into her

Sharing the gospel as much as she can

To as many people as possible

Not caring on what people say or think about her

She goes all out for God like there's no tomorrow

Secretly reading her bible and praying

Whether its midnight or in the wee hours of the morning

She's willing to abandon all for Him

Crazy it may seem

But that's the way of true Christian living

And that is what she's modelling

I see her and I stand amaze

At how God's hand is upon her

And I pray she'll stay faithful despite whatever the cost

Or whatever the odds

I'll say a prayer for her every time I think of her

Meet her sometime to catch up with her

To hear her stories of how she remains faithful

And hopefully try to be helpful

As a friend whose not slothful

I hope she'll be wise in her words

To not offend or condemn but just allow God's hand

To help those around her

To submit herself to the Lord

And to know that His plan for her are good

She is my silver lining

For every time I see her I am truly

ENCOURAGED

Cutting my hair short

2011-07-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

Cutting my hair short

Not cos I'm feeling hot

But cos it's something I wanted to do

For months and months

I procrastinated

How would I look?

Would it come out the way I want it to be?

The way I picture it?

The way it should be?

All the fears and pre-worrying

The doubts and feelings that it would look ugly

The foreseen comments of people everywhere

The critics they may share

I've.Cut.It.

And I love it!

Not the style exactly

But the boldness and courage

I took up to achieve it

Thanks to my dear friends

Sukhpreet and Amanda

Who screwed up my initial plan of going alone

Amanda said she'll drive me to make sure I have it chin length

And I'm totally glad she did

Cos I think I would have chickened out

Thank you so much to the both of you!

Its been more than a decade since I last had short hair

Wanted to try something new

An intention I intended since the beginning of last year =0

Shame on me for my timidity

After cutting

Some girls like it

The guys prefer it long

(but I'm not sure whether the guys comments account much cos they prefer long hair whether it's nice or not)

Some had no comment

That gives a really big hint! (lol)

But I'm still glad I did cut it

Cos it's a change and change is good

Whether I'm gaga over it is another story

But I'm still happy

Some say I look like a cute child

Some say I look so "auntie"

Why the far extremes?

2 guys kept singing on the guitar about how "auntie" I look

During the wee hours of the morning

Which kept me laughing

And I did enjoy it

I'm just glad I'm not depressed over how short it is

Which reminds me of how I cried and cried once when I was little

Cos my fringe or hair was cut way too short

Staring at the mirror with a face all swollen

It just needs time to get a little used to

By then people would have forgotten how my long hair looked

Unless they see pictures which are great reminders

A few things though I have to remember before cutting my hair this drastic:

1. Tell my sister the plan before she slaps me

2. Bring friends that makes sure its chin length before leaving the saloon

3. Be prepared for the weird (aunty)comments

4. Prepare to not feel regretful whatever the outcome

5. Bring enough money cos you don't wanna look phony!

My new hair style!

The best part?

It only costed me RM9!!!

9 bucks to chop off almost one feet of my hair!

Not bad at all!

Savvy much!

In awe of God

2011-07-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

Chatted with a friend

Read a blog

Am feeling the awesomeness of God right now.

Words can't describe it

After insights and revelations and the air cleared

I don't know how people can doubt the existence of God

When He can be SO real

If only we allow Him.

It's 4 in the morning

But I stand in awe of Him

So much so that I'd rather

Spend time with Him then go to sleep.

Off for a walk with my Daddy King =)

(Thank God for a safe place like hostel where its just.....safe.)

Bersih 2.0

2011-07-12T14:05:00.000-07:00

After seeing this video I realize that things aren't always what they seem or what is even said. They can reason all they want, cover up all they can, praise the enforcement for doing a job "well done" but nothing can substitute the truth and the truth of the matter right here, is not through the spoken words of anyone but images and pictures untainted.

It saddens me to see authorities contradict their work ethics and instead of fighting crime, they fight those who fight crime. Instead of saving lives, they allowed one to fade away. Instead of bringing peace, they initiate violence. Instead of protecting, they were attacking. Lies told but pictures unfold, leaders can say they did a great job, but our eyes would never deceive.

Bersih 2.0 has really opened my eyes to a whole new Malaysia. Never thought there would be so many citizens fighting for justice in our country. Always had this in the back of my head where people would just talk in coffee shops, complaining bout the terrible state of our country. But on the 9th of July 2011(where I pre-pictured it to be empty streets everywhere with just a bunch of crazily courageous people chanting bersih), the true Malaysian spirit was shown through the lives of the thousands that came on that auspicious but dangerous day. People from all walks of life. Different backgrounds, different skin color, different languages, different status, different ages all with the similar goal for a clean election. Its funny how so many differences can actually come to an agreement. Unity can truly be achieved. 1 Malaysia!

So many people came I was truly dumbfounded. We're so used to seeing these scenes in other countries that when I see it happening in my own homeland, it takes time to register. There were children (very extreme parents, either way you wanna see it), old people and all in between. One elderly woman stood out.

We have been praying for change, and change is coming if not already here. Seeing people get arrested, beaten, handcuffed yet still firm in their stand makes me bask in pride for my fellow citizens. Even Malaysians overseas are supporting us, what more can we ask for. We're called a democratic nation for a reason.

The amount of people that came truly inspires me.

This event showed the true colors of different people groups. The true colors of Malaysian citizens was shown. They care for their country and are willing to pay the price for justice. Some darker colors can be seen through....those wearing darker colors. Makes me wonder about end times. Would we dare do this to defend our faith? Only time would tell. Anyways, I'm so much more prouder to be a Malaysian now. And I don't stand on neutral ground. I stand for what is right, pure and just. BERSIH 2.0!

*Where is God in this? I'm not quite sure. But I do know that Malaysia is in God's hands. Thank God for Malaysia!

Friends

2011-07-04T15:31:00.000-07:00

Friends make my world go round.

Friends put a smile on my face that I can't seem to wipe away. =)

Friends are so contagious you can't help but get affected. (in a good way that is)

Friends who work on making relationships last are worth the effort taken.

Friends keep you going when you feel like dying.

Friends make you laugh so hard, your tummy hurts.

Friends are treasures, uncut diamonds.

Friends may come and go, but their friendships would never be forgotten.

The list goes on and on and on...

Until my world has gone a full round.

Yet I'll never get tired of my dear friends.

Thank God for these gems.

Doing my Devotion

2011-06-19T22:18:00.000-07:00

Doing my devotion

Not just to go through the motion

But to read that portion of scripture

And to not go by emotion

But to know that God is speaking

.........

Its almost time and for class I don't wanna be late

Flipped my bible open

And the words just spoke into my situation

Questions I was asking

Of what would I do or say

God gave me the answer

..........

Doing my devotion

What have I to loose?

Nothing actually cos I'm investing into eternity

Even though I may feel dry sometimes

I'll stay faithful because I know deep down

It is worth every bit of my effort

Peace that surpasses all understanding

2011-06-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how prayer can change the way you feel instantly. You have so many things over your head yet you feel the joy, making you wonder what just happened. How in the instant of an "Amen" all your worries and doubts just fade away. Yes, chores will be chores and assignments and tests are still responsibilities, but the worrying and "waking up from your sleep because it was a nightmare" scare won't help whatsoever but just get our emotions haywire.

Philippians 4:7 - And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Yup! It would =) the peace of God would surely help through it all. Guarding my heart and my mind. No point allowing a heavy feeling to fill my heart or negative thoughts to enter my mind.

To hold the hands of my dear friend

And to pray together hoping it will cast out fear

Of being a college student

And the many responsibilities

Making life so not easy

We just said a prayer for each other

And hope that the feelings would not be a bother

Simple prayers of 2 girls

But God heard and He worked

And there was a change in the atmosphere

Peace filled us and it was incredible

Like "life is truly worth living"

And we need to live it for God

For we were called

To be so much more...

Shout out to my sis Deb! Listening to Delirious! Thanks so much for downloading soo many good songs that helps me through the times.... love you!

Sing your song

2011-05-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

We tend to compare ourselves with others these days

Never feeling confident about ourselves

We base who we are on what is seen on TV, internet and magazines

Having the need to be a certain weight or height

To truly feel a self-fulfillment

Trying to do things that are beyond us

To actually find our self-worth

Playing the same game no one never played

-If only I was smarter, taller or slimmer

More confident, prettier or musically inclined

The list goes on

And no one is exempted

We compare ourselves with celebrities, siblings and friends

How can he be so funny?

Why can she sing so well?

I wish I had those brains

Are people that good looking even for real?

Focusing on all the wrong places

Instead of what matters most

THE HEART.

We were all wonderfully and fearfully made

Unique in our own different ways

Yet we tend to turn a blind eye on the beauty in ourselves

Painting a hideous picture of what we see in the mirror
Thinking that we could be better

My mom just told me

About singing my own song

Never allowing me to compare myself with others

For I have my journey crafted out for me

No point walking in the path of someone else

God gave me a song

And its my duty to sing it

To sing it well with all my heart

And to never doubt who I am

And all that's within me

No point comparing songs with anyone else

For God's got it written especially for me

And He wrote one especially for you

Sing it well with all your might

And know that the Author of your song is always right

We may get out of key or even out of tune at some point

But who cares because this is your song

And without failures how would we ever learn?

Besides you're singing for Him and no one else

And to Him you'll sound ever so beautiful

Without tuning ourselves to the One who has perfect pitch

We will totally get it all wrong

But once we let go and not try to hard

As the breathing steadies and rhythm takes place

Take courage and sing that one written song specifically for you

He hears you sing

And He'll sing it with you

After all He wrote the song

According to who you truly are

His child

So the next time you start whining and thinking

Why others have it all together

Way better than you

The self esteem and self confidence all gone

And you forget the purpose you live for

Remember that you have your own song to sing

A song so beautiful it'll take His breath away

They have their song to sing too so just leave it to them

And know that you can do it, so just

Sing your song!

You are not alone

2011-05-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

So many things have been happening lately

Caught up in my own emotions

Seeing others get caught up in theirs

Making me feel all the more worry

It's not easy neither is it good

To be going through the same vicious cycle

Over and over again

With no form of breakthrough or escape

The feeling? - HOPELESSNESS.

We feel we're not good enough

Or even good for nothing

Doubting our true value

Priceless in God's eyes

We ask why

We ask how

Why does this happen to me?

How did it even start?

Whether you feel depressed

Or all alone

Sick of yourself

Needing someone to hold

Know that you're not alone

For there are so many people going through the same thing

The same emotions and the same feelings

Having the same wants and needs

Do not let your present sadness hinder you from future happiness

For as we fight the feelings that we feel

And push through the heartache and depression

We will be able to see the light or that silver lining

And that eternal happiness?

Nothing comes near

Talk to God

Casting all your care upon him;

for he careth for you

(1 Peter 5:7)

There is a light at the end of this tunnel

And as you crawl through what seems to be of no escape

Know that you're not alone for there are people around you

And most of all there's a God who adores you

That tunnel may give you scraped knees

And a backache

The feeling of being lost

In a scary maze

You may not see the light just yet

But in due time, in His time

You'll find your way out

And look back onto what seems like a priceless journey

It is a part of life

Don't shorten it "just because"

Live your life to the fullest

By not being the finisher of it

God.loves.you

you.are.not.alone

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Going to church and seeing the children sing for their moms

How the youth appreciated their mothers effort

How the husbands prayed for their wives

And how each mom teared up as their children gave them hugs

Really made me miss my mom all the more

My mom is really super woman

Juggling work, home and ministry

Training my maid to be a good cook

And always keeping the best interest of me and my sis

As the pastor today shared about the great things and attributes about his mom

I can't stop but think of how my mom have helped me through my darkest moments

She never gave up on me when even I gave up on myself

And always hold me closed letting me know that God is still in control

My thoughts brought me down memory lane and I started to remember of

The time she celebrated with me

When I finished my Grade 8 ballet with an unexpected distinction

The shuffling to ballet classes for about 10 years paid off

Taking time off work just to make sure I attend my lessons

So many times I cried and wanted to give up

She never allowed it

And now I am grateful

The time when she would lie with me on my bed

When I was going through depression

The feeling of not being able to sleep

And the frustration of seeing a glimpse of that 5 am sunlight

Warning me that I wasted a whole night and the new day would feel hazy

Yet she still laid there beside me

Loosing her sleep ever so willingly

The time when she cried with me

When I lost half my life's savings to a friend I thought was "dear"

We aren't very rich and I needed that money for college

She was more heartbroken than I for she said it was my carefully saved "ang pau's"

Yet she asked me to forgive

And told me with God money should not be an issue

Or zooming way back into time when I wasn't even born yet

When she prayed and prayed for a dear little baby

Someone she can call her own little child

Her prayers paid off and after 9 years

I was born

Or how she could build up the courage to walk away from "bondage"

During the phase my sister was born

To leave a life of security and companionship

With a newborn in hand and our futures at stake

It wasn't easy and 'till now

I don't know how she did it

Or how she was bold enough to bring my sis and I all the way to Alor Star

A mother with 2 young daughters

A new home, a new job and new schools

It wasn't easy and there was a lot of quarreling

As I was entering my teens

But then is when we really bloom

Where my sister learnt the bass

And I learnt to worship lead

A whole book can be written on that 5 special years

And my mom plays the part as 2nd lead

Allowing God to take the main role

I can go on and on and on

But blogpost are not pages so we have to stop somewhere

My mom is very special

Hard to describe because she doesn't like attention

Even going back during the sem break

One of her close friends told me and deb that we should help her out

Cos all she does is work and work ever so selflessly

And she just seem to be living for the sake of me, deb and God

She's weird in a way

Because when other mom's ask their children to do well in studies

She always asks us to do better in ministries

(that's why though the limited finance,

she never stingy on paying for lessons because she believes its a tool for serving God)

And every time I call home telling that I may not be able to maintain my CGPA

As long as I don't cut out my time with God everything would be ok

She's more excited than me for our prayer group

And I tell her every single detail that happens there

Because I do need the covering

And the many prayers she gives me

She tells me to never give up

And make sure I'm always in the centre of God's will

And told me that prayer group is there not because of me but because of God

And to know that God wants it there even more than any of us

I truly thank God for her

For no other mom could fit me better than her

She's the greatest mom in the world

Because she's my mom and God gave her to me

God gave me a gift

Which gave me the gift of life

For without her I wouldn't be drafting this post

And being in awe of how God crafts things out

Mom,

If you're reading this I hope you will be blessed

To know how much you've blessed me

And to know how much you mean to me

Besides God you are my world

And as I breathe from day to day

I'll never forget this gift of life you gave me

Never giving up on me and deb

And always holding onto the promises of God

You've been through storms and crashing seas

Yet you rise above them with what seems like ease

Never letting words or actions hurled at you

Hinder your faith and relationship with God

Because of you

I am who I am today

And my faith is where it is today

Because I model after the greatest role model ever

On behalf on deb and myself

I would like to thank you

For putting up with our tempers and tantrums

And for making sure we're deeply rooted in God's word

What did we do to deserve a mom like you

Only God knows and I'm truly grateful

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOM

And I love you!

Glory

2011-05-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting my whole life

For this one special moment I got

Just to be with you

GLORY

You're my Shooting Star

2011-05-07T14:00:00.000-07:00

Followed the advice of a friend to sit down and have quiet time on my own. To ponder and reflect on all the happenings of the past week. Things were over my head and out of hand and I needed the support. Glad that I decided against the urge to go out with friends and to just sleep in until 1 o'clock. Caught up with a friend by phone and shared everything. Like always, she gave me good advice.

As I sat by the curb on a quiet spot to talk to God and thank Him for everything. Gazing into the skies, I also pondered and reflected on the indescribable things that happened this past week. God definitely allowed it but now I want to know whether He was happy with how I responded. The answer came. " You are my shooting star, but everlasting". God was proud of me and everything fell into place. I love who I am not because of me but because I belong to Him. A child of God. Because He is the biggest part of my life, I slowly begin to realize that everything whether good or bad happens for a reason and God allows it. We may not or never understand but that's the beauty of it. I can't seem to fathom shooting stars, and the feeling of excitement and exhilaration that comes after it.

So what causes a shooting star? It happens when tiny bits of dust and rocks called meteoroids falls into the earth's atmosphere and burns up. Too me, shooting stars depicts who we are in Christ. In our darkest moments we fall down, and then is when God appears and shines His light in us and through us. Dust and rocks are "happenings" beyond us we can't seem to understand. Yet when we allow God to interfere and use us, we burn and brighten up because of His work in us and His cleansing fire, turning into these beautiful streaks of light which people wait hours upon to see a glimpse of them. The difference however is that though real meteoroids or shooting stars are short-lived only happening only about 1 to 2 seconds, we're not. And if we get things done right, we'll have all of eternity to spend with our Father.

I want to be God's shooting star and continue to shine for Him wherever I go. That when people see me they will stand amaze at the Creator. Because being His shooting star, I go against science and don't just shine for the moment but into everlasting. And my response to God when He told me this? "God, You are my shooting star, only everlasting" I love the creator of shooting stars soo much!!!

Did God Really Come?

2011-05-07T13:24:00.000-07:00

On the night of 3rd May, I was really really tired. Took a nap and slept straight away. Awaken by my alarm to the time that showed 10.15. "Could I skip prayer? How did Xp and the rest do it" I thought to myself. To go for prayer every week night for a year.

Went to our prayer spot and no one was there. Someone came and I was truly encouraged, but left his bible and said he'll be back. He was gone for about 15 minutes. Leaving me there with questions and loneliness. "Would the rest be coming? Why are they late? I bet they're not as tired as me so they have no excuse. Do they even want to come for prayer anymore? Or should I stop the meetings so we can spend more time with the harvest?" My flesh came in and nonsense followed. Paced around praying to God. "God, if you want me to stop prayer group then please tell me." Seriously, I think it was me who wanted to stop it, directing the question to God to feel more substantiated. Heard the word "stop" which stopped me in my tracks. Listened closely again and heard the words "don't stop prayer group" 2 times. Wasn't very convinced with the direction prayer group was going, didn't feel the commitment from myself and others. Above all, I felt loneliness. (No kidding)

Eventually they came and it was already real late, almost 11. Tried to put on a smile and make prayer meeting happen. 2 new girls came, freshmen full of life. Ever so grateful to the one who brought them. One new girl even brought down her torchlight, finally we could see each other and flip our bibles more easily. Accidentally asked them to turn to Matthew 28 when it was suppose to be Matthew 10. Corrected myself and talked about the harvest being plentiful but harvesters few. Asked a girl who was going through persecution to sit in the centre of our circle so we could pray for her. What happened next no one would expect.

As we laid our hands on her and prayed, someone saw Jesus sitting beside her, telling her everything would be ok. After some time, the girl being prayed for started speaking in a different tongue and her voice was somewhat like thunder and lightning but also of a loving grandfather. It was authoritative yet loving at the same time. Truly hard to describe. The voice called us "My children" and told us many things like "I am here and the end times is near". A lot more that are more personal but nevertheless it touched most of us. I cried, the others cried and even a guy cried. That was how powerful and overwhelming the whole experience felt. The guy playing the guitar started to strum in a way he had never strum before and his fingers pressing the chords did not feel any pain. It was like the Holy Spirit took over. Recalling these still makes my heart beat faster. Some of us felt static in the hand that was touching her. The voice was so loud and powerful people from the canteen came out to see. The whole experience was truly indescribable.

When the encounter ended, all I could do was put my hands to my head and say "What just happened?" Even the guy next to me was so overwhelmed he leaned down with his guitar. I asked the group how they felt. Besides some being speechless or even with no reaction due to skepticism I think, most of them said they have never had an encounter like this before. It was scary yet we didn't want it to end. Though it was 1 plus, we talked and talked and shared our feelings. It was all good. Society Day was on the next day so some of them left, but some couldn't sleep. Discussed the whole experience with 2 of the core people. We all felt doubt creep in during the encounter but rebuked it immediately for we didn't wanna miss out on anything. One girl even said that during prayer in her heart she prayed that she could see, feel and hear God. God came before us, literally, so near. 3 of us didn't want to got to bed. The presence was still there, we didn't want the feeling to end.

Clear conscience came in the next day. Was it really God that came? Or was it another? If it was really Him, why the change of voice and some questionable content. But it didn't stop us from sharing the encounter with people. Despite the doubt, we just couldn't keep out mouths shut. I guess that happens when something unheard off has happened right before your eyes. I bet not a lot of people can say they have had such an encounter.

Whether God really came or not is still something we have to find out. But whatever happened I thank God for it, for He must have found us fit to allow it. To know that we could handle it whether good or bad and to trust that we would use this as a learning tool. I stand in awe with the way things are going and how God is leading. The 2 freshies were so excited about the encounter they asked whether this happened every night. Truthfully, no. It was our first. But they said they were definitely coming again to continue to pray with us and intercede for our college. So there is something good that come out of it. The girl was blessed, these freshies were excited, and the older ones were comforted. We were all speechless.

Most importantly. God answered my prayer. The hostel prayer group MUST go on. And to go on it shall.

Feeling the Fulfillment

2011-05-07T12:37:00.000-07:00

Finally got my hands on a keyboard whose desktop's internet connection is consistent. After this wacky, crazy, hectic weekend.... I feel fulfilled. Don't know why, don't know how, but I believe it's God.

Non stop on holiday

Non stop back in college

Life was a whirlwind

How I survived I still stand amaze

MC-ing for 3 major college events

In one week, it is super lethargic

And whatever happened in our prayer group

Takes more of our sleep and energy away

Been grumbling in my mind quite a few times
Why did I promise to MC so many events?
I could have stayed home a week longer
And spend time with my family or watch TV together

Slept at 2 and 4 am for a few nights
How I survived the next day I'll never know how
Felt worried and anxiety the night before mass call
What if I failed an MC I could recall

Did my job as best as I could
Received comments bad and good
The bad overpowered the good
Sucking the life out of me
Making me feel not really me

Continued to lead prayer meeting despite feeling so tired
Pulled myself off the bed
Dragged myself to the prayer spot
And sat there when no one was punctual
I felt lonely with no direction

Some indescribable things happen
Controversial in fact
Free thinkers even came
Questioning my bible knowledge

Despite all these happenings
And all the wondering's
Whether the life I am living
Really is worth the things I was doing

To MC all the events that were beyond my capacity
And to lead prayer when members wasn't committing
(or at least I felt)
And to do so many things
I thought of neglecting

Well the check list and to do list
Are all done and have passed
And seriously surprisingly
I really feel fulfilled

God knew I could handle it
That is why He allowed it
And I'm glad He did

The MC-ing to gain a platform
To be known in college and to share the gospel
The prayer leading
To be tested and to learn the ways of God and how He works

This past week was tiring
But it was truly fulfilling

You be God's servant
And just do what is given
Faithfully and obediently
Give it all you got
And leave the rest to Him
The reward of partnering with Him?
The Feeling of Fulfillment.
Priceless.