Why the feelings?
Why the dismay?
Why such hopelessness
Despite living a seemingly good life
That stupid feeling returns
Haunting, inviting and oh so magnetic
Mysteriously engaging
Yet so overwhelming
The destruction it brings
Seems endless and deceiving
Pulling me into unpleasant familiarity
Sucking me in mercilessly
Its an ongoing battle
Sad but true.
A battle I wish could be stated as
Finished and nailed on the cross
Yet the feelings are so real
Fresh and anew
It comes all of a sudden
What was the seed of it?
Fear, rejection or utter disillusionment?
Neither or everything in between
Lost in a maze of transpired illusion
Thoughts run wild
Emotions go numb
You start thinking and thinking
Resulting in the belittlement of yourself
Then you start reflecting
And wondering
And your thoughts get deeper and darker
Into a place no one knows
A place where thoughts become fighters
God-thoughts vs self-thoughts vs devil-thoughts
A battle so vicious
Like there's no way out...
