Thursday, January 29, 2009

this chinese culture I'm in

Chinese New Year is almost over and I doubt I'm even getting enough of it.
Never really thought I will even appreciate it this much!

Its just that I have always wondered why did God place me in such an Asian environment, being all chinese and close minded. Admiring people in the west with all their cool mindsets and openness and even the way they write their music...

But after coming into this year of 2009, and getting older and more mature( i hope), I have come to realize the importance of my beliefs and values based on the chinese culture I was brought up in.

1. We always and i mean always respect elders by calling them Uncle or Aunty before their names.Unlike the westerners who just call everyone by their names alike despite age differences easily forgetting that they deserve the respect they're entitled.

2. We are more conservative, a nice and good accompaniment to our christian values=) thinking of the ways we dress, talk or even think based more on our intentions then on the way people think of us as being cool in the "worlds" point of view.

3. We have awesome friends, whom although share different religions(sadly) are always there to lend an ear or be a shoulder to cry on. They also believe in friendship before loveship(sorry, in my own words,lol). In my case, if there's this guy who have openly showed his affection and they don't think he's right. They'll just down right tell you straight not cos their jealous, but becuse they care about you.

4. We are not toooo vain. Dont get me wrong, I think physical appearance is important but not that important that we'll stick our faces more on mirrors then on friends and their feelings. So far, I havent met anyone like that yet (thankfully) but my friend hasn't been spared cos he has a very english culture goin around him.

There are many more reasons I'm grateful for the culture I'm in. Thankfully, I'm looking at where I am in an optimistic way..loving every bit of it and living my life to its full potential! So all you people who hate the place you're at, be grateful cos I'm sure God has His purpose for you, putting you in the place you belong (for now,maybe) **winks

Thursday, January 22, 2009

tragedy, forgivable?(part 1)

Never thought that this will happen
Even more suspect the person
That my hand phone will be stolen
By a friend I once respected.

She taught me to take the bus home
To give the correct change not to get cheated
But now I just feel so betrayed
Cos I thought there was trust in what we had.

She acted so cool on the day she stole it
Read the bible early in the morning
Put on this act like nothing was wrong
Caught everyone off guard for no one suspected.

Came out of prayer meeting in a rush
Searching in handbag for lip gloss and mirror
Realize my phone was no where in vision
Fret but stopped for duty was calling.

Put on lip gloss using the oven
A quick "I lost my phone" to one of the teachers
Blamed myself for being so careless
Kept wondering hard at what just happened.

Put it behind me for the rest of the day
Trying to concentrate on only the children
Was God teaching me a lesson?
Or was it because of my pure carelessness.

Went home angry with self
Flipped bed, mattress, sofas and handbags
Weird, I just saw it this morning
Where in the world could I have put it?

Called my phone umpteen of times
Never heard a dialing tone
Then is when I realize
That my hand phone might just have been stolen.

Trace back throughout the whole day
It cant be that I dropped it somewhere
For I founded it missing at 8 in the morning
But where in the world could it be?

Never suspected anyone near
Never in my mind was to lodge a report
Hardly and painfully thought of the suspects
It hurt so much for they were my friends.

Never thought that it would come to this
But had a suspect I couldn't believe
Felt so cheated but nothing was certain
All we could do was wait for the next day.

Was a miracle that I could even sleep
Let alone blocked depression from returning
But was so frustrated and confused
That aunty asked to just pray and be patient

Went the next day praying that I will hold my cool
But the first words were shocking to my ears
From the suspect I truly suspected
Standing there I didnt know what to say.

Friday, January 16, 2009

someone hard to love

*Just a quick one as i wait for my hair dye to sink in (its my first dye! hope it comes out well! lol)

Have you ever have this friend where you just cant be yourself with?

You are soooo forced to compromise your belief just so you wont get verbally bullied or belittled?

I have this friend whom i just introduced to work in Supertots (the kindergarten i work in)
and the more we get closer the more I feel hurt.

She swears a lot, for God knows what reason, and she likes bragging about her stuff and how rich she is (which is totally not true) I hate complimenting her anymore cos she will be "I know" or "come on, who are we talking about" or " come on, you know me" which kinda put's me off.
I mean here I am trying to compliment her as a friend to boost her and she just shrugs it off like she's too gorgeous too receive my compliment.

It's really hard you know, and she loves boys like totally! She was so excited and proud that this 6 year old kid asked for her name!!! And i just sincerely told her that the kids do ask for our names if not they wont know what to call us, but to her its oh no... he asked for her name which seem to be such a big issue and continued to say "want my number?" Just the thought of it made me gag! I mean he's only 6! No doubt that he is cute but just give him a break!

Through the way she speaks, I know she belittles me. I don't know whether she is intimidated but she just puts me off. She will be like "oh, its the first time I hear you use the word 'whatever' and your like so innocent so when you say it.....'' and how she takes the teacher job for granted (maybe more for the money and less for the kids) really offends me like how she went "yay, I'm out of supertots now, I can swear" . Sometimes i wonder whether i did make a mistake to introduce her to this job and like she herself said " Tricia, so now I'll see you everyday..." in a sarcastic way made me feel like I made a total mistake!

I am still holding on to her with the hope that she'll turn on a new leaf and accept christ but the more i try helping the more i get hurt.

You reading, please give me advice on what shall I do.
Should I give up on her?
Should I just hold on?
Should I just allow her to keep verbally attacking me?
Should I stand up for myself?
But how, to talk back rudely to her, just to give her back a piece of herself?
To teach her a lesson?
To let her know that there's more to life than big boobs, an ass, a boyfriend, richness and outward beaty? cos thats almost everything she talks about.
How do I let her know yet not hurt her?
Cos all I feel now is the hurt she gives me.

I think this is really a case where the phrase WWJD comes in. Seriously, What Would Jesus Do?!

Would me being quiet and just letting her go on with her life ruin her? or should I just let her know bout her attitide and put our friendship on stakes? I really don't know, all I know is that I'm hoping and praying fot the day when I can call her my silver lining.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

The transition (changed title from the working life)

First it was friends that you chat around with
Now its colleagues you talk with
But they're all friends we can always rely on

First it was blue pens
Now it is red pens
But they're all pens and have the same uses

First topics were about puppy love, fights with parents, peer pressure
Now its about boyfriends, marriage, husbands and babies
Wait up! I'm only 17!

First it was always chasing up on our homework
Now its chasing the kids on their homework
Is this proof on the saying "what goes around comes around"?

First it was "I can always get away with this"
Now its "watch out or the kids will imitate!"
I guess we should always be good role models

First I was so pressured by my future
Now I'm taking 1 step at a time
Just going with the flow & leaving the rest to God

First it was all about me
Now its all about Him
Letting God be in the center and revolving around Him
Is way better than me being self-centered
Expecting everything to revolve around me

First it was good
Now it is better
Happy and content with how my life is
Taking anything life throws at me
With a good perspective coming from Him

First I was confused
Now I see the picture
Basking in the love He has given me
Feeling perfect in His eyes
And always trusting Him in everything I do!

The working Life

First it was like you always wanted to be an adult and working like an adult...
But when the time comes, all you wanna do is to be like a child or a youth...

Always staring at the adults and wishing you could have all they have and all they can do.
Freedom, time, friends, money....and all the great stuff we 'kids' don't get...

But as the time comes for me to be an adult and to act like one makes me more than i think it was...
gotta use my own money, drive my own way around, put my own limits and stuff like that...

But all i know is that God is there every step of the way to guide me and help me grow....
And my SIS too...XD not forgetting my mom, aunt, uncle, auntie, friends, far relatives....
and now i get to talk crap!!! hahaha
good luck writing!!!!!!!!!

PS: this is from my sister deb when I left it there to do other stuff.... Only had the chance to type the title, talked to my yiyi on the phone, came back and this was might as well just post it!