Saturday, April 30, 2011

Beyond Control

I am all over the place
And feel like a mess
When did this start?
Out of control beyond hopelessness

Driving to town and everywhere
Getting things ready for this and that
Did I prioritize my time wisely?
Now I shall reflect

It started during my "holidays"
But now with the quotation marks I have to wonder
Were my "holidays" ever true holidays
Or was it more free time to be more busy?

It is really hard when we do this tiny bit of details
Obligations from family, friends and church
Amounting to days working on end
Not a 9 to 5 job
But an all and in between one
Thinking we're returning a favor
When the favor truly needed is really some "alone time"

How, why or when did I get myself so busy?
And it is really worth getting this dizzy?
Totally out of my hands beyond control
I sacrificed time with him whose related to me

He was mad and questioned my actions
What was the main point I came back home?
To busy myself all over again?
Aren't I busy enough from college already?

It scares me to know that a new semester is just 2 days away
And into the first week I will be flung full throng
Helping out in major events
Is this really the way I want to live?

Haven't got the time to take a breath
Or even to stop and think about what I have
Is being a help to everyone I know

What I want is to just be in control
Of my life events, schedules and time
We all need a break for even God rested on a Sunday
How did I allow my "Sundays" to get robbed out of my hands?

I don't find my self worth in what I do
But in who I am
God's child. Period.
Flashlight! Head knowledge but not hearted.

I wanna be able to gaze at the skies of pink, purple and blue
(Something I really look forward to every time I come back to KK)
Or just count the stars and see whether the row in 3 is still there
To go see the street kids and help them with all I can
Or to just read a book that I picked out for myself

To sip tea and stare into nothing
To play the guitar and piano, singing my heart out
To spend more time with God without having the days to-do list at the back of my head
To meet up with friends without the "rushing" that comes after
To make cards for the people I wanna appreciate
To talk more with my grandma
And to bring my friend places since she came this far

But all this couldn't happen to full capacity
Being drowned in other peoples worries
I wanna help but I'm also human and I needed a break
That break came and I abused it
I have a part to be blamed

When things are beyond me and chores come before me
I need to learn how to say no
A lesson I've tried learning
But never have mastered

So as this new phase comes in
And as I turn my big 2
I better get in control of my life
And make sure God's by my side

If it takes journaling, planning and heart-wrenching "NO's"
I'll do it as I can
The way it should be done

When things come and I wished I could do everything
Help me not get over my head but stay intact
That I may fulfill my duties with the least time possible but at its fullest potential
Break down my perfectionism and my will to please others
Help me say no when I want to say no
Yearning for an escape to a place where its just You and me
While others are benefited I stay bewildered
But if things really do get out of hand and beyond my comprehend
I know You'll be in control
For you know me ever so thorough

Then again why didn't I think that in the first place?

To just let go and let God when things are beyond control.
(even if they're IN- control, I'll still let you take control)

Friday, April 29, 2011

Justin Bieber

Just watched Justin Bieber's movie and I have to say that I'm a BELIEBER!!! Just joking, in God I will stay a believer no more, no less. But still I have to say that my cynicism towards him was quite unnecessary seeing he has such great talent not only in singing, but in dancing and playing different instruments. He played jazz (the hardest form of music) on the drums when he was just 8 with a bunch of grown-ups, what was I doing when I was 8? Giving my aunt the excuse of getting my fingers crooked if I played the guitar? (I totally regret that now) Anyways, he is gifted no doubt about that and I believe God had a plan when He crafted him.

But how much of God's plan has Bieber followed and managed to live through? Yes, he prays before concerts and yes, his mom requested for complete healing when his throat was filled with mucus but is his talent overshadowing his faith? Do girls see Jesus when they see him sing? Is he giving the slightest bit of glory to God or savoring every scream and tear millions of girls out there shed for him? I'm impressed with his mom though, being able to refer to how King Herod died due to his pride or how she reminds him that he's not God and that God has put him here for a reason. But still, the way he serenades girls on stage and talks about making out freely makes me wonder.

Justin Bieber. Bieber Fever. Girls being Beliebers. He certainly has outshine many established and mature singer/songwriters. Girls will go wild, running and chasing after him (seems more like attacking to me) until one girl went "oh, they're attacking him, that poor thing". More girls swear that they'll be his wife one day and the interesting but weird part is that a lot of way older girls seems to be falling for him. What do they see in this BOY? I bet they never had a wishlist of their 'husband-to-be' to be younger or "far" younger than them. The scariest part? A young girl of maybe 12 said that she thought about him 99% of her life - life and not time. Thats huge if we try rationalizing it.

However so, after watching the movie, my perspectives of him has totally changed. I totally respect him as an artist now and hopes the best for him. His faith can be seen in bits and pieces of the film but I would really like to see him say "Glory to God!" or something that would cement the whole belief. It is actually quite dangerous to see so many girls yearning for more of him than for more of what is truly needed. Fantasizing about being his wife when they can be out there being a much more significant blessing to others than he is to them. For all I know this may be another of the devil's scheme to sugar coat things which will lure us towards him and away from God in the most unassuming way.

Anyways, who am I to judge or cast the first stone when I am not befitted. I seriously wish all the best for his budding and blossoming career and hope that he will never get distracted or deviate from the Truth (with all the lime lights and girls, it is just that easy) That though Usher is a great friend and mentor, he'll be able to surround himself with more godly people who don't glorify sex, money and girls in and underlying way.

First thing I said when the show ended? "Thank God I haven't fallen for him". Cos my sister's friend when to the show an "I don't love him but I don't hate him" person and came out not being able to get him out of her head. She asks for prayer. =) But I don't think its that bad. Just comes to show how well-painted a person can be due to the tip top marketing strategy managers can show us whether the person is really like that in real life. no cameras. no fans. nothing. Just God.

But after all is said and done, I'm still grateful that although I admire him, I don't yearn for him and spend my hours fantasizing over a boy. That even though I may not have tickets to see Justin Bieber live, I have a ticket to Heaven (much more valuable) - Jesus. And that to me, God is still number 1 and would forever remain number one because unlike many other girls who got their hearts stolen by Bieber, my heart has already been won over by someone far special - God. no replacements, no person, nada!

I think he means never say never to God. =P

Friday, April 22, 2011

We have so much

Frustrated that the automatic lock on our car doesn't work
- Saw people riding bicycles, they'll never have the chance of getting behind a wheel

Why are my clothes so old?
- Remembered who they were going to be given to after they're in much worse shape, how many years would it be for them?

Sulking about the fact that I never got the money to curl my hair
- How about the people who have no hair at all

Choosy about the food I eat
- What about those who have zero options to choose from

Looked down at my worn out shoes
- Thought about those who have never worn any

Complaining about my lagging internet connection
- There are millions who have never touched a keyboard

Why is the mute pedal on my piano not functioning well
- Some people practice on drawn boards

Jealous cos I can't sing too well
- How bout the people whose vocal box cant work?

Tired of going to school
- How bout the many geniuses who had no chance at education

Sick of washing the dishes
- There are people who don't even eat from dishes

Sole Sinner

Half an hour more and Good Friday would be over
But in this last few minutes I still wanna ponder
On the day that my Jesus laid down his life for me
That day that changes all of history including the life of me

Every week towards the coming Easter
I learn something different
This year I keep hearing the phrase
"Even if you were the only person on earth,
Jesus would still have died for you".

My sinful nature
Sinning in the dark
In my own thoughts
In my mindless actions
Hurtful words
Done whether subconsciously or consciously
Nothing in comparison to God's purity
Yet He'd still send His only son to die for a sole sinner

Writing this down
My heart beats faster
It seems so literal it scares me
I a sinner
Him totally sinless
The sum is not comprehensible and would not equate
Yet "I + God = $\infty$"

Would Jesus really go through the suffering
The beatings and torture
The pain of his flesh being ripped out for me
The crown of thorns pressed into his forehead
Being spat on and slashed at
To the point where he didn't look human

It.Is.Scary.

But he still went through it

A normal human being no less
Asked God to take away his cup
Poured out in prayer in his last few hours
Hoping that maybe there would be an alternative

But there wasn't
And it was done.

I don't have to question whether I'm worthy of his love
The sacrifice my father in heaven paid for me
Because He saw me worthy
Not in my own strength but by His grace

I shall not remember this only on Good Fridays
But everyday of my life I shall remain grateful
Humbled and filled with awe and adoration
To my Father who've sent His son on Earth
To pay that painful price for me

On that cross I'm sure He thought of me
And I believe He was thinking of you

John 19:30
"It is finished."
Our sins are all taken
Fully paid by his blood

You are made worthy to be loved and to be called His Precious
Embrace it
Live it
Share it

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!

Things aren't changing

To his place I'm visiting
And things aren't changing

The fridge is still "lightless"
And the paint can filled with bricks is still holding its door shut
His carpet is "spongeless"
And I don't doubt whether there's fleas on his mattress

The sad thing is he's blinded to all these
Saying that his house is clean
Fooling himself when everyone sees
That his place maybe neat but far from clean

The sadder part is that he's belief is not changing
Still as hard as he was against my convictions
He truly is a hard shell to crack
Making his covering an even stronger defense

Although we have been praying
Seems easier to give up
Than to pray without hitting the target

He stills keep ranting
On and on about our "mysticism"
It really hurts in the heart
Thats why we need a spiritual covering

Just in case we get swayed to his message
Brain washed in any way
But that won't happen
And I stand my ground on that

For now I'll still keep on believing
Even though things aren't changing
For my God is more than forgiving
And He's way bigger than anything
I will continue praying
And never stop hoping
Until that day which is coming

Where things will start changing...

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Empty Compassion

We all have emotion
But can we say we have compassion?

When we see a girl without slippers
And feel sympathy towards her
Thats just emotion
Compassion exists when we start to take action

A profound statement from cell group last night
"Compassion starts from the heart
Then to the hands"
If we don't live it, no point feeling it

We see beggars, widows, orphans
Street kids, cripples and the blind
Yet sometimes we cast a blind eye
Thinking they should get a life

Well, God gave them a life
Not to be ridiculed and spat on
But to be loved and cared for
Precious souls not lower than you and me

Cant wait to help out with my cell members
As we do the little that we can
To touch their hearts and dirty little hands
We will mean the whole world to them

I admit I have been sucked up in sympathy for them
Thinking them in the lower class and I in the middle
But I've got the hierarchy all wrong
They are above me and I have to feel honored to be able to help them

Emotions plus Empathy
Equating to Emptiness
For what difference would it make
If I'll forever be self- centered

To the girl who has no electricity in her home
No place in the fridge for it serves more as a box
The delight when she says "This is my Deepavali meal!"
When you peek in the pot, its only 'maggi soup'
I wanna be the difference for people like her

I was told there are 2 kinds of people
Those who walk through life without making a difference in this world
And those who walks through life who dares and cares to make a difference for somebody
I choose to be the latter and I dare you to it

We can keep preaching and we can keep sharing
But would they even understand whatever we're blabbering?
People don't care how much you know
Until they know how much you care

We're the only Jesus they see right now
No point reasoning or contemplating
What. Will. Jesus. Do?
Let's make this statement real and more than just cool

I wanna make a change
To be the change
As a person we cannot change the world
But we can definitely change the world of a person

Here are my hands and feet
My time and effort
I lay them before You
As I turn this emotion into true compassion
Help me love like You do
And see things the way You see
For I'm not gonna live this way no more
with just EMPTY COMPASSION...

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

After Desert Times

"Jesus was here!"
Thats what you'll hear
At the end of prayer meeting
From a new girl

This is her second time
Someone who's young in faith
(but is growing ever so quickly)
Saw a vision as we were closing our prayer

We prayed for exams
We prayed for Sarawak
We held hands in unity
And a strong light she saw

6 of us in a tight circle
A strong white light in the centre of us all
She tried looking up to see
How high will this light really be

Too bad we ended with "Amen"
The moment our grasped hands let go
The vision was no more
She couldn't see how far the light could go

While explaining
It started coming
The light resembled Jesus
And that He was near

Why can't she see the end of the light?
For all we know it may reach the Heavens
A revelation came
"Do not measure My love"

Desert times
This was how I felt
And I bet the members did too
At the state of our prayer group

Even before the sem started
I was praying with heart
Asking God where is He taking us
On the path where our seniors started

Prayer is good
But why pray every night
Don't you have friends to be with?
And aren't you suppose to be studying?

There were questions
There were doubts
Not only from others
But also from me

A dry season came
And on His word we sustained
It may have became mechanical
Or just duty to go through the motions

But we stayed faithful
And the members continued attending
Even though there was no fire
God saw our heart's desire

It was dry times
Like in a hot desert
With no water in sight
You'd think the Holy Spirit hide

Walking on dry ground with rocks all around
Yet holding onto our faith
And tapping onto others
Every night we still came to pray

And tonight God came to show us the way
Out of the desert and into green pastures
He came and stood in the form of light
In the centre of the circle
Revealed to her sight

I'm excited for prayer
And believe there's more in store
As we take the focus off ourselves
And start praying for others as well
God will come and when He comes
It'll be like a roaring lion
Or a strong wind smack in our face
For its after desert times.....
(WooHoo!!!)

Staying Faithful

Thank God for friends
Who reminds us of faithfulness
Making us flip the bible (many times =P)
To really get down to the meaning of it

But although we prayed what we prayed
And heard and shared
I still felt lost and insecure
For the moment after that

But felt dirty inside
Tried to talk to God
But an answer there was not
Took a walk alone
But felt the wind so cold
Gazed up at the sky
And not a single star in sight

Thinking I was doomed for that day
To end my night in loneliness I lay
For I couldn't find the words to pray
To whom did I wronged, is this the price to pay?

As I started to succumb to the defeat at hand
2 people I'm not that close to came over to chat
It was nice catching up after so many days apart
And once again a tint of happiness warmed my heart

We joked, we laughed
Talked about life, love and God
With another guy there with us
Things were getting further from worst

I started feeling happy again
The joy of life slowly seeping back in
Not only was I accepted
I am truly loved

The talk of birthdays came up
And they started planning for mine
When should we go out?
Can we book you for now?

They didn't know
But deep down I wondered
Who am I that God has placed me around such precious people?

We have nothing much in common
Besides our faith we're from different intakes
They're my seniors, I'm their junior
Don't even spend much time together

But yet they're inviting me into their circle
Like long lost friends there was so much giggles
My tears came and it did fall
Told them I was touched
They believed it was from laughing to hard

Doesn't matter
Because what God showed me that night
From the people that I would have never gotten in mind
That He still cares for me as I continue to stay faithful

Due to some misconceptions or miscommunication
There were some misunderstanding with these friends of mine
I've been seeking and I've been praying
Hoping that these relationships will keep on staying

Thinking that its the end
God intervened with His hand
The night I felt so miserable
Was the time He chose to bring back these people

I'll stay faithful cos God is faithful
But when I am unfaithful
God still remains faithful

I'm not using this as an excuse
But understanding where God is

That even though I may not feel Him near
I have to know that He is here
To not count on my feeling
But to stay on my knowing
I have to keep myself from sighing

But even if I try and I try
And I do it with all I am
Yet am not able to feel His presence
I will keep my faith
And not let feelings and minor hindrances
Come in the way

For how can my faith be tested?
When I can feel Him all of the time
I wouldn't need faith then
Cos I'll know that He's always there

It is when I feel His absence
And have everything going against me
When I'm down in my deepest low
And relationships are weak
When prayer meetings are dry
And emotions go wild
Then is when I can gage my faithfulness

Like if I'm walking on smooth road all of my life
No obstacles, no hindrances
No trials and no tribulations
There wouldn't be room for faith
Cos everything is going my way

But if I stand on a cliff
And with a leap I may fall to my death
Not knowing what waits below
It may be good, it may be bad

Am I ready to take that leap of faith
To know that God will save me from my problems below
To know that my enduring faithfulness
Will be returned with God's

I've just gone through that
And God has shown
That He'll take care of me
No matter what come my way

If a boyfriend can be faithful to his girlfriend
And a worker to his boss
How can it be compared
To the One who created it all?

I'm His servant and He's my master
He's my King and I'm His princess

And that is just but a part of the many reasons
Of why I will continue
STAYING FAITHFUL.

When do we counter strike again?! =D

The first leg of the DJR1 Counterstrike pew pew Tournament finished with a magnificent victory to the Counter-terrorists Tricia Lim,Kenneth Tee, Yeoh Pang hee, Sandra and a random BOT over their Terrorist foes,Amanda Soo, Raja Danial, Teoh Yee Shen, Wun Yi Shu and Andrew Ong.

The game was evenly balanced, with Kenneth and Danial taking charge of Counter-terrorist and Terrorist forces respectively. With both sides having equal chances at beating the other.

Good times were had and even though the Terrorists finished the game with a 68:100 defeat, all remained in good spirits and did what they came here for: to have fun and shoot each other and laughing at it all, and having a good time.

Highlights of the game:
- Sandra finished the game with a score of 0 - having not killed anyone throughout the game.
- Tricia finished the game with a higher score than Andrew Ong, proving once and for all who is the biggest noob of them all.
- Kenneth Tee passed the 300 score mark, the Tournament's high score.
- Andrew Ong is top scorer for most deaths in the Tournament, a total of 130 (perhaps more) deaths, sealing his place as the DJR Noob.
- Raja Danial is the grenade magnet :3

Didn't know playing CS with a bunch of journalist-to-be (or not) would be so much fun!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The Taxi Driver

Coming back from church, got a taxi with 3 friends. Didn't know what was in store for us, the least that we could expect.

Scene 1
Shirley : Andrew, wear your seat belt.
Taxi Driver: Ah, you don't wear your seat belt is ok, if police come just give 50 ringgit or get a ticket from them. Up to you. You know ah, got one time I take this 4 girls, all didn't wear seat belt. Then I don't know how the police saw but they saw. Then kena stop lor. He ask why no seat belt, then I say I got ah. But he say not you, so I look down, the girl also got ah. But the police say just baru put one. Then I say, no ah, she memang got put one. But he say don't need to talk so much, now what to do. So I look at the girls, ask them what they want to do. They say pay 50, so I take their money and pay. Is up to you want, you want to give you give, you want to take saman you take, don't wanna pay also up to you.
Andrew : Don't worry, they won't know one lah.
Taxi Driver: Ei, who says...Of course they will know. You know my brother never pay his parking ticket one, then one day keep keep keep until 3 years, have to pay one thousand ah! You know last time only 30 cents, then interest interest until become one thousand! Its all recorded in their computer, cannot erase one. They sure know one, some more your i.c number all there. Aiyo, these police know how to earn money one, until my brother have to see hakim. Then my brother say, why so little now become so much one?Then the hakim say, why you still talk so much? Didn't pay is already bad, now still want to talk so much? Better just pay or I double it to 2 thousand. So my brother pay only lor, 1 thousand, what to do.

Scene 2
Taxi Driver: You know ah, some customers very troublesome one. Ask you to speed speed speed. How can I speed? Stuck in traffic jam, got so many cars. They crazy one lah.
Say I late for meeting, late for class. I tell them, next time you late, don't come into
my taxi. Go find another one, because I don't want to speed. It's not good. But they
keep saying, don't worry lah, nothing will happen one, quick quick quick! Then I
really got stop by police, ask me why I speed. What to do? I have to pay lor, the
passenger don't want to help. Then I told the passenger, see you ask me to speed
speed speed, now kena saman dy. The passenger so clever go and tell me "I ask you
to speed, not ask you to speed over limit". Wah! so clever to talk one, I say you can
be lawyer already. Tsk tsk, really know how to talk ah, some people. Next time, I
will ask them put the money here first, then only I speed.

Scene 3
Taxi Driver: Then you know one time got this Mat Salleh, already call me, ask me to wait for
him. Wah, he still eating and drinking with his friend there, taking his time. Then I
wait for him so long. After that when he come in to my taxi, he ask me faster faster,
ask me to reach in 5 minutes, don't wanna miss the check-in for his flight. I thinking
to myself, where can!? The road so small, how you want me to faster reach in 5
minutes, some more got jam you know. Then when reach there he faster hurry
hurry and run inside the airport. This Mat Salleh ah, really crazy fella!

Scene 4
Taxi Driver: Then also go this Indian girl. She say she dont't know what India Ambassador here.
Ask me to faster wor, cos she late for a meeting. Some more ask me to go pass red
light. I say where can, afterwards police catch. Then she say don't worry, I am the
something IMP here, all the police know me. I can easily talk to them, just drive
faster! Wah, how can like that one aw, this Indian girl? Then she just keep asking
me to go when red light. I look out my window, then tell her, I think you better get
out of my taxi. Then she look at me ask why. I say you are not fit to be in my taxi,
my taxi to small, you should go find a bigger one. Then she scold me some more,
say don't know what kind of taxi driver I am. Then I really stop by the road side
ask her to go down, don't even want her money, how can she like that one?

Scene 5
Taxi Driver: You know a lot of drivers never go check their car one. 6 months, 1 year have to go
check once one, but they all never one! They think their car very good, but actually
it's not. It's all inside the rubber burn, our tire going to explode, how we know? We
also never bend our head down to see. Like that day I just a whole car got burnt!
Must be the tire rubber lah, never go check. One time also happen to me, I driving
driving then suddenly saw smoke on my right side. I faster stop by the road side,
come down and check. Then I try to move, got "ch ch, ch ch" sound, then lightning
then I see the tire got spark and a bit fire, luckily I check, if not can burn oh. Like
the other day I go Port Klang the whole car on fire you know.
Me : Was the passenger hurt?
Taxi Driver: That one I don't know, cos I pass by only, didn't really get to see. That's why ah,
there's no such thing as best quality! People say their car how good how good, also
have to check one, then only your can last longer. If not ah, very dangerous! The
gear change also,we keep changing gear not very good for the gear box one. This
gear I already change 3 times you know. That's why I don't like to go mountain
road one. Go mountain like Genting ah, very bad for the gear. So hard you know.
Want to change gear with 4 people in the car, don't wanna say 60 kilo lah, 50 only
also very bad for the car ah. They are not children you know. After got problem
how? So must go check one, if I fly you 4 also fly! not safe...

Scene 6
Taxi Driver: Ah, I got this friend one time arrive from airport then she go take limo back. The
crazy guy go speed 160, 140 you know? scare the h*** out of my friend! She keep
asking him to go slower he say cannot wa, cos got a next person to fetch after that.
Then my friend got angry say, wei! what you talking about? My life is precious ok?
You not much lah, taxi driver only, but my life is important one oh, so better not
speed. So that taxi driver also diam diam lah.

Scene 7
Taxi Driver: Sometimes we got good customers, sometimes got bad one. If good than good lah, if
bad than hard loh. Like got this one time got this Malay lady. Malay you know, this
Malay lady, look like some Datin. Don't know who she is lah, ask me to faster drive.
Then when got a car stop in front of us very long, she ask me to go down the car
and ask the driver to move away. Wah, where can like that?! I tell her, you want
the car to move away you go ask yourself lah. Then she scold me, say what kind of
stupid driver I am. Where can like that? You know some cars just park in the
middle of the road and go down buy goreng pisang. Like that wor! How can? You
want, please park by the side of the road lah, don't just stop in the middle, how the
the other cars wanna move? Then she also ask me stop wait for her but some
goreng pisang. Aiyo....

Scene 8
Taxi Driver: Wah, you all Sunday also got school ah?
Shirley : No, this is hostel, we all live in hostel.
Taxi Driver: Oh. no wonder, I thought you all so "kan lek" Sunday also go to school. If you all
Sunday also go to school I think you all Phd already loh. But is very good one, "Kan
lek" than can get a better job and live easier life. Not so hard. Can fly here, fly there.
Like I go this one aunty, very smart, always fly here, fly there, China, Japan,...
Because she doing marketing surveying, need to see how is the market all. Very
good one ah. Ok, you all reach already, and I think I talk too much, thank you ya.

Today, I got a glimpse of the likes of a taxi driver. I knew it wasn't easy, but never knew it was
THAT hard, until this uncle told us story after story of his job. From rude passengers to those who asks him to go against the law to those who have called him a "stupid driver". I don't know what to say or do, or to even think after this. I'm no millionaire and neither am I saint. Giving him extra money wouldn't help, and there is no advice which I could give. For now, all I can do is say a prayer for him and hope he comes to the knowledge of our saving God. I hope and wish I could see him again. We took down his number. I wonder what was he thinking when he was rattling on and on about his "not-so-favorable-to-some-customers" taxi job to 4 college students who are quite ignorant. Well, after all is said and done, I pray that I can look at taxi drivers through the eyes of God. After all, they are His precious children. And when I meet him again, I'll have the guts to tell him about my Lord. Maybe it could help him in his job. But til then, I'll always remember this particular TAXI DRIVER. And pray that he'll have some nicer customers soon.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Feelings For Japan

Saw a charity event for Japan on TV
It was organized by Hong Kong celebs
Very touching and inspirational
Makes me wonder whether the chirstians are doing the same or more

Seeing what really happened in Japan really opened my eyes
To the things I never knew or maybe wasn't even interested in
Japan is Japan, I am here in Malaysia
Doesn't affect me whatsoever
Screw my ignorance!

Watching footage of the earthquake
Seeing people cry for their lost loved ones
A person standing in the what seems to be the aftermath
A huge pile of houses, cars and maybe even corpse
Praying for all that is lost, shattered and gone
But holding onto what can be hoped for

My tears threatened to start falling
Well, at least I have my emotions back
And feelings still intact
But is God really there?

I hate myself for asking the same questions
Does God know what Japan is going through?
Does He feel the pain they are feeling?
Does He know the hardship they have to go through to rebuild a whole nation?
Does He feel for those who lost families and are left alone?
Does He know that there will be a rise in statistics of the many orphans there?
Does He see what we are seeing?

If yes, where is He now?
Why does He allow it?
Why not reveal Himself and safe people from pain?
Or just punish the wicked and safe those who are just?

Hell would be flooded with so many people believing in other Gods
According to our knowledge of Japan what are the odds?
But sometimes I have to pinch myself in the belly
And realise that its not always that easy

I cant just hope or think that God is in control
I have to know deep down in my heart and truly believe
That God knows what is going on
And His hand is still upon everything whether we believe or not

I will have to keep praying and start praying even more
To keep believeing that the Japanese can still have what is hoped for
To know that they can rebuild their community with the help of God
To just believe despite how unbelievable it may seem
That the questions they throw at God will turn into praises and exaltation before Him

But there's still this cynical part of me
Thinking that the Hong Kong stars are singing not for the cause of charity
But for the sake of their own popularity
For it is April Fools today
What if the 7 million raised will suddenly all go away?

But thats just the cynical part of me
A part that is to be thrown away

God, please give me a heart for Japan
That I may see them through Your eyes
That though people may say they have sinned
And this is the punishment given
You are ever-forgiving
I pray you would bring the healing
As they pray on their knees through kneeling
Let them know that there is good God out there
Who knows what they are going through
Who sees their pain, feels their cry and wants to wipe their tears
Give them the peace you have given me
Most of all give them Salvation
We need You, Lord
The Japanese need You
Help them in the rebuilding of their city
A Christ-centered one
And nothing less
And despite it all
You truly are a good God.