It's been a non-stop ride for me since flying to Hong Kong for a conference early March. It's only mid-March now yet I feel like months have passed already. I guess when we flow with the wind and seasons of God's timing, it's also easy to get swept away with all the busyness and duties that eventually consumes the whole of our being. I start to think that I'm entering a dangerous zone, a place real far from the "Secret Place" where it's just me and God. That desperate need for solitude to overcome the overpowering invasion of personal space and the tempting urge to "not-do-anything" for that "one single moment".
But how long will my "one single moment" last? How long will I need it to last in order for me to get back on track and re-prioritize my schedule and "to-do-lists"? We get easily consumed and distracted by things that are actually good, but what if these seemingly good things starts to get a hold of the whole of you? Or the whole of me for that matter. For instance, I woke up at 1.35pm today. Shocked and alarmed, I checked to see whether my time was moved forward (Candy Crush cheat), but no it wasn't. And that's when I realized that I'm not only late for work, I was behind time on my "driver's duties".
This brought me back to a time in college where I overslept, missing a whole lecture, waking up in the afternoon totally distraught with only one way to get back into rhythm, my lifeline of worship. And it was in that moment that I felt the tangible presence of God, His love enveloping me, making me sure I'm alright and reassuring me that it's not the end of the world.
Pondering on this flashback, I start to wonder while driving as fast as I can without getting into an accident. What if it always takes something drastic to happen in order for me to realign and re-prioritize my time with God? What if it takes a couple of "overslept" days for me to run with urgency into His secret place? How is all this happening when I'm still single and what will happen once I'm preoccupied with a family in the future?
As the questions started racing, like the tempo was meant to be in sync, so was my Whatsapp blasting. So many questions, new assignments, requests were filing in. I felt God say that those could wait, and for the first time in my life, I was so glad that we're not suppose to be using our phones while driving. An optimum excuse for my delayed response.
But the fact scared me.
Why is it only in my busyness that I'd try running after the presence of God? Why must something bad happen for me to experience His good? Why when the world wants all of me is when I want to give my all to God?
Is it escapism? A denial of reality? Or just heavenly bliss I need to see me through the storm.
As I grow older, naturally more duties and responsibilities are added. Justice issues, saving the lost, feeding the hungry, the needs are endless but my need for God outweighs all of these.
The need for rest, the need for God.
The need to just be still and know that He is Lord. Lord over my life, my situations, my circumstances and my relationships. Allowing that secret tear to fall, in an instance I feel a sense of relief, knowing that God's got my back and my job is to protect my understanding of that which only comes with spending time in the Secret Place.
Funny how it always takes a blunder for me to acknowledge God's power. An alarming situation for me to realize that without God I cannot accomplish anything. But for that I'm grateful. At least at the age of a quarter of a century, I got to be confronted with my pressing need for God and His presence. Hoping it will shape the way I live and look at life. Loving it despite the shortcomings, learning from discouragements and going from glory to glory to glory.
As years pass, people will expect more of me and from me. But that's when I will need the most of God. To be in His presence day in, day out. And to fiercely protect my precious time with Him in the secret place. God help me with this, I could never do it alone.
So I'm quite glad that I still received a silver lining despite my awfully bad day today.
That when the world wants all of me, I'll just surrender my all to God, knowing that He'll work things out for me... In His own place and time.