Monday, January 30, 2012

The Tornadoes inside

As I lean back in this chair thinking of what just happened
Trying to focus on what You're telling me
And at the same time reliving the scenario just now
I feel a turmoil, so subtly fierce inside
Not understanding but subconsciously realizing
The tornado inside of me

Looking at the stars just now
How they seemed to be shining so beautifully
Basking in their wondrous glory
You tell me You painted them for me tonight
For a scene like that I've waited and not seen
For months, hoping, believing

Not only hoping on the stars
But that change back home will start to bud
But nothing happens and all I see is a vicious cycle
Nothing unlike what I feel inside
The merciless wind stirring up of filthy dirt
Getting into my eyes
Making me cry

I let the tears fall and emotions unwind
Hoping that as they sleep
No one will hear me cry

Nothing is said off my lips
Though its a ten-thousand word essay I want to release
The mix feelings and emotions I can't resist
And now You're telling me this
Help me obey and in my heart believe

Goosebumps cover me
Because Your sweet presence is all over me
But my feelings don't get numbed
Instead, from tears of defeat
They turn to tears of relieve

Knowing that you will tame that tornado raging inside of me
My Shammah
Never leaving me nor forsaking me

I look up the skies and the stars are erased
One second they're there
The next they're gone
But You stay the same through the ages
And Your love never changes 

Thank You God
I place the tornadoes into Your hands
For the winds shall cease at You command
And that cycle will subside by Your Grace
I place my future and emotions into Your crafting
Including the ugly things
Like the tornadoes inside....

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Driving mindlessly with a Purpose

After visiting our dad I made a random decision to drive down anywhere
Any place that would kill time
You know the feeling of not wanting to go home just yet
To feel free at the wheel and let the miles lead you
Or at least that's just a simple pleasure I love doing
I think its therapeutic and I converse with God good that way
(but gas ain't cheap, so it's not a daily thing :P)

My sister was apprehensive at first thought
But maybe realization of me flying back too fast too soon to KL
Or just wanting to laze around as I drive her as she games on my cell
Or just obliging to the request of her dear older sis
She gave in and asked where should we go

Even I didn't know where we were going
I just knew I wanted to drive
To do this "hobby" I love doing
And spend as much "wasted" time productively
And let the thoughts in my head find focus and alignment

We hadn't any money
Except for an angpau she found in her pocket
We were almost broke
But with KK before us
And with our adventurous states 
We rode off into some randomness

So I drove and drove
Wanting to take a good look at KK
What have been added and subtracted in the absence of my 2 years
Many malls I haven't been to yet
Not as many lights as I thought there would be
But KK is still KK
And I just love it here

Took a longer route  into town to see its night life
Took an even further detour to get ice-cream from a drive-thru McDonalds
My sis had only 5 ringgit and I forgot my purse
(talk about driving illegally! Yikes! I'm sorry!)

So with nothing but 5 bucks and a 3 quarter full tank
We went somewhere way out of the way almost to another district
Got ourselves our sundae cones with the little money that we had
And drove back home fulfilled and satisfied

Throughout the journey we chatted and talked about things
Like where church and the worship team is heading
And the more than a hundred ringgit worth of original CD's she got from the Logos ship
And how excited she was when she bought the "Prophetic Revelations" one
Just as she saw Kim Walker's name on it
Or how we guessed each singer that came next because it was a great mix
With worshipers like Paul Baloche, Jason Upton, Misty Edwards and Brian and Jen Johnson

The cone in my hand was a tad of a hassle
Almost drove all the way back with one hand on the steering wheel
And the same hand switching the signals
Hoping nothing will stain my dress
I'm glad I came back without any mess

I'm gonna miss all of these
Although it is pretty random
Still don't know why I did that
But like what I wanted to do during this holiday
I think I can cross out one and seven

Maybe it something deep inside of me
A realization of something from within
Something from my heart that haven't really gotten to my head yet
That the next few years of my life won't be where I came from
The place where I was born and brought up
Taken care of and loved

Had a great catching up with 3 of my childhood friends in the afternoon
2 of which played a great part in my early years
Went to kindergarten, church and primary school together
To each others houses for play dates and stuff
Haven't been in contact for years
But we just continued like it was all yesterday
No awkwardness, no empty space
Just childhood friends re-connecting
The funny thing is they're all guys
Funny how things work in life?

That feeling in my heart about my life and future
Is still slowly making its sweet stroll travelling to my mind
This one I need God to  help me figure
Up here I'm clueless with what the future holds
But the One who holds my heart has it all in parts
Where He would slowly reveal my destiny before me

But being a Christian does not make you a robot
Far from that it makes you more in touch with your emotions
Inclined to what's happening around my surroundings
Unlike the world who numbs itself with the cliche
I just thrust myself into His arms
And let His love for me make my fear fade away

I'm gonna miss my sister, my friends and my family
My church where I led worship today
And the many food I can't eat just anywhere
The piano that stands so grandly in my living room
The park where I used to shoot baskets late into the night
The friends who live just walks away
And the time I spent praying with a dear friend around the park
As we pray for our "taman", school and community

I guess all these would have to be locked up in my mental diary
Precious moments turned memories
That will stay with me all the days of my lives

Heritage and legacies
Testaments of who I am today
A very very huge part of me that accompanied me
Through my growing pains and growing up
(I guess there would be more blogpost on this)

I could just keep writing on and on and on
On what I've learnt here and the sentimental which follows
But I have to stop somewhere
And just thank God as I stare

At the beauty of where I grew up
A place I have grown to love
Roots gripped onto the earth of where I'm standing
A heritage of more than all the research could show

So driving mindlessly did bring myself at ease
As I gaze upon the destinies He has in stored for me
I have to let go of the wonders I've been through
Torn in between
With both views in sight
In front of and behind me
Of one I have to choose...


on which is centred on God....

I beg to differ because when the destination's Heaven, we live our lives differently...

and therefore I believe









Friday, January 27, 2012

More than A Handful of Reminders



It's 2.40 something in the morning, listening to Kina Grannis and pondering on the good things that are happening (not a very good mix I guess :P) around me and miles and miles apart from me. God is good. God is stronger. And God moves the same everywhere. Not sure why I'm so emotional but I just believe that its a very special night although nothing big or important has happened tonight. It's not the wind in my hair or the stars twinkling in the night. Not even the sweet voice of my favorite favorite singer. It is God.


I get so many reminders channeled from the web, the bible, friends and directly from God that it just continues to substantiate the truth of how real He is to me and how strong our relationship is. I'm truly glad, compressed with bursting happiness yet at the same time humbled with reverent awe of how God never fails to intricate His presence through more than a handful of reminders... I'm not gonna say more as this feeling is indescribable.


But before ending, I shall show you a conversation which sealed my day up very nicely from a straight A student I truly admire.




He was referring to something he found out through my blog and then going on to say what he said. And then we chatted about some other stuff like how I should not keep praising him bout his good grades and bring the "straight A student" thing into every thing we talk about.(But I see God in that as well!) Anyways, I apologized. And then he pointed out something that I have not really paid attention to.



Another divine reminder = My precious walk with God...


And I'll just leave it at there.....

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Blessings- Laura Story

Every time I come back home, I get introduced to another talented contemporary Christian artist (through my sister whose life just evolves around music) and this time it's Laura Story, the lyricist of the very popular song "Indescribable" that got borrowed and made famous by another very influential Christian artist, Chris Tomlin. :) When I first heard this song as my sister explained to me the story behind it, I was immediately drawn and now I feel like we can all relate to it one way or another.


We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Monday, January 23, 2012

All I need is You


If You hold everyone on earth, how about the guy who just died? Dear Father, help me understand and continue to believe. However so, questions and fears would never come in the way of my love for You.

I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU....


(talk about mix feelings, man!) 

Life is Fragile (even in times of happiness)

Celebrating Chinese New Year have so far been great
I hope it sounded cheerful
Because I really am happy with the many things that are happening

However
The things that life throws at you when you least expect
A decaying tooth or a broken DVD

Hurting so bad making eating hard
Or not seeing the motion picture move fluidly
Cuts, pauses and jerks here and there
Making that "what-should-have-been" a wholesome experience
Oh so not hopeful at all

I have a friend whose brother just passed away
On the first day of the Chinese New Year
It was a big shocker 

He just got married and has a baby on the way
Future lying ahead of him
Allowing him to achieve everything he had ever imagined
But  like the words from a Band Perry's song
It got cut with the "sharp knife of a short life"
The most horrible and unthinkable thing here is the way he passed

They were playing fireworks in the morning when it happened
One was lit up but it didn't spark up
So he went closer to have a look at it
With head over cracker
The timing so bad
It blew up in his face and that was the end.

But what stunts me more is the way his sister responds to it
She acts way calm in her text messages and all
Just describing it as it was and when the funeral will take place
 Things just doesn't fall in place
We even thought that it was just a gruesome joke

But this joke which life plays on us
Is no joke at all
It just gave me a bigger sense of urgency
That life is precious. PRICELESS
And everything but pointless.

Then I look at this special person I love
How God have been protecting him so much
No matter how many times he turned his back on Him
No matter how long he has turned His back on God
Accidents after mishaps
It's like even lighting can't kill him
Seeing how many car accidents, falls, crashes, debts
And getting into trouble with the cops and officials 
He has gotten himself into
Yet he is still alive
(wow/sigh)

It pains me to see him like that
Cooking utensils older than me
Cooked our CNY dinner
Its the same dishes every year (lol)
But I don't whine and just enjoy it
Of course I do ask why always the same...

And then the many times I've turned him down
My hectic schedule does nothing to allow
Breakfast, dinner, teatime or supper
Something that can just squeeze in to strengthen the bond
And every time I try to post pone
He says it's ok with a cheery tone
Covering  up on the hurt and the feeling of being alone

What can I do or what can I say?
To make those emotions go away
"It's Jesus that you need!"
Sometimes I wanna scream in his face
But with that tone and emotions evoke
Is his true happiness and salvation
My real priority?

It's like you have prayed all you can
And cried out with all your heart
Placing his live in God's hands
But his very dull future remains a dull future
More accidents to come
Bigger debts that amounts to figures I don't want to think of
And you look at God and just ask God
"WHY?"

You pray until you go numb
Cos it has been that way your whole life
And I'm entering my third decade
But his life has been nothing but a poor facade

I'll just have to hold onto the little faith that I have for him right now
And pray that God will enlarge and expand it
Giving me a reason to live and believe
That he would be saved before he passes on
Although it seems so impossible
But my God is the God of the impossible 
And it's not by might
But His that he will be saved

As for my dear friend's brother who just passed away
I pray that his family will all feel ok
Although it may be a hard time to pull through
I pray that this crisis will lead them to Christ
Please Lord
Show them Your Glory!

For in times when life seem so fragile
Like a solid vase with crack lines on it
Or when our lives feel like they are hanging by a thread
Know that that is pure, strong golden thread
That would eventually turn into a strong golden rope
With God at the other end
And right here in your heart
You have nothing to worried about
Just look at Him 
And see those worries fade away
The same way I have felt many times
Even when LIFE IS FRAGILE...


PS: Life back home here is not that bad. I'm actually having loads of fun with family and friends that there's not enough time! And lots and lots of people have been wanting to talk to me about my spiritual experiences, booking time and having lunch and all. So God really is my silverlining. But sometimes I don't know what to conclude on situations when we get literally pulled in between 'life and death'. But God is still good. And like what I said in blogs define, I'm just trying to be real here. Cos life as a Christian is not all fancy-pancy with sunshines and rainbow all day. It would definitely be in Eternity, but right here, right now, I'm still in the midst of battling different things, but with God on myself, who can be against me?

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Someone so Beautiful


I was taking my shower when this thought came in as I was singing to a song "Indelible" by Brooke Fraser Brooke Ligertwood. It's a very beautiful song which slipped my mind for a couple of months but being in awe of who God is, this song brought back revelation of the greatness of Him. The pre-chorus goes "how could Someone so beautiful, feel something for me...", and the moment I sang that line I just saw this picture of me somewhere in a magnificent wide forest with streaks of blue in a dark night's sky, gazing up at the stars and seeing a glimpse of my Creator. Something so beautiful, indescribable, that makes me breathless. Then I think again, seriously, how could someone so beautiful feel anything for me? This small girl sitting here not having a clue of what the next part of her life would be. Yet He cares so much and wants to be involved with this tiny little thing (me). It just amazes me and keeps me knowing although it can be VERY unbelievable that my Father God in Heaven really cares about me! He who spoke life into living beings, the stars twinkle at His commands, mountains and seas parts before Him giving Him the honor He deserves, and flowers so beautiful dressed in the finest colors which makes the mixing of colors in a palette so dull. So huge and magnificent my God is. The song's true meaning came to life in my thoughts and deep down I am rest assured that no matter what comes my way, I am safe and sound in my Daddy's arms. And that's just the beauty and plus point of having a relationship with 'Someone so Beautiful'.......

Friday, January 20, 2012

This holiday...

That’s my favorite place to be…
Spend quality time with your loved ones for as much as you can.
Bake and eat those sugar coated muffins without the fear of getting fat.







Buy that coffee you never liked as a kid. 
When you feel sad, DANCE…
Dance your heart out like no one is watching.
I wanna be there…
Go watch that Muppet movie although you think its lame.
And buy that puppy you've wanted since forever.







Stop. And take in your surroundings, breathing them in, for they may not last.






Stay positive even if it feels like its you against the world.


But most importantly.....

JUST KIDDING!!!! :P


WARNING: All pictures are stolen and can be copied for fulfillment purposes.  All pictures are reblogged  from very cool tumblrs. The captions though were self-created. Ignore my ramblings for I'm just too happy! Peace!

A great holiday!


Our laughs are contagious! Truly a blessing to have such a friend.

Hope that you guys are having a great holiday preparing for Chinese New Year and all! Mine have so far been great! Already finished reading a book, entering my next, hope to finish 3 in this 3 weeks. Playing more of the guitar and the piano, learning new songs from my sister, trying to write some and the unsuccessful attempt of loosing weight. (Ironic, I know with CNY and all.) Spending as much time with my lovely family, scheduling time to meet all my friends in gatherings and reunions and trying to cut down on the TV and do more exercise. The best part is seeing my friends being happy as they encounter and experience God more and more! And all these through Facebook! God is awesome. Was a tad worried that I'll loose out on my quiet time with God and experiencing Him, but this round, I didn't fall short and it's great! My best break so far! Seeing friends going through spiritual heights really makes my day! Can't see how this holiday can get any better than that! But it totally is! Hope your holiday would be as fun,productive and fruitful as mine! Take care and God bless!!!


One picture that I can't stop liking, spot the smiles, the clothes and the shoes!

My dear friend, May in the middle is going through very wonderful happenings and I'm truly proud of her! Same as the guy with the huge smile up there in the first picture,Alex. Like his smile, his faith is contagious! Pure young ones with faith and passion who inspires me...


HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!

Blogs Defines

People blog about everything nowadays
They blog about food, fashion and fun
Places they've visit
Their dog, their cat or little white rabbit
While others use it to bring in the "ka-ching"!
Making money out of it
Putting advertisements on them
(as you can see I'm obviously not excluded :P)
Meshing creative minds and entrepreneur skills
To start businesses and sell stuff online

Some go on and on and on and on
About every tiny detail about their lives
Like what time they woke up 
Or what bus they took
Or how tight they wrapped their hands around someone's waist
As they soar away on a motorbike

There are so many things a blog reveals
They show the person you are
Or even the person you're not
(some creepy people love living double lives)
They tell of more than what people see on a daily basis
Blogs show. 
Blogs tell.
Blogs expose.
Blogs defines.

The way some people spray their header with foul language to look cool
Or how some start with real "straight-up-in-your-face" welcome phrases telling you
That if you don't like what you read, who cares (lol)
Cos its their right to write what they want and want what they write
Or how others put it as "adult content" or "not for public view"

It is true that we can gage how a person is through their blog
The way we use it to express ourselves
Share our hearts out
The safe avenue for us to leash out our emotions, fears, angers and doubts
The deepest, darkest secrets we hid inside
All without the fear of getting unwanted advice or naggings from others
But as a sounding board (or in this case a sounding box)
A therapeutic practice for some
To be who they really are
Without the judgmental point of views
Or negative stares

I though about this topic a long time ago actually
When I told me friend that to get more views on my blog I should commercialize it
And to do that I shall blog more on "everyday", "readable" issues
Rather than just talking about God and spiritual stuff all the time
It's been months now or even up to half a year
And right here penning my thoughts down
I doubt that would be a good idea

I can blog about food and events I go to
Which I really do sometimes
But my hearts desire is to see people being exposed to the things of God
His Grace, Mercy and Power
The series of very fortunate events He's unfolding in my life
He is a huge part of me
Actually He's everything to me
So how can I leave Him out of my blog
If what I blog about concerns my life?

And so like how many bloggers rant on about how life treats them
Or how unfair it is to be in this sad world
Or how they have nursed a broken hurt from a loved one
Get over a family member's death
Buried a pet kitten in their backyard
Thrive through the ups and downs of this roller coaster we call life
 I will continue to blog about my God.

So my dream of earning lots of cash
And becoming a famous blogger
Or getting thousands of hits per day
Can go out the window

But the real reason of why I blog can be cemented and substantiated
On the fact that that is truly why I blog from the beginning
Silver Lining
That subtle ray of sunlight
Coming out from behind a cloud after a thunderstorm or rainy day
That consoling aspect of a difficult situation
The gift of hope that our Father gives

So its that simple.
If I want to get to know more about a friend or pop star
I'll just read their blog
When I grow up I'll read my kids
For I want to know whats going on in their heads
And what happens behind the scenes
If my mom is so worried about my future partner
(which I think she is)
I'll just ask her to read his blog
(If he has one, that is)
Of course it's not that simple
Cos how many percent of a blog can you actually believe in?

But hey
When the emotions rise and situations concur
Many people race to their blogs to let it all out
Stopping themselves from a physical turmoil
They release themselves as they type it out
You can envision it right now
Some laughing as they remember a funny event
Some crying over a conflict or pain they encountered
Some writing down memories to seal them in time capsules
Some just penning down their hope and dreams for their future
And the list can be as long as it goes
All this with their hands on a keyboard
And eyes hooked onto the screen

As for me
I'll continue to blog the way I blog
Focusing on His thoughts and plans for me
I do it for self reflection
Also for therapy
My free space with no restrictions
There will  be ups
There will be downs
For I won't be real if they were all good
But hey, remember the silverlining?
I'll use it to communicate what I cant convey in words
And keep God in the centre of all of it for
Blog Defines....




So how bout yours? :)


Friday, January 13, 2012

Somewhere I belong

Sometimes we take for granted the beauty of where we live in.


Even as I sit hear eating my last lunch in the hostel's canteen
Somehow something inside of me starts forming
A feeling I can't put my finger on
Knowing that I won't be staying here for long


It's not the food I know
Even though it'll be the last time they're selling
Some say it's cos of food poisoning
But to me the food has never been that great


But how can it be
For going home I'm excited as could be
The mixed feelings entangled in me
Making it unclear for me to see


And then a thought comes in
Something straight from the heart of God
"This is where you belong now"
A place I am placed where God wants to save


How the "Big Bang theory"
Or how circumstances takes place
Making me cross paths with the people here
Amazes me more and more each day


Somehow I know that my few years here
Is what I can take even if it feels way more than that
Hostel and college carries countless of Divine memories
Defining and Amazing, changing my course of life


I don't know where the future will take me
Or who'll I marry
But deep down I'm sure off
The place which God have placed me


For it's right here and right now
A temporal staying which launches me into eternity
Destined for an indescribable destiny
I know that this "not-as-cool-as-other" hostels is truly
Somewhere I belong.....




With a beautiful surrounding and great friends, what more should we ask for?


A place where we can just be our funny-little-selves!

We love where we're at! Our beloved Hostel!!!!

Feeling the Untouchable

As I'm here thinking of You
I wish I can touch You
To just reach out my hand and grasp the fullness of You
To feel You on my skin
And know that You're here
Right before me

And when I try
All I touch is nothingness
Not even the air hold weight which I can withhold
I feel nothing in front of me
Just the road ahead, endless, mysterious
The feeling  of unknown right before me

I think of the times when I look at the sky
And instead of seeing millions of stars
I see a slight twinkle here and there
Not allowing the confusion of stars and satellites to haunt me
I just close my eyes and believe
That even though I can't see
Their existence still live

And then I do the unthinkable
Instead of my hands, I use my heart
Hoping that with everything in me
It will reach out to Yours
As my heart touches Your heart
And Yours touch mine
Somehow I know things beyond me will start happening

I begin to feel Your love sweep all around me
The way You take my breath away in an instant
Knowing that I'm everything but alone
As I feel the touch of You
Not physical but more real
As our hearts align
The Being of who You are incepts in my mind

As my heart beholds Your beauty
Worries and fears go away
The knowledge of how much You love me
Suddenly makes the biggest mistakes okay
Knowing that You're here right beside me
Living on the inside of me
I just to have to say again
"God, You take my breath away"

This is the beauty of our relationship
Which defies the definition of religion
You call I answer and the same goes around
Something not many people have just yet
But with Faith I believe that someday
The world will get
To know its more that just physical reality
But a spiritual truth
Besides, facts are the lowest form of truth
And You are the Truth
And that is why I have no doubt in 
FEELING THE UNTOUCHABLE


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Humility

My Dearest Mommy

Yesterday was my mom's birthday
And I sincerely must say
That I am humbled by the fact 
That I was gifted with such a gem

She's worked hard and strong
Not letting the way of life define her
But allowing God's sole plan
To go before her

In my twenty years of life on earth
I have learned so much from her
Her tenacity and subtle steadiness
Making her a pillar of much worth

Her actions of grace speaks louder than words
Determination in getting things done
Especially concerning the things of God
Has taught me to live my life for Him

She's different in a way
Making sure we put God in front of everything
Protecting our Sabbaths
Concerned about our spirituality

She made me stay a year back before entering college
To make sure in faith I'm not shaken
And on the word I shall be rooted
Keeping my self in God truly grounded

And now my sister is doing the same
I hope she realizes that free time with mom
Is running out fast
As we enter college and the rest of our lives

My mom has taught me to persevere in prayer
For that's how she got me after 9 years of praying
That is like half my age!
How did she do that? 
Truly by His Grace

She speaks of inner strength in her wonderful being
To never ever compromise on what we believe in
She can be vocal at times
Standing up for the things of God
Allowing the fear of God to precede the fear of men

She once texted my sister and I
Struck by a sentence from a Christian magazine we both love
   'Holiness precedes power'
    "So true ya, what do you think?"
Caught us by random
Which received a questioning reply from my sis of
"You talking to me?" o.o LOL!

Works and toils throughout the night
Trying to make the best out of everything she can
Sometimes bringing negative attention
Questioning people
Doubting her capability

But she is never shaken
And this I shall learn from her
For she knows who she is in Christ
And prophecies given defends her outright
Putting back things to perspective making them align

My Dearest Mommy
Oh what would I do without you?
You have taught me in the things you say and don't
The way you walk so much of  your talk
Sometimes I think you need a break
I pray the Lord will continue to bless you
As you walk in His eternal destiny for you
For you have always been obedient
Although it was hard with two young daughters
I have learned so much from you
Although we may quarrel in small fights
Deep down I know we just come out more tight


The tears we shed together
The belly of laughter's released
The way you look forward to watching "7th Heaven"
And "Touched by an Angel"
How you make us sit down and make cookies together
Or how we share talks over meals or nothing
Catching up on lost time
Both knowing that we can never turn back time
But still holding on to whats is left to our rights of each other
I look forward to those times
And even distance can't separate us
As we talk for hours on our free line
Me filling you in on the unending happenings in college, life and church
And you telling me how work and everyone is doing back home


This mother-daughter thing we have here?
Is totally precious and priceless
Coming here and seeing the world
Now I understand that not a lot of people get to partake of this

Thank you Mommy
For being who you are
Just being yourself
And not allowing anyone to dictate who you are
Teaching me integrity and dignity
All with LOVE, FAITH and purity
Making sure I'm in the hands of God
And getting all excited with what He's doing in my life
Besides the greatest gift of life you gave me
The greatest gift was when you surrendered my life into the hands of God
Devoting me and Deb to our Father in Heaven

Mommy
You have taught me some priceless lessons
I can learn no where else but from you
I don't how can I ever repay you
But just to say thank you
Of course I'm gonna treat you!
Can't wait to see you!
And I thank our Dear Lord for you
I sure hope it's not too late to say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
 to you!!!!

My Mama and Me!

PS: If this day did not exist, there would be no you. And if there was no you, there would be no me. Therefore in this I'm truly grateful. I LOVE YOU!

Temporal Hits

10 days after a new year and I get hit
Not the way where good sense is knocked into you
Nor the way you see blur lines and stars over your head
But a hit straight into the heart
Forced to bear the heaviness that don't linger but stay

So many things are happening and escalating
And even without a chance to say "breathe"
You feel the full force of events at once released
Not really suffocating you, for they're all good
But I'm still an emotional being coping with the moods

Last night was just awesome
God as a wild fire
Intense, unpredictable and untamed
Throwing me off tangent (almost literally)
Yet giving us clear directions in proper ascending

And then an overflow of yesterday's outpouring
Into my bedtime and up to wake time
I don't know what to conclude of it
But I won't sing lies as the lyrics go
"Mold me, Refine me, Use me for Your plans"

Not prepared for the exam
Yet I went it not knowing what to expect
A whole question left me in wondering
What on earth was I thinking
It's not an 'A' now but a pass that I'm hoping

Never felt it this bad in my entire college life
It's a bit over a year and a half
Managed to maintain my CGPA (which surprises me)
All up til now
To still hold that rate, I don't know how

Thought I could suppress the pain I feel inside
Of unbelief, regret and disappointment
In no one else but myself
Why didn't I study harder
I am the one to blame

Then I try rethinking, reanalyzing and secretly hoping
That it is all a dream and that time could turn back
To when I still had the time to study hard
To cover all my notes, lectures and books
To be a good student and do what I do

But no point reliving what is undone
You can't turn back the hand of time
The hurt you keep inflicting upon yourself
Does no good but only harm
Why the self-deprecation, when all it does is kills...

As I let out my discontent by going to the movies
Hoping that seeing "Jack & Jill" could make me laugh
To laugh my worries away at a funny comedy
Even behind those laughter, deep down I know
That the pain inside, still resides

Then I realize that this is only a temporal hit
Something the devil does cos he exist
Seeing how I'm entering the destiny God has for me
Making him jealous with full of deceit
Trying to get me, as so it may seem

Because so many things have been happening
The evil one can manipulate my mind
Making me think that I have messed up priorities
Nurturing a start of a chain of negative thoughts
Belittling me, hoping me weak

That I would blame it on God
Blame it on circumstances
Blame it on myself
Which he almost succeeded
But now I know his underlying motives

I caught myself thinking
That there's no need of self-torturing
Cos then to the devil I'm aiding
And of that I shall have no part in
For I'm a daughter of the King

This is only a temporal hit
One that makes me stand up right after I fall
For God's got my back
And He'll catch me when I fall
Just like how He did so quickly today

Let out my emotions
But not with anger and frustration to Him
Just soft words telling
And tears that were flowing
For I have passed the phase of questioning

And I feel Him and hear Him
Through the wind that blows at the right times
And the skies that paints of His creativity
Hearing Him tell me everything is okay
And that there are more to life then just grades

And then I have dinner with 2 friends for the first time
And I see open doors and hearts availed to God
From a few minutes it turn into hours
And deep down I know God is working again
In me and through me

Prayer group went very very well too
Not having the time to prepare cos of my last minute talk
I already knew what God wanted shared
To be bold and reverent in His presence
Not treating Grace lightly yet humbled and in awe

And right now I stand amaze at the swift hand of God
Which moves so quick not allowing me to soak in my despair
That when I get hit, with a proper reflex
I can come out of it just as quickly
And go on to do the things which God has entrusted in me

Temporal hits may come more frequently these days
But in this I shall not be afraid
For His rod and His staff
They shall comfort me
And He will never ever leave my side

The more hits that come
The more I shall get back stronger and tougher
Knowing that He who is in me
Is greater than he who is of the world
And with that and my identity intact
I know I'll be fine

So come and get me with your sly tricks
For you are actually nothing but a toothless lion
Trying to get me but with no avail
Cos my Daddy King, He always prevails
And in Him I'll entrust the safety of my life

Temporal hits
Are nothing but temporal
So right now I'll focus on what is eternal
That's souls and compassion for the lost
Knowing that Jesus is the answer for the world today
I'd rather be occupied by Kingdom issues
Than small petty stuff like crying over bad grades (lol!)
Cos I know who I am in Christ
And that truth and love is eternal

And so when you get hit down too
Whether its like a tow-truck kinda hit
Or a slight knock of the wind
Know that God's right there to catch you when you fall
He's got your back no matter what you think
Anyway, though the pain is there
It can be only temporal
If you choose it to be
Remember, it's all in the mind
A battlefield that's so define
It may lead you to utter defeat
Or a glorious, triumphant victory

Look to Him
And learn from Him
The way He attacks situations
With the slight of His hand
With not much effort needed
He'll take that hit for you
The pain will subside
But His love imprinted will remain
For he took so many hits, punches and kicks
All from the source of bitterness
So that we don't have to endure them no more

After all
What is God's all consuming fire and power
Love so amazing we could never define
Compared to this temporal hit
Whose power is nothing but temporal
Our God is greater
So don't mind when the temporal hits come....

See, temporal hits don't stay long.