Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Temporal Hits

10 days after a new year and I get hit
Not the way where good sense is knocked into you
Nor the way you see blur lines and stars over your head
But a hit straight into the heart
Forced to bear the heaviness that don't linger but stay

So many things are happening and escalating
And even without a chance to say "breathe"
You feel the full force of events at once released
Not really suffocating you, for they're all good
But I'm still an emotional being coping with the moods

Last night was just awesome
God as a wild fire
Intense, unpredictable and untamed
Throwing me off tangent (almost literally)
Yet giving us clear directions in proper ascending

And then an overflow of yesterday's outpouring
Into my bedtime and up to wake time
I don't know what to conclude of it
But I won't sing lies as the lyrics go
"Mold me, Refine me, Use me for Your plans"

Not prepared for the exam
Yet I went it not knowing what to expect
A whole question left me in wondering
What on earth was I thinking
It's not an 'A' now but a pass that I'm hoping

Never felt it this bad in my entire college life
It's a bit over a year and a half
Managed to maintain my CGPA (which surprises me)
All up til now
To still hold that rate, I don't know how

Thought I could suppress the pain I feel inside
Of unbelief, regret and disappointment
In no one else but myself
Why didn't I study harder
I am the one to blame

Then I try rethinking, reanalyzing and secretly hoping
That it is all a dream and that time could turn back
To when I still had the time to study hard
To cover all my notes, lectures and books
To be a good student and do what I do

But no point reliving what is undone
You can't turn back the hand of time
The hurt you keep inflicting upon yourself
Does no good but only harm
Why the self-deprecation, when all it does is kills...

As I let out my discontent by going to the movies
Hoping that seeing "Jack & Jill" could make me laugh
To laugh my worries away at a funny comedy
Even behind those laughter, deep down I know
That the pain inside, still resides

Then I realize that this is only a temporal hit
Something the devil does cos he exist
Seeing how I'm entering the destiny God has for me
Making him jealous with full of deceit
Trying to get me, as so it may seem

Because so many things have been happening
The evil one can manipulate my mind
Making me think that I have messed up priorities
Nurturing a start of a chain of negative thoughts
Belittling me, hoping me weak

That I would blame it on God
Blame it on circumstances
Blame it on myself
Which he almost succeeded
But now I know his underlying motives

I caught myself thinking
That there's no need of self-torturing
Cos then to the devil I'm aiding
And of that I shall have no part in
For I'm a daughter of the King

This is only a temporal hit
One that makes me stand up right after I fall
For God's got my back
And He'll catch me when I fall
Just like how He did so quickly today

Let out my emotions
But not with anger and frustration to Him
Just soft words telling
And tears that were flowing
For I have passed the phase of questioning

And I feel Him and hear Him
Through the wind that blows at the right times
And the skies that paints of His creativity
Hearing Him tell me everything is okay
And that there are more to life then just grades

And then I have dinner with 2 friends for the first time
And I see open doors and hearts availed to God
From a few minutes it turn into hours
And deep down I know God is working again
In me and through me

Prayer group went very very well too
Not having the time to prepare cos of my last minute talk
I already knew what God wanted shared
To be bold and reverent in His presence
Not treating Grace lightly yet humbled and in awe

And right now I stand amaze at the swift hand of God
Which moves so quick not allowing me to soak in my despair
That when I get hit, with a proper reflex
I can come out of it just as quickly
And go on to do the things which God has entrusted in me

Temporal hits may come more frequently these days
But in this I shall not be afraid
For His rod and His staff
They shall comfort me
And He will never ever leave my side

The more hits that come
The more I shall get back stronger and tougher
Knowing that He who is in me
Is greater than he who is of the world
And with that and my identity intact
I know I'll be fine

So come and get me with your sly tricks
For you are actually nothing but a toothless lion
Trying to get me but with no avail
Cos my Daddy King, He always prevails
And in Him I'll entrust the safety of my life

Temporal hits
Are nothing but temporal
So right now I'll focus on what is eternal
That's souls and compassion for the lost
Knowing that Jesus is the answer for the world today
I'd rather be occupied by Kingdom issues
Than small petty stuff like crying over bad grades (lol!)
Cos I know who I am in Christ
And that truth and love is eternal

And so when you get hit down too
Whether its like a tow-truck kinda hit
Or a slight knock of the wind
Know that God's right there to catch you when you fall
He's got your back no matter what you think
Anyway, though the pain is there
It can be only temporal
If you choose it to be
Remember, it's all in the mind
A battlefield that's so define
It may lead you to utter defeat
Or a glorious, triumphant victory

Look to Him
And learn from Him
The way He attacks situations
With the slight of His hand
With not much effort needed
He'll take that hit for you
The pain will subside
But His love imprinted will remain
For he took so many hits, punches and kicks
All from the source of bitterness
So that we don't have to endure them no more

After all
What is God's all consuming fire and power
Love so amazing we could never define
Compared to this temporal hit
Whose power is nothing but temporal
Our God is greater
So don't mind when the temporal hits come....

See, temporal hits don't stay long.

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