There are days where I find myself overflowed with gratitude for being born into a Christian family. Other days not so... And this is one of those days. Sometimes I wished I had a previous "gangster-life" or one filled with parties, clubs, dances and getting wasted. Where I lived life in the carefree fast lane until God met me in my darkest and BAM!!!! I become radically transformed!!! But no, this script was never part of my play and no, my life's story would never be a best-seller or one that will keep you transfixed on...(or maybe it would?).
Anyways, it wasn't a great start of the day for me today so here I am unraveling my heart out before I officially start ticking off my to-do list. You see, I've been thinking that sometimes as Christians, we hide behind our religiosity and "niceness" that we don't get the upper hand on situations and circumstances, allowing them to be blown out of proportion and getting out of control. We compare ourselves to other families, their spirituality, their level of communication, unity and sanctity.
I was told today that none of my household members were saints. Not any one of us. That, after sharing a message last week to 30 youth about how we were brought out of sinful nature to be Saints through Christ Jesus. And most of us in this household are either prayer warriors, preachers or worship leaders. So what went wrong? Are we really that far from being who we are supposed to be or was that comment just a momentary lapse of judgement? One that came out of tainted glasses and a shame-based perspective? A shout out into the abyss in the form of criticism but undeniably and utter cry for help? A self-projection of our own weaknesses onto others?
We hide under all these religiousness maybe because that's all the vocabulary we've ever known. Growing up with a strict background, if it's not God then it's the devil. Just one or the other, without space to objectify, room to process or learn and grow. We give blanketed answers, quote standard typical verses, thinking that these are the solution when they're actually not. The only answer I know is JESUS and He's not stagnant but dynamic, ever moving and ever showing grace, ever so merciful and understanding, responding to different situations differently.
We don't realize that we're empowering the devil every time we mention it in the midst of discrepancies we face. "It's the spirit behind her", "He's being used by the devil and he doesn't even know it".. Yes, I understand that there are spiritual powers, forces and principalities trying their hardest to come against us and cause disunity. But what about unique characteristics and different temperaments? If we wanted to point a finger, why not blame human nature? God made us all diverse to prove that there can still be a form of connection and mutuality despite the odds. That we're all different but the same, that at the core of our being lies the One who knows it all and has it all under control.
Typical Christians are very good "runners". We run away from problems, relationships, churches, community, jobs, towns in hope to find some place better never realizing that we should and could well be the "better" for our present surrounding. Instead of sinking with the environment, maybe we could make a stand to make a change. To lift the atmosphere we're in with the presence of the Holy Spirit abiding in us. We are powerful, if only we know it.
So I just hope and pray that Christians who are decades old will stop succumbing and conforming to subtle religious notions while radical game changers will not be shunned when they have something to say. We need each other and will never end well without any either. We need to run this race guilt-free with our heads held high, knowing that He who created me will complete the work in me until the day of Jesus Christ.
Understanding who we are in Christ and embracing our identities as Sons and Daughters of the Most High is the key. A key that too many Christians lack today. So let's start with ourselves. When problems, difficulties or even the enemy comes in the form of petty household issues or through the faces of our loved ones, let's fight alongside each other, together against the enemy and not the other way around. Let's stand strong to fight and not flight, for greater is He that is in me than he who is of the world... So there's really nothing to fear.
It's time we break down these walls, let our guards down and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in the midst of family. To make room for honesty and reconciliation. To be that safe place for others to find refuge in. To be the solace when they're in need of someone to confide. It's through understanding our weaknesses first that we're able to elevate on our strengths. Besides, you never really know what you're fighting until you really zoom into the opponent and hold it by it's horns. No point swinging our swords in thin air with the enemy sitting by the bench with it's popcorn, laughing at us. It wins with religiosity, but we win with relationship. So let's start coming out of our unhelpful shelters and start being victorious lights... And that could only happen when we stop hiding behind religion....
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Into the Deep
Every day we are thrown into an abyss of busyness
Jam-packed schedules without room to breathe
Responsibilities and duties lining up mercilessly
We forget or rather neglect
To take a step back and breathe
To breathe in the beauty all around us and within
To look into deep the wonders of creation
To see beyond the surface
Beneath the layers
The tiniest of details that seems the most significant
When we look closer and
Into the deep...
 |
| Photo Credit: weknowyourdreams.com |
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Stepping into Love
Love today has been dully misrepresented
Not only by media and society
But also by the church, sadly
Purity in the form of a white sheet
Disdain upon with ugly colors of our own perception
Growing up in church
With the backdrop of an Asian culture
Young people are more so commanded in "yes" and "no's"
Rather than be informed and empowered to make their own choices
Slowly allowing the ideals of others to form their life's decisions
We are told not to date, not to drink, not to hang with the wrong crowd
Seems legit at the start, the convenient answer, the easy way out
But what happens when we step into society
The real world without boundaries
When we meet the right person, are offered drinks or attracting the lost
What then do we do?
Still evade these obstacles in this life game we play?
Wait for clue cards or keywords to figure it out?
Hoping and praying that as saints we'll still stay in our bubble?
The bubble we created, disengaging us from real society
I've had strong Christian friends
Dear ones who say it was hard for them to "step into love"
When the time really came
When they were of age to find a partner
Instead what crept in was confusion and fear
Is this the love that I've been seeking?
The person I'll share my destiny with?
What does romantic love feel like?
What does it look like?
...... and so what now?
Taking the next step seems more than just a risk
We always hear that "love is risk"
You put yourself out there
Give all you have into the relationship
And hope deep down that the opposite will do the same
But what if I didn't want my love to be such a gamble?
What if I wanted a constant and steadfast love?
So pure that it stands strong in a rushing flood
Through the motions of an ungodly culture
Letting the waters pass but not be stained
Yes, love is not an easy choice
But it's a choice worth taking
That "yes" to that special someone
Trusting them with your life
Changing your future, your destiny into all of eternity
When I meet my lover
I don't wanna be a skeptic in doubt
Whether he truly loves me or not
For I trust in my Father and my feelings
For He is creator of the latter and my partner
I want to feel so vulnerable yet so secured
To breathe deep yet be breathless at times
To be surprised at the tiniest of details
And not too overwhelmed of the mess we may make of ourselves
To live, love, laugh and cry... To just be human.
I wanna live a life where we're living at the "edge of our seats"
An exhilarating roller coaster-ride
Twist and turns of the unknown
Hard downward spirals or no way but up
Ups and downs with a hand to hold
But all these cannot happen
If I don't step into love
When the door is open and I am ready
With courage, bravery and all of my might
I have to and will step in
To say the powerful three words at the right time
To not say anything but just be a comforting presence
To dance in the car headlights
Or kiss in the rain
To be more than what we see on movie screens
To feel the wonders of love
The rawness and intensity that comes with it
The passion, the effects and all of the feels
That just a glimpse of him
Will remind me of The One who created him
I can't wait for this chapter of my life to unfold
A page turner each and everyday
Taking your breathe away
Walking together in faith, hope and love
With Christ in the center it'll be like heaven on earth
So I do hope that you'll "step into your love"
When you meet the right person
At the right time
We're all in this together
You're never alone
Don't let past guilt intoxicate you
But step into it with wonder and freedom
Sometimes it's not what others think
But it boils down to the both of you
And ultimately God
For now breathe in and bask in your own beauty
Pursue integrity and purity
With determination to be the right person for the other
And you never know when you'll meet one so significant
It could very well be tomorrow
I'll pray for you and so can you for me
That we'll walk into godly relationships
So beautiful it stands out in this dark world
Leading others to a path of righteousness
Steadfast, pure and everlasting
Can't wait to see a generation
Who will revolutionize the love game
Making it tangible, more than just physical
And all these could happen if we with boldness and courage
Start "stepping into love"......
Not only by media and society
But also by the church, sadly
Purity in the form of a white sheet
Disdain upon with ugly colors of our own perception
Growing up in church
With the backdrop of an Asian culture
Young people are more so commanded in "yes" and "no's"
Rather than be informed and empowered to make their own choices
Slowly allowing the ideals of others to form their life's decisions
We are told not to date, not to drink, not to hang with the wrong crowd
Seems legit at the start, the convenient answer, the easy way out
But what happens when we step into society
The real world without boundaries
When we meet the right person, are offered drinks or attracting the lost
What then do we do?
Still evade these obstacles in this life game we play?
Wait for clue cards or keywords to figure it out?
Hoping and praying that as saints we'll still stay in our bubble?
The bubble we created, disengaging us from real society
I've had strong Christian friends
Dear ones who say it was hard for them to "step into love"
When the time really came
When they were of age to find a partner
Instead what crept in was confusion and fear
Is this the love that I've been seeking?
The person I'll share my destiny with?
What does romantic love feel like?
What does it look like?
...... and so what now?
Taking the next step seems more than just a risk
We always hear that "love is risk"
You put yourself out there
Give all you have into the relationship
And hope deep down that the opposite will do the same
But what if I didn't want my love to be such a gamble?
What if I wanted a constant and steadfast love?
So pure that it stands strong in a rushing flood
Through the motions of an ungodly culture
Letting the waters pass but not be stained
Yes, love is not an easy choice
But it's a choice worth taking
That "yes" to that special someone
Trusting them with your life
Changing your future, your destiny into all of eternity
When I meet my lover
I don't wanna be a skeptic in doubt
Whether he truly loves me or not
For I trust in my Father and my feelings
For He is creator of the latter and my partner
I want to feel so vulnerable yet so secured
To breathe deep yet be breathless at times
To be surprised at the tiniest of details
And not too overwhelmed of the mess we may make of ourselves
To live, love, laugh and cry... To just be human.
I wanna live a life where we're living at the "edge of our seats"
An exhilarating roller coaster-ride
Twist and turns of the unknown
Hard downward spirals or no way but up
Ups and downs with a hand to hold
But all these cannot happen
If I don't step into love
When the door is open and I am ready
With courage, bravery and all of my might
I have to and will step in
To say the powerful three words at the right time
To not say anything but just be a comforting presence
To dance in the car headlights
Or kiss in the rain
To be more than what we see on movie screens
To feel the wonders of love
The rawness and intensity that comes with it
The passion, the effects and all of the feels
That just a glimpse of him
Will remind me of The One who created him
I can't wait for this chapter of my life to unfold
A page turner each and everyday
Taking your breathe away
Walking together in faith, hope and love
With Christ in the center it'll be like heaven on earth
So I do hope that you'll "step into your love"
When you meet the right person
At the right time
We're all in this together
You're never alone
Don't let past guilt intoxicate you
But step into it with wonder and freedom
Sometimes it's not what others think
But it boils down to the both of you
And ultimately God
For now breathe in and bask in your own beauty
Pursue integrity and purity
With determination to be the right person for the other
And you never know when you'll meet one so significant
It could very well be tomorrow
I'll pray for you and so can you for me
That we'll walk into godly relationships
So beautiful it stands out in this dark world
Leading others to a path of righteousness
Steadfast, pure and everlasting
Can't wait to see a generation
Who will revolutionize the love game
Making it tangible, more than just physical
And all these could happen if we with boldness and courage
Start "stepping into love"......
 |
| Photo credit: peacitimi.com |
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Wonder
There I was sitting in a Hong Kong apartment
Holding onto a pretty poodle named Crystal
Mindlessly wishing for a dog of my own
When? How?
After I get married, settled down with a home of my own?
That's like a gazillion years away...!
Back at work, my eyes accidentally glanced over
A cute black and white puppy fills my friend's Instagram
Bewildered me asked who it belongs to
She asked whether I wanted one
What?!? My subconscious prayers answered so soon!
And for FREEEEE?
Long story short plus a huge mix of emotions
She finally arrived
Tired after a 7-hour-long drive
She just laid there all tired
With me not believing what was unfolding
Ever gotten that feeling where you wanted something so bad
It just seems like a childish dream
Where it'll only come to pass when you shut your eyes
With your head in the clouds
Begging to never come back down?
With Wonder before me, it felt like that.
Yup! I named my first dog Wonder
And she's more than I ever dreamed of
You see, my family love pets but disallow them
Due to the preconceived ideas of the hassle they bring
The noise they may make
Or the mess they leave behind
Thus, having a dog of my own never crossed my radar
Until Wonder came along
...and boy was I unprepared of the "wonder" she'll bring.
Taking care and training a dog isn't easy at all
So glad my sis is back to help me with Wonder
But the rewards are nothing compared to the price paid
Priceless- because you could never repeat a trick the same way
Or have her sit in your arms the same
We try to bring her everywhere we go wherever dogs are allowed
And she draws way more attention than even my blond streak
Strangers will ask her name, her age
Her breed (which up till this day we're still unsure of)
And comment on her cuteness and pretty fur
We think she's a mixed Collie
And Collie's are smart!
She's only 9 months old
But has already about four tricks down her fur
But being smart has its fair bit of challenge though
Like the way she pushes her boundaries deeper into our living room
Where she isn't allowed
Or the way desperation for a doggy treat takes over
And she does all three tricks at once
Before we even give her the command
And talk about dog heat!
Having to wipe every blood stain left
All cos she doesn't want her pampers on
Needless to say
She has brought much joy in our lives
Both for the lovers and haters
(Well, there weren't exactly haters, just super strong skeptics)
Bringing us closer
Making us selfless
Dogs have needs and I can't help but realize
That I'm getting less stuff for myself and more stuff for her
In the morning, she could most probably be the first topic uttered
And at night, she's that one extra being I say "goodnight" to
There are so so many things I love about her
The way she wags her tail when you come home from work
The way she pounces on you and cover your face in wet sloppy licks
Or even the way she licks you longer than usual depending on what you just ate
If it's tasty, milky or anything sweet, yeap!
You're in for a slob that's longer than usual
The way she makes a quick U-turn like she never even came in
Upon your shout that she's not allowed in certain areas
Or how she lays her paw on you just to be near
Or sits by you for assurance
The way she stood up for me and my sis
When stray dogs were barking at us
You could tell that she was afraid with her tail hung low
But she placed us before her
Making her my "WONDER-GIRL"!!!
I can go on and on and on and on
On the wonders she brings
And do expect more posts about her
Because she causes that childlike wonder in me
To continue growing without borders
She's so wonderful she was initially featured more
On my friend's Instagram than me
My friends love and adore her
Some are already waiting for puppies
So thank you Wonder
For all the wonder you bring
The increased joy and decreased stress
The many laughs and the funny moments
I thank God for answering my prayer- you.
Never thought that my dream would come true
But you came and everything seemed new
You awakened the childlike wonder in me
Helping me see the world through you
Oh how wishful thinking's' could turn so Wonder-full ......
Holding onto a pretty poodle named Crystal
Mindlessly wishing for a dog of my own
When? How?
After I get married, settled down with a home of my own?
That's like a gazillion years away...!
Back at work, my eyes accidentally glanced over
A cute black and white puppy fills my friend's Instagram
Bewildered me asked who it belongs to
She asked whether I wanted one
What?!? My subconscious prayers answered so soon!
And for FREEEEE?
Long story short plus a huge mix of emotions
She finally arrived
Tired after a 7-hour-long drive
She just laid there all tired
With me not believing what was unfolding
Ever gotten that feeling where you wanted something so bad
It just seems like a childish dream
Where it'll only come to pass when you shut your eyes
With your head in the clouds
Begging to never come back down?
With Wonder before me, it felt like that.
Yup! I named my first dog Wonder
And she's more than I ever dreamed of
You see, my family love pets but disallow them
Due to the preconceived ideas of the hassle they bring
The noise they may make
Or the mess they leave behind
Thus, having a dog of my own never crossed my radar
Until Wonder came along
...and boy was I unprepared of the "wonder" she'll bring.
Taking care and training a dog isn't easy at all
So glad my sis is back to help me with Wonder
But the rewards are nothing compared to the price paid
Priceless- because you could never repeat a trick the same way
Or have her sit in your arms the same
We try to bring her everywhere we go wherever dogs are allowed
And she draws way more attention than even my blond streak
Strangers will ask her name, her age
Her breed (which up till this day we're still unsure of)
And comment on her cuteness and pretty fur
We think she's a mixed Collie
And Collie's are smart!
She's only 9 months old
But has already about four tricks down her fur
But being smart has its fair bit of challenge though
Like the way she pushes her boundaries deeper into our living room
Where she isn't allowed
Or the way desperation for a doggy treat takes over
And she does all three tricks at once
Before we even give her the command
And talk about dog heat!
Having to wipe every blood stain left
All cos she doesn't want her pampers on
Needless to say
She has brought much joy in our lives
Both for the lovers and haters
(Well, there weren't exactly haters, just super strong skeptics)
Bringing us closer
Making us selfless
Dogs have needs and I can't help but realize
That I'm getting less stuff for myself and more stuff for her
In the morning, she could most probably be the first topic uttered
And at night, she's that one extra being I say "goodnight" to
There are so so many things I love about her
The way she wags her tail when you come home from work
The way she pounces on you and cover your face in wet sloppy licks
Or even the way she licks you longer than usual depending on what you just ate
If it's tasty, milky or anything sweet, yeap!
You're in for a slob that's longer than usual
The way she makes a quick U-turn like she never even came in
Upon your shout that she's not allowed in certain areas
Or how she lays her paw on you just to be near
Or sits by you for assurance
The way she stood up for me and my sis
When stray dogs were barking at us
You could tell that she was afraid with her tail hung low
But she placed us before her
Making her my "WONDER-GIRL"!!!
I can go on and on and on and on
On the wonders she brings
And do expect more posts about her
Because she causes that childlike wonder in me
To continue growing without borders
She's so wonderful she was initially featured more
On my friend's Instagram than me
My friends love and adore her
Some are already waiting for puppies
So thank you Wonder
For all the wonder you bring
The increased joy and decreased stress
The many laughs and the funny moments
I thank God for answering my prayer- you.
Never thought that my dream would come true
But you came and everything seemed new
You awakened the childlike wonder in me
Helping me see the world through you
Oh how wishful thinking's' could turn so Wonder-full ......
 |
| Photo credits: breadboyshaun & Jean Lee. |
Monday, May 4, 2015
True Love
True love....
Sometimes so overrated but the true essence of it undermined.
We see "it" in movies
Hear "it" on the radio
Ever so often deduced to sexual intimacy
Or dangerous infatuation, running wild and free
True love....
My generation is deeply in lack of it
Choosing someone based on their looks
Status and exterior
Opting for a temporal bliss when internal beauty is the defining factor
Treating the "chosen" one more like a trophy rather than a partner
Such self fish greed we possess
The things we do in the name of "love"
True love....
In these last days is truly hard to find
Just watch Gone Girl and you'll rethink of marriage
50 Shades of Grey and your love life turns greyer
Manipulation, lies, violence and dominance
Is what dominates the current social culture
True love....
Unlike pain does not demand to be felt
It comes naturally, mysteriously, sometimes in the most unassuming ways
Between the least expected people
But that's the beauty of it
The surprise and adrenaline it brings
Just cos you never saw it coming
True love....
Stands the test of time
Knows no boundaries
And has no depth
The longer you spend with that person
The deeper in love you fall
Those precious moments waking up to beauty beside you, messy hair, bed head, no make up and all
True love....
Takes bravery, courage and vulnerability
The risk to be honest with someone
The need for transparency
With the added probability of being rejected
Yet you try and see whether it'll work
Because the greatest regret would be of not trying at all
True love....
Is what I hope to achieve
I haven't met mine yet
But I'm still waiting...
Patiently waiting
For God honours those who wait doesn't He?
And I've come to a point in my life where I know without a doubt that "Papa knows best"
And He knows what's best for me
He would never short change me
True love....
Something so pure, so rare, so extremely hard to find
But I still believe in it
I see it in the eyes of my favourite worship leaders and pastors
Through the genuity of my childhood friends parents
Old, wrinkled yet still so full and filled with the capacity to love
A love so subtly strong
It takes your breathe away
True love....
Is my ultimate life goal
Because when two become one
You'd go further and stronger
And plus the fact that you two would have many mini "you's"
Oh such bliss true love could bring
True love....
I have faith that I'll meet that guy
I'll choose to love him with all my heart
For it's just a foreshadow of when the True Groom meets His spotless Bride
Such glory it embodies
The power it holds
Purity, beauty and the bond that comes with staying holy
True love....
I'm hoping that "us" will happen soon
Cos I'm not that young anymore and the clocks ticking
So please God, help us "both" see when it's time to see
Despite the age gap, family background or cultural differences
Let our "yes" be decisions we both make
And that we'll choose to see our "yes" comes through till the end of days
True love....
Is evident and I'm sure of it
My "Happily Ever After" as we ride through eternity
Call it day dreaming or even wishful thinking
But I truly believe in it.
Because these three remain..
Faith, Hope & Love
But the greatest of these is LOVE..
And in that I rest my case.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Worship in Rest
Swimming in the abyss of uncertainty
I find myself striving
Not feeling Him beside me
Despite all the positive uttering
Trying hard to find emotional stability
Realizing it was not just a simple trigger
But rather a sleeping disorder
Who knew?
Then I flashback to my high school period
Not the many days but the "everydays"
I struggle to get out of bed
Snoozing the phone alarm, hoping for another 15 minutes
Or the times I sleep for more than 12 hours
Dreading to face another day
Secretly procrastinating
That I won't have to face another day of dissertation
But yet I finished and I conquered
Well not exactly until results are out
But hey! To me submitting it before the deadline
Is already a bonus in itself considering my "last-minutancy"
I try to get "fixed"
Inner healing they say
Let's dig deep
Into our being and into our past
The pass hurts and pass judgement
Weighing out the weight of my family background
The preconceived and rather unfair notion
"That men who don't respect women are no man at all"
My view of men...
God, help me
There's a reason for a Bride AND Groom
Please help me see
But as I either oversleep or not sleep at all
I realize that honoring God and the way He wired us helps
24 hours a day
8 for sleep. 8 for work. 8 for fun!
I just need to motivate myself to get into that cycle
Like how Kris Valloton quotes:
"I need a new perspective of life...Or maybe just a nap.."
But I'm not getting my much sleep or even naps!
This is a year of REST.
Literally, if we follow God's calendar.
From Joseph Prince to Cindy Jacobs
They're all saying or rather prophesying!
But how do I get it?
The bible says the only thing we need to strive towards
Is to rest
"Cool word play, God" but I don't quite get it
I need rest
I need sleep
Or my emotional tank will be almost empty
And I'll just end up or whiny and cranky
Not Good.
Thus, I'm writing this post
Or rather just rambling about
In the wee hours of the first quarter of the morning
Convincing myself that "writing" is also "worship"
Because I can't quite feel Him in my worship
Unlike times where I just play the guitar and soak in His presence
All I feel is a void of emptiness
Conveniently blaming it on the lack of sleep
But it's funny when you're in the height of stress
Pressured to meet deadlines and requirements
At the height of all the "doing" rather than "being"
I give credit to "not feeling"
This cos as I was pushing and pressing into His presence
The truth or rather another aspect (from His multidimensional truths)
Of worship came in
WORTH-SHIP...
We always use the word "praise and worship" in church
Yet through the depths of not feeling
I realized that this word has more meaning
More powerful than my careless use of it
"WORSHIP"
When we apply it to God
We think of songs sang and hands lifted
Or maybe a knelt-down posture
Yet when we (or rather I) apply it to other things
Such as secular music or a celebrity
The weight of it becomes heavier
In a very disturbing way
"Don't worship that artist"
"Don't worship your looks"
Suddenly the words takes on a heavier meaning
But kinda in the wrong way
We tend to gratify things deeper
When we view them from a negative extreme
I got it all wrong
Because worshiping God is way more than what is seen
It embodies the reason of creation
The meaning of real relationship
In olden days they may have worship ancient Kings
But today, I worship the King of Kings
Man, just that sound
"The King of Kings"
Brings worship to a whole new level
Like the sound of my keyboard "clicking"
Apart from the many songs we sing
This is also worship
Because I'm exalting my King
So I hope that my Dad receives this worship
And finds joy in the "sound of my typing"
Because in this season I feel Him closer when I'm writing
More so than when I'm "worshiping"...
He looks past the exterior
Even when I'm worship leading
Because when others see me as a worship leader
All He sees is His daughter in worship
And because He knows it all
I shall not be afraid
I shall stay in rest, even if I don't feel like it.
I find myself striving
Not feeling Him beside me
Despite all the positive uttering
Trying hard to find emotional stability
Realizing it was not just a simple trigger
But rather a sleeping disorder
Who knew?
Then I flashback to my high school period
Not the many days but the "everydays"
I struggle to get out of bed
Snoozing the phone alarm, hoping for another 15 minutes
Or the times I sleep for more than 12 hours
Dreading to face another day
Secretly procrastinating
That I won't have to face another day of dissertation
But yet I finished and I conquered
Well not exactly until results are out
But hey! To me submitting it before the deadline
Is already a bonus in itself considering my "last-minutancy"
I try to get "fixed"
Inner healing they say
Let's dig deep
Into our being and into our past
The pass hurts and pass judgement
Weighing out the weight of my family background
The preconceived and rather unfair notion
"That men who don't respect women are no man at all"
My view of men...
God, help me
There's a reason for a Bride AND Groom
Please help me see
But as I either oversleep or not sleep at all
I realize that honoring God and the way He wired us helps
24 hours a day
8 for sleep. 8 for work. 8 for fun!
I just need to motivate myself to get into that cycle
Like how Kris Valloton quotes:
"I need a new perspective of life...Or maybe just a nap.."
But I'm not getting my much sleep or even naps!
This is a year of REST.
Literally, if we follow God's calendar.
From Joseph Prince to Cindy Jacobs
They're all saying or rather prophesying!
But how do I get it?
The bible says the only thing we need to strive towards
Is to rest
"Cool word play, God" but I don't quite get it
I need rest
I need sleep
Or my emotional tank will be almost empty
And I'll just end up or whiny and cranky
Not Good.
Thus, I'm writing this post
Or rather just rambling about
In the wee hours of the first quarter of the morning
Convincing myself that "writing" is also "worship"
Because I can't quite feel Him in my worship
Unlike times where I just play the guitar and soak in His presence
All I feel is a void of emptiness
Conveniently blaming it on the lack of sleep
But it's funny when you're in the height of stress
Pressured to meet deadlines and requirements
At the height of all the "doing" rather than "being"
I give credit to "not feeling"
This cos as I was pushing and pressing into His presence
The truth or rather another aspect (from His multidimensional truths)
Of worship came in
WORTH-SHIP...
We always use the word "praise and worship" in church
Yet through the depths of not feeling
I realized that this word has more meaning
More powerful than my careless use of it
"WORSHIP"
When we apply it to God
We think of songs sang and hands lifted
Or maybe a knelt-down posture
Yet when we (or rather I) apply it to other things
Such as secular music or a celebrity
The weight of it becomes heavier
In a very disturbing way
"Don't worship that artist"
"Don't worship your looks"
Suddenly the words takes on a heavier meaning
But kinda in the wrong way
We tend to gratify things deeper
When we view them from a negative extreme
I got it all wrong
Because worshiping God is way more than what is seen
It embodies the reason of creation
The meaning of real relationship
In olden days they may have worship ancient Kings
But today, I worship the King of Kings
Man, just that sound
"The King of Kings"
Brings worship to a whole new level
Like the sound of my keyboard "clicking"
Apart from the many songs we sing
This is also worship
Because I'm exalting my King
So I hope that my Dad receives this worship
And finds joy in the "sound of my typing"
Because in this season I feel Him closer when I'm writing
More so than when I'm "worshiping"...
He looks past the exterior
Even when I'm worship leading
Because when others see me as a worship leader
All He sees is His daughter in worship
And because He knows it all
I shall not be afraid
I shall stay in rest, even if I don't feel like it.
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