TRUST

|| TRUST ||

It's almost the end of 2016, and as I reflect on life, the year and my journey, I realised that "trust" is what I lacked in the past year, and it's what I need more in the new year.

You see, I've always known that I needed to trust God for the unknown, the future the new adventures and relationships yet I feel that I can never trust enough. We have numerous worship songs on "trust", "walking on water" and "bravery", yet every time i sing it, it gives me just that momentary "5-seconds-of-courage" but after the song has ended and I go back to my daily routine, reality hits like a hard brick wall, and fears, doubts and insecurities mercilessly crawls back.

But two days back it was different. As a mentor of mine shared on prophetic words spoken for 2017, God was speaking. Deep in my heart and mind, I felt Him say, "You have always tried trusting me, but please know that I trust you too." And then it started to sink in. My gifts, talents, future and relationships are entrusted to me by God, for God. The very fact that God chose me to give these talents shows that God knows what He's doing and that He's got my back. Come what may, my circumstances, response and shortcomings does not fret God at all, not one bit. He chose me, and I Him, and that's the greatest partnership the world could ever behold.

So in the next year, I will trust and keep
trusting until I see His promises and prophetic words over me come into fruition. It can't be just trust and no action though. I'll do my part and trust that God will do His, because He's a God of His word and He never lies. So whether it's:

Starting a band
Writing new songs
Opening a business
Establishing partnerships
Pursuing studies (at whatever age)
Forging new friendships
Taking up a new hobby
Investing in new assets
Changing jobs
Falling in love (romantically)
Trying to get pregnant
Buying property
Getting A's on a test
Learning a new instrument
And the list goes on...

Believe that you've always had the faith to "walk on water", but now "trust" God that you won't sink. For if He has planted those desires, dreams, wishes, people and interests in your heart, He totally believes in you too. Trust that His plan for you will be the best "journey" you've ever travelled. For He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. So 2017, we're ready for you!!!!!

"And there will never be a day, You're uncertain of the ones you choose", Mercy by Amanda Cook.

❤️

Bogo Bras- Bras with a Difference

Why Bogo Bras

I've never once talked about products on my blog because I only blog about reflections, revelations and lessons learned or "stuff" on my heart itching to get out without needing face-to-face conversation due to the fear of being judged.... 

But lately, I have a burning passion inside of me. It started back in the summer of 2014 (UK time) when I was finishing my degree in Liverpool. I got exposed to the harsh world of human trafficking and I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted to be a part of a global movement to stop human trafficking.

Fast forward two years and I'm back in Malaysia,  even more exposed to this issue after God-given connections and researching on the subject. Malaysia is thought to be one of the countries with the highest population of trafficked victims yet we know nothing about it, because EVERYTHING is hidden. 

My heart is to start raising human trafficking awareness here in Malaysia because women are people and not commodities, designed to love and be loved and not to be used for sexual exploitation or overworked in factories without a minimum wage. 

So when Bogo Bras added me on Instagram, I was more than delighted to join the movement or buy a bra! Anything that will bring awareness and aid trafficked victims is totally my thing. And because I started going to the gym, I was in desperate lookout on a suitable sports bra, so talk about divine timing! 

Bogo Bras Mission 

The mission of Bogo Bras is to support rescued trafficked victims by helping them start their own business through "Support Entrepreneurship". For every bra purchased, one bra is donated to a woman coming out of sex trafficking to start their own business. 

With these donated bras, women will have business opportunities where it'll help enhance their communication skills, money management whilst handling inventory... New skill sets they can take to their new employers while job hunting or even when they learn to start their own businesses one day. 

With more than 45 million trafficked victims in the world today, Bogo Bras creates a safe work place for women to get back on their own feet with crucial support from fellow victims who understands what it feels like to be exploited. 

Trafficked victims usually do not have access to proper education, making it difficult for them to find jobs after being rescued, but Bogo Bras helps them through 3 simple steps:

1. Telling women they can own their own businesses.

2. There are alternative job opportunities.

3. Allowing women to support other women by purchasing a bra. 

I really really support this because after some research, I found out that big brands such as Nike has have had trafficked victims down their supply chain and therefore I'm more cautious in my purchasing these days. With Bogo Bras, not only am I not contributing to the use of human trafficking, but I'm making a statement to go against it and it's real liberating to see such brands come up with these stuff to empower women all over the world!! 

Visit them at bogobras.com for more info! @bogobras 

Heart on Fire

I wake up every morning and sleep every night
With you on my mind.

It's not that I "chose" you to think about
There's so much more that should occupy my mind
But it's you that my heart and mind keeps wandering to
Oh help me, God
This is so unreal.

We hearsay "to not awaken love before it's time"
But what if love is such a strong and fierce feeling
The more you try to control it,
The more it burns like wild fire,
Untamed and untouched.

And when is the right time?!?
Who has the right to tell us when or what we should do
The church painted this picture for me
No dating until 18
I get it...
But the moment the "right age" comes
We're confronted with problems on how to actually "feel"
How DO we fall in love?
Sadly but surely
Questions and guilt overtakes
At the slightest thought of what could be True Love.

I've never met anyone like you
4 years of college and no one
Not one guy has made me feel the way
You make me feel

Covered in goosebumps
Giddy at heart
Hoping that I could encapture the moments
In a time capsule before it's too late.
You open my eyes to wonder
The greatest possibilities of what "we" could be
A match made in Heaven which only God could foresee

You are intentional.
Determined.
Outspoken and obvious.
Scaring me that there could actually be "that" guy out there
Whose not afraid to love and be loved
Who wants what's best for the other half
And not walk around with another trophy wife

If it does happen and I pray it does
You'll be that dream I never dared dreamed of
Like wildfire fuelled by love
Your words and actions
Make lasting impacts on me
I can't wait for the day
Where I can openly say
My heart's on fire...
And it's because of you.

When the World Wants All of You

It's been a non-stop ride for me since flying to Hong Kong for a conference early March. It's only mid-March now yet I feel like months have passed already. I guess when we flow with the wind and seasons of God's timing, it's also easy to get swept away with all the busyness and duties that eventually consumes the whole of our being. I start to think that I'm entering a dangerous zone, a place real far from the "Secret Place" where it's just me and God. That desperate need for solitude to overcome the overpowering invasion of personal space and the tempting urge to "not-do-anything" for that "one single moment".

But how long will my "one single moment" last? How long will I need it to last in order for me to get back on track and re-prioritize my schedule and "to-do-lists"? We get easily consumed and distracted by things that are actually good, but what if these seemingly good things starts to get a hold of the whole of you? Or the whole of me for that matter. For instance, I woke up at 1.35pm today. Shocked and alarmed, I checked to see whether my time was moved forward (Candy Crush cheat), but no it wasn't. And that's when I realized that I'm not only late for work, I was behind time on my "driver's duties".

This brought me back to a time in college where I overslept, missing a whole lecture, waking up in the afternoon totally distraught with only one way to get back into rhythm, my lifeline of worship. And it was in that moment that I felt the tangible presence of God, His love enveloping me, making me sure I'm alright and reassuring me that it's not the end of the world.

Pondering on this flashback, I start to wonder while driving as fast as I can without getting into an accident. What if it always takes something drastic to happen in order for me to realign and re-prioritize my time with God? What if it takes a couple of "overslept" days for me to run with urgency into His secret place? How is all this happening when I'm still single and what will happen once I'm preoccupied with a family in the future?

As the questions started racing, like the tempo was meant to be in sync, so was my Whatsapp blasting. So many questions, new assignments, requests were filing in. I felt God say that those could wait, and for the first time in my life, I was so glad that we're not suppose to be using our phones while driving. An optimum excuse for my delayed response.

But the fact scared me.

Why is it only in my busyness that I'd try running after the presence of God? Why must something bad happen for me to experience His good? Why when the world wants all of me is when I want to give my all to God?

Is it escapism? A denial of reality? Or just heavenly bliss I need to see me through the storm.

As I grow older, naturally more duties and responsibilities are added. Justice issues, saving the lost, feeding the hungry, the needs are endless but my need for God outweighs all of these.

The need for rest, the need for God.

The need to just be still and know that He is Lord. Lord over my life, my situations, my circumstances and my relationships. Allowing that secret tear to fall, in an instance I feel a sense of relief, knowing that God's got my back and my job is to protect my understanding of that which only comes with spending time in the Secret Place.

Funny how it always takes a blunder for me to acknowledge God's power. An alarming situation for me to realize that without God I cannot accomplish anything. But for that I'm grateful. At least at the age of a quarter of a century, I got to be confronted with my pressing need for God and His presence. Hoping it will shape the way I live and look at life. Loving it despite the shortcomings, learning from discouragements and going from glory to glory to glory.

As years pass, people will expect more of me and from me. But that's when I will need the most of God. To be in His presence day in, day out. And to fiercely protect my precious time with Him in the secret place. God help me with this, I could never do it alone.

So I'm quite glad that I still received a silver lining despite my awfully bad day today.

That when the world wants all of me, I'll just surrender my all to God, knowing that He'll work things out for me... In His own place and time.

The Need for Grief

Feeling overwhelmed with a rush of duties

I control my feelings

The quickening of my heartbeat

Like a dam ready to burst forth

Emotions can go wild with no control

Something someone says

Or a comment made by another

Like a thumb on a gun's trigger

Ready to fire

All emotions will yield

I rush to the car before the tears flow

An expression of frustration, anger or sadness

But somehow this time it felt different

For it wasn't anguish that I felt

Just pure and utter relief

And as I begin to listen to the worship song in my car

I begin to realized that the process of grief is much needed

The well of emotion we have would never be complete 

Without the presence of sadness in it

Just like cute, blue "Sadness" in the movie

No point hiding or covering up

Letting it go brings such joy

An immeasurable pleasure

Of just being human

A beautiful state of art filled with mix emotions

A Pastor once told me that it's important to grief

Allowing oneself that process quickens the healing

Helping us stay in touch of our own emotions

And I've been through depression before

It's way better to cry than to try but can't at all

So in that moment of my drive home

I think of the people I'd love to confide in

A shoulder to cry one

But deep down I know it was not what I needed

For time alone sometimes are the most essential

So grieve

Whether you're a boy or girl

I wonder how guys can keep it all together

Imagine the un-shed tears they have

Deep down and pressed at the bottom of their emotional tank

I just grieved and I'm now happy

Back on my laptop and off to work

Like what happened didn't just happen

Surprised at my state of "ok" mind

I guess God created that emotion for a reason

Grief.

It's not a sign of defeat

But a necessary emotion

A moment worth enduring

Because in it it's truly redeeming...