You can have mine

Sitting under the Venice night sky
Cold breeze brushing my hair
Chills on my skin
And dress slowly flowing

I ponder on how blessed  I am
And the goodness of my Creator
He created me
He created this

Never have I thought I could spend the night here
Let alone come to Venice
Maybe in my dreams or during my honeymoon
As if the honeymoon isn't a dream too

I look up into the night sky
Down at the dark sea
Only a thin line of lights from St Marco Square
Stretched gently dividing the two

Naturally pondered about life
Although at crossroads I still have pleasure
To leave footprints across Europe
To see historical sights making today, today

Then thoughts of a friend come
Took his own life on a swing
Diagnosed a schizo
Still taken aback by what happened though

We're not too different in age
But why that decision he made?
I wonder and ponder
"This isn't the way" I utter

Questions formed as soon as I got to know
They still linger after answers are given
Why him, why now
People cared but it's still mysterious somehow

Maybe it's Venice that Shakespeare's on my mind
Life's brief candle
Out way too early
Wrong candle wrong move

I ask God in a questioning manner
Not waiting for the answer
Other thoughts seep in
Mystifying what is conveyed

Then I remember when I overheard a young boy
Ever so clearly in his childlike boyish tone
"You can have mine"
He genuinely offers through stretched out hands

They were all playing this elastic night lights
You catapult into the night sky
Better than fireflies because of their longevity
I remember my own and when I used to play it in hostel

All except this one boy
Because his father would not pay
He naturally whined
And that's when his friend offered

"You can have mine"
This four words stuck
Lingered in my mind
Bringing new meaning and not drifting aside

Sitting in this cold Venice wind
I soon began to realize
That God gave me His life
Cos He knew I wouldn't be satisfied with mine

The world's greatest story
The most significant mark in history
HIS-STORY
A beautiful exchange

And to just know that I'm in that story
A protagonist in this epic love story
The ever-knowing almighty being
Trade His life for mine

So don't be discouraged or angry or dismayed
With life, its flaws and the faults it brings
For someone far greater, pure and lovely
Traded his blessings for you and me

And don't be jealous that you're not here in Venice
You'll have your chance
Believe me you'll see
That dreams do come true cos He's a dream maker

But for now just envision anything you think Venice to be
For I heard Shakespeare did not go to every place he wrote about
It was knowledge and a whole world of imagination
Nothing we don't have, you and me....

And if you think that ain't enough
Think of what powers our Father in Heaven behold
You're His precious
So hear Him say

"You can have mine"...

Difficult Goodbyes

I don't remember any "goodbye" being this hard
Can't even reflect to when was my last goodbye
Packing has never been this hard
Parting this intolerable


The last was when I had to leave my friends in Alor Star
A small little town in Malaysia
That because I knew there was no more going back
And precious friendships formed will become tangible no more


But packing everything today
And sitting on my chair in an almost empty room
It dawned on me that this "really is it"
A whole chapter of my uni life coming to an end


And before me a broad horizon unseen vividly
Not knowing what my future holds
But knowing who holds my future
But ironically still having  anticipation, excitement and anxiety mixed altogether


But what amazes me is my attachment to this place
Like time here is not up yet
A lingering effect no one can tell
But your heart strives in seeking understanding


I know I've fallen in love with the people, culture and places here
The weather not so but the rest does more than just compensate
But what is it?
Why this emotion?


Maybe it's the not-so-typical extra long hugs
The whisper in my ear of gratitude for knowing me
"I'm glad to have known people with joy like you
I'm not there yet, but I'll be in understanding His love for us"


The not so appropriate messages of thankfulness for real random prayers
Because they do it right before you're leaving
Making it harder to leave
And all the more easier to break down and cry


It's soo hard.
It really is.
And this morning on my last day in Liverpool
I laid myself down at His feet not metaphorically but literally


Not being able to gauge my emotions
Or taken by surprise of what I'm feeling
My mind can't seem to digest the discourse of heart and soul
But this definitely is one of the most difficult goodbyes...