Difficult Goodbyes

I don't remember any "goodbye" being this hard
Can't even reflect to when was my last goodbye
Packing has never been this hard
Parting this intolerable


The last was when I had to leave my friends in Alor Star
A small little town in Malaysia
That because I knew there was no more going back
And precious friendships formed will become tangible no more


But packing everything today
And sitting on my chair in an almost empty room
It dawned on me that this "really is it"
A whole chapter of my uni life coming to an end


And before me a broad horizon unseen vividly
Not knowing what my future holds
But knowing who holds my future
But ironically still having  anticipation, excitement and anxiety mixed altogether


But what amazes me is my attachment to this place
Like time here is not up yet
A lingering effect no one can tell
But your heart strives in seeking understanding


I know I've fallen in love with the people, culture and places here
The weather not so but the rest does more than just compensate
But what is it?
Why this emotion?


Maybe it's the not-so-typical extra long hugs
The whisper in my ear of gratitude for knowing me
"I'm glad to have known people with joy like you
I'm not there yet, but I'll be in understanding His love for us"


The not so appropriate messages of thankfulness for real random prayers
Because they do it right before you're leaving
Making it harder to leave
And all the more easier to break down and cry


It's soo hard.
It really is.
And this morning on my last day in Liverpool
I laid myself down at His feet not metaphorically but literally


Not being able to gauge my emotions
Or taken by surprise of what I'm feeling
My mind can't seem to digest the discourse of heart and soul
But this definitely is one of the most difficult goodbyes...