Turning 23 and coming halfway across the earth to study (well, I'd rather put it as an exploration or adventurous escapade but the technical and boring fact was basically for that 'normal' route we take to 'improve' ourselves career wise) made me realize, reflect and respond to my circumstance differently. Whether it's this 'aging' phase I'm in, stepping out of my shelter/comfort zone or being more attune to what God is saying or doing, I am actually beginning to see the clarity of where He is leading me through this journey we call LIFE.
I can't quite put my finger on when this 'thought' process started, but something about how God wrote my life's story is increasingly, intriguingly mind boggling to me. You see, I didn't arrive on earth as scheduled with my parents calendric desires. Instead, I was only due seven years later (this I reconfirmed with my mom) to naturally aging parents. In other words, I was way waaay overdue. I would like to think that my mom prayed, cried and fought for my arrival earnestly everyday but that would be putting words in her mouth, but nevertheless, my arrival was much waited for. A prophecy was given to her one night in a special church service about God wanting to bless her with a baby. The prophecy was fulfilled. And now, here I am, 23 years later, reflecting on the origin, historical context and God's finger prints all over my life.
It was just days ago when I caught myself thinking, if I really were to arrive as intended by my parents timing, I would be 30 by now! That's crazy! I won't even try to go there. To think what 'could have been' just makes me shiver in a ridiculously amusing way. Would I be settled down with three kids by now? What would I be doing as my career? Did I walk into God's intended destiny for me or faltered away from it along my way? Did I marry the man He knew was right for me? Or would I even ever get married? How would things have turn out if I did come out sooner?
Standing amazed, in awe and captivated by the beauty of my life process, I'd come to realize that there is nothing I need to do to make myself feel anymore valuable and worthy than I already am. I've grown to love myself and appreciate the precious 'moments' in which God has blessed me with. As in the beautifully scripted words of John Green, "The definition of humanness is the opportunity to marvel at the majesty of creation", it is only right now that I realized that I am part of creation and therefore I can and should well marvel at myself too. The possibilities for this insight goes beyond the universe! (If only someone was hipster or cool enough to invent a new word which embodies "indescribable", "unthinkable", "unimaginable", "crazy" and "out of this world" all mashed up in one because) It's just so hard to put it in words. I was made for this! My ligaments, tendons, bones, flesh, muscles and atoms were fearfully put together to create wonderful me! It's so complex yet so simple, making it really hard to understand.
It's like two days ago when I went to get my name printed on a personalized special edition coke bottle. When the bottle with my name and surname came up from the machine, I was too in awe that I didn't want to 'pollute' it with my unworthy finger prints until I almost lost my chance because the machine started going back down, taking my bottled name along with it! The coke personnel and I were like "yikes! Quickly, just grab that thing out of its nozzle!". A good firm yank was all it took and there in my hands was a coke bottle, creatively and specifically personalized, unlike any other coke bottle in the entire world. That, and my finger prints all over it. I guess when I see myself with such infinite value, knowing that my life is worth someone else's and that God's finger prints are all over it, I find myself thinking,
"What better place to be than safe and secured in the hands of the One who made me?"
I look around and look intently. At my family, friends, situation and circumstance in which led me to where and who I am today and I cannot be more grateful. What seemed to look like an honestly 'late' mistake in my book is equated into the most perfect thing ever. He made me in His own timing and logic and with that I will continue singing my praises to Him in to all of eternity. My soul will bless His name for even more than a thousand years. All that has been written in different chapters of my life's book amazes me. The highlights, down sides, exuberating joy and merciless depression, the first day of kindergarten or when our little play slide got caught on fire, to moving to another far away state for five years and then coming back. The relationships established, friendships created, experiences documented and lessons mastered. WOW. To continue, the years back home and then going back to the land across the South China Sea to further studies, the titles won and the opportunity to speak to thousands. DOUBLE WOW. Taking leadership roles, leading nightly prayer meeting and hearing how you changed the lives of others. TRIPLE WOW. And then to go to a church which opened a whole new dimension of the supernatural and how I viewed spirituality with the desperate need of mind renewal. QUADRAPLE WOW. And here and now where I stand on the land of the United Kingdom. What can I say? Enough of 'wows', this is just CRAZY!!! How did I have the ability, capacity or financial stability to end up here?!?
This just goes to show that it's not just me, but God having a huge role as the great Author of my story. Allowing me to arrive seven years late is something that I would be eternally grateful for. Of course, it would also have been a blast but I was just telling this to my friend and she said "you might as well have been my sister's friend" whose wells settled with a beautiful child now. The thoughts could be as wild as they can get!
So here I want to thank God for creating me and this beautiful life and the 'bonuses' that comes with it. Thank YOU (yes, you the reader) for being part of this amazing adventure, because something, somewhere, somehow have led you to this site, thus proving that we've somehow crossed paths in a mysterious way. To all my friends and family, you don't know how much your presence in my life means to me. Words will fail miserably in comparison to how my heart soars right now while writing this.
Gone are the days where I wished I was born in the Bible times or earlier where things were easier without mediated technology. I have come to appreciate my present moment and existence in the here and now. Go read Esther 4:14 and Psalm 139:14. You were made in perfect timing through marvellous workmanship, what more could you ask for?! And it gets better..
If you feel more like a 'dirtbag' or 'crap' more than 'gold', just know that dirt is the only one component in the whole world (besides cotton but that's just for primary school bean sprouts) where seeds can be planted. Put seeds in gold and what do you get? Come back days later and see the same seed infested gold you placed! Nothing more, nothing less. But God made us through dirt and there must be more of a metaphorical explanation to that or He'd be an awful designer. I mean, heavenly streets were made of gold but 'us' His most valuable creation-dirt? It does not equate! So go ponder on your value in which perfect seeds were invested upon.
I can go on and on and on and on and on about His goodness and greatness! From attending Hillsong Conference to having well known people taking notice of me, I realize this is just part of the perks He's giving to me. And I bet there's way more where that came from! And same goes to you!
So live life, loving it! Continue to marvel at creation (including yourself) and the beauty of everyday simplicity. Hold on tight until your knuckles turn red because He is just gonna blow you away!!!!!!
For now, I'm just glad that God made the most perfect 'mistake' ever in presenting me to this world later than my parents desires. COS THIS IS THE LIFE!!! And I cannot imagine it any other way... So look around and spot these wonderfully 'disguised' blessings that are about to come your way! Tirrah!
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| The little play slide me and my sister set on fire. Photo Credit: Jared Chong (Can't believe it's still alive! Thanks for capturing this nostalgic piece Jared! So much memories!) |
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The one and only name and surname in scripted Coca-Cola bottle!!! My new album cover. (Kononnya!) |
