More than skin deep

Waking up with the absence of peace
I look around and go out for a drink
Realising it's not time to rise yet
I wonder why the "jolt up"

Coming back in I turn off the lights
With uneven heartbeat I force myself to sleep
It's a long day of work
And an important night ahead

I shudder at the thought.

Questions pounding as quick as my heart skips
The presence of shame, guilt and defeat creeps in
The hurt still fresh and raw
Shouldn't I be over it by now?

Realising no one does or will ever understand
I realise this pain has such a hold on me
Tried to hide, forget and suppress it
But without acknowledgement it eats even more of me

Gain support from the most unlikely friend
"Mind blown" he said he was
Coming from him who's very much a work in progress
The genuine remark is like balm to a deep sore

But that's only temporal
The justified feeling it brings
For hurt's not just skin deep
It lies right within

But the problem is how do you forget
When no one stood behind you and for you
When the battlefield gave me an unfair disadvantage
Yet I still walk back in

What if history repeats itself?
What if I can't lead the way I hope to?
What if the same thing happens?
And no one will stand for me?

There will ALWAYS be those that doubt you.
But I shall remember the One who never once did
For it's not from  by some weird coincidence
That I am where I am today

He gave it all for me
So I shall give it all for him

Hurt will leak out from the way I speak or do
Therefore hurt has to go and come back no more
Easier said than done
I thank God for the prayers spoken..

Caught in the Mix Up

Caught in the mix up and thrown into the water
Flapping my arms and feet to survive this feat
I struggle to not just survive this massive sea around me
But to understand what and all that IS happening around me

Suddenly things become so clear
That it's not as easy as Black nor White
The greyish areas permeates
And then the "wrongs" are made right

In my innocent, over-sheltered and naive mind
The equation is as easy as simple math
"We do our job, something we love, and people benefit from that!"
It's hard to realize that it's way more complicated than it seems

Like how being naked is not wrong
Neither it a sin
But that does not legalize the use of pornography
Or just the fact that millions come out of it

In this haze I don't know where I stand
A mystified mess that no one seems to understand
When both sides justify with legal rights?
Where does the law stand in on who is REALLY right?

The system has been tampered
And corruption seems inevitable
Camouflaging  into the system
Like it was an original

It's not yet a month but I'm seeing so much
Educated people in suits aren't all  that "educated"
While people in tattoos and piercings have the nicest mannerisms on earth
The wall of "stereotyping" I grew up with, broken down bit by bit

Caught in the mix up, I have no where else but to look up....

No Wonder

No wonder the click....

A Cultural Shock

The working world is a cultural shock
Not just a slight knock
But more like hard rock
Shaking you out of your "fairytale" world
Into a world where greed, fame and lust is real
Making it more than just, realistic

Sometimes I wonder how do people survive this world
But that's the thing.
They do survive.
And that's just being part of this "dog eat dog" world that we live in

Growing up not in the "best" of environments
But somehow still very much protected and sheltered
Coming out of this "shell" we all have to leave sooner or later
I wonder what is the right environment to be brought up in

To protect or to expose?
That is the question.
I wouldn't want my children to face the cultural shock I'm facing now
But then again they need to know whatever happens in society or politics
This is the environment they will eventually grow up in
So what do we do about it?

But then again there are nice people out there
And its just another war going on in the inside of my head
Like where do I place my feet?
When should  I act all professional?
Or be friendly and just "be myself"?

The thing is that everywhere and everyone will tell you to
JUST BE YOURSELF
But the thing is being yourself is not always what they want or need or even prefer
Not easy being Christ-like when you're submerged into a culture so different from Heaven :P

But I'm growing up and I do love my job
Sooner or later
More things will be revealed and unfolded
But one thing stands
In Him whom I trust with my life

L.I.F.E
Leadership
Integrity
Flexibility
Excellence

True principles I learned from one of my assignments
Being sent out, you see different corporate leaders
And some are really genuine in whatever they're doing
And so this LIFE principle is what I would live by

So Kingdom yet so Relatable
To this real world I'm in right now

Dear Lord,
Help me get through this cultural shock right now
To understand, in all that happens
To take of this experience as a "life-lesson" journey
That though the storms and waves may come
Still the more I seek You
The more I find You
And who have had it worst but You?
Help me see the light through all of these
That all these cultural shock I'm having
(And all that's within)
Is nothing compared to who I believe in....