The 4 tears i cried

tried not to cry

not wanting to give in to the devil

held my tears so tight

prayin that it will not fall

but the rejection felt

from friends I thought who were more than just friends

cut so deeply in my heart

couldnt hold it any longer

but just to let go

those tears that fell were

tears of sorrow

tried not to cry

wanting to be strong

telling myself

I'm worth what I worth

made in God's image

beautiful in His eye

but thoughts came in

and crowded my mind

unpleasant ones

that were not good for my soul

those tears that fell were

tears of defeat

tried not too cry

but it was comin too strong

talked to God

my 1 true friend

what i heard?

"Don't worry, I am here"

heaviness left my heart

and suddenly i realize

that whoever puts you down

may not even realize

for the devil uses the ones we love

to bring us heartache

but that wont stop me

for being grateful to my friends

for we are only human

and we all make mistakes

those tears that fell

were tears of relief

tried not to cry

but just couldnt help it

not only was I feelin God's presence

He was showing me His love

not only in the spiritual realm

but in the physical too

from who else but my beloved sis

still lying on my bed

I hear my sis from the top bunk

singin to this octopus soft toy

givin it a name

Octaleg or Octyleg

couldnt make it out

she didnt know i was cryin

for I pretended I was asleep

but her voice and her presence

was kinda like a wink from God-

therapy to my heartache

tellin me that He has placed ppl in my life

who love me for who I am

His way of tellin me

that though I have doubts

Doubts of whether He's listening

as a friend or a daddy or a

A King to his princess

He has assured me that i can find a friend

in people around me

and also in Him

and those tears that fell

were tears of JOY!!!

this afternoon. comin back from school, felt a slight depression comin.went straight to bed. Asked and beggged God to take it away cos i don't wanna fall back into the cycle, the same time last yr (more will be said in another post) writing kinda for my own therapy