Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The 4 tears i cried

tried not to cry
not wanting to give in to the devil
held my tears so tight
prayin that it will not fall
but the rejection felt
from friends I thought who were more than just friends
cut so deeply in my heart
couldnt hold it any longer
but just to let go
those tears that fell were
tears of sorrow

tried not to cry
wanting to be strong
telling myself
I'm worth what I worth
made in God's image
beautiful in His eye
but thoughts came in
and crowded my mind
unpleasant ones
that were not good for my soul
those tears that fell were
tears of defeat

tried not too cry
but it was comin too strong
talked to God
my 1 true friend
what i heard?
"Don't worry, I am here"
heaviness left my heart
and suddenly i realize
that whoever puts you down
may not even realize
for the devil uses the ones we love
to bring us heartache
but that wont stop me
for being grateful to my friends
for we are only human
and we all make mistakes
those tears that fell
were tears of relief

tried not to cry
but just couldnt help it
not only was I feelin God's presence
He was showing me His love
not only in the spiritual realm
but in the physical too
from who else but my beloved sis
still lying on my bed
I hear my sis from the top bunk
singin to this octopus soft toy
givin it a name
Octaleg or Octyleg
couldnt make it out
she didnt know i was cryin
for I pretended I was asleep
but her voice and her presence
was kinda like a wink from God-
therapy to my heartache
tellin me that He has placed ppl in my life
who love me for who I am
His way of tellin me
that though I have doubts
Doubts of whether He's listening
as a friend or a daddy or a
A King to his princess
He has assured me that i can find a friend
in people around me
and also in Him
and those tears that fell
were tears of JOY!!!

this afternoon. comin back from school, felt a slight depression comin.went straight to bed. Asked and beggged God to take it away cos i don't wanna fall back into the cycle, the same time last yr (more will be said in another post) writing kinda for my own therapy


Aldrich Tan said...

Sometimes you don't need to use words to go through what you need to go through. Sometimes it's an emotion that you need to feel when you dance, that you touch on and the only way you can touch it is if you move a certain way.'

Evelyn said...

Hang in there and light will always be at the end of every tunnel. Love ya

ps: every SPMers which for the second coming to save them from exam. At least I was one of them. lol