Friendships...

Didn't know it would have gone this far

How relationships have gone ajar
Who is to be blame
No one will be named

No point pointing fingers
But to really open our ears
To hear each other out
And to listen to how we sound

We all have our point of views
Perceptions and assumptions
From all different angles
No one is an angel

The longer into a relationship
The more you will see
That no one is perfect
I'm talking about me

When the situation is under control
And "As long as you're happy"
Another statement someone else throws
And tension and confusion without mercy they roll

The hurt of people ganging up on you
May not just be that
But sometimes the way we perceive things
Is really not what they want conveyed

At least some of us are still ok
Talked to a friend and "I'm fine" is what he says
Hope that's the truth
As he sleeps with peace on the bed he lays

Friendships...
I'm truly grateful to the dear people
Which God has placed around me
Every single one of them
I have learned something from
It's just crazy how God works sometimes
Making sure I'm cared for and loved by those around me
(Well at least I hope XD)

But for now as emotions and hormones run wild
While true friendships are worth taking the extra mile...

As I lay down and try sleeping
The feeling of hurt I'm no more controlling
I succumb to the emotions that is so overpowering
And just allow my tears to start falling
Saddened by the fact that I'm not even praying
For God is really to whom I should be talking
Somehow I know that its not by feeling
But by truly believing
That these relationships are really worth keeping...

And that's exactly, what I will do.

East to West....(Tarc Christmas Nite 2010)

16th December 2010

It was more than what I could comprehend

Our college's CF Christmas Nite

It was way more than a beautiful sight

Going a few posts back

I wondered whether doing the things I did

Was really worth doing at all

Or was I drowning in my own sea of busyness

Turns out it was really worth it

The sweat, tears and should I say blood

(blood in the drama that is...)

The many prayers, planning and preparation

On that night everything was in motion

The fact that even the day before, during our rehearsals

Scripts were still changing and needed amending

The place wasn't ready and everything was messy

It felt like a disaster and there was no answer

But God came and He interfered

Putting things into place

In His own mysterious ways

Its still a wonder, I must say

Suddenly there were enough ushers

And the food was nice

Good worship

And a wonderful sketch

But most importantly it was the people

The precious souls that came

I hope in God's Kingdom

They're here to stay

As we were reminded of the finished work on the cross

For some it was just the beginning

For its the first time they hear it

That Jesus died, and life becomes a whole new meaning

As I saw my 2 friends with their hands lifted up

And the only 2 who actually stood up

I can't help but jump for joy (like literally)

And allow my eyes to tear up a little

The joy I felt was so overwhelming

Making it clear that everything was worth it

The questions, pain and doubts

All fade away and never shall they stay

"As far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us"

Psalms 103:12

God came that night

He touched us gently

For those who've known Him

I believe we've grown closer

For those who've just received Him

I pray it won't be superficial

For I believe with my whole heart, mind and soul

That that night for those who raised their hands

And surrendered their hearts to God

Received the precious gift of all

And that's the gift of Salvation

The finished work of Christ

Beaten and tortured

Worse than an animal

Sinless and blameless

Yet He took it all in

Every stripe

Every whip

Every scar

Every flesh torn apart

Every hair pulled out

Every limb and bone that was broken

He took it for you and me...

That nail pierced hands

That crown of thorns

That rugged cross on the hill

This Christmas I have understood what it all truly means.

(And I pray the hundreds that came will experience the same.)

To God be the Glory!

Things turned out better than ok=)

It is truly by the grace of God!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I wish happiness could be done this easy...

Whatever I'm doing, is it really worth it?

For the first time in a long time

I broke down last night

Overwhelmed by the many things to do

Assignments, presentation, tutorials

Clothes to wash, clothes to fold

My room's a mess and I must confess

That this time it's not me

But it's everything I do and all in between.

Afraid that I might not reach deadlines

Or even do things while hitting a standard

I keep wondering what's wrong with me

Didn't I manage my time better this time?

Rewind... I have no time at all!

Clothes soaking in buckets for 2 to 3 days

Just because there's no time at all

I try and I try

But there seems to be no way.

Rushing here and rushing there

It's all for Him as so we say

But is this the real meaning of life?

The busy life that I'm living

What testimony is my room mate seeing?

There's no more "me-time"

What the heck "there's no more me-and-God time"!!

I'm in my room for just 3 reasons

To sleep, to get ready for showers, oh my and that's just it!

No more self-quality time to journal or play my guitar

To decorate my room or to just stare at the ceiling

Reflecting on the gift of life that God has given me.

My Facebook has 70 over notifications and its still running

But not 1 am I touching until I have some real time.

Wanna chat with my sister but time doesn't permit

Wanna talk to mom but there's no waking moment

Where I can quiet down and breath.

What actually is all this for?

Spending most time with most of my kind

When do I spend time with my friends who are still lost?

Is this what God wants?

For me to be here, there and everywhere?

What is the whole point of it?

I think I may have deviated my purpose of living...

Getting things wrong and timetables jumbled

Forgetting to spend time with Him

And friends He's put around me

I'm confused, disappointed and afraid

Confused, not knowing whether I should be doing the things I do

Disappointed, because I'm spending less time with God

And afraid because I may just fail in everything I do

For now as I drown into my own sea of busyness

Not knowing whether at the bottom of the sea a shark is waiting

To see me fall and sink way deep down low

And strike at anytime it might

I'll call onto God knowing He'll rescue me

Giving me His hand and pulling me out

Clearing the water in my lungs

The drowning feeling will subside

He'll let me know as I take control and start breathing again

The wrongs I've done and the priorities I've set

And He'll give me the answer to my question I didn't dare ask

Before I took that leap of stupidity

Into the sea of meaningless busyness

He'll let me know whether whatever I'm doing is really worth it...