For the first time in a long time
I broke down last night
Overwhelmed by the many things to do
Assignments, presentation, tutorials
Clothes to wash, clothes to fold
My room's a mess and I must confess
That this time it's not me
But it's everything I do and all in between.
Afraid that I might not reach deadlines
Or even do things while hitting a standard
I keep wondering what's wrong with me
Didn't I manage my time better this time?
Rewind... I have no time at all!
Clothes soaking in buckets for 2 to 3 days
Just because there's no time at all
I try and I try
But there seems to be no way.
Rushing here and rushing there
It's all for Him as so we say
But is this the real meaning of life?
The busy life that I'm living
What testimony is my room mate seeing?
There's no more "me-time"
What the heck "there's no more me-and-God time"!!
I'm in my room for just 3 reasons
To sleep, to get ready for showers, oh my and that's just it!
No more self-quality time to journal or play my guitar
To decorate my room or to just stare at the ceiling
Reflecting on the gift of life that God has given me.
My Facebook has 70 over notifications and its still running
But not 1 am I touching until I have some real time.
Wanna chat with my sister but time doesn't permit
Wanna talk to mom but there's no waking moment
Where I can quiet down and breath.
What actually is all this for?
Spending most time with most of my kind
When do I spend time with my friends who are still lost?
Is this what God wants?
For me to be here, there and everywhere?
What is the whole point of it?
I think I may have deviated my purpose of living...
Getting things wrong and timetables jumbled
Forgetting to spend time with Him
And friends He's put around me
I'm confused, disappointed and afraid
Confused, not knowing whether I should be doing the things I do
Disappointed, because I'm spending less time with God
And afraid because I may just fail in everything I do
For now as I drown into my own sea of busyness
Not knowing whether at the bottom of the sea a shark is waiting
To see me fall and sink way deep down low
And strike at anytime it might
I'll call onto God knowing He'll rescue me
Giving me His hand and pulling me out
Clearing the water in my lungs
The drowning feeling will subside
He'll let me know as I take control and start breathing again
The wrongs I've done and the priorities I've set
And He'll give me the answer to my question I didn't dare ask
Before I took that leap of stupidity
Into the sea of meaningless busyness
He'll let me know whether whatever I'm doing is really worth it...