My First Man

As I open my heart to the man You present before me

I can't help but let the tears fall free

The many years of waiting 

The many years of healing

Patiently holding on for the right timing

Keeping myself from casually dating

Controlling myself from playfully flirting

Never really dare dreaming

But always tenderly believing

That there was someone out there who was also waiting

Who kept and saved himself for the "right" one

Not awakening passion before it's right time

Allowing You to unravel me before him

Veil lifted and vision restored

The "beginning" of a tale of just "you and me"

With fresh eyes the pursuit begins

He stays unfazed through my struggles and confusion

Despite the age gap, the odd timing and the long distance

He pursues and persists, pushing past the awkwardness and piercing beyond the surface

He shows me a part of his heart that was meant to be filled only by me

So I think, I ponder and I pray

Still somewhat awestruck by all that's happen

Along with the flow I go

Starting to warm up to the comfortably of being with you

How you find your way into my brain countless of days at a time

9358 miles between us

Yet I feel  you closer than those around me

6 hours and 51 min of talking

Yet you're never tired of me

Rather you'd listen to me fall asleep, finding pleasure in that

And then I come across this song

"First Man" by Camila Cabello

I listen closely and halfway through have an epiphany

Like it was a song from me to God

Being aware that I was finally ready, ready to be in love

We come to the part where she sings "I promise he loves me, he'll never hurt me"

And remember how he gets sad whenever I'm sad

The tears turn into sobbing and from sobbing into weeping

The good kind of crying that brought release, healing, hope and relief

My fear of men fading

Is it even legal to pick parts of song and throw the rest away?

For I've never felt safe love from my earthly dad

But Daddy God, I feel you releasing me to him

Trusting him in his love and care for me

And I trust Your judgement because... 

"You were the first Man that really loved me"

Camila Cabello - First Man (Official Audio)