Friendships...

Didn't know it would have gone this far

How relationships have gone ajar
Who is to be blame
No one will be named

No point pointing fingers
But to really open our ears
To hear each other out
And to listen to how we sound

We all have our point of views
Perceptions and assumptions
From all different angles
No one is an angel

The longer into a relationship
The more you will see
That no one is perfect
I'm talking about me

When the situation is under control
And "As long as you're happy"
Another statement someone else throws
And tension and confusion without mercy they roll

The hurt of people ganging up on you
May not just be that
But sometimes the way we perceive things
Is really not what they want conveyed

At least some of us are still ok
Talked to a friend and "I'm fine" is what he says
Hope that's the truth
As he sleeps with peace on the bed he lays

Friendships...
I'm truly grateful to the dear people
Which God has placed around me
Every single one of them
I have learned something from
It's just crazy how God works sometimes
Making sure I'm cared for and loved by those around me
(Well at least I hope XD)

But for now as emotions and hormones run wild
While true friendships are worth taking the extra mile...

As I lay down and try sleeping
The feeling of hurt I'm no more controlling
I succumb to the emotions that is so overpowering
And just allow my tears to start falling
Saddened by the fact that I'm not even praying
For God is really to whom I should be talking
Somehow I know that its not by feeling
But by truly believing
That these relationships are really worth keeping...

And that's exactly, what I will do.

East to West....(Tarc Christmas Nite 2010)

16th December 2010

It was more than what I could comprehend

Our college's CF Christmas Nite

It was way more than a beautiful sight

Going a few posts back

I wondered whether doing the things I did

Was really worth doing at all

Or was I drowning in my own sea of busyness

Turns out it was really worth it

The sweat, tears and should I say blood

(blood in the drama that is...)

The many prayers, planning and preparation

On that night everything was in motion

The fact that even the day before, during our rehearsals

Scripts were still changing and needed amending

The place wasn't ready and everything was messy

It felt like a disaster and there was no answer

But God came and He interfered

Putting things into place

In His own mysterious ways

Its still a wonder, I must say

Suddenly there were enough ushers

And the food was nice

Good worship

And a wonderful sketch

But most importantly it was the people

The precious souls that came

I hope in God's Kingdom

They're here to stay

As we were reminded of the finished work on the cross

For some it was just the beginning

For its the first time they hear it

That Jesus died, and life becomes a whole new meaning

As I saw my 2 friends with their hands lifted up

And the only 2 who actually stood up

I can't help but jump for joy (like literally)

And allow my eyes to tear up a little

The joy I felt was so overwhelming

Making it clear that everything was worth it

The questions, pain and doubts

All fade away and never shall they stay

"As far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us"

Psalms 103:12

God came that night

He touched us gently

For those who've known Him

I believe we've grown closer

For those who've just received Him

I pray it won't be superficial

For I believe with my whole heart, mind and soul

That that night for those who raised their hands

And surrendered their hearts to God

Received the precious gift of all

And that's the gift of Salvation

The finished work of Christ

Beaten and tortured

Worse than an animal

Sinless and blameless

Yet He took it all in

Every stripe

Every whip

Every scar

Every flesh torn apart

Every hair pulled out

Every limb and bone that was broken

He took it for you and me...

That nail pierced hands

That crown of thorns

That rugged cross on the hill

This Christmas I have understood what it all truly means.

(And I pray the hundreds that came will experience the same.)

To God be the Glory!

Things turned out better than ok=)

It is truly by the grace of God!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I wish happiness could be done this easy...

Whatever I'm doing, is it really worth it?

For the first time in a long time

I broke down last night

Overwhelmed by the many things to do

Assignments, presentation, tutorials

Clothes to wash, clothes to fold

My room's a mess and I must confess

That this time it's not me

But it's everything I do and all in between.

Afraid that I might not reach deadlines

Or even do things while hitting a standard

I keep wondering what's wrong with me

Didn't I manage my time better this time?

Rewind... I have no time at all!

Clothes soaking in buckets for 2 to 3 days

Just because there's no time at all

I try and I try

But there seems to be no way.

Rushing here and rushing there

It's all for Him as so we say

But is this the real meaning of life?

The busy life that I'm living

What testimony is my room mate seeing?

There's no more "me-time"

What the heck "there's no more me-and-God time"!!

I'm in my room for just 3 reasons

To sleep, to get ready for showers, oh my and that's just it!

No more self-quality time to journal or play my guitar

To decorate my room or to just stare at the ceiling

Reflecting on the gift of life that God has given me.

My Facebook has 70 over notifications and its still running

But not 1 am I touching until I have some real time.

Wanna chat with my sister but time doesn't permit

Wanna talk to mom but there's no waking moment

Where I can quiet down and breath.

What actually is all this for?

Spending most time with most of my kind

When do I spend time with my friends who are still lost?

Is this what God wants?

For me to be here, there and everywhere?

What is the whole point of it?

I think I may have deviated my purpose of living...

Getting things wrong and timetables jumbled

Forgetting to spend time with Him

And friends He's put around me

I'm confused, disappointed and afraid

Confused, not knowing whether I should be doing the things I do

Disappointed, because I'm spending less time with God

And afraid because I may just fail in everything I do

For now as I drown into my own sea of busyness

Not knowing whether at the bottom of the sea a shark is waiting

To see me fall and sink way deep down low

And strike at anytime it might

I'll call onto God knowing He'll rescue me

Giving me His hand and pulling me out

Clearing the water in my lungs

The drowning feeling will subside

He'll let me know as I take control and start breathing again

The wrongs I've done and the priorities I've set

And He'll give me the answer to my question I didn't dare ask

Before I took that leap of stupidity

Into the sea of meaningless busyness

He'll let me know whether whatever I'm doing is really worth it...

5th of November

5th of November
A day I'll remember

A dear sister saved
The enemy's work enslaved
Supernatural things abundant
We worshiped with heart abandon

Watched movies all the way to 6am
"My name is Khan" & "The Last Song"
Shows that people say I victimized them to watch
But if we didn't watch that, classic conversations like this would never happen.

Shah Rukh Khan: My name is Khan and I'm not a terrorist.
Andrew Ong: My name is Andrew & I'm not fat. My name is Tricia & I am short.
Tricia: My name is Andrew and I am fat.
Ee Rick Chan: My name is Ee Rick and I agree!
Shirly Bong, Justin Ooi Han-Juan just thinking about that day makes me SMILE!!!!=D

2 people found themselves on a bed that's not suppose to be...(kekeke...XD)
A snoring someone and A kind heart who didn't chase us out
Slept all the way to 12 in the afternoon
Did our devotion which was more then just good
(I guess it was the guilt of the whole situation,lol!)

Went to McD, went to Jusco
Never laughed so much in my lifetime
Never had so much fun with the opposite sex
But of course it was clean fun and ultimate joy

I wish we could take a picture to remember these wonderful days
But a certain someone is camera shy
haih.....

Thank God first for saving our friend
Second for letting me choose the movies I chose XD
For allowing all of us to fall asleep (in safety)
Waking us up at 12 at noon
And then letting us have our quiet time with Him
Leading us to Jusco
And then having a memorable day in KFC, Jusco and then FOS
It kinda ended to soon..
Wish I could hold it in a capsule
And never ever let it go

But now it's just caught in my memory
At least I can rewind and replay it anytime I want
I hope to never forget that day
Where my heart with happiness swell...

Thank you God for the 5th of November.
I wish we could make it an Anniversary..hehe..

Bring it on!

I had a bad day

K, so it started from yesterday

But didn't know it will spill over to today

And it hurts even as I say

Taking so many posts

Is it worth the cost?

Taking on the leadership of prayer meeting

And there's already people questioning my ways

What am I to do?

Seriously am so konfewsed!

People can really bring you down, don't they?

Whether it's inferiority, timidity or just plain jealousy

Don't understand why they can be so mean

Making every opportunity easier to give up and give in

But I'm glad that God's giving me these duties

Just the fact that I'm called and chosen

Makes me feel honored that He's trusting me

Giving me assignments that aren't always easy

And the post for E & F in CF

Thought it would be easy

But it takes more than that

Thank God for good mentors at hand

God is good

Giving me friends to put me on perspective

Not condoning self-pity

But righting priorities

So when I fall down and fall down again

I'll just pick myself up just yet again

For God has my back

And my faith still intact

Friends with spiritual maturity

Giving advice so profoundly

I have nothing to loose

And everything to gain

Yes, there will be a few people in my way

Friends that seem more like stumbling blocks

No, I won't let them make me feel inferior no more

For my identity is in Christ

And I'm saying that unapologetically

So say what you wanna say
And do what you wanna do

But remember when your laughing at the way I communicate with God

You're kinda laughing at God Himself...

He has my back

So just BRING IT ON!

My Little Sis

"She sips her drink while her sister cuts her meat"

Haha..!That was the sentence our friend Jonathan said of me and Deb in a whisper into his fist while childishly filming a fake documentary of us during

Cynthia's farewell dinner. He was so impressed by the "so-called'' love me and my sis had that he wanted to do a documentary on "Sisterly Love" or something like that. Seriously? I just think he misses his sister back in NZ. The whole night he was in awe of the way Deb and I talked to each other, shared our food and respected each other. It was kinda stupid! lol, for him to be so amazed by it all cos I didn't really think it was anything special. It was us just being our normal selves! He was kinda distracting, talking into his own fist as a mic and pretending to describe our every move and act just like what you see in National Geography where the commentator speaks about the deer, lion or giraffe. We actually felt like animals!

When I asked him why is he doing that and to stop, he even went, "When you see National Geography documenting on deers, do you ever see a deer talk to the camera? no right? And that is exactly what you are doing! don't talk to the cameraman, just continue!" Talk about the utter discomfort of being filmed by a hand-shaped camera with a fake mic and every move described plus being compared to deers, of all things!! He kept saying "oh, I can feel the love" and "Oh, I may just cry here"...dramatic much! He also did the trick all reality shows do now to make things more interesting and controversial - make us fight. It didn't work cos the whole situation was hilarious and him doing that made it more funny than sad!

But somehow, I think the love between us sisters have gone deeper. Just like the saying "you don't know what you have til it's gone" means literally. Me going to KL have made me appreciate her a whole lot more!

My little Sis

Someone I miss

How I do wish

That I can give her a kiss!

(haha! cos she's such a tomboy she can't

even bear me kissing her on the cheek)

My little sis

Loves playing the bass

She scored so well

I'm truly amazed

(distinction for Grade 5 and one

of the highest score in Malaysia)

My little sis

Is so humble she'll be in a fit

If she sees what I wrote above

For she rather keeps
Her achievements to herself

(she's so humble a prophet had to tell her

its ok cos she's humble enough)

My little sis

Is crazy with cats

A cat-lover at heart

She even loves the strays

(she sometimes still talks about our cat-Angeldeo

who went missing a long time ago)

My little sis

Is good in almost everything

Studies, music and handling our youth group

She has it all under her wing

(and she does them without stress

but ease, how does she do that?

Must be God, =p)

My little sis

Is not so little anymore

She's bigger than me

Lots have thought that she's my older sis

(plus the increase in height after me leaving for KL,

just one inch and she jumps for joy..haih)

My little sis

Is growing up so fast

I bet with wings she can soar

For she's truly talented right to her core

(I hope her God-given talents would bring her far)

My little sis

Though I'm envious of her

Every time I see her play the guitar

I'll love her forever

(when could I ever play like she does?

Lord help me)

My little sis

Is growing in God's way

Telling me to not backslide in college

Praying for me as so she says

(I can really see her love for God)

My little sis

Is maturing so fast

Her "littleness" would not last

And the past would be "the past"

I wish I can freeze time

To go back and relive the past years

For I doubt I've truly appreciated her

And now I wanna redeem that

For we're growing up a tad too fast

Me off to college and she very well soon

We may never stay in the same house

If circumstances keeps us apart

I pray that she would keep that love inside of her

And never ever let it go

The love she has for God, friends and cats

Family, music and bass

That she may flourish into a beautiful flower

However tomboy she is

You never know she may one day be more girlier than me =)

Thank you God for giving me Deb

The best sister I could ever have

No one else could take her place

Help her in her journey ahead

As she pursue the things she loves

If its music show those who are against it

For I believe You have given the talents she deserve

For a greater purpose of Yours

(oh, did I tell you that she plays the drums, keyboard and guitar as well?

Any guy would be so lucky to have her,hehe...)

Bless her as she blesses others

With her strong but pure character

Pushing others to the right path

Never compromising her values

And thank you God for Jonathan!

For without him doing the lame documentary

I would not have seen what he saw

A bond shared between two sisters

Unconditional love and care

If it wasn't for him

I wouldn't have known how deeply and truly I love

MY LITTLE SIS!!!

Deb and her self-proclaimed million dollar song