A True Worshipper

Was talking to my mom the other night

Reliving and describing with the best that I can

All that God has been doing in me

And it took hours

Cos the emotions, tone and words conveyed

Just cant seem to mirror exactly 

The magnitude of God's work

In my life right now

It. Is. Indescribable.

Was telling her I had a breakthrough of a past hurt

That there are so many "open doors" beyond me

Asking me to tell them about Christ

Random people taking notice of me

Talking to me

The great experiences I'm having in my new church

The way God is touching CF

Touching the lives of my friends

Giving me favor with men

Extending prayer group

Truly understanding that I'm loved  by my Father

And the prophecy given to me that God wants to bless me in the artistic

Something about my singing and worship...

Jokingly said

(With a tad of pride or self-glorification)

That I can be a worship pastor

She saw right through me

Better than even I see myself

(sometimes it scares me)

Anyways she went on in a very reasoning yet "matter-of-fact" tone

"I think ah, we must always be worshipers ya, like really worship God and have a heart of worship, I think it is important to worship God all the days of your life, that is most important. Whether in front of people or not with a true worshiping heart, to first be a worshiper. Then the next level only think about worship leading ya? If not how to worship lead if you're not a worshiper? Doesn't really make sense right? So I think the key is to just worship the Lord first. Anything after that would be the next level. So first, be a worshiper. Than only a worship leader, if not than it would only be like, like, like...a.. what's that, rock leading, like a performance, and you don't want that to happen ya?"

This is what I can sort of remember although not verbatim

Notice the fact that she didn't even mention about me being a worship pastor

Cos what my mom emphasized on was the heart of a true worshiper

And not the glory or fame that (may) come with worship leading

She threw me back onto the "selfless" road

Where God takes centre stage and not me

Put my perspective back on track to what true worship is all about

And through the whole topic what jumped out at me were the words

"To worship God all the days of my life"

You see my mom is not really musically inclined

Neither is she tone deaf (I think)

But we always joke about the way she sings out of tune or off-key

And wonder where did my sis and I get our musical talents from

Getting involved in worship at a very young age

Seeing how my mom is the way she is

But that night God opened my spiritual knowing of worship

To a whole new different arena

From the mouth of my mom who had no clue about music

We always say it's not about the music

It's not about the lights

It's not about the talented musicians

The guitar riffs, the offbeat drum beats, the solo singing

But the manifest presence of God

And our undivided attention towards Him

As we offer our devotion through worship

But how much of that do we really live out and know?

Hearing my mom say the things she said that night

Humbled me all over again

That its not about standing on stage and looking good in the eyes of man

But worshiping God wholeheartedly 

Satisfying Him as the only One who deserves my adoration

In the privacy of my own room

Where no one else sees

For a girl who loves music
Took lessons,
And can tell when a drum beat is off or whether one's singing in key

To hear her mom musically handicapped and all
Talk about the true meaning of being a worshiper

Made me realize that I have to have my feet on the ground

No matter how high my spiritual journey takes me

To not be proud but humbled by the fact

That God loves me so much that He wants to lavish me with new gifts and talents

Not because of who I am

But because of His love and grace

Father I pray that before anything or whatever I do

Be it leading worship up front

Or singing in my own room

I would know and know in my heart

That I'm not performing to an audience

But singing to an audience of One

To understand the gem of truth

My mother has

-of what worship is truly all about

 to be 

A TRUE WORSHIPER ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE.

amen.