Saturday, October 8, 2011

A True Worshipper

Was talking to my mom the other night
Reliving and describing with the best that I can
All that God has been doing in me
And it took hours
Cos the emotions, tone and words conveyed
Just cant seem to mirror exactly 
The magnitude of God's work
In my life right now

It. Is. Indescribable.

Was telling her I had a breakthrough of a past hurt
That there are so many "open doors" beyond me
Asking me to tell them about Christ
Random people taking notice of me
Talking to me
The great experiences I'm having in my new church
The way God is touching CF
Touching the lives of my friends
Giving me favor with men
Extending prayer group
Truly understanding that I'm loved  by my Father
And the prophecy given to me that God wants to bless me in the artistic
Something about my singing and worship...

Jokingly said
(With a tad of pride or self-glorification)
That I can be a worship pastor
She saw right through me
Better than even I see myself
(sometimes it scares me)

Anyways she went on in a very reasoning yet "matter-of-fact" tone

"I think ah, we must always be worshipers ya, like really worship God and have a heart of worship, I think it is important to worship God all the days of your life, that is most important. Whether in front of people or not with a true worshiping heart, to first be a worshiper. Then the next level only think about worship leading ya? If not how to worship lead if you're not a worshiper? Doesn't really make sense right? So I think the key is to just worship the Lord first. Anything after that would be the next level. So first, be a worshiper. Than only a worship leader, if not than it would only be like, like, like...a.. what's that, rock leading, like a performance, and you don't want that to happen ya?"

This is what I can sort of remember although not verbatim
Notice the fact that she didn't even mention about me being a worship pastor
Cos what my mom emphasized on was the heart of a true worshiper
And not the glory or fame that (may) come with worship leading

She threw me back onto the "selfless" road
Where God takes centre stage and not me
Put my perspective back on track to what true worship is all about
And through the whole topic what jumped out at me were the words
"To worship God all the days of my life"

You see my mom is not really musically inclined
Neither is she tone deaf (I think)
But we always joke about the way she sings out of tune or off-key
And wonder where did my sis and I get our musical talents from
Getting involved in worship at a very young age
Seeing how my mom is the way she is

But that night God opened my spiritual knowing of worship
To a whole new different arena
From the mouth of my mom who had no clue about music

We always say it's not about the music
It's not about the lights
It's not about the talented musicians
The guitar riffs, the offbeat drum beats, the solo singing
But the manifest presence of God
And our undivided attention towards Him
As we offer our devotion through worship

But how much of that do we really live out and know?

Hearing my mom say the things she said that night
Humbled me all over again
That its not about standing on stage and looking good in the eyes of man
But worshiping God wholeheartedly 
Satisfying Him as the only One who deserves my adoration
In the privacy of my own room
Where no one else sees

For a girl who loves music
Took lessons,
And can tell when a drum beat is off or whether one's singing in key
To hear her mom musically handicapped and all
Talk about the true meaning of being a worshiper
Made me realize that I have to have my feet on the ground
No matter how high my spiritual journey takes me
To not be proud but humbled by the fact
That God loves me so much that He wants to lavish me with new gifts and talents
Not because of who I am
But because of His love and grace

Father I pray that before anything or whatever I do
Be it leading worship up front
Or singing in my own room
I would know and know in my heart
That I'm not performing to an audience
But singing to an audience of One
To understand the gem of truth
My mother has
-of what worship is truly all about
 to be 

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