The Love of a true Father

The Love of a true Father

That is what I felt last night

As he held me in his arms

The pains, the fears, the harsh words thrown at

Evaporated into the air around me

So naturally and easily.

That even right now writing this

I have no questions

Or "after-events" pondering

Of whether it was just a temporal emotion

I have no doubt about the true fact

That my Daddy God loves me.

Took me quite a bit lot to muster up courage

To walk to up to the front

Tell my pastor I needed a father's hug

After lights were soon to be shut

And everyone getting ready, all packed to leave

Thought to myself 

"I'll never forgive myself if I don't deal with this foreign-ness now"

To have arms wrapped around me

Minus the awkwardness and the unnatural feeling of when two bodies collide

You see my pastor felt that there were people who needed a mother's or father's love

To be assured of who they were as their sons and daughters

He willingly and selflessly allowed us to come up to him and his wife in front

To feel that LOVE we may have never felt before

I wanted to go to the "father figure"

Emotions, fear and unworthiness held me back

My legs were shaking I was afraid the short walk up front

Will end up with me collapsing half-way

It ended and I couldn't.

Was feeling so disappointed in myself 

How would I ever be able to have a warm hug with my "unloving" dad

If I can't even hug someone with so much care?

Thanks to friends who were patient and caring

Making sure I have my hug of "healing" before the service ends

I mustered up everything within me

And with legs stills shaking and my heart pounding

I didn't need to say anything

And Pastor just said with a smile on his face

"Now you're finally brave enough to come for a hug"

Words spoken as he held me in his arms

Right at the bulls eye of my childhood's tainted past

Assuring that "I'm a good girl"

And that "I am smart"

Being proud of who I am and who I've become

Giving me more gifts

Blessing me so generously 

Washing away the feelings of being 

Unappreciated

I thank God for this hug

Not the exact, but the closest resemblance

Of the Father's heart of God for me

Insecurities and the feeling of being stupid

Of never being good enough

Or never living up to my earthly dad's standards

Have been trade in.

Erased.

And replaced. 

By the truth which come forth from my Daddy God's heart.

The restoration process is almost complete

For this I know indeed

That last night

I so really, truly felt

The Love of a true Father.

(and I hope that you would feel that love too)