It hurts when you're being questioned
Asked to "check it", recheck, and check again
Whether you're at the right place
Whether you're being lead astray
Deviated from the truth?
The feeling is so real I would not deny it
Just because friends seemingly know what they see
And advice what they deem
I shall not be shaken
Even though feelings are so real
I feel my hands numb while typing this
Question after question
Attack after attack
To God I must bring this confusion
And not let the devil attack
You try praying
But you don't know where to start
Are what they're saying true?
Am I being taught not the things of the bible?
But the things which are grey?
You try worshiping the Lord
But the truth of the matter is
The feelings and hurts you feel
Are real and there
No point sweeping them under the rug
And saying that "I'm strong" when I'm not
You start to question and wonder
Not God but yourself
Did I hear the Lord wrongly?
Did I make an abrupt change too quick?
Did I present my case to the Lord?
And actually waited for His view on all of this?
It's been more that a year I have asked the Lord
A tad too long ever since I knew I wasn't growing
But the confirmations came
And answer after concrete answer
I knew where I was suppose to go
Deep down I so really know
Checked with Pastors
Talked to different leaders
Had the encouragement of family
But not of many friends
And then this happens
Where because of your decision
Friendships may end in "ruin"
This week has been tough for me
Two days of crazy happenings
And an assignment deadline
Glad I made it through
But after all the busyness
And you actually have time to ponder
What in the world is happening?
What is their problem?
When they say the harsh things they say
Are they saying them out of a love?
Or all out to condemn?
Why the crude words and so much questions?
Why question God's anointed one so deep?
Does it even matter or add onto their faith?
When they see themselves worthy to judge?
The truth hurts further when they come from close friends
People you actually love
You think to yourself
"Do they see me so stupid?
That even I wouldn't know whether I'm receiving the right teachings?"
Why do they question my move?
Is it an insecurity in them projected on me?
The love test comes
And you start choosing to love those who hurt you
Whether or not they know they're hurting you
I had to be so sure that I'm doing the right thing
(something quite unnecessary after all the confirmations from wise older ones)
But my surrounding tells another story
And presenting to God my case with tears
I knew I have nothing to fear
As I tried worshiping for it was hard
To wonder what I'm doing is the right thing?
Why my move is affecting so many people
He reminds me to take out a prophecy I received
The written scribbling I was so excited about
In one of the prophetic workshops I attended
(God's word but people still doubt prophets)
Glance through and came to this phrase
This was taken before my courageous move
"I'll do something new and people may not understand or receive.
Persevere because it's from God."
(not the misunderstanding part, but the part where I should move.)
I get confirmed and encouraged all over again
By my Father who makes sure I don't waver
Showing me full proof of His clear direction for me
And I'm not going the wrong way
For this I am sure of
But then again
The critics may continue criticizing
And people may still be wondering
Why I am where I am
It just hurts because you don't know whether the harsh words thrown at you
And all the personal attacks coming from different people indirectly
Are actually genuine concern of where I'm going in my faith
Or just out there to cause dispute against my new found family
Because they move so strong in the Holy Spirit and the Supernatural
Some may say they've entered too grey an area
But deep down I'm so sure and confident of this
The place which God have called me to be in
Shaken this week
But confident now
Knowing that my father God knows what I'm going through
And He WILL see me through
Although it is a painful journey
I look back onto the prophecies spoken over me
Having the full encouragement from my family
(They are wise discerning people you see)
And continue to love my friends no matter what reaction they would bring me
And see how the sequence of some AMAZING events have brought me into a family
Who focuses on pleasing God and God alone
I'm so sure that God wants me to stay where I am
For I'm growing just so much it takes my breath away
I shall not be moved
For God knew this was coming
And He asked me to persevere
Therefore it makes perfect sense to stay
Where I am I shall not be Shaken....