My hands shake as I held them...

My room is in a total mess right now.
And I don't know what Deb's gonna say when she walks in to take her schoolbag tomorrow.
Seriously, there's nearly not an inch of space to walk on.
I guess that's what you get with last minute clearing for college.

Anyway, was looking through all my junk wondering what to bring along with me.
I cant bring much, so I chose to bring my sentimental items rather than empty files and notepads which can be bought there. Can't bring much.
Kg's are a big issue, so I'd rather bring memories rather than stationery's.

......

Going through stuff that's slightly different from junk
Came across items that are far from trash or junk
Letters from the past, Making memories last

"Love Letters" to be exact
From a small little city, "Alor Setar"
Friends from afar but always at heart
Relationships that blossom right from the start

The more I read
The more my hands shake
The words that were said
Went beyond what they meant

Was I really that 'good' a person?
A 'role model' at that?
A friend at arms length
Always ready to give a lending hand?

I sure hope I was
As what was written and said
But one thing's for sure
They were all of that to me

To start from the top
I will say "thanks a lot"
To A. Lee Cheng & A. Pam
For teaching us the essence of "Wonderful Letters"

If it's not for them I won't be reading this letters
They helped us nurture relationships
Between Friends, Family and especially God.
We were like more than just family, though it may seem odd.

I have proof!
And it just blows my roof!
All those letters are kept in a box
The one sure thing I will bring overboard!

Thank you friends for being so nice!
You know who you are
but you may doubt sure you might!
I'm talking about you!
YES YOU!
To you that came for the slumber party
at A. Lee lee's!

We had such a great time didn't we?
Playing with water and flour
Making a big mess
Giving ourselves no rest!
6 "Ayamas" chicken
To 3 teams were given
1st group to finish
The winners that is!

There were Laughter
There were tears
I felt the pain
and tried not to faint
Thought that leaving a/s was going to be hard
And with all your speeches and letters
It really was Hard!
(Talk about the tissue box at the center! XD)

But at least they're still here with me now
"Safe & Sound"
Will cherish them forever
And to throw them I will never

To those that wasn't there
But was there in the spirit/letter (lol!)
Thank you soo much for being a part!
My best friend Sujin!
Who couldnt be there
Made an attempt
To write and be represented
You're very much appreciated!

Ok, I cant just help but thank you by your names,
Jeslyn, Michelle, Kelvin,
Daniel, Rachel, Gerard,
Eileen, Carissa and Charissa (XD)
Zuyi, Jeffery and Elodie
And to Sulyn for standing in for my best friend Sujin!

Of course this wouldn't happen
If it wasnt for A. Lee Lee!!!!!
Alowing us to make a mess of her house
(But don't worry we left it spic & span, IF my memory's correct =S)
And A. Penny for bringing a bunch of us to Penang!
Again to A. Pam & A. Lee Cheng
For making us believe in
Not only ourselves
But others and God!

Not forgetting friends like Ah Ben and Carmen!
Who wasn't there in person.
We're just 1 family
ONE body of Christ!

I sure MISS & LOVE every single 1 of YOU!!! May our relationships last and share one thing we must! To love God first, other's and ourselves, that way our lives will be such a BLAST! (in a good way that is!) Ok, just writing all these makes me relive those times, I think I'm sounding quite childish right now, but I don't care!!!! Cos you're all soooo RARE!

From the deepest of my heart
trish

Complicating applications

It's 5 in the morning
But I'm up and not sleeping
Maybe it's the mosquitoes
Maybe it's the way I grow
(like as we get older the less sleep we need?)
But I seriously think it's the anxiety

With college applications
Being all complicated
For all that is stated
Everything must be given
Or you'll not get accepted

Birth certs,results, i.c and everything in between
Not certified?
Then it's as good as blank sheets
So many places to go
So many errands to run
What if I don't meet the dreading deadline?!

These applications are so complicated
Almost making me feel dehydrated
(In a metaphorical kinda way xD)
But there's an application
That is so much more important
Yet far more easy and certain

It's not easy in the literal sense
But it's good in a wonderful way
To go against how the world sways
To be a "Jesus freak" and not be weak
The BIBLE is the application
That's all we need!

Lord,
Teach me how to hum it
Cos I don't know the words to this song yet

The words to this song
That starts a new chapter of my life
When I get to college or If I do get in
Help me live a life
That's pleasing in Your sight

As I dance to the beat of not my own drum but Yours
Help me live a life that points straight to You
I'm scared, even terrified
Will I survive or will I deny?
Only time will testify

But now as I'm still in my shelter
Help me understand better
That I don't have to be afraid
For with You as the Bible said
"All things are Possible"!

Help me know that though it doesn't seem
Being a christian is as easy as it's deemed
That as long as I read my bible and pray
Have a relationship with you that comes as easy as "Hey"
You will be there by my side

and...

It will never be as complicated as applications
For You are my firm foundation
The application that I truly need

Do I Dare?

Was reading the bible when an embarassing thing happened.
Ok, this is gross and I apologize, but I think this is important.
Reading while eating the delicious "Dott's" eggtarts, my saliva acidentally fell onto the pages.
I know! I'm clumsy! Tell me about it...
Anyway, after a little self-rebuking on my own, after all it WAS is a Bible, I couldnt help but remember of a video clip that was shown in church about churches everywhere being persecuted.

Different scenes were played out.

One was of an underground church being attacked by chinese soldiers.
The people were asked to stand in a line with a Bible right at the front
and they were to 1 by 1 kneel before the Bible and spit at it, its either that or your life.
Everyone took their turn spitting at the powerful

Basic

Instructions

Before

Leaving

Earth

For what is that to saving your own life right? At least its just an act without vocal denial, better than denying Christ.

So what if its JUST an act? Its an act of rebellion against our Lord!

Anyway all these happened until it was the turn of a young girl to spit at the Bible.

She didnt follow the adults or grannys, instead; she wiped of the saliva of those who spat!

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?!

She was shot to her death immediately!

To the people there, they may think, "poor girl... didnt know what to think, for a simple act of just spitting at the Bible would have saved her life" but to God its a whole different scenario...

She stood up for Him, by wiping the Bible she was making a stand!

That young girl was beyond the maturity of every witness in that room combined. She stood up for the Lord. With my saliva accidentally on that page, I felt really bad for drooling on the bible.(though it was an accident) and even though I whispered sorry, that was just me by myself.

What if I'm caught in the same situation like that little girl who lost her life? Will I run off and try to escape? Will I follow every adult in that room for the sake of my life? Will I spit at that Bible? Do I dare? Is my fear of God greater than my fear of men? Its easy to say now, but I really hope I'll be abe to, with the strength of God and my freedom of choice, to stand up for what is right. For when I'm confronted with a gun at my head, to deny Christ or to leave it all to Him.When that time comes...

DO I DARE? OR DO YOU?

American Idol

I'm kinda really interested in watching American idol now, maybe cos Kris Allen won the last Season, amazing yet shockingly! Everyone thought that Adam Lambert was gonna win, cos the world really seems as dark as it seems, its getting darker everyday, I'm never gonna put my light away! (as in Jesus living in me..lol) Ok, I mean Kris was working with the church's worship ministry and Adam was gay.. no offense to him but did you watch his video on The VMA Awards?!
Ok, now i'm feeling a bit to self righteous, so scratch the last part!

Anyway, everytime after I watch an episode, I cant help but feel inferior, cos though I love watching it and seeing people getting closer to their dreams, I cant help but also think of the millions more that didnt. Its not only that, when watching youtube, seeing past American Idol winners go for their first audition, or looking at Disney Channels' young stars get interviewed or even seeing the cast of "Twilight" get mobbed by crazy fans, it kinda makes me feel smaller, like 'I'm a nobody with no talent', a 'zero' in the ladder of community or maybe in the ladder of Hollywood.

But then I think again, just because people like "Kelly Clarkson" or "Carrie Underwood" are really really good singers and happen to give the glory to God, that doesnt mean that God made a mistake with me! God broke the mould when He created me! And the mould was also broken when He created you! hehe.. ironic as it sounds..I Guess loads of moulds were broken when He created us. Each one, unique in our own special way. American Idol starts in a few minutes and I cant wait to watch! But this time I will watch it with dignity in my heart knowing that I'm a girl of God and nothing can take that away from me!

Cos 1 thing's for sure...

I don't have to be an American Idol to praise my Jesus!!!

For My love

Bought this cd from Doulos but waited til now only to open it and play it in the car. Its songs are for girls or women I think, anyway, thats the title cos its a mix of artist with wonderful christian songs from all different types of genre! This is my fave by Bethany Dillon!

Walk towards me, I want to hear
The Heavens singing over you
When you breath and look at me
I want to be captured by you

*Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you'll fight
Thousands for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide what's deep in my eyes
I'm scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head and see you there
I wanna be pursued, yeah

*Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you'll fight
Thousands for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I wont wake from
A story that will never end
The ground that your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

**

I'm a tad confused by the lyrics and the capital letters, not knowing whether "you" stands for "God" as in "You". Took me almost an hour to find the lyrics cos lyrics domain cant be found on the search engine. Maybe she was singing to her lover, but I think she was singing to God. Wanting God to pursue her, at least thats what was told in the cd cover. Oh ya, the cover didnt have any lyrics on it, just reasons and the "how's" and "when's" the songs came about. And the title is titled "For My love" so now i'm even more confused... "My" as in who....?

The skies

The skies these days
Just keeps me amazed
At 5 it's a perfect blue with beautiful white streaks
At night as 1 friend said is
A darker blue almost black

The moon so near
You feel that is here

Right here in your neighborhood!
Haha...
Words can't describe it
The beauty of some creation
That totally seems unreal
Another of the many ways
God's proof that he is not only REAL
But sincerely near

Driving to pick mom up
Thank God for the traffic (for once)
Giving me ample time
To clear my mind
From the hectic cars on the road ahead
To the skies up above my head (or the car in a way)

Saw birds in the sky
Couldn't make them out
Were they "Bangau's" or "seagulls"
The clear thing
They were white

Counted them
10 to be exact!
8 flying in a unison "V"
Another 2 trying to catch up

Thought the slower 2 would eventually loose them
But no they didn't
Their pace was even
Making the sight pleasant

Its crazy how God works you know?
The way He shows us that a higher power truly exists!
From the skies, to trees
And grizzly caterpillars to the least!

How His work of art can be seen through the shades of white & blue
And the bright orangey yellow in the moon so close

Giving me promises to hold
For God is truly in control
Of my future and whatsoever untold

I wished I had a professional High Definition camera
To capture the moon, the birds and the sky
But for now I don't
So all I can is take a mental picture

Keep it in my memory
Trying never to forget it
For the beauty God has painted
Even in the simplicity of
The skies...

Dreams will just go as far as dreams.....hopefully

Dreams...

It has always been something pleasant for me
Not the dream in itself but just the thought of it
Cos sometimes we may have nightmares
Or even dreams with no meaning we don't really care

It was like fantasy or even an escape
To dream out of unreality
Reaching the unreachable
Dreaming the impossible

But just years ago my aunt told me
That dreams weren't just mere dreams
But another way God shows us things
And I'm realizing it's true as though it seems

It can be good, It can be bad
May be literal, may be not
You may have to interpret it in a more serious way
Not just believing everything as some may say

Never really bothered about the dreams I dreamed
More on what others had to dream
Finding reasons to what they really meant
Putting together clues of what God made seen

And then a BOMBSHELL!!!

Deb dreamed a dream
That was seriously unforeseen
Scary and frightening
Unbelievable, unthinkable
And everything in between

Its to serious I have to keep it a secret
But it was really "creepy" I sincerely admitted
I was in the picture and so was my sis
Plus another person I will rather omit

I was shocked at first
Then I got scared
But the fear turned into anger
And I really felt the latter!

Not because of the situation
But because of my reaction
In the dream that was recalled
Making me feel indignant

Got it interpreted
Hope it is what is seems
Please, no more than mental stuff
For touching the physical
Will be so much more irritable

I just pray God will help me get over this dream
Hoping that this dream will only go as far as a

Dream......