Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Being Wanted

I have never felt this wanted before
Not by a person but by so many
Lol, it's not by guys but by many people
Who hold important posts in this college

I guess going to the Leadership camp has opened many doors for me
To emcee in different events and help out in anyway I can
But somehow there's just too many events and too many dates
Too torn in between to miss out on any, I'll hate

But I have committed myself to CF
And there is where my decision lies
But what about the harvest field
If not me then who?

Taking up these posts wont be easy
Going through the interviews wasn't even easy
I didn't plan to go in the first place
Why was I there at the right or wrong time?

They can really talk you into helping them out
Bending their rules for you
Giving you favors
Just so you can help them for that few days

Have this been what I have always been looking for?
To be known, needed and wanted?

Its hard to say for ironically I hate attention
People won't believe it
But seriously I do

Don't know what it is
Is it the way I speak, laugh or present?
Or is it the way I look too young to be my age?
Or is it even my height? (lol)

What I want is to be God's light
To shine not for me but for Him
So that when people see me
They don't see me but God

It's easy to say that
Really easier said then done

I hope my heart is right where it's suppose to be
To be filled with humility even in the midst of this activities
To not be proud cos so many people know me
But look beneath and to see what lies under it all

I have to stop being fickle
And start making important decisions
To prioritize my time
And not leave God behind

I guess being wanted isn't how I thought it will be
I was seriously confused and walked back with a heavy heart
So what if so many people want you to help out
I only have 2 hands and 2 feet

Talked to close friends about it
Saying that I hope I had a twin to help me out
But she answered, "then you'll just have double the problem"
They really opened my perspective on this situation I'm going through

I hate where I am right now
To have to choose between so many
Cos somehow in one way or another
Its not just events but friend ties involved

God, please help me
Show me which to choose
And which to not
To have the courage to just say no
And to not give in and please everyone
But You

But at least people can that I'm a christian
And so far comments have not been negative
If only they can see my heartbeat for God
And what I'm trying to live out

It will really make being wanted all the more worth it...

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