Thursday, March 31, 2011

Standing on Empty

To stand on empty
I'd rather be a bird and be free
To soar in the sky
With nothing in mind

I feel like I'm standing on this tiny island
2 by 2 feet
Just enough to hold me
The sand so yellow I feel hollow

It's not the first time
It happened after TT
It's happening after Easter
The emptiness after a big event

You work and work, You do and you do
And then it is all over
With a pat on the back and praises abounding
The last thing to expect is the feeling of nothing

I get that a lot
Working so hard to achieve something
And when it is all over and done with
A slight depression enters and nothing

I hate that
The way I feel the way that I feel
I'd rather cry or be enraged with emotions
But I guess sometimes things or in this case emotions don't come as you want

No tears, no anger
No happiness, no joy
Not even the slightest feeling of achievement
Just pure numbness as numb as it can be

You feel so desperate you'd rather any kind of emotion
I try to feel happy but that would be lying
I try to cry but the tears would never start falling
I try to find something, anything within me and all I see is emptiness

We're so used to being busy
That the moment I have free time
I just don't know what to do
And everything seems grey and blue

I have to trust that God will see me through and fast
Cos finals are next week
And to stay in such nothingness will be weak
I have to fight and start making things right

I have to move away from this island I stand
The Island of Empty
And move onto standing on the direct will of God
His Word and who He is

Took a walk but couldn't concentrate
Tried talking to God with no return
Text-ed a friend with no reply
Tried reaching my inner feelings with no avail

But in God I put my trust
And on His solid rock I stand
A step away from the lonely Island
And onto His strong promises for me

To know that He knows what I'm going through
That even though I'm not feeling anything
He still feels for me
And He knows exactly to the very core of what I'm going through

To me I may feel nothing
But He takes this nothingness and turns it into a something
And that will be a wonderful and incredible "something"
Although I haven't a clue whatsoever of anything

I wont stay true to my feelings
For right now I don't feel anything
But I'll stay true to my Faith
For God is my everything

And that is one step of faith away from this Island
And onto what God has in stored
No more standing on empty
For my faith stands on a God that has so much more...

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