Tuesday, August 30, 2011


Something right now that seems foreign to me
Even though I was "thrown" into it at a very young age
Never realizing why or for who I did it back then
Following and serving just out of obedience

At 10 I started leading kids in worship
When I myself was still a kid
Handpicked, chosen to go overseas
Praying on stage for participants in Hong Kong
Singing and dancing
I must say it was lots of fun

Have been a worship leader
A clown
A game master
Done dramas
Done skits
Done object lessons

Took its toll on me when it became "reaching expectations"
Outwardly I was or thought I was a blessing
But inwardly I felt empty and used
To reach out to a few hundred children
To show children workers how things ought to be
It was wrong of me to think that way

I guess when you enter your teens
And start having a mind of your own
You start wondering what am I here for?
And why am I doing this?
Rightful questions questioned wrongfully
Almost resulting in bitterness

Sometimes we turn into human-doings
When we should stay human-beings
Subconsciously allowing works to precede the heart
Serving men and leaders
Forgetting Jesus the true boss 
Messing up the definition of serving and servanthood

I resented it at one point
To the point of falling into depression
Went back to KK and didn't wanna have anything to do with it
Ironically, served in children, youth, worship and sports ministry
Happens when you're able and related to leaders

Is there such a thing as too much of it?
What is the exceeding mark?
When should we stop and breath?
There has to be breathers
So we can take it all in
From the one who breathes life

How would you know that you're called by God Himself
And not by the leader because they're forever lacking of people
To serve from ones heart
Not because they're talented, a pastor's kid or just being nice
But to be truly CALLED.

Somehow I feel like I wanna serve again
But this time it comes from my heart
Not because someone has called me
But because I have heard from Him
And I shan't be afraid

No one is indispensable
But everyone is irreplaceable
Whether its in the children's ministry
Or worship team
I would follow where God leads

I was naturally placed in it
I followed and serve obediently
Enjoyed it actually
But age and reasoning came in
I felt neglected at one point 
And I resented it
But I'm older now
And I realize that God brings us through times
All for a bigger purpose and plan
We see the thread
He sees the tapestry
The bigger picture

I wanna come back now
I wanna serve my King
For its more than a physical act or thing
Its character building
And spiritual maturing

I wont resent you no more
For I was wrong to do so
For when I was soaking during "carpet time"
I felt Him saying
"Come back to serve Me, with Me"

and then I realize that I don't serve Him on my own, I do it together with Him
and that makes it a lot easier because I'll get tired serving on my own and in my flesh
but with him supernatural strength is my portion
and I have fear no more
as I come back to 

No comments: