1 hour 44 seconds...and counting on...

Its the first 1 hour & 44 minutes of 2010
And I don't even feel like going to bed

Today started wacky
Then it turned crazy
Cos things were kinda messy

Then my feelings kinda went down
But during the countdown
It went high up
Felt like soaring sky high

I questioned God
Asking Him why don't people show
At least a bit of gratitude known

When others (as in Pastors) go out of their way
To offer you condolence they may
And when its time to show up
Its all a no-show

They have other plans
Better than what is planned
But who am I to judge?
When God is the One in charge!

I believe everything today was Divine
Well at least the second part of it
For God works in ways
We never understand

This year was fantastic!
Learned more mechanics
but also got into the Dynamics!
A bigger mixture of what salt & sugar can mix!

I had my seriously low points
Talk about loosing money in the 4 digits
To an almost best friend to begin with
Making me feel down right stupid & silly

But I also had really high points
The children I work with oh such a blessing
The friends I have to share my Faith in church
The adults who've helped me along the way

I colored my hair for the first time this year
Got a distinction in my grade 8 ballet examination
Joined a dance troupe from KL
And found my love of writing

Went paintball shooting and got hit by friendly fire
(It still hurts cos I got shot by my OWN teammate
70 meters per sec, you do the math)
Joined Floorball camp & got hit in the eye
(not by the ball, but by the stick!)
Lost my contact lense
(and still am not sure whether its in my eye or seriously dropped out)

Met wonderful people
And made better friendships
Got my feelings hurt
But never last long cos I know God has heard

And it all rounds up to today
Ok, not exactly today but a few hours ago
When I won a Navinci sofa chair!!!
From a blessing draw never knew it may!

Gave it to someone who needed it more
Tripped and fall on my way up with the chair
4 inch platforms heels doesn't really help
but slowly and heavily it reached where it belonged

Didn't get a thank you
But did saw the gratitude
For the previous chair is broken so bad
The 2 arms are separate and the bottom cushion flat

When I first saw it
I prayed in my heart
That I needed to get him a chair that's all intact

But how? I lost so much money
How will I get a chair?
GAP- God Answers Prayers
And my prayer was answered

Its the first 2 hours and 12 minutes into 2010
And still counting....
I'm sure this year will be ten times better
Cos of the name in itself
And of course God in Himself

He'll never leave me
Sticking by me in the 365 days to come
I love you Lord!!!

It's 2 hours 14 minutes
and still counting
The clock is ticking
Let's better start believing
In Him we live in

2.15 and still counting.........
(But my Daddy up there is what I'm counting on)
Happy 2010 Everyone! Hope you have a great one this year!

Christmas

Christmas is here and it's almost gone
So let's wish our loved ones
Before time is lost

Christmas
A time of giving and sharing
A time of Love and Hope
But most importantly
A time to remember our Lord Jesus

Well not exactly
I think we should think of Him all year round
But maybe make it more visual
This time round

Christmas is about His story
But making it more sorry
People have covered it
With Santa Claus, reindeer's and elves
Emphasizing on oneself

Counting the presents we'll have
Or whether we'll get the right one this year
Focusing on things everywhere
Sometimes neglecting the One up there

People celebrate it for the wrong reasons
Maybe a chance to get tipsy
Or to act all too wild
Reducing and affecting the meaning of Christmas

But the bright side of it?
Every other religion or culture
May not be celebrated the whole world round
But that's not what Christmas is all about

Americans, Asians and even Indians
Celebrate Christmas everywhere
The whole earth is reliving the birth of Christ
Whether they're conscious about it or not

So let's take this time
And thank God
Of all the wondrous
Things He has brought

Let's think about the poor
And keep them in our prayers
The widows
That God will give them strength

God is coming oh so soon
Let's take the chance
To give Him more room

Pray for the unsaved
The lost
Our loved ones
Who don't know God yet

That we may spend
All of eternity together
In God's hands

Christmas comes only once a year
So let's not neglect
To wish our loved ones
A "Merry Christmas"

For we don't have many chances
To say this in our lifetime

so for now
for the last time this year
I wanna wish you all a

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
(& Stay close to Jesus)

A great discovery

We've been friends for not very long

Just sang some songs

And got along

Too bad a week later it's goodbye, so-long

But I do hope this friendships will last long
For it's not often when a great bunch comes along
Get to know them for a week
And it's laughter and God, together we seek

Took time for us to bond
But after the warming up
It's a whole different kinda story
For it's something like a mark in history

If it wouldnt be for their missions & our camps
We would have never been friends
But now we are and its oh so fun
Just like the pink rays of a bright shining sun

They thought us the words
"BoOmZ" & "SHinGz"
And it's not just the words that ring
But craziness we share in our clique

We danced in the airport
And made a video of some sort
Having fun together
Sharing the same faith making it even better

Even the older ones are as cool
Never seen such sporty adults
Dancing with us
Not caring bout witnesses
(witness as in strangers/passerbys witnessing our funny scene)

I'll miss them a lot
I miss them already
But I'm sure I'll get to meet them
Oh I cant wait for that moment

For the past week was great
Being wacky and all
We still spent quality time with the One above
Making us feel from the inside out- LOVED

I met wonderful people
Heard wonderful experiences
Laughed a whole lot
And cried pretty much too
(But its the good kinda crying)
Made friendships
And cultivated them
Shared our same faith
And played fun games
I'm thankful to God
For giving me all these
Making me remember
His wonderful blessings

And I cant sum all this up
The friendships
The laughter
The jokes
The conversations
The claps
The smiles
The faith
The memory captured
The joy
The food
The photos taken
And also the
"As long as it's for God,
I don't really care what people think" attitude
(refering to the scene in the airport=D)
I cant help but say
It has been

A GREAT DISCOVERY!!!

When my faith is questioned

When my faith is questioned
It's not just a suggestion
More like a statement
Thinking it's amendment

Faith versus scientific facts
I rather not choose the latter
For what is there to compare
When stats aren't everything out there

There's no way to box God up
And try to sum it all up
Thinking and rationalizing
In never-ending debating

For God is God
And we're only mortal
So just let God be God
And submit to Him total

Some people don't get that
Cos they stick to the facts
Making stats more important
Than the One who truly made them

How can I defend my faith?
When you keep screaming?
Not giving me a second
To proclaim what I believe in

I know you've read books
And know about scientists
Whom discover things contradicting the Word
But they're starting to align the way it should work

Scientists are discovering wonders beyond all means
Things stated from the Bible where it all begins
Like the day He moved the sun backwards?
Scientists confirmed it after calculation

Ok, so we do have facts which coincide
Making it even more of an insight
But even if they don't coincide
This is the part where faith comes in

Faith
"The substance of things hoped for"
"the evidence of things not seen"
Only people with brave hearts will truly be keen

For they're willing to be ridiculed
Questioned and challenged
May not always get the right answers
But with God on our side, victory is ours!

Why do you even bother using your finite mind
To comprehend & understand an infinite God?
He won't be God in the first place
If we'll always have the final say

It's hard when the ones close to you
Don't share the same beliefs
Even harder when 'Heaven' and 'Hell'
Comes in and determine

Paradigm powers perception
And perception powers belief
Its all in the mind
But I'll leave it to the Divine

I pray that one day
You'll see what I see
That God is everything
Way more than we think

Next time when this happens
When my faith is questioned
I'll submit the conversation to You
Knowing You're in the center

Never letting my faith waver...

Home is Heaven

Its been 6 days since grandpa left,

4 days since his funeral,

Yet I don't feel the impact

As hard as I tought I would feel.

The moment I got the call,

saying that he has gone to be with the Lord,

I didn't know what or how to feel,

The feeling was just stagnant.

Wanted to blog about it there and then,

But couldn't even face my blogpage,

Maybe I couldn't allow reality to hit,

Didn't want my thoughts to be confronted.

Maybe I wanted to believe he was still here,

Sitting at the end of the table,

Waiting on for his favourite food,

Ice-cream something he truly liked.

But through the process,

Of his wake services and funeral,

My family learnt a lot,

More about the celebration of life

rather than the mourning of a lost one.

He is in a better place now,

although I miss him a lot,

I wont be missing him forever,

For I'll see him again 1 day.

Home is Heaven, and 1 day we'll all be reunited.

Singing to my Grandpa

As I sit here by 公公's bedside,I see him lying on the bed.
I can't help but feel the peace & contentment
God has placed around us.
We both know what's going to happen,
but we're not letting it steal our time together.
I gave him his milk through his tube,
hold his hand and asked him
whether he wanted me to sing.
I sang a few chinese songs
and got the pleasure of finding out
which one was his favorite.
"耶和华" a song named "Jehovah"....

Squeezing my hand whenever this song was mentioned
assured me that this was his favorite.
It was hard at first, being shy and all,
there were so many patients
and their family members around
but what did I have to loose?
I would rather my dignity,
than him not hearing his song.

The tears fall uncontrollably.
I just face him.
And face all else out.

He had tears,
But he also had a smile.
I know deep down,
he knows where he's going.
And its a joy to see him
despite tubes, needles and all,
being able to pick a song
and sing-along.
(well not exactly, but I can hear the tune
and make out the words)

It's more than changing his diaper
or feeding him milk,
checking whether he's warm enough,
or whether he has enough glucose drip, sodium chloride
and Oxygen.

Letting him hold my hand
unless I have to wash his syringes
or throw something
Is all I can do for him these last days.

The simple gesture of just holding his hand
means the world to the both of us.
He's been grumbling the whole time I write this.
I guess he wants me to sing him his favorite song.

His grip's so strong
I can't imagine how anyone healthy
can grip as long and as hard as this.
I guess all his energy is exerted
to show love through his hold.
It kinda hurts when he squeezes that long,
But I don't want it to end.

I love him and so does God.
I know he's going to a better place,
and be in safer arms.
A place so beautiful,
a million words cant describe.
He's going to spend all of eternity
with the One above.
He is truly blessed.

Ok, now I really have to sing to him
for he's grumbling away.
It's my pleasure though,
I'll do it day after day,
til he leaves for a better place.

I'll sing to him in our own world
No one else hears
It is just us....
Me, him and the One above....

Waking up in a place I love

To wake up in a place I love
A gift from the One above
The feeling of it is so refreshing
Even more than swimming or bathing

As the girls are still sleeping
I am here thinking
About the blessings I've recieved
From every person here I have seen

They are different in so may ways
Sadly its too short, the number of days
I wish I could stay longer
Fulfilling my satisfaction of truly belonging

For its so easy to just click with them
No invinsible wall in between us
It could be days, months or even years
But when the contact comes its laughter & friendships first

My friends they just bless me in so many ways
Not just girls with straight A's
We laugh, we cry, we share
Of all our memories we dare

Waking up in a place I call home
Means more to me than to just mourn
This town and "kampung" is not where I was born
But its place where true friendships birth

I never feel the same among friends like them
After a long distance & time spent apart
We always continue right where we parted
Different from others where both sides need warming up

Thank God for Friday
But even more for friends
For I cant live without them
It'll be like fish in low waters

God is always with me
But to prove it more physically
He has placed me around
The world's greatest people

We share the same faith
And hold onto the same teachings and belief
That's why we can talk so freely
And sometimes argue more willingly

To find accountability in each other
To be true to oneself
Never compromisong our beliefs
Although thoughts maybe sometimes different

Thank you God for giving me another chance
To come back to this place I call my 2nd home
The girls here mean so much to me
As I ponder on the goodness of them as they sleep

Thanks for giving me a chance
Of waking up in a place I truly LOVE!

2 jobs 2 many.....

2 jobs too many

Having too many jobs is really hard

Ok, maybe I should be grateful it's only 2 & not 3

I should be grateful!

But really, am I?

One I love

The other not so

Should I decide between them?

Not a tough one though

For I'll pick one the moment I'm asked

It's tough to be waking up at 6

Finishing at 12.30

Drive off to the next destination

Rushing in the traffic

To get to work that is

Didn't I go to work in the morning?

Well, I have 2 jobs you see

One facing Kids

The other facing the computer

Easier said than done

I have a sleeping problem

Still working on it

Take a nap on the office floor

(a locked room of course)

And work starts all over again

It's hard to sit down

For I'm an extrovert

Harder to get things done

For I'm not really discipline

When Facebook is what I'm envisioning

Been scolded at

Been complained about

Shed my tears

Wrestled my fears

And thats what life's all about

You see I enjoy working at the Kindy

But there's this someone who kinda bullies me

Looking down upon me

She shouts and orders

Maybe thinking a year of experience gives her the right

Or maybe cos my mom's also working there

Making her feel intimidated?

Took her throws at me for almost a year

Glad I stood up the second last day of work

Never backing down, holding my dignity

It was really tough though

Why did I wait so long to stand up for "me"

Just ignoring or turning away when I felt hurt

Really made her feel disturbed

"Righting the wrongs" putting feelings in place

And then there's this complaint about my timing

Timing sounds nice for its actually lateness

I rush of from work to work

Making it less easy for me

But of course I also have a part to be blamed

I learned from my mistakes this past year

Talk about losing my phone, friendship & money

Loads of money that is

But nothing near which could buy friendship

I'll restore my friendships for money can be earned back

2 jobs 2 many

I'm glad I didnt write this the moment I felt it

The hurt & pain will drive me

To write things nasty and unworthy

Of the lessons and experience I have gained

I'm better off than a lot of people

Now I truly understand

That God loves me and tests me

Will put me in tough situations but nothing I cant go through

Well if it does happen, He'll give me the strength

2 jobs 2 many

I think now it's just a saying

For I've found where I belong

In the centre of God's plans for me

And for now

2 Jobs Just Doesn't Seem 2 Many!

What can be more beautiful?

Isaiah 60:19-20

"The sun will no longer be your light during the day
nor will the brightness from the moon
be your light,
because the Lord will be your light forever,
and your God will be your glory
Your sun will never set again,
and your moon will never be dark,
because the Lord will be your light forever,
and your time of sadness will end."

Came across this passage during my quiet time and this section really jumped out at me, made me rethink of life on earth and the beauty we see in God's creation. However, what is it really when compared to the beauty we'll envision when we spend all of eternity with our Father?

Life is beautiful through our eyes
Beautiful trees and mountains surround us
The sea connects with the skies in the distance
Making it seem like a pure blue sheet
As delicate and soft as the fur on a sheep

We see thousands of species
From flowers to walking creatures
Unique in their own way
More than words could ever say
Sometimes taking our breath away

What can be more beautiful?
I catch myself saying
But after reading "Isaiah"
I go now in wonder
Of the place I'll spend in eternity

What is more beautiful
Than the bright morning sunlight
Or the brightness of a full moon

The beautiful color of a sunset
And the denseness of a clear dark sky

Or the silver lining I saw while driving today
The mix of orange and blue
Doesn't sound quite right for it's hard to describe
Caught my full attention
Making me drive in not very good motion

What actually can be more beautiful
All these seems to be a "wink" from God
Aren't these enough?
To us it may seem
For we're nothing short of human

But in God's perspective
And through His eyes
There's stuff a million times better than that
More beautiful than we can ever imagine
As stated in the book of Isaiah

For the Lord will be our light forever
And also be our glory
The sun will never set again
And the moon will never be dark

Not because they don't want to

But because they don't have to!
There will be light forevermore
Because of our Lord
And times of sadness will end
No more weeping, no more crying

That's right!
Picture a life without sadness
No emotional or physical pain
It's kinda impossible for we've never felt it
I'm just waiting for the day when I'll run straight into His arms

Tell me what can be more beautiful?

What matters most...

Driving back home at 11.30 at night
Felt really contented and grateful
That I had a friend who could help me
Sort out my bank statements
The acronyms I couldn't make out

Although I lost a lot of money
From a friend I thought was more than just funny
The pain is starting to subside
No more a matter which coincides
My thoughts and thinking, making them right

Hard to comprehend the matter that happened
Harder to get over it and manage my emotions
But life is tough, oh yes it is
And whatever life throws at us
Don't take it alone, but together with God

I've done my crying
I've done my weeping
But that's over now
And I can't let my emotions run wild
Life goes on, and it's how I take it

I'm glad of my response to this
The fact that I didn't fall into depression
Making it a worst situation
I talked to my close ones
And most importantly talked to God

Even though it was a tough one
I embraced myself
Not letting it get to me
With the help of loved ones and God
I came out of this learning a true lesson

I wont be too naive and gullible
The next time I come across someone with compassion
Although I feel the compassion
It's not necessarily I act on it
For God knows we're no superhero

So as I lay my head to go to sleep
I thank God for everything
His blessings and the different ways
Of teaching me stuff
That comes out of true life lessons

I don't look at this matter with hurt & regret
But of course I learned my lesson
Even paid a huge price
My family and I
So I'm ever grateful to the ones God placed around me

Although tough situations happens
Making us go hay-wire
Even though the sky may fall down
I know my God loves me
And that's what matters the most!

They see what no one else sees

I just realize

That children see what no on else sees

I mean the things are there
But we're too busy to notice
Never really realizing

Whether it's a pair of new shoes
A new scrunchie
The flower on my dress
Or the fact that I didn't wear my contacts
And had to wear my glasses

They see and comment
Its usually good though
Or in pure wonder
Just for the sake of asking
Or for the sake of knowing

The slightest new thing they see
Never fails to delight them
They find beauty
In all things around
Never finding a reason to sulk

"Teacher you wear new earring?"
"Why your hair tie so nice?"
"Why you wear glasses, you cannot see ah?"
"The flower on your dress so nice!"
"Teacher you buy new shoes ah?"

All these questions
Always catch me in wonder
Of the little things in life we take for granted
Always working, never relaxing
Disabling us too find beauty in the right things

We have to take a step back
And breath in the goodness
Of what God has given us
From the mountains & oceans
To the smile on someones face

To be grateful and content
Not being caught up in all our busyness
Though some people take pride in that
To take pleasure
From the littlest details in our lives

These children kinda mirror God
Seeing what no one else sees
Our feelings and emotions inside
Covered & hidden by a mask
Or by the things we busy ourselves with

God sees everything
Our past, our present, our future
Our hopes, our dreams, our failures
Everything from the inside out
He sees when no one else sees

So don't worry and just be blessed
For our Dad in Heaven
Knows us through & through
Cast our fears upon Him
And He will give us rest

We should learn from Him & these kids
To not just look but see
Whether its the fidgeting of a friend
Or the beauty of a butterfly
To embrace every passing moment

Like a girl I look up to
Rachel Scott- a martyr of faith
Always wanting to be a
"See-Througher" and not a "Look-Atter"
To see within and not look on the surface

Let's all be like that
And take a step back
To see the beauty in life
And learn what the children do
The way they resemble God

To see what no one else sees......

Will You be my Escape?

Will You be my Escape?
During times I feel down
Feeling all alone
With no one to hold

Will You be my Escape?
In times of need
Feeling I'm useless
Always a nuisance

Will You be my Escape?
When I feel I'm not me
Always doing things wrong
The one to be blamed

Will You be my Escape?
Cos I don't feel like myself
I need a place to be released
Off all my duties & insecurities

Will You be my Escape?
I feel I'm on the outside looking in
That person there just ain't me
How can I help her, is there a way?

Will You be my Escape?
And help me out of here
Free me from this deception
That's giving me a misconception

Will You be my Escape?
For I know I'll have all of eternity
To be with You up there
But for now I'm down here, so please be with me

Will You be my Escape?
And let me soar like an eagle
A bird free from its cage
Leaving the past behind

Will You be my Escape?
Just for Once
Let me feel like Cinderella
Your daughter, A true princess

Will You be my Escape?
I really need You now
For nothings else matters
When You're always here....

Will You be my Escape?
It's not just a fantasy
For I'll come back to reality
And try to make things right

Will You be my Escape?
Show me a glimpse of Heaven
Where there's no suffering
No hurt, no pain

Will You be my Escape?
I think You will be
For You're Supernatural
Making me feel essential

Kids these days

Kids these days... Many people are talking about kids these days, like how they act all grown-up, disrespect, run around, cry out loud! And so much more... I work pretty close with kids these past year, and I think they should get a benefit of a doubt too. I'm not saying that it's ok the way they act what they act, but still, kids will be kids, so why don't we just take in their purity, innocence, love, cuteness, care-free attitude and correct them from their mistakes rather than nag them every single time they make the slightest bit of mistake.

Kids these days

Some sigh at the thought of it

Always concluding the acts

Of these young innocent souls

They really are a blessing you know?

Rather than a burden

Don't think too lowly of them

For they are all God's beloved

I never thought of them the way

I think of them now

These past year has really given me

Revelation after revelation

Of the wonders of these kids

They bless you like no other

With no intention they give without realizing

Just living their lives as a gift for us

Ok, they have their fair share of misconduct

But so do we don't you think?

For we all can act childish at some point

Not setting a good example yet always judgemental

Even recieved a little card from a young boy

Just to say he loves me

And wants God to bless me

His gesture speaks more to me than a thousand words

Or how so many children say they love you

And wanna buy you something

Although they may not have money

They love you for who you are deep within

They don't care if you have pimples

And wear glasses

Or don't follow the latest trends

They accept you with no strings attached

These past year my eyes are truly opened
Kinda like looking through the eyes of God

Finally seeing why God speaks so highly of children

For they really are small people with huge hearts

We can learn a lesson or two from them

For they too are great teachers

Not to scold or shout at us

But to just BE

Jesus loves the little children

I think there's more depth to that than we think

We are all His children

Although not all of us are little

We should take from them

What God desires

Learn what is exemplified

Their love, their purity, their kindness

Many can say that they are a nuisance

I have many friends who can't stand kids

Say their not patient enough

But I guess it's our lost not to be with them

For they open our eyes to things unseen

Unlocking our hearts to pure random acts of kindness

Exposing our souls to the gift of God's love

For they love with no limits

And give with no desire of return

Play with all they're hearts

And lift their hands in prayer

Giving God their full attention

They can be naughty, they can be playful

They're crying may be a soar to our ears

Sometimes unreadable or even hard to decipher

But whatsoever I'll always be in wonder with the ways of...

KIDS THESE DAYS!

The gift of a Child

The gift of a child

One of the best gift we can receive
A gifts that's so priceless
It's full of surprises

The gift of a child
Covers so many other gifts
Friendship, Love, Innocence
In them there's no pretense

Sometimes we take this gift for granted
Shutting them up
Closing them tight
Not letting them show off their beauty within

There's times we think they're a nuisance
Bothering and time consuming
Never realizing that they're the ones
Who make life worth living


The gift of a child
I open these presents everyday
And everyday I see a new gift
Each one as enlightening as the other

The gift of a child
They just make my day
One even gave me a little card
Just to say a "I love you"

They're always there whether you like it or not
Well I love their company
For you'll never get bored
For they're funny, loving & caring

Sometimes they drive you up the wall
Sometimes they make you laugh your heads off
Sometimes they make you wanna just squeeze their cheeks
Cos their just so cute you can't resist

The gift of a child
I'm glad God gave me that gift
For it also means a lot to Him
He looks beyond what can be seen

The gift of a child
I think its time we give them our gift
The gift of Faith, Hope & Love
For Jesus is the best gift they can receive

I'll forever treasure my moments with them
For time is running & almost up
I'll have to continue my journey in life
Making these moments not present but memories

Time spent in the Kindy is ever so worth it
I don't even regret it one bit
I see different kind of gifts
Wrapped with colorful & different paper

They really are full of surprises
So never despise the little children
For they're part of our family in Christ
A gift that's so precious...

THE GIFT OF A CHILD!

Following the Leader!

On the way home from school, I was feeling really tired. So I just rested my head on the headrest in the car and close my eyes, not long after, little Howie (not his real name) beside me took my hand bag out of my arms and hook his into the sling and protectively pressed it against his tummy, mirroring me. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. It really caught me off-guard. I wondered why he did that....

I am still wondering, maybe he wants to be like me, or maybe he's fascinated by a girly handback, maybe he just did it on impulse, I'll never know. Asked him, but he doesn't speak very well yet for he's only 3. He looked really funny, laying back on his schoolbag, Roxy bag on his tummy with his hand looped through it pressing it with the other hand and eyes closed. Made me remember of the song "Following the Leader" from Snow White. And also how the world laughs at Christianity, the way we just follow God no matter how funny it may seem.

I'm following the leader
Not "Doc" though from the 7 dwarfs
I'm following someone special
Even more awesome than "Happy" or "Sneezy"

He isn't grouchy like "Grumpy"
Or shy like "Bashful"
Doesn't have big ears like "Dopey"
And isn't like "Sleepy" for He never sleeps!

Always on the lookout
For His children and followers
Oh yes, He is
My Daddy and King!

I'll follow Him no matter what people say
For I have great mighty people to follow each day
Some maybe here some maybe gone
But what they have done will never be foregone

Like Noah who built "The Ark"
Or Moses taking on Egypt
Like David too
Whom worshiped God partially unclothed

These people gave everything to God
Their pride, dignity, status & wealth
Plans, thoughts, future & pain
Family, friends and everything in between

They were ridiculed, mocked
Laughed at and despised
Yet they only cared of what God thought
Never letting reality hinder their devotion for Him

And yet they moved mountains
Started a new race
Set captives free
One even called "A Man after God's own Heart"

I want to be like them
Though it may not seem dignified
For Him I'll do anything
From singing to being undignified

For there's this cool song I once heard
"I will dance, I will sing, to be glad for my King
Nothing Lord hindering, Your passion in my soul"
And then in the chorus

"I'll become, even more undignified than this,
Some may say it's foolishness,
But I'll become, even more undignified than this
Leave my pride by my side"...

I wanna really walk my talk
And play out what I sing
To be true to myself
By following and being true to God

People may laugh
People may curse
It really is a harsh world out there
But nothing's gonna come in my way

Just like the game "Simon Says"
I'll just do what "Jesus Says!"
For the reason and for the cause
I'll be sold out to Him who saves souls

For I'll always remember
To never back out on my leader
Saying "He's my God, no matter what"
And chickening out is not an option

For He's up there
Looking down on me
Saying "That's my girl, no matter what"
This I know for sure

For He'll never leave us
For this I'm assured
For He's Jehovah Shammah
"The Lord who never leaves us or forsake us"

That's why I am and will forever be

FOLLOWING THE LEADER!!!
(The Divine One & only)

Doubt is creeping in

Doubt is creeping in
And I just don't like it
It makes its entrance slowly
Without a single sound

I catch myself thinking
Is there really a God?
Does Heaven & Hell exist?
Are there really Dark Forces?

What am I to do
For I was brought up believing this stuff
But why do I feel skeptical
When deep down I should know for sure

"Doubt"-I hate the word
For it makes me seem ungodly
Mind filled with doubts
Tactics of Satan without a doubt

Its been said the more you're high in God
The higher the risk of getting attack by Satan
So how should I go about
Making me in the middle with His assurance around

I'll just have to count more on my faith
And less on my feelings
For this choose my head over my heart
Hope it wouldn't be too hard

For my mind is a battlefield
And I really want to win
To fight my thoughts
That says there's no God

I'm only human
That's why I need God
To help me in this battle
To gain the victory

Human Nature to God's Holiness is dead
And right now my humanely thoughts
Would wanna give in
Therefore I need's God's wisdom even all the more

Halloween's coming soon
And I have friends celebrating
Just found out it's Satan's Birthday
Even more do we need to fight and pray

So right now when the devil is out on the look
I'll be watching too
For I wanna be a watchmen for God
Praying and interceding for those who are lost

Doubt is creeping in
But it's also flooding out
For in God I rest my case
Knowing He's the only way!

Content with Life

Everyday we take things for granted
Not appreciating the car we have
The roof over our heads
The free education
Let alone the 'almost' clean air we breath in
At least we're still alive!

Driving back home
I thought of the conversation I had
The things shared
The miracles and blessings God offered
And just couldnt help
But sigh and be in awe of what God has relieved me off
Of all the trials and tribulations

Of course I've been through my fair share of "unfortunate events"
Talk about depression, peer pressure, rejection, self-consciousness
But God has really and I mean really spared me on other "tough stuff"
The journey I had so far has been a very humbling experience
Maybe I can share another time
When the time is right
Cos whatever shared will be a huge surprise
Except for those who witnessed the craziness of that phase

What I went through was quite big
I will say it was kinda or really like a "life or death" matter
But I learned from my mistakes
And asked for forgiveness
For I've put not only myself but those around me
Through days of sleepless nights and haunting memories

BUT for now.....

I'm content with life

For my life's not only mine

But it also belongs to God

For He knitted me in my mother's womb

I've been through happy times

I've been through tough times

But now I see the light at the end of the tunnel

Even though the tunnel was a very dark one

I'm grateful for the "Kenari" I drive

And for the Kindy I work at

For my family and friends

But mostly my faith

Don't get me wrong

I'm nobody perfect

Though I was an extreme perfectionist

A side of me that almost crippled myself

I though God was perfect

Oh well He is

But we were all born with sin

So why try the unforeseen

That's a part of me

I have left behind

For what's left ahead

Is all in God's hands

For now my heart is filled with gratitude

To the One I truly adore

I love Him so much

Words are not enough

He knows my every detail

My likes, my dislikes, my ugly side

But He is ever willing to forgive and comfort

And change me to the beauty of His own likeness

Same with you!

Just give your heart to Him

And he'll show you everything

From things unknown to infinity

Be content with life

For if you have running water

A roof over your head

And 3 meals a day

You are better than 80%

Of the worlds population

Whom don't share the same luxuries

We have but take for granted

Content with life

That's whats I'll be

For all these I don't deserve

Fallen short of the Glory of God

But He doesn't count this against me

My sins are washed away

As far as the East is from the West

With God I'll go on this quest

How much do you love me?

Was sitting next to a girl preferably known as ''Dora" from "Dora the Explorer" in a 3 year old class while they were learning their 1,2,3's.... she's really cute but wasn't really paying attention and suddenly she looked up to me and asked," How much do you love me?"

I was quite taken aback maybe because of the sincerity and maturity of such a question coming out from a 3 year old, or maybe never in my life would someone ask me that, maybe until then...

She wasn't finished yet, she followed asking "5 or 10?" Then was when I realized to her, the fullnest of love is 10 cos her mind can only comprehend the magnitude of love as 1 to 10, 1 being the less and 10 the most!

I told her 2o, and she went "huh?".... How naive but cute of her! She said she loved me 10 and that truly made my day! Because to her mind, that's the most she can give, for she has only learned up to 10, and that to her is the most! Made me think of God's love for us and more importantly our love for God...

The fullness of love
How much is it?
Can we ever comprehend?
Have we ever felt it?

There's so many types of love
Like from the book "The 5 love languages"
But I bet there's not only 5
I'm sure there's so much more

Love undefined
The world is full of it
But are they truly pure love?
The love that warms us inside out

Singers sing about it
Actors exemplify it
But are those the right ways or words
That truly define true love?

Maybe I want a different kind of love
A love that only my Dad in Heaven could give
A love that is named "Agape"
Easy to convey

Like from "Songs of Solomon"
How it was referred to as
"Unearned love God have for humanity"
We don't deserve it, but yet He still gives it

Thank You God
For giving me Your love
I really need it
And so does the ones around me

I want to say "I Love You"
With all of my heart
Every star in the sky
Is an "I Love You" to You

If 10 is the fullest of love
Then I'll give You a million of tens
Though it may not make any sense
To a child its everything more then just sense

I don't really know how to measure love
But I know its truly endless
We really need Your ruler of love
For the love in this world never measures up

Help me bring love to those who need it
Like the kid with no pants
And the beggar with the stick
Give them feelings that only Your love can bring

Give me love like no other
And also through people and others
For you've put friends around me
That experience the same love as me

They are all part of Your family
May we give you all the Glory
Basking in Your presence
And in all the fullness of Your love

Bring love to this world
For its a necessity that's lacking
Governments talk about everything
Except the need of truly loving

Now the question isn't how much God loves us
For we know as stated in the bible
It's when God asks us
"How much do you love me?"

Whats our answer going to be?
For it'll determine the rest of our lives
The purpose and reason we're living
Care-free or God fearing

I know my answer
So how about you
We all need Gods Love
To love Him back we must do

Jesus I love you
So much more than life
That is my answer
For the moment You're gonna ask

"HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?"

*The last paragraph got me skeptical, cos I'm not sure whether I'm brave enough to be persecuted and lose my life, I mean we can all say that we'll never deny Christ but when the timing comes, will we chicken out? Almost rephrased it but felt in my spirit that I have to state it to be accountable to myself! So it's kinda like a promise to God.... My life is in His hands no matter what happen

Uncontrollable Ironic Situations

As I lay my head to sleep here
Safe and Sound on my bed
Under my protective roof
Somewhere in Sumatra
Kids are being victims of a horrendous typhoon

Not only kids but adults too
The rich the poor
The ones classified as "pretty" or "ugly"
None can escape
For this natural disasters are always merciless

These rage of Mother Nature
Never cares who you are
No status stops her
For you're nothing before her
Just another small thing she ticks of with her finger

While we enjoy seafood
And fellowship round the table
Laughing & drinking to our hearts contend
People are suffering from waves of the very same sea
We caught our delicious food from

Tsunami hits
And millions go missing
The waves so fast
Coming from a distance
You wont be fast enough to say the words "run fast"

The waters swallow humans a whole
Leaving us nothing to hold
Bones and corpse lying around
Are just a small fraction
Of the aftermath of these

We go to the movies enjoying our show
Just us and the screen nothing in between
We laugh when its a happy scene
And cry when its touching
Oblivious of the earthquake happening in China

So many are suffering buried underground
Not knowing whether they're alive or dead
Rescue workers work their head off
Trying to save whats left
Of these unforgiving disaster

People are in clubs
Having the times of their lives
Smoking away & getting wasted
Living just for fun, money never an issue
While millions in Africa is dying of hunger

They are grateful for the next day they're still alive
They fight for whats right
For they fight for their lives
No designer items
Barely things for survival

These situations are beyond my control
But I know my purpose in life
And I'm gonna live life to the fullest
I may ask God why sometimes
Good things happen to bad people
And bad things happen to good people
But beyond that I'm gonna question no further
For its no use sitting here and not rising
To my own calling that was called upon me
I'll do what is right not for the sake
But for the sake of a good cause
I'm no Supergirl neither do I wanna play god
But I'm gonna make the world a better place
With the help of God
With one smile at a time
One hug, a word of comfort, an acknowledgment

My dreams to go to Africa to see the children there
But am I really ready?
And prepared to see what I'm gonna see
The hurting children
Malnutrition, HIV, Kwashiorkor
And the list goes on
Am I ready for all that?
Mentally, Physically, emotionally
And most of all spiritually
Will I start blaming God?
I sure hope not

For everything happens for a reason
And there's a season for that moment
Things are bad so we can see God's goodness in them
They are dark so we can see God's light more clearly
Bad things happen so we can see God's hand even more strongly
We just have to be optimistic
And give our lives to God
Letting Him take over
For every situation or position
That we cant control
We'll just have to leave it to God
For He's always in control

A heart made of stone

I'm sitting here on my bed
Taking in what I just heard
Didn't know it'll come so hard
Like a lightning it hit so fast

Closed the phone
And didn't know
That the tears will fall
I could not stop

He needs money
so what, I forgot
How can he scream & shout
When money is the issue that's whats about

He should be responsible
That's the way it goes
But in this weird case
Its the way around

Not earning enough to survive
Mainly because of his strong pride
Always wanting to become the boss
Whom always counts his own loss

Family and friends
Have helped all they can
But he's driven them hot
Enough for them to avoid

I'm stuck in this position
Where I really wanna help
But its a situation
Where helping seems hurting

His anger scares
And his pride kills
Everyone around him
But mostly himself

All these started
The moment he walked out on God
Never realizing his loss
Like a blind man who's lost

No one can get through to him
But some say its me and deb
Who can really talk to him
But its so hard, you wanna give up

It seems like his heart is made out of stone
So hard that even rain cannot soften it
But I've seen him cried
And deep down I know he's ever so vulnerable

Is God in the picture?
I catch myself wondering
If He really is
Why all these suffering?

Help me dear Lord
To get through to him
To go past that wall
He's build inside of him

To past that strong frame
To past that broken soul
To past that weakened spirit
And straight to his wounded heart

That heartbeat that goes after the wrong things
Beauty, pleasure and lust
Money, riches and power
None that's on God's list

Sometimes to me it seems impossible
Like I'm trying the unthinkable
Reaching the unreachable
Seems like its unachievable

But God with You
All things are possible
So I put aside my fears and doubts
Expecting true Divine Intervention

I know he'll be saved one day
And I hope & believe that day is near
For he has studied the bible & talked to You before
Wont be strange if he does it again

I'm still waiting for the day
Where I can call him my silver lining
For I'm his flesh and blood
Yet I feel far apart

Feeling like Cinderella
I'm waiting for my fairytale ending
Not for Prince Charming
But for someone far more special

My Father in heaven
Is better than the godmother in the story
For He doesn't need a magic wand
To make things turn out the way we want

So I'm eager for the day
Where I'll spend in eternity
Praising God forevermore
With the loved ones I truly adore

Hope and pray that he's on that list
Really seems like a faraway dream
Those that only come true
"In your dreams"

It seems like a fairytale
But I know its way more than that
Its the truth
And the truth will set him free!

A small box of Cornflakes

Yet another day of power-cut in school. Its getting way too often here in KK, typical even. (someone has to do something or anything with this issue, its crazy actually, the power supply here in KK isn't enough to be shared around so they have to cut the power supply in a few places so that it can be used by other places, this will go on for 3 to 5 hours and sometimes even a whole day!!! Where are our taxes going anyway?!? haha, just kidding, I love this country & support it. But for this issue something has to be done)

Anyway, back to the topic. So the 3 year old kids were drenched in sweat cos of the weather-it felt like 40 degrees today! And during break time this girl Alexis took out her 2 boxes of cereals, the small kind though. She wanted to give 1 to her cousin Sheryl, but she didn't want it. So she gave it to me! I didn't know it at first, talk about being slow, so I gave it back to her. She went, '' you want or not, I give you!'' Then I said, "why you want to give me?". "Because I like you!" , talk about maximum cuteness! I love being a kindy teacher so so much!

Children here teach me more than I ever imagined. I witness girls giving their hands to younger girls to hold when their scared, other kids touching faces of peers their same age asking them not to cry, kids sharing their food, and some cute puppy love too.=)

Oh ya, Sheryl also asked Alexis not to cry when she got scolded by a teacher. "Alexis, you want me to teach you to dance? Don't cry already." And then accompanying Alexis wherever she went. Sheryl also happens to be leading the 3 and 4 year old dance when she's only 3. Maturity in a kid- priceless! That's right, no more teacher standing in front letting the kids follow the steps, the children will just look at her! I wish I'll have a daughter like that.....

Working in a kindy
Makes life seem so easy
Care-free children everywhere
Never caring about messy hair

You see different things everyday
Never knowing, come what may
Children acting beyond their age
Giving us a good message

Like how Sheryl touches Alexis
Asking her not to cry
Telling her she'll teach her dance
Hope they don't see my intrigued glance

Or how they come to you
The moment you walk through that door
Showing you what pure love is
Taking your hand, no strings attached

How Alexis gives you her cereal box
Not to gain your favor
But to show her love
In her own words? ''I like you mah"

Or how they speak more then the day before
The words that flow out of their mouth
Its a blessing to see their vocabulary
Extend so voluntarily

Like when Chloe talks about her mom
Or Yew Choon about His dad, mom, baby and kakak
Or even when Pui Man screams
"Kenapa tutup pintu?"
When the door is shut in her face

But what happens after this year?
In this journey I go further
One things for sure
Memories of kids never unsure

Will I feel different
In my life not having them present
Nose pressed against the window glass
I'm on the outside looking in

I wish the best for them
Giving them my best attempt
To love, care and pass onto them
The undivided Love God has put in me

Praying that they'll be grateful
For their wonderful parents
But learning about and never forgetting
The Daddy we share who is up in Heaven.

For Jesus loves the little children!