Monday, September 27, 2010

Back in KL

I woke up missing my family and mom especially.Just yesterday morning I was in church back home, and now I'm in TAR college's CITC drafting this.Still quite hard to comprehend...

But all in all, I'm truly grateful to God for seeing me through every step of the way. Sitting in the car on the way to airport, was just talking to my mom bout the prayer group...again.(something I keep talking about back home, i guess she may feel tired of it, lol) And it can't be coincidence that my friends are going to KLIA to see another friend off on the same day I'm arriving in KL! God is really taking care of me every step of my way! Mom says its cos I honored him in my past years, but I would rather think that He's blessing me with wonderful friends that are all met by divine appointment! hehe...

I find that it's easier to do my devotion here maybe cos I have to solely rely on God with no family around and am subconsciously depending on Him and Him alone that's why spending time with Him comes natural. I like that! but I still have to work on being able to do my devotion anytime and anywhere with the same undivided attention I give Him here in hostel.

It's the start of a new semester, and I'm totally excited! Although there are some things I dread like my wonderful prayer group friends leaving all to soon and the laundry and results which are coming out soon enough, I'm taking all this in with God's help. I just love Him!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

They just don't seem happy

Another upside coming home is that I get to watch Oprah! ok, so she maybe into New Age and stuff but her show is quite informative and interesting to watch, I really look forward to her episodes =)
Just saw an interview with the "Twilight" cast and another old one with Micheal Jackson. Seeing the part of them "not-acting" or performing really opened my eyes to another side of who they really are and what they really feel despite the red carpets and millions of fans.

Bella,Edward, Jacob...
Characters fans are crazy over
Mom's dissing their duties
To relive their first loves and memories
(Twi-moms, I just don't get them)

They seem like they have it all
The fans, the money, the fame
But even in an interview
Loneliness poorly disguised is viewed

You can see it in their eyes
And from the answers they give
With not many friends
They rather stay home on a weekend

Millions of people will do anything to be in their shoes
Yet somehow compared to them I prefer where I am

Michael Jackson
The King of Pop
Always being on top
But what a sad battle he fought

A battle that should not even be a battle
If he had the confidence he wouldn't have to face
The controversies of his nose, skin color and kids
Trying to make up for whatever he thought he missed

He changed a whole generation of dance
With his "thriller" and "moonwalk" (seriously, he's talents are beyond me)
Yet he doesn't see himself
The way his million of fans and God sees him

It's easy to point a finger
Like my typical self
Always criticizing stars for the tiniest wrong they do

But this time seeing them in the interview
I cant help but feel sorry for them
It's like ....I don't know
I guess they wont feel a complete fulfillment til they have what I have
An awesome relationship with God

For Michael Jackson
It may be too late
But some people said he accepted Christ the last days of his life
That's just rumor but I sure hope he did
Cos life on earth didn't seem like a pleasant one for him

As for the "twilight" stars
1 or 2 are Christians I think
But I guess you could rate where they stand in wanting to star in movies that comprise of vampires and werewolves...

Maybe I'm wrong about this whole issue
Maybe they are happy on the inside or in their own privacy
I don't know
But seemingly what was seen in that interview
They just don't seem happy
And when God sees his own unhappy
He's unhappy as well
I hope they'll receive Him into their lives not just on a superficial level
But on a real genuine one
For it's only then
That they will find true happiness
That will last forever into eternity...

Friday, September 10, 2010

A Broken Home, A Broken Heart

Just came back from his place
And after months away, I must say
That things haven't really changed
In whatever way

An almost empty home
Owned by a lonesome loner
The condition of the house
Depicts the condition of his heart

A broken closet stripped to its bare
No top, no sides, just 4 legs and a drawer to spare
A refrigerator that cant stay close for long
A paint can with bricks have always been the trick

Kitchen cabinets that cant stay close too
Bricks in tissue boxes as "stoppers" they will do
Sofas worn out to its base
Sponge out, wood seen, making it a pitiful scene

Carpet with its sponge so flat
It could pass off as a toilet rag
Slippers worn here, there and everywhere
For the inside, outside is seldom swept

How do I reach him?
And make obvious of what's already seen
The depressed state he's in
Almost a lifetime it has been

Another year and he'll be 6 decades old
The clock is ticking
And he's still not believing
How can the devil be so deceiving?

What is there to do?
What is there to say?
When everything points to The Way
But his blind spot is in the way!

What I can do now is seek God and pray
To never give up or be dismayed
To believe there is hope
And believe there's a way

For when the time comes
And when the impossible happens
It would truly be the end of
A broken home
And a broken heart...

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The end of my 1st semester (reflection)

Sitting here in KLIA's McD, reflecting...

So I guess what was given to me was way more than what I was expected. I think I have grown so much as a person in this 4 months.They say college life is the best time of your life, and I'm already believing it. I'm just but starting to embark on this journey, and the lessons learned are already so many. Seriously thank God for His grace and mercy.

My alarm has turned from mommy's nagging to my hand phone ringing
My hands has become my own washing-machine
My allowance's no longer handed to me but I have to find Mr. ATM
My timetable is flexible making indiscipline even more capable

I've learned so much
About lessons and myself
Never knew I was that gullible
That is something I'll have to work on
Same with my blurness, and my laziness, and my procrastination...
K, I should just stop there. XD

Of course life in college wasn't always a breeze
There were times where I felt rejected, inferior and almost depressed
Times where I called out to God but didn't get an answer
Feeling alone and hopeless like life's not worth living

But God was always there
I guess its all part and parcel of His big plan for me
Allowing me to go directions I dread
Letting me fall to pick me up again
I may not or will never understand His ways
Why He allows certain situations and circumstances
But deep down I know His ways are higher than mine
And so all the more better, kinda hard to comprehend

Thrown into a world where swearing and flirting is all ok
I had to find friends that would only go God's way
With the culture shock, glad I met a flock
Who most of the time had God on their thoughts

It made it a lot easier to be who I should be
I wasn't alone
By God's grace He has shown

I also learned or was even forced to solely rely on God
For He's the one who for me will go against all odds
Friends come and go (something I totally dread!)
But He by my side will forever remain

I've learned so much
More than I ever thought
Just this 4 months
And I've already been to Ipoh and Melaka

In college for every aspect
The sky's the limit and that's just the beginning
Every friend I've known
Every lesson I've learned
Every emotion I've felt
Has played a huge part in this reflection

But most of all
It's truly God
For He knows it all and what the future holds
Just humbled and honored
To know that I belong to Him
His daughter, His child
Forever protecting me through this journey in college...


The end of my 1st semester

Its 4.29 in the morning and I'm still not yet sleeping. This will be my last post in hostel for this sem and weird but true, never knew I'd feel this way in such a short time. The sense of belonging and homeliness I feel here is more than I can imagine. I guess God has worked it all out for me. I'm gonna miss this place even if it's just for a few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to go home to KK and see my family and friends, I miss them, I really do, but it's hard to be torn between two places you call home. (Another "first" feeling I have never felt until now, maybe I should keep adding stuff to that blogpost, then again, maybe not =p)

May 9 was the first day I stayed behind

In the hostel I slept, hoping I'll be fine

Missed my family, missed my home

Cried myself to sleep for I felt so alone

Fast forward 118 days

To go back home I shan't delay

It's 5th of Septemeber

Can I cope? that's something I wonder

Torn between two homes

That's so not a norm

For I never believed

That I'll be so attached, undeceived

I've learned so much in this first 4 months

Of my first college phase, its more than mere fun

The lessons learned and friendships earned

Are so overwhelming, better than what I truly deserve

I've learned to be independent

To hand wash my clothes at the right timing

And to be mindful in my spending

To do my devotion everyday

Even if I don't feel like it, I shall not sway

To accept people even if they're not your "type"

For people are special in God's eyes

I've learned to bath more often as well

2 to 3 times a day, LOL

Without a heater =(

I still wanna be cleaner

Met a group of awesome youngsters

Who meets every night to pray and fight

When I say fight I mean spiritually

For I believe the devil aint happy with youngsters praying

Especially at this age, its very rare

And spiritual warfare the devil wont spare

(It's just soo cool that this deserves a post on itself =D)

Done so many other wonderful and crazy things too

Went to Melaka for a photo shoot

Won the MC title in TalentTime Night

Went to McDonalds til its 4 in the morning

Joined the prayer group that prays 4 nights a week

Went to Ipoh for a Hillsongs conference

Played Floorball with a bunch of pros

Attached myself to a group of Indian friends

Did an assignment from 8pm to 10am (nonstop!)

Got kicked out of a game arcade for squeezing our butts into rides "only for children"

Watched a Glee marathon til 6 in the morning

Never ate so much ice-creams and waffles in my life

And it goes on and on...

The best part, I enjoyed myself through it all

to be cont, my laptop batt is gonna be flat..