Wednesday, February 5, 2014

My Inner Battle (pt 1.)

I try to wrap my mind around it
Why the feelings?
Why the dismay?
Why such hopelessness 
Despite living a seemingly good life

That stupid feeling returns
Haunting, inviting and oh so magnetic
Mysteriously engaging
Yet so overwhelming

The destruction it brings 
Seems endless and deceiving
Pulling me into unpleasant familiarity
Sucking me in mercilessly 

Its an ongoing battle
Sad but true.

A battle I wish could be stated as
Finished and nailed on the cross 
Yet the feelings are so real 
Fresh and anew

It comes all of a sudden
What was the seed of it?
Fear, rejection or utter disillusionment?
Neither or everything in between
Lost in a maze of transpired illusion

Thoughts run wild
Emotions go numb
You start thinking and thinking
Resulting in the belittlement of yourself

Then you start reflecting
And wondering
And your thoughts get deeper and darker
Into a place no one knows

A place where thoughts become fighters
God-thoughts vs self-thoughts vs devil-thoughts 
A battle so vicious
Like there's no way out...