Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Turning 20

Turning 20. A drafted title lost and buried under the many titles I see on my posts lists. (Talk about procrastination) Being lazy to find it, I shall just retype this post title and get along with it. But its not just mere procrastination here, I mean, I am a great procrastinator (something I'm not proud of) but never to this extend. I have broken my own record - procrastinating for more than 360+ days. Somehow, I feel that blaming ''procrastination" may be unseen for because deep down I know that ''procrastination" is not the culprit here but rather "Gerontophobia". Yep! Googled to find the real term for "the fear of getting old" and I got that.

I guess turning 20 really scared me because it was a "one-step-forever-taken/no chances of going back" out of my teen hood and into adulthood. No more being sweet sixteen, or nineteen really scared me. Scared me enough to delay blogging about if for a year. Not sure why I felt that way. Maybe it was the fear of more heavy responsibilities. Maybe it was the fear of not being able to whine or get things my way like how I used to when I was a kid. Maybe because by law I would be charged with a heavier sentence if I ever commit any crime compared to the leniency if I was still under 18. (Just kidding! Not going to happen :P) Maybe it was the fear of my future and everything that comes with it. Maybe it was the fear of not being able to act goofy, gullible and wacky at the same time all in the name of fun rather than to look stupid. I really don't know. But one thing's for sure. I didn't want to turn 20. Rather, I thought of Peter Pan and his good fortune of never aging.

But one day short of a year later, I'm starting to realize that with a true understanding of this God-given life and the beauty that comes with it, I'll be able to age with grace. Maybe even grow into someone more beautiful as I grow older not because I'll have money to buy cosmetics to doll myself up but because I'll mature in the things of God and know more and more of my true identity, worth and value in Christ. To see the true beauty that my Father sees in me. To be what I've been hoping and praying to be, a Proverbs 31 woman.

I'll be turning 21 tomorrow and I'll be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. But in this past one year, so many wonderful things have happened in my life that it leaves almost no room for doubt, knowing that God's got my back! As long as I'm in my Savior's plan, not doing things my way but His, even the fear of the future goes away and I'll  be living right in the centre of His appointed destiny for me with life in abundance that it'll just blow my mind far reaching beyond what I've ever dreamed of or imagine.

People say turning 21 is like finally receiving your key to freedom and independence. Some people even buy real key charms to wear as a resemblance. My mom got one for me but she made sure it got paired up with an additional cross to resemble that I'm never doing it alone, always putting God first in my life. I love her so!!!

If I were still the same me a year ago, I might even go into a minor hypertension-anxiety phase thinking that I would never be able to make it in life. But I'm a year older now and a tad wiser by the grace of God and I shall walk into being 21 with confidence knowing that God is by my side. Which reminds me of a sentence I saw in my sister's devotion that made me come to terms with my Gerontophobia and the unknown future that comes with it. "That there are no guarantees in life unless you are committed to God. Because that is the greatest guarantee you can hope for, which also happens to be the only one you will ever need because it guarantees you things and happenings far beyond you've ever imagined." Therefore I shall not fear getting old but be excited of what God's going to do in me and through me in the years to come!! Excited to be turning 21!!! PEACE!

I got saboed turning 20!!!

Part of the best gifts God has given to me :)

Bullied.....and bullied :p

PS: I wouldn't have put these photos up a year ago, but with a more secure me now, I really don't mind! Had lots of crazy fun btw! But fingers crossed, sure hope I'll be spared this time. A girl's gotta feel beautiful on her birthday don't you think?! 

And just to spare you the eye sore of weird pictures of me splashed with water, flour and cream....