Friday, November 23, 2018

My First Man

As I open my heart to the man You present before me
I can't help but let the tears fall free
The many years of waiting 
The many years of healing
Patiently holding on for the right timing

Keeping myself from casually dating
Controlling myself from playfully flirting
Never really dare dreaming
But always tenderly believing
That there was someone out there who was also waiting

Who kept and saved himself for the "right" one
Not awakening passion before it's right time
Allowing You to unravel me before him
Veil lifted and vision restored
The "beginning" of a tale of just "you and me"

With fresh eyes the pursuit begins
He stays unfazed through my struggles and confusion
Despite the age gap, the odd timing and the long distance
He pursues and persists, pushing past the awkwardness and piercing beyond the surface
He shows me a part of his heart that was meant to be filled only by me

So I think, I ponder and I pray
Still somewhat awestruck by all that's happen
Along with the flow I go
Starting to warm up to the comfortably of being with you
How you find your way into my brain countless of days at a time

9358 miles between us
Yet I feel  you closer than those around me
6 hours and 51 min of talking
Yet you're never tired of me
Rather you'd listen to me fall asleep, finding pleasure in that

And then I come across this song
"First Man" by Camila Cabello
I listen closely and halfway through have an epiphany
Like it was a song from me to God
Being aware that I was finally ready, ready to be in love

We come to the part where she sings "I promise he loves me, he'll never hurt me"
And remember how he gets sad whenever I'm sad
The tears turn into sobbing and from sobbing into weeping
The good kind of crying that brought release, healing, hope and relief
My fear of men fading

Is it even legal to pick parts of song and throw the rest away?
For I've never felt safe love from my earthly dad
But Daddy God, I feel you releasing me to him
Trusting him in his love and care for me
And I trust Your judgement because... 

"You were the first Man that really loved me"

Camila Cabello - First Man (Official Audio)