Tuesday, August 30, 2011


Something right now that seems foreign to me
Even though I was "thrown" into it at a very young age
Never realizing why or for who I did it back then
Following and serving just out of obedience

At 10 I started leading kids in worship
When I myself was still a kid
Handpicked, chosen to go overseas
Praying on stage for participants in Hong Kong
Singing and dancing
I must say it was lots of fun

Have been a worship leader
A clown
A game master
Done dramas
Done skits
Done object lessons

Took its toll on me when it became "reaching expectations"
Outwardly I was or thought I was a blessing
But inwardly I felt empty and used
To reach out to a few hundred children
To show children workers how things ought to be
It was wrong of me to think that way

I guess when you enter your teens
And start having a mind of your own
You start wondering what am I here for?
And why am I doing this?
Rightful questions questioned wrongfully
Almost resulting in bitterness

Sometimes we turn into human-doings
When we should stay human-beings
Subconsciously allowing works to precede the heart
Serving men and leaders
Forgetting Jesus the true boss 
Messing up the definition of serving and servanthood

I resented it at one point
To the point of falling into depression
Went back to KK and didn't wanna have anything to do with it
Ironically, served in children, youth, worship and sports ministry
Happens when you're able and related to leaders

Is there such a thing as too much of it?
What is the exceeding mark?
When should we stop and breath?
There has to be breathers
So we can take it all in
From the one who breathes life

How would you know that you're called by God Himself
And not by the leader because they're forever lacking of people
To serve from ones heart
Not because they're talented, a pastor's kid or just being nice
But to be truly CALLED.

Somehow I feel like I wanna serve again
But this time it comes from my heart
Not because someone has called me
But because I have heard from Him
And I shan't be afraid

No one is indispensable
But everyone is irreplaceable
Whether its in the children's ministry
Or worship team
I would follow where God leads

I was naturally placed in it
I followed and serve obediently
Enjoyed it actually
But age and reasoning came in
I felt neglected at one point 
And I resented it
But I'm older now
And I realize that God brings us through times
All for a bigger purpose and plan
We see the thread
He sees the tapestry
The bigger picture

I wanna come back now
I wanna serve my King
For its more than a physical act or thing
Its character building
And spiritual maturing

I wont resent you no more
For I was wrong to do so
For when I was soaking during "carpet time"
I felt Him saying
"Come back to serve Me, with Me"

and then I realize that I don't serve Him on my own, I do it together with Him
and that makes it a lot easier because I'll get tired serving on my own and in my flesh
but with him supernatural strength is my portion
and I have fear no more
as I come back to 

This Sem's Exam

This sem's exam
Was the worst one by far

Day 1 of exam:
Accidentally switched my exam slip and didn't check the name.
Wrote my friend's index number on my exam sheet.
Didn't know until 11 that same night.
Didn't really sink in until I realized I'd be getting his marks and mine his.
(If he was a better student I wouldn't mind....just kidding!honesty rules!)

Day 2 of exam:
Screwed up a whole 25 marks question.
Was blank totally.
Never felt like that in my whole college life.
Panicked for a moment.
Roughly calculated in my head whether I could still get an A.
I doubt it.

Day 3 of exam:
Exam on a Sunday.
Not cool.
Had 2pm paper. 
Decided to go for 5pm service.
Was persuaded to go for the 10 am one too.
Caved in.
God will honor my decision.
Went to church.
Was blessed.
Prayed over for Divine wisdom.
Went into exam hall all energized.
Came out thinking "what if I don't do well?"
What kind of a testament would it be?
(Sometimes I don't dare say the paper was easy and God was good
because what if I don't do well? Then God isn't good? what is the 
balance between pulling God into the state of our exams but not letting
it define the greatness of our God despite the results?)

Day 4 of exam (last day):
Woke up rushing to the bathroom.
Food poisoning.
Must be the chicken my friend gave me from bazar.
Had diarrhea more than 4 times.
Prayed it wont happen in the exam hall.
It didn't.
 Thanked God.
Just as I was about to shout "FREEDOM!"
Was told that I had an interview to clean up my mess about the switched exam slips.
Interview in.
Interview out.
No conclusion yet.
Case brought to board of examiners.
Praying that God's grace would redeem my carelessness. 

How my exams have fair this sem?
Only time would tell......

But always believing.
That God knows what I'm doing.
As He continues designing.
His master plan for me.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

How much I hate flying

Flying back home was a crazy-irritating-restless  struggle this time. Maybe it was because I was stuck between 2 guys. Maybe it was because I didn't get the window seat. Maybe it was because I hated myself cos I was reminded of how petite and short I was when I lugged my hand luggage into the overhead compartment with all the strength I can muster- very embarrassing. Or maybe it was cos no one offered to help and the air steward blocked by a few people could only stare and watch me struggle making embarrassment turn into utter defeat. I have always hated flying but never knew HOW MUCH I hated it til this last trip. The agitating feeling of confinement, with not much leg space and arm rest so tiny it has to be shared plus you don wanna wake the guy sitting next to you with just an accidental jerk of the arm. (makes reading, sleeping, thinking or doing whatever so much harder.) I was reminded that we can actually pray for the seats that we're gonna be placed in which I hope I was able to witness to anyone but to my disgrace, it was 2 guys on a fast and they seemed like they'd rather sleep then strike a conversation. Every minute passed by gruelingly, I wished that I could just land already! Even talking to God was hard.

Anyways, the upside was seeing 2 kids, really tiny toddlers find amusement in flying. They were so tiny I wouldn't be surprise if it was their first time. They were soo cute! Got my mind of flying for a little. And then they're parents made them sit down and I couldn't see their tiny little heads anymore. Got back to counting down every minute. When islands and land started to form, I was so jealous of the guy on my left cos I wanted to see! I would usually be taking pictures and the clicking sound of the person's camera phone in front of me wasn't helping at all. Tried so hard to stare but not stare, to focus on the beauty of God's creation even if it was only the plain blue sky with spots of white on it. But the guy caught me staring and I pretended to be really buried in the book I was reading. "AARRRGGGGHHH!" my head screamed. Went back to checking what time it was. Well at least the destination was very encouraging. So I just focused on the things I'll do in church, the workshop and kids seminar I'll be attending, time spent with friends and family, and other more productive stuff. We were landing and I had to push upright my sit again and it flipped back so fast and hard I hit my head. Wondered whether the guy beside me saw, but didn't wanna look at him but I think he did. = =''. What a day. Finally landed. "Now how am I going to get my bag down without going through the same struggle again" I thought to myself. Anyways, managed to get it down with the help of no one. (jokingly whining tone* where are all the nice people these days?) I would like to believe they were there,just not in my range of sight, helping others with their luggage. If I were tall enough, I would!

Really missed this

Pictures sometimes never justify what we can see with our own eyes.

Never take for granted when you have a friend flying by your side.

My favorite "sky-high" past time.

The Land Below The Wind!!!

I know they say "its not the destination but the journey" that counts. But in this case, if there is any possible way of shortening or just cutting out the whole journey (if I don't get a windows seat) I'd rather teleport my way there. The destination means so much more to me than the journey but because it means so much, I'll just have to put up with going through the journey, and now I'm just rambling....ignore me. lol!

When you have nothing better do, anything and everything becomes your models.
Happy sem-break, college mates!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Nail Polish!

Amanda's set! Bubbly colors!

My colors! Classic (as what Amanda calls it)

RM 12 for 3!!!
Need to get some more before promotions over!

Not sure why I'm suddenly addicted to nail polish and acoustic music these days
Maybe it was inside me all along
Never dared to face these fettish
But now I find no reason to be ashamed of them

Loving Life!!!
(and thanking God for everything that comes with it)

Making My Day

My mom and I have this special "something" not a lot of mother-daughter relationships have. Its a norm to be talking on the phone with her for 1 to 2 hours. Every time I have news, whether good or bad, mind-boggling decisions or spiritual doctrine I can't figure, she would be the first one on my mind I wanna share them with. I am humbled that God has blessed me with a mom like that. 

Another hour has passed
Wow, did we actually talk that long
But for what its worth
It is worth every bit of it

I tell her the exciting things in my new church
My skepticism erased by the assurance of her faith
That I'm in the right church at the right time
We both wonder why I wasted a year
But she confirms that it's all in God's plan
Because 1 year of hopping, searching and looking
Will just bring more evidence and confirmation
To the place I'm attending right now 

She tells me the new things God's doing in our home church
I stand amaze at His wonders
She's gonna be a great vessel
Strongly used by God
Sometimes I feel sad and cheated 
That my family is doing "everything" and all things
Because our church is fairly small
In every ministry, you name it
I ask her whether its heavy
(especially with me gone, but then I'm reminded no ones indispensable)
She says its not
So I believe she's doing it right for God
For she's so far not burnt out

We both discussed about my sister's future
What she is doing
And where she will study
(proud of her btw, fasting 12 hours a day, seeking God's will)

My mom said that sometimes she wonder
As she sees my sis and I struggle
In areas like finance for our studies
Unlike others who can study whatever they want
Wherever they want
My sis and I have to think through thoroughly
Cos funds are just not on our side
But when she sees my sister fasting from 7 to 7 everyday
She thanks God for the situation we're placed in
That this kinda stuff forces us to seek God out
And ask for His guidance and provision
And naturally we're building on character in godly stature
And she has to worry no more

For she would rather me and my sis
Be built upon the will of God 
Then be spoiled and spoon-fed
That as we go through what seems like "hardship"
We're forced to be attuned to God
And seek His will for our lives
Cos we God ALL things are possible
And just trust that His plans for us are always GOOD

We ended our conversation praying for each other
I cherish the moments we do
And she said every time I call her I make her day
And that goes the other way round too
Cos every time I talk to her I feel lifted

Thanks mom
For Making My Day

Monday, August 15, 2011

Confirmation of our Creator

* Thanks to Ee Rick for teaching me how to use the snipping tool! I'm having so much fun with it! lol =D

Saturday, August 13, 2011

He is SO close

Been waking up earlier and earlier each day
Don't know why, don't know how
Is it the stress of exams?
God wanting me to pray?

It's just weird. 
Cos I'm a sleeper.
Never had the discipline of waking up by myself
Throughout the whole of my high school

From waking up at 8 to 6
And now 4.30 in the morning
What's going on with me?

Anyways, whether its a wake-up call from God or not
I can't go back to sleep
So the past few days have been filled with
Early morning walks with the Lord <3

Today was a but different
Since its a weekend and most hostelians were back home
I could pray in tounges
Strong tounges out loud
The feeling was awesome

Prayed for a few people
Situations and circumstances
When there were no more words
Tongues =)

Saw my favorite guard and went over to chat with him
It was 6 in the morning
What was I thinking?

Just felt that he was so close to the Kingdom of God
He told me about his life, his worries
His wife, his family
And that he's coming to the end of his life
And would be going home soon


Lesson unexpected-
He told me to treasure my mom
She's the only one on earth
Not someone I can buy from the grocery store
That when I get married one day
To give my husband another 100% of my love
And not divide it among both
That way my mom still receives the same 100% she always had
Unlike him who kinda forgot about his mom
Because he shared his love between his mom and wife
So his mom only received 50% of his love in that time
And now he regrets it
What a cute doctrine,ay?

He also said that after meeting me
I've put some ideas in his head
And got him thinking
"What is life?"

He's decided to resign end of this year
Because he'd rather have a 9 to 5 job
To be able to sleep with his wife and kids at night
And not torture himself with a job which needs him awake
When everyone's dreaming

Not sure whether that's a good idea
Cos it means lesser time for me to share God with Him
And to let him know life isn't about worries and doubts
But about Jesus and the peace and happiness He can give

Something wonderful which he said too
That even the birds don't have to worry bout what they'll eat
Yet we humans strive for provision and food
Rings a bell?

"Look at the birds of the air; 
they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, 
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. 
Are you not much more valuable than they?"
-Matt 6:26-

Not sure whether he read that in the Koran or something
But I believe its not by coincidence
I wanted to say how valuable he is
But my reasoning came in the way and I just didn't know what to say

Hopefully I can meet him later as I go to church
And give him the answer straight out of the bible
Which he quoted from without finishing the sentence 
That yes, birds have nothing to worry about
Because our Heavenly Father cares for them
But He cares for us more!!!

I pray for him everyday I pass the guard house
That God may open his heart and enlighten him
That he may realize that God does not give suffering
But peace, joy and love
All that this guard needs right now

I'm glad that I've put ideas and thoughts into his mind
Without really realizing
Should be the power of God moving
Don't underestimate any single conversation
It just might be an open door we can't see

He also asked a very good question
Since he's so intrigued by the freedom and care-free life birds have
He wondered where do they die
Good question
Where do birds die?
We see them flying everywhere
But  unlike dead dogs, cats and mice lying on the grounds
We don't see birds falling to their deaths....

I pray before he leaves this place
I'll have the guts to not just stop at sharing Jesus with him
But to ask whether he wants Jesus in
Because through the many dialogues over the weeks
I find that
He is just so close.....

Friday, August 12, 2011

Asia Ablaze

Going to Asia Ablaze put my perspectives in place. I'm so glad I went! Thanks to Bong Yang for the constant persuading, my mom for the great encouragement and Amanda for accompanying me, I don't regret a single bit! (Even though it means skipping classes :P) It's been awhile since I felt the power of God and the move of the Holy Spirit and after experiencing it again, I realized just how much I missed it. (no wonder the dry season, most churches find it weird!) But I love the Holy Spirit and it's manifestation. So many things happened in these 3 days with Dr. Newberry and Pastor. Rodney Howard-Browne and his wife Adonica. These are really anointed people of God and I salute them, despite the backfiring and mouth-slandering towards them from people who spread disunity. I never had holy laughter this "bad" until the 2 people at my sides holding my hands had to bear with my jumping, shaking and hysterical laughs! Though it seemed undignified, I enjoyed every moment of it.

So the tongue issue that has always been a controversy (but new to me until I came to KL being exposed to so many denominations) was confronted. Being toss in the wind for so long and sitting on the fence, I have come to a decision that we NEED tongues! Think about it, imagine revival......without tongues. How can we see revival without the manifestation of the Holy Spirit in the form of Holy laughter, tounges, shaking, Glory Encounters and being drunk in the Spirit? If we continue to box up the move of the Holy Spirit, He may just pass us by and move on and I just don't want that to happen, especially for where I am right now- TAR college. I respect those who think that tongues are not needed and are more word based. But imagine a "word-based" revival. No lifting hands, no moving, nothing. "Revival's here! Everyone take out your bibles." Loving God is an inward expression that needs to be expressed. I would agree to disagree on this matter, as long as the fundamental is loving God. Anyways, we can have unity in diversity, and we need unity and not uniformity, but what if "this" uniformity means bringing heaven down? Don't we all want that?  I'm sorry for the tone here, I apologize for that but sometimes it can be so frustrating when people start questioning and reasoning or even ridiculing God's anointed like Ps. Rodney. However, I don't apologize on my conviction because I have experienced God and I won't compromise. I would still agree to disagree but I won't stay neutral cos that to me, just seems lukewarm. Cheers!

My new family, World Harvest Church =)

Credits to Jetaime for this photo! Thank you! 

Proud of you

It's been 6 years since we've met
And now looking at you
I see a whole new person
The girl I knew had her head down
The girl I see now knows no boundaries

Coming out from where you come from
A home where wounded kids are brought
You came out of it stronger and tougher
I guess that house did good to you
And I hope lessons learnt there would never be forgotten

You have your freedom now
Use it wisely
But seriously speaking
I'm truly proud of you

Taking such a risk to come to KL
To study and be self-dependent
Not succumbing to the norm
Of how usual teenagers come out of places like that
Wanting to seek freedom
All in the name of rebellion

You found your way around KL
Through strangers that were nice
Thank God for taking care of you
And til now you're still safe and sound

I stand amaze at who you are
And what you've become
Confident, beautiful
And so independent
Not allowing the way of life or your hard environment
Stop you from reaching your dreams

You have a good job
A good boyfriend
And a good education now
Never cease thanking the Lord for them

Braces that even I can't afford
Amway supplements and a cool smartphone
I stand amaze at your self-support
Go get a bible
You can afford it 
And you really need one =P

As you continue this new phase of life
I pray that you'll grow to be more reliant on God
To know that the things of this earth may pass away
But our God would stay the same always
To seek Him first 
And let all else fall into place
That you may find a good church
And find that, your priority
Hope to stay connected to you this time round
And after all that I've seen and heard
I must say that I'm totally
Proud of who you've become.

You truly are one of my silverlinings......keep it up!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Just when I thought I wasn't good enough

Thinking I wasn't good enough that morning
God reassured me that night
Coincidence like this could never happen

It. Must. Be. God.

On my own I will never be good enough
It can only be done through His Grace and Mercy

All glory goes to Him!

She didn't even know me.

All these and she didn't even know me.
Talk about being prophetic and the God-sent answer.
I thought she had a long talk with someone who knew me well.
She didn't.
It was God.

God is awesome!!!!!!

Faith tested

It was almost 1 in the morning
And I heard her screaming
A quick "mom, I need to go
Cos I think someones in deliverance" on the phone
And my heart beats faster hoping I would not see what's been conceived

As I quickened my steps towards that piercing scream
Hoping that it would not be what it seems
I make out the people from a far sight
"Yup, it's people I know"
With a heavy heart I thought

"God, why this if it would only tarnish the name of Christians?"
Why in the open, so public, so uncontrollable
What would people think or perceive of us?
That we're out of control and hopeless?
That we can actually be possessed by the devil?
Questions and thought accompanied me as I rushed to the scene

We have gone so far to be in the favor of guards
To be genuine Christians who are accepted in hostel
But why this, why now?

The scene was something I've never dealt with before
And the help we needed was nowhere to be found
After a few phone calls for help because it was truly beyond us
The words I feared spoken
"You take the lead"
I just didn't know what to do.

I was misinformed that Satan entered
But no way can that be
Cos there's no room for anything when the Holy Spirit is present
But when you're upfront with something so extreme
All you can do
Is to do nothing but pray 

It was scary 
Everyone was praying
Young Christians with trusting faith
But was it the right way?
I think it looked chaotic and helpless to people

People from other religions advising to do different things
"Call her name back!"
"Put this amulet on her, it may help"
All these with good intentions
But I had no choice but to be fervent
And say we don't need all these but the power of God

Then the guards came
And I got afraid
If they were gonna do what they do cos they thought this was an exorcism
Then the dark forces would be backed up
And me being me
I wouldn't dare ask the guard to just stop
Thank God for wisdom and a brave brother
Who just made the guard 

We prayed and prayed
Up to about under an hour
It stopped
And I was relieved
Glad that she was ok
But more happy cos we had the peace
Everyone slept well
Except people who didn't know our God

I look back at this
And I really do wonder
Why did God allow this
The way we prayed for her
The awkward positions
The many passerby's that were curious
The way things were handled
Was it the right way?

Shows all the more how much I need to be rooted in the word
And get under good leadership who can explain this kinda stuff

However so
I believe that this happened for a reason
And God can change what seems like utter disdain
Into something that could glorify Him
To change beauty for ashes
And to bring this generation back to Him

I stand amazed at how the young Christians there
Still had unshakable faith
Despite witnessing an event such as this
Their faith became stronger
And that is great cos we get to reach a whole new level
As we come out of an event such as these unshakable
A whole new level of spiritual maturity is reached
And we just get higher and higher
And stronger and stronger
When we pass the test
When our faith is tested.