Saturday, March 3, 2018

It's OK Not to be OK

Something that has been "astounding" me in the past week is how people here in the US will tell you they're "not OK" when they're really not. First it was surprising and then it became intriguing because back home in Malaysia, we almost NEVER say we're not ok. Any typical conversation will go like this:

A: Hi! How are you?!
B: Good! Everything is good....

When obviously something is not OK (based on their countenance) and then you're forced to guess what's truly happening in that persons world. Is it their boss? School? Spouse? Finances? Ministry stress? Boy-girl issues or just that time of the month again? Our compassion towards them then turn into an unnecessary burden-bearing that stems from an ungodly messianic nature, cos face it! We wanna save the entire universe but that was never God's plan for us cos He already did that. All we need to do is walk in-step with Him and live out our destinies alongside Him. When we realize we're not the Messiah and have no business filling that role, the pressure comes off. My mom could turn from a worrier to a (prayer) warrior, I don't have to be caught up in anxiety over my dad's health condition and salvation and I can trust that God has my sister and her destiny safely in the palm of His hand more than I could ever comprehend.

One important thing I learned here is that my emotions can serve as "warning flags" and show me how my heart is feeling, but it does not deserve the "driver's seat" of my life. I master my emotions, not the other way around. I do not deny them too, because that could bottle up and create an unforeseen volcanic eruption which may just hurt those closest to me.

I realize that I grew up super sensitive not because I was a problem child, but because it was a "gift" from God. I remember puking in front of a leader because I was feeling a religious spirit and being in the sick room the first two weeks of my high school "career" just cos it was Muslim dominated and although I tried my best to make things work, I just couldn't. I'm picking up on things in the Spirit that just wasn't mine. Reading books such as "Happy Intercessor" by Beni Johnson and "The Veil" by Blake Healy also helped tremendously.

A mentor told me that once I have the perception change in my head concerning my "gift of sensitivity" I could change the world!!!! How uplifting and relieving that felt! That I'm not a burden to those around me cos I'm picking up on stuff but it's God giving me permission to "see" or "feel" into the spiritual realm, that with the authority invested in me, I can speak to death whatever has to die and breathe life into what needs to live. I just love it!!! And so I'll share a song here that has deeply helped me in my years of growing pains and teenage bewilderment. It's really is ok to not be ok.... because God sees, He knows, He understands, and He would never let us stay in that state for too long. If only we allow Him in.