Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Like Sand...

I guess things aren't always as they're perceived to be
Only standing at that situation face to face you'll see
Realizing that it's not all rainbows, unicorns and butterflies
More like when hard brutal reality strikes

You take a step back not knowing what you're against
Breathe in breath out allowing it to sink in
But not deep enough until it drowns you
Struggling hard to stay afloat

And then you go on YouTube in search of a 'remedy'
Hoping that this is when the 'power of music' kicks in
Deep down realizing there's something more tangible you're looking for
Click on 'Kim Walker' to see her express gratitude and love to a Higher Power

"Waiting here for You with our hands lifted high in praise"
"And it's You we adore, singing Hallelujah"
Slowly you feel life come back to you
Cos you were made to worship

And ever so gently the pain, guilt, fear and anxiety fades
Allowing God's presence to invade
Life is all about this - the ups and downs
And the beauty of how we have emotions

Like holding and grasping on to grains of sand
The harder you hold onto them
The quicker they sift out of your grip
Until none is left

So I open my heart to His presence and allow the pain to fade...like sand...

Monday, July 14, 2014

Brouha What?

This annual dance festival slash NGO
Serving and connecting the community

Loving dance from a very young age
Never have I dreamed that I could be a part of this
With a background of ballet and a little hip hop
Little did I know that life would come up to this- a wonderful halt.

It never occurred to me that along with my summer semester program
Would be bundled up joy, laughter, dance and fulfillment
Crazy costumes, wacky dance moves and giant stick men
Along with thousands of internationals

This three week parade in different locations across Europe
Brings different dance genres together
From street to African to acrobatics
Traditional, tribal and stuff you've never heard of

Putting on the hand made costume
Getting the team together
Dancing with the drum line before us
And stereo truck behind us

It's all so incredible
More indescribable
I could go on and on with my babble
Cos the mark is so indelible

It's like "wow"
I'm a part of something so huge
Not standing by the street side
But on the other side- the inside

To learn the dance moves and be back in the dance studio
Has already been a great experience in itself
But to dance on the streets and twirl with strangers and children
Really creates a special bond

A bond that goes beyond language
Where dance becomes the tool
To connect, engage and live for
I'd like to think that dance makes the world go round
(Along with music and moves and all that goes with it)

I wished there was another Brouhaha this year
But sadly we'll have to wait for the next year
Oh! did I tell you? Malaysia was invited too!
Four awesome dancers flown in bringing Malaysian pride

Even more grateful now that God created us with limbs
Flexible enough to do unimaginable things with
Moving to the rhythm and sound
I bet He was dancing too as He watched us dance

Can't wait for that eternal party!
Where there will be a million times the fun, partying, dance and laughter
I bet there'll be even wackier costumes
But for now I'm more than satisfied with my Brouhaha!!!

Practice time!!!

Not missing out on the football fever!

Finally the day has arrived!

Working the "tribal" look.

The giants!!!

Our Jamaican dance instructor!!!

Our fellow Malaysians adorn in traditional costume who also got featured in the front page of the newspaper!

In our places at the parade! So excited its starting soon!

After party where the dance fest continues at Princes Park!

With other dancers from Spain! Wearing all black similar to them made me feel...... AMAZING!!!

One of my favorite moments at the end of the festival.

Her joy depicts my heart and therefore my heart is full.

PS: I realized you don't have to be a race car driver or a famous celebrity to feel ecstatic, content, honored or appreciated. You just have to be yourself and be proud of it (as cliche as it may sounds). Do what you love and love what you do. You'll find that amazing feelings and experiences comes along with it minus the negative tabloid gossips and merciless paparazzi's. And soon the greatest "celebrities" you'll find, are really those around you.. because they know you. Tirrah! 

Monday, July 7, 2014


What came my way was unforeseen
A 'shot' I thought never coming
Something that resonates at the back of your mind
Doubt pushed away and friendship remained
Bringing hurts and disappointments

I realize that all it takes is one thing needed for it to heal
Of course plus the comfort and presence of God
But that's inevitable so it doesn't quite count
Like how the Bible is always the world's best seller
Therefore taken off the list

That is -TIME.
Time not wasted but lived for and put to good use
Time taken to cry, sob and to ask "why?"
Time spent with true friends constantly by your side
(Even if they're halfway across the earth)

Time taken to play the guitar allowing the tugging of ones heartstrings
Time reading the bible and understanding more of Him
Time to go through the exciting, mundane and tough parts of life
Time getting through ones "to-do-list" or to do nothing
(Doing nothing it seems is as important as doing something)

Time to look up into the night sky gazing into the wonder of the Creator
Time for assignments and rushed deadlines
Time for a novel or a good read just for relaxation
Time for my heart to heal
(Surprisingly better and faster then initially thought)

Time to think of family and loved ones back home
Time to pray and talk to God about all that's within me
Time to pamper oneself with a face mask or treatment
Time to think about what come after this
(Without the crippling effect of the fear of the future)

Time to worship my King
Time to Skype, Whatsapp or Telegram
Time to edit pictures, videos and documented memories
Time for glorious food and ice-cream!!!
(There's no such thing as no time for ice-cream)

I can go on and on and on about how time is so amazing
Almost magical, a miracle
It cannot be returned yet there's so much more to be redeemed
A lifelong journey full of wonderful intricacies
The unknown mysteriously unraveled

Never have I looked at time like that
And never would I look at it the same again
It was time that revealed His resurrection
Time that God slowly took to create this planet
Time that healed my broken heart

It's a great time to be alive.
Though the weather is sucky and seagulls noisy
Readings amounting and workload increasing
Unforeseen unwanted circumstances
And glitches in life

There's also wonderful friends and heartfelt laughter
Great movies to watch on netflix and free shows at the cinema
Really cheap shopping and reasonably priced food here
Most of all it's the wonderful presence of God
Making it all the more worth while living

Yes, it's really a great great TIME to be alive.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Feeling Betrayed

They say it feels like you're stabbed in the heart
The knife in, twisted hard
Yet I beg to differ
Cos I still can't quite figure

My heart does not feel anything
Well at least for now
So much for emotions
A concoction of all things related to depression

Yet again that's not exactly how it feels
More like how thoughts overtake emotions
Thoughts you never gave a second glance to
Haunt you mercilessly with the absence of compassion

You start to wonder
Why this, why now, why me?
Why of all people you?
Bitter hidden agendas sugarcoated in the name of "friendship"

Its's a downward spiral
Towards the unknown of a never ending cycle
The pain of having to walk down a nightmare
An initially perceived pretty memory lane

You give in your all
Your time, effort, love and affirmation
Breaking down in the same river so many times
Yet you struggle to stay afloat, to survive

The many nights crying and countless times of forgiving
The numerous times of almost giving up
So is this where it comes to a halt?
The end of a friendship built upon lies?

You don't know what to do or say
Because right now it seems that all are in vain
Self-guilt starts to creep in
Biting you off your self-worth, dignity and integrity

It's already been three days
Yet the pain won't go away
You put on the forced smile
Hoping ignorance will make it okay

Yet today in my alone time with God
When I once again play these four chords
Something within me changes
A similar situation causing a different reaction

Speechless yet once again
This round not because of the wonder of His love
But because of the power of deception
Leaving me in an unspeakable state

My heart yearns for Him
Longing for a comfort that's already there
Yet today there was a tinge of something else
A subtle realization coming its own way

How do I put words to it?
It's like I felt what He felt
The betrayal of a special loved one
Paired with other nameless emotions

He knew on that cross
That many will come to Him
Yet others will turn away
Betraying their relationship with Him

Yet despite being all knowing
Seeing the beginning from the end
Knowing He'll be hurt time and time again
He still chose to LOVE.

It's unimaginable and unthinkable
Really out of this world
The comparison so pathetic
Me being hurt by one to Him hundreds of billions

Yet above it all
The pain, betrayal and rejection
He still chose LOVE
He still chose you and me

I begin to wonder
About the awe of my Creator
The God of emotions
Didn't exempt Himself from it

From different descriptions in the bible
To what I'm feeling right now
As the water starts to calm down
And LIFE flows through once again

I'm not deducing my feelings
Or the fact that this friendship maybe a hoax
Caught up in sticky emotions and insecurities
Confusing events jading you again and again and again

Yet I know that I'll be okay
That at the end there will be a silver lining
Although not knowing whether in this friendship to stay
But just understanding that God's got my back in every single way

Though I feel stupid and utterly humiliated
Thinking about whether this was true grace portrayed on my part
I'll choose to not waver on what I believe in
And know that the sun will rise yet again another day

And right now as I reach over to open a small note
From a really dear friend of mine
My tears start to fall
Knowing that I'll be alright

Nothing about what happened
She just got me a guitar pick
Asking me to continue to play
For the glory of my God

And that's what I'll do
No matter where I stand in this journey called life
I'll look up into the skies and see where my help comes from
It comes from the Lord...

Friendships either make you or break you
The power of influence from the few closest to you
Yet when one falls and shatters
Seemingly fallen glass pieces with no repair

You look at the ones still beautiful as new
Though a bit worn out
It just comes to show
That it stood the test of time

I'm boggled by the timing of this
With two major deadlines this week
And not so good news from back home
That someone who loves you will have the decency to do that to you

That it has to happen at my highest of highs
When I'm halfway across the earth
Exploring and journeying into more of the unknown
In awe, content and gratefulness of a childlike spirit

Yet I'm still strongly supported and comforted
By the authenticity that God has placed around me
Where this betrayal came from and how will it end
I have yet to know

But while in the waiting
I'll look at all those beautiful, worn out glasses
Not in a glass cupboard but on my table
Ready for me anytime of the day

Thanking God for them and for this I am eternally grateful....