Caught in the Mix Up

Caught in the mix up and thrown into the water
Flapping my arms and feet to survive this feat
I struggle to not just survive this massive sea around me
But to understand what and all that IS happening around me

Suddenly things become so clear
That it's not as easy as Black nor White
The greyish areas permeates
And then the "wrongs" are made right

In my innocent, over-sheltered and naive mind
The equation is as easy as simple math
"We do our job, something we love, and people benefit from that!"
It's hard to realize that it's way more complicated than it seems

Like how being naked is not wrong
Neither it a sin
But that does not legalize the use of pornography
Or just the fact that millions come out of it

In this haze I don't know where I stand
A mystified mess that no one seems to understand
When both sides justify with legal rights?
Where does the law stand in on who is REALLY right?

The system has been tampered
And corruption seems inevitable
Camouflaging  into the system
Like it was an original

It's not yet a month but I'm seeing so much
Educated people in suits aren't all  that "educated"
While people in tattoos and piercings have the nicest mannerisms on earth
The wall of "stereotyping" I grew up with, broken down bit by bit

Caught in the mix up, I have no where else but to look up....

A Cultural Shock

The working world is a cultural shock
Not just a slight knock
But more like hard rock
Shaking you out of your "fairytale" world
Into a world where greed, fame and lust is real
Making it more than just, realistic

Sometimes I wonder how do people survive this world
But that's the thing.
They do survive.
And that's just being part of this "dog eat dog" world that we live in

Growing up not in the "best" of environments
But somehow still very much protected and sheltered
Coming out of this "shell" we all have to leave sooner or later
I wonder what is the right environment to be brought up in

To protect or to expose?
That is the question.
I wouldn't want my children to face the cultural shock I'm facing now
But then again they need to know whatever happens in society or politics
This is the environment they will eventually grow up in
So what do we do about it?

But then again there are nice people out there
And its just another war going on in the inside of my head
Like where do I place my feet?
When should  I act all professional?
Or be friendly and just "be myself"?

The thing is that everywhere and everyone will tell you to
JUST BE YOURSELF
But the thing is being yourself is not always what they want or need or even prefer
Not easy being Christ-like when you're submerged into a culture so different from Heaven :P

But I'm growing up and I do love my job
Sooner or later
More things will be revealed and unfolded
But one thing stands
In Him whom I trust with my life

L.I.F.E
Leadership
Integrity
Flexibility
Excellence

True principles I learned from one of my assignments
Being sent out, you see different corporate leaders
And some are really genuine in whatever they're doing
And so this LIFE principle is what I would live by

So Kingdom yet so Relatable
To this real world I'm in right now

Dear Lord,
Help me get through this cultural shock right now
To understand, in all that happens
To take of this experience as a "life-lesson" journey
That though the storms and waves may come
Still the more I seek You
The more I find You
And who have had it worst but You?
Help me see the light through all of these
That all these cultural shock I'm having
(And all that's within)
Is nothing compared to who I believe in....

Remove Not

Remove not these emotions that you have placed within me since the day I was created 

Remove not the capability to feel happiness,

hope, determination, patience, love and thanksgiving 

Remove not the capacity to feel compassion, 

to feel that prick of my conscience to do good and justice instead of evil

But most of all, remove not the ability to cry when sadness sees fit for tears,

Remove not the ability to feel sorrowful, confused and lost at times 

when my emotions seem to tether between reality and a self-conjured wall of security 

Remove not the yearning to be the person you want me to be

and even more than that, 

Remove not the urge to make a difference in this life

and banish notions of wanting to exist, breathe and eat                                                    

Remove not these feelings that give me a personality and character

That I may never lose the gift You have placed within me 

The difference that separates me from the animals and plants 

You have given me a soul that is capable of feeling the good and also the bad

A soul that rages against the unfairness of life 

a soul that weeps when it is afflicted

a soul that learns day by day to depend on You

for renewal, restoration and redemption

Remove not the part of me that makes me human, my friend 

Remove not my feelings despite the pain because without the pain

I would not have learnt to reach for you for comfort and unfailing love

Remove not these feelings for they become the stepping stones for me 

Stairways to honesty and acknowledgement of the times when I fail 

that You were there to accept the wretched fool that I am

Remove them not, my Friend remove them not

*something a dear friend wrote back in 2005, I was 14 back then, but she scripted whats on my mind right now, putting disorganized thoughts, feelings and responses to paper. This is part of growing up but I know I'm in safe Hands.