Beyond Control

I am all over the place

And feel like a mess

When did this start?

Out of control beyond hopelessness

Driving to town and everywhere

Getting things ready for this and that

Did I prioritize my time wisely?

Now I shall reflect

It started during my "holidays"

But now with the quotation marks I have to wonder

Were my "holidays" ever true holidays

Or was it more free time to be more busy?

It is really hard when we do this tiny bit of details

Obligations from family, friends and church

Amounting to days working on end

Not a 9 to 5 job

But an all and in between one

Thinking we're returning a favor

When the favor truly needed is really some "alone time"

How, why or when did I get myself so busy?

And it is really worth getting this dizzy?

Totally out of my hands beyond control

I sacrificed time with him whose related to me

He was mad and questioned my actions

What was the main point I came back home?

To busy myself all over again?

Aren't I busy enough from college already?

It scares me to know that a new semester is just 2 days away

And into the first week I will be flung full throng

Helping out in major events

Is this really the way I want to live?

Haven't got the time to take a breath

Or even to stop and think about what I have

Is being a help to everyone I know

Really helpful or detrimental?

What I want is to just be in control

Of my life events, schedules and time

We all need a break for even God rested on a Sunday

How did I allow my "Sundays" to get robbed out of my hands?

I don't find my self worth in what I do

But in who I am

God's child. Period.

Flashlight! Head knowledge but not hearted.

I wanna be able to gaze at the skies of pink, purple and blue

(Something I really look forward to every time I come back to KK)

Or just count the stars and see whether the row in 3 is still there

To go see the street kids and help them with all I can

Or to just read a book that I picked out for myself

To sip tea and stare into nothing

To play the guitar and piano, singing my heart out

To spend more time with God without having the days to-do list at the back of my head

To meet up with friends without the "rushing" that comes after

To make cards for the people I wanna appreciate

To talk more with my grandma

And to bring my friend places since she came this far

But all this couldn't happen to full capacity

Being drowned in other peoples worries

I wanna help but I'm also human and I needed a break

That break came and I abused it

I have a part to be blamed

When things are beyond me and chores come before me

I need to learn how to say no

A lesson I've tried learning

But never have mastered

So as this new phase comes in

And as I turn my big 2

I better get in control of my life

And make sure God's by my side

If it takes journaling, planning and heart-wrenching "NO's"

I'll do it as I can

The way it should be done

Dear God please help me be in control

When things come and I wished I could do everything

Help me not get over my head but stay intact

That I may fulfill my duties with the least time possible but at its fullest potential

Break down my perfectionism and my will to please others

Help me say no when I want to say no

Yearning for an escape to a place where its just You and me

While others are benefited I stay bewildered

But if things really do get out of hand and beyond my comprehend

I know You'll be in control

For you know me ever so thorough

Then again why didn't I think that in the first place?

To just let go and let God when things are beyond control.

(even if they're IN- control, I'll still let you take control)

Justin Bieber

Just watched Justin Bieber's movie and I have to say that I'm a BELIEBER!!! Just joking, in God I will stay a believer no more, no less. But still I have to say that my cynicism towards him was quite unnecessary seeing he has such great talent not only in singing, but in dancing and playing different instruments. He played jazz (the hardest form of music) on the drums when he was just 8 with a bunch of grown-ups, what was I doing when I was 8? Giving my aunt the excuse of getting my fingers crooked if I played the guitar? (I totally regret that now) Anyways, he is gifted no doubt about that and I believe God had a plan when He crafted him.

But how much of God's plan has Bieber followed and managed to live through? Yes, he prays before concerts and yes, his mom requested for complete healing when his throat was filled with mucus but is his talent overshadowing his faith? Do girls see Jesus when they see him sing? Is he giving the slightest bit of glory to God or savoring every scream and tear millions of girls out there shed for him? I'm impressed with his mom though, being able to refer to how King Herod died due to his pride or how she reminds him that he's not God and that God has put him here for a reason. But still, the way he serenades girls on stage and talks about making out freely makes me wonder.

Justin Bieber. Bieber Fever. Girls being Beliebers. He certainly has outshine many established and mature singer/songwriters. Girls will go wild, running and chasing after him (seems more like attacking to me) until one girl went "oh, they're attacking him, that poor thing". More girls swear that they'll be his wife one day and the interesting but weird part is that a lot of way older girls seems to be falling for him. What do they see in this BOY? I bet they never had a wishlist of their 'husband-to-be' to be younger or "far" younger than them. The scariest part? A young girl of maybe 12 said that she thought about him 99% of her life - life and not time. Thats huge if we try rationalizing it.

However so, after watching the movie, my perspectives of him has totally changed. I totally respect him as an artist now and hopes the best for him. His faith can be seen in bits and pieces of the film but I would really like to see him say "Glory to God!" or something that would cement the whole belief. It is actually quite dangerous to see so many girls yearning for more of him than for more of what is truly needed. Fantasizing about being his wife when they can be out there being a much more significant blessing to others than he is to them. For all I know this may be another of the devil's scheme to sugar coat things which will lure us towards him and away from God in the most unassuming way.

Anyways, who am I to judge or cast the first stone when I am not befitted. I seriously wish all the best for his budding and blossoming career and hope that he will never get distracted or deviate from the Truth (with all the lime lights and girls, it is just that easy) That though Usher is a great friend and mentor, he'll be able to surround himself with more godly people who don't glorify sex, money and girls in and underlying way.

First thing I said when the show ended? "Thank God I haven't fallen for him". Cos my sister's friend when to the show an "I don't love him but I don't hate him" person and came out not being able to get him out of her head. She asks for prayer. =) But I don't think its that bad. Just comes to show how well-painted a person can be due to the tip top marketing strategy managers can show us whether the person is really like that in real life. no cameras. no fans. nothing. Just God.

But after all is said and done, I'm still grateful that although I admire him, I don't yearn for him and spend my hours fantasizing over a boy. That even though I may not have tickets to see Justin Bieber live, I have a ticket to Heaven (much more valuable) - Jesus. And that to me, God is still number 1 and would forever remain number one because unlike many other girls who got their hearts stolen by Bieber, my heart has already been won over by someone far special - God. no replacements, no person, nada!

I think he means never say never to God. =P

We have so much

Frustrated that the automatic lock on our car doesn't work

- Saw people riding bicycles, they'll never have the chance of getting behind a wheel

Why are my clothes so old?

- Remembered who they were going to be given to after they're in much worse shape, how many years would it be for them?

Sulking about the fact that I never got the money to curl my hair

- How about the people who have no hair at all

Choosy about the food I eat

- What about those who have zero options to choose from

Looked down at my worn out shoes

- Thought about those who have never worn any

Complaining about my lagging internet connection

- There are millions who have never touched a keyboard

Why is the mute pedal on my piano not functioning well

- Some people practice on drawn boards

Jealous cos I can't sing too well

- How bout the people whose vocal box cant work?

Tired of going to school

- How bout the many geniuses who had no chance at education

Sick of washing the dishes

- There are people who don't even eat from dishes

anything to add?

Sole Sinner

Half an hour more and Good Friday would be over

But in this last few minutes I still wanna ponder

On the day that my Jesus laid down his life for me

That day that changes all of history including the life of me

Every week towards the coming Easter

I learn something different

This year I keep hearing the phrase

"Even if you were the only person on earth,

Jesus would still have died for you".

Think about it

My sinful nature

Sinning in the dark

In my own thoughts

In my mindless actions

Hurtful words

Done whether subconsciously or consciously

Nothing in comparison to God's purity

Yet He'd still send His only son to die for a sole sinner

Writing this down

My heart beats faster

It seems so literal it scares me

I a sinner

Him totally sinless

The sum is not comprehensible and would not equate

Yet "I + God = "

Would Jesus really go through the suffering

The beatings and torture

The pain of his flesh being ripped out for me

The crown of thorns pressed into his forehead

Being spat on and slashed at

To the point where he didn't look human

It.Is.Scary.

But he still went through it

A normal human being no less

Asked God to take away his cup

Poured out in prayer in his last few hours

Hoping that maybe there would be an alternative

But there wasn't

And it was done.

I don't have to question whether I'm worthy of his love

The sacrifice my father in heaven paid for me

Because He saw me worthy

Not in my own strength but by His grace

I shall not remember this only on Good Fridays

But everyday of my life I shall remain grateful

Humbled and filled with awe and adoration

To my Father who've sent His son on Earth

To pay that painful price for me

On that cross I'm sure He thought of me

And I believe He was thinking of you

John 19:30

"It is finished."

Our sins are all taken

Fully paid by his blood

You are made worthy to be loved and to be called His Precious

Embrace it

Live it

Share it

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!

Things aren't changing

To his place I'm visiting

And things aren't changing

Its really saddening

When nothings advancing

The fridge is still "lightless"

And the paint can filled with bricks is still holding its door shut

His carpet is "spongeless"

And I don't doubt whether there's fleas on his mattress

The sad thing is he's blinded to all these

Saying that his house is clean

Fooling himself when everyone sees

That his place maybe neat but far from clean

The sadder part is that he's belief is not changing

Still as hard as he was against my convictions

He truly is a hard shell to crack

Making his covering an even stronger defense

Its sad that nothings happening

Although we have been praying

Seems easier to give up

Than to pray without hitting the target

He stills keep ranting

On and on about our "mysticism"

It really hurts in the heart

Thats why we need a spiritual covering

Just in case we get swayed to his message

Brain washed in any way

But that won't happen

And I stand my ground on that

For now I'll still keep on believing

Even though things aren't changing

For my God is more than forgiving

And He's way bigger than anything

I will continue praying

And never stop hoping

Until that day which is coming

Where things will start changing...

Empty Compassion

We all have emotion

But can we say we have compassion?

When we see a girl without slippers

And feel sympathy towards her

Thats just emotion

Compassion exists when we start to take action

A profound statement from cell group last night

"Compassion starts from the heart

Then to the hands"

If we don't live it, no point feeling it

We see beggars, widows, orphans

Street kids, cripples and the blind

Yet sometimes we cast a blind eye

Thinking they should get a life

Well, God gave them a life

Not to be ridiculed and spat on

But to be loved and cared for

Precious souls not lower than you and me

Cant wait to help out with my cell members

As we do the little that we can

To touch their hearts and dirty little hands

We will mean the whole world to them

I admit I have been sucked up in sympathy for them

Thinking them in the lower class and I in the middle

But I've got the hierarchy all wrong

They are above me and I have to feel honored to be able to help them

Emotions plus Empathy

Equating to Emptiness

For what difference would it make

If I'll forever be self- centered

To the girl who has no electricity in her home

No place in the fridge for it serves more as a box

The delight when she says "This is my Deepavali meal!"

When you peek in the pot, its only 'maggi soup'

I wanna be the difference for people like her

I was told there are 2 kinds of people

Those who walk through life without making a difference in this world

And those who walks through life who dares and cares to make a difference for somebody

I choose to be the latter and I dare you to it

We can keep preaching and we can keep sharing

But would they even understand whatever we're blabbering?

People don't care how much you know

Until they know how much you care

We're the only Jesus they see right now

No point reasoning or contemplating

What. Will. Jesus. Do?

Let's make this statement real and more than just cool

I wanna make a change

To be the change

As a person we cannot change the world

But we can definitely change the world of a person

Here are my hands and feet

My time and effort

I lay them before You

Use me as Your servant

As I turn this emotion into true compassion

Help me love like You do

And see things the way You see

For I'm not gonna live this way no more

with just EMPTY COMPASSION...

After Desert Times

"Jesus was here!"

Thats what you'll hear

At the end of prayer meeting

From a new girl

This is her second time

Someone who's young in faith

(but is growing ever so quickly)

Saw a vision as we were closing our prayer

We prayed for exams

We prayed for Sarawak

We held hands in unity

And a strong light she saw

6 of us in a tight circle

A strong white light in the centre of us all

She tried looking up to see

How high will this light really be

Too bad we ended with "Amen"

The moment our grasped hands let go

The vision was no more

She couldn't see how far the light could go

While explaining

It started coming

The light resembled Jesus

And that He was near

Why can't she see the end of the light?

For all we know it may reach the Heavens

A revelation came

"Do not measure My love"

Desert times

This was how I felt

And I bet the members did too

At the state of our prayer group

Even before the sem started

I was praying with heart

Asking God where is He taking us

On the path where our seniors started

Prayer is good

But why pray every night

Don't you have friends to be with?

And aren't you suppose to be studying?

There were questions

There were doubts

Not only from others

But also from me

A dry season came

And on His word we sustained

It may have became mechanical

Or just duty to go through the motions

But we stayed faithful

And the members continued attending

Even though there was no fire

God saw our heart's desire

It was dry times

Like in a hot desert

With no water in sight

You'd think the Holy Spirit hide

Walking on dry ground with rocks all around

Yet holding onto our faith

And tapping onto others

Every night we still came to pray

And tonight God came to show us the way

Out of the desert and into green pastures

He came and stood in the form of light

In the centre of the circle

Revealed to her sight

I'm excited for prayer

And believe there's more in store

As we take the focus off ourselves

And start praying for others as well

God will come and when He comes

It'll be like a roaring lion

Or a strong wind smack in our face

We better be ready

For its after desert times.....

(WooHoo!!!)

Staying Faithful

Thank God for friends

Who reminds us of faithfulness

Making us flip the bible (many times =P)

To really get down to the meaning of it

But although we prayed what we prayed

And heard and shared

I still felt lost and insecure

For the moment after that

Read a magazine

But felt dirty inside

Tried to talk to God

But an answer there was not

Took a walk alone

But felt the wind so cold

Gazed up at the sky

And not a single star in sight

Thinking I was doomed for that day

To end my night in loneliness I lay

For I couldn't find the words to pray

To whom did I wronged, is this the price to pay?

As I started to succumb to the defeat at hand

2 people I'm not that close to came over to chat

It was nice catching up after so many days apart

And once again a tint of happiness warmed my heart

We joked, we laughed

Talked about life, love and God

With another guy there with us

Things were getting further from worst

I started feeling happy again

The joy of life slowly seeping back in

Not only was I accepted

I am truly loved

The talk of birthdays came up

And they started planning for mine

When should we go out?

Can we book you for now?

They didn't know

But deep down I wondered

Who am I that God has placed me around such precious people?

We have nothing much in common

Besides our faith we're from different intakes

They're my seniors, I'm their junior

Don't even spend much time together

But yet they're inviting me into their circle

Like long lost friends there was so much giggles

My tears came and it did fall

Told them I was touched

They believed it was from laughing to hard

Doesn't matter

Because what God showed me that night

From the people that I would have never gotten in mind

That He still cares for me as I continue to stay faithful

Due to some misconceptions or miscommunication

There were some misunderstanding with these friends of mine

I've been seeking and I've been praying

Hoping that these relationships will keep on staying

Thinking that its the end

God intervened with His hand

The night I felt so miserable

Was the time He chose to bring back these people

I'll stay faithful cos God is faithful

But when I am unfaithful

God still remains faithful

I'm not using this as an excuse

But understanding where God is

That even though I may not feel Him near

I have to know that He is here

To not count on my feeling

But to stay on my knowing

And when He's not replying

I have to keep myself from sighing

But even if I try and I try

And I do it with all I am

Yet am not able to feel His presence

I will keep my faith

And not let feelings and minor hindrances

Come in the way

For how can my faith be tested?

When I can feel Him all of the time

I wouldn't need faith then

Cos I'll know that He's always there

It is when I feel His absence

And have everything going against me

When I'm down in my deepest low

Where grades are poor

And relationships are weak

When prayer meetings are dry

And emotions go wild

Then is when I can gage my faithfulness

Like if I'm walking on smooth road all of my life

No obstacles, no hindrances

No trials and no tribulations

There wouldn't be room for faith

Cos everything is going my way

But if I stand on a cliff

And with a leap I may fall to my death

Not knowing what waits below

It may be good, it may be bad

Am I ready to take that leap of faith

To know that God will save me from my problems below

To know that my enduring faithfulness

Will be returned with God's

I've just gone through that

And God has shown

That He'll take care of me

No matter what come my way

If a boyfriend can be faithful to his girlfriend

And a worker to his boss

How can it be compared

To the One who created it all?

I'm His servant and He's my master

He's my King and I'm His princess

And that is just but a part of the many reasons

Of why I will continue

STAYING FAITHFUL.

When do we counter strike again?! =D

Red Leader

The first leg of the DJR1 Counterstrike pew pew Tournament finished with a magnificent victory to the Counter-terrorists Tricia Lim,Kenneth Tee, Yeoh Pang hee, Sandra and a random BOT over their Terrorist foes,Amanda Soo, Raja Danial, Teoh Yee Shen, Wun Yi Shu and Andrew Ong.

The game was evenly balanced, with Kenneth and Danial taking charge of Counter-terrorist and Terrorist forces respectively. With both sides having equal chances at beating the other.

Good times were had and even though the Terrorists finished the game with a 68:100 defeat, all remained in good spirits and did what they came here for: to have fun and shoot each other and laughing at it all, and having a good time.

Highlights of the game:
- Sandra finished the game with a score of 0 - having not killed anyone throughout the game.
- Tricia finished the game with a higher score than Andrew Ong, proving once and for all who is the biggest noob of them all.
- Kenneth Tee passed the 300 score mark, the Tournament's high score.
- Andrew Ong is top scorer for most deaths in the Tournament, a total of 130 (perhaps more) deaths, sealing his place as the DJR Noob.
- Raja Danial is the grenade magnet :3

Didn't know playing CS with a bunch of journalist-to-be (or not) would be so much fun!

The Taxi Driver

Coming back from church, got a taxi with 3 friends. Didn't know what was in store for us, the least that we could expect.

Scene 1

Shirley : Andrew, wear your seat belt.

Taxi Driver: Ah, you don't wear your seat belt is ok, if police come just give 50 ringgit or get a ticket from them. Up to you. You know ah, got one time I take this 4 girls, all didn't wear seat belt. Then I don't know how the police saw but they saw. Then kena stop lor. He ask why no seat belt, then I say I got ah. But he say not you, so I look down, the girl also got ah. But the police say just baru put one. Then I say, no ah, she memang got put one. But he say don't need to talk so much, now what to do. So I look at the girls, ask them what they want to do. They say pay 50, so I take their money and pay. Is up to you want, you want to give you give, you want to take saman you take, don't wanna pay also up to you.

Andrew : Don't worry, they won't know one lah.

Taxi Driver: Ei, who says...Of course they will know. You know my brother never pay his parking ticket one, then one day keep keep keep until 3 years, have to pay one thousand ah! You know last time only 30 cents, then interest interest until become one thousand! Its all recorded in their computer, cannot erase one. They sure know one, some more your i.c number all there. Aiyo, these police know how to earn money one, until my brother have to see hakim. Then my brother say, why so little now become so much one?Then the hakim say, why you still talk so much? Didn't pay is already bad, now still want to talk so much? Better just pay or I double it to 2 thousand. So my brother pay only lor, 1 thousand, what to do.

Scene 2

Taxi Driver: You know ah, some customers very troublesome one. Ask you to speed speed speed. How can I speed? Stuck in traffic jam, got so many cars. They crazy one lah.

Say I late for meeting, late for class. I tell them, next time you late, don't come into

my taxi. Go find another one, because I don't want to speed. It's not good. But they

keep saying, don't worry lah, nothing will happen one, quick quick quick! Then I

really got stop by police, ask me why I speed. What to do? I have to pay lor, the

passenger don't want to help. Then I told the passenger, see you ask me to speed

speed speed, now kena saman dy. The passenger so clever go and tell me "I ask you

to speed, not ask you to speed over limit". Wah! so clever to talk one, I say you can

be lawyer already. Tsk tsk, really know how to talk ah, some people. Next time, I

will ask them put the money here first, then only I speed.

Scene 3

Taxi Driver: Then you know one time got this Mat Salleh, already call me, ask me to wait for

him. Wah, he still eating and drinking with his friend there, taking his time. Then I

wait for him so long. After that when he come in to my taxi, he ask me faster faster,

ask me to reach in 5 minutes, don't wanna miss the check-in for his flight. I thinking

to myself, where can!? The road so small, how you want me to faster reach in 5

minutes, some more got jam you know. Then when reach there he faster hurry

hurry and run inside the airport. This Mat Salleh ah, really crazy fella!

Scene 4

Taxi Driver: Then also go this Indian girl. She say she dont't know what India Ambassador here.

Ask me to faster wor, cos she late for a meeting. Some more ask me to go pass red

light. I say where can, afterwards police catch. Then she say don't worry, I am the

something IMP here, all the police know me. I can easily talk to them, just drive

faster! Wah, how can like that one aw, this Indian girl? Then she just keep asking

me to go when red light. I look out my window, then tell her, I think you better get

out of my taxi. Then she look at me ask why. I say you are not fit to be in my taxi,

my taxi to small, you should go find a bigger one. Then she scold me some more,

say don't know what kind of taxi driver I am. Then I really stop by the road side

ask her to go down, don't even want her money, how can she like that one?

Scene 5

Taxi Driver: You know a lot of drivers never go check their car one. 6 months, 1 year have to go

check once one, but they all never one! They think their car very good, but actually

it's not. It's all inside the rubber burn, our tire going to explode, how we know? We

also never bend our head down to see. Like that day I just a whole car got burnt!

Must be the tire rubber lah, never go check. One time also happen to me, I driving

driving then suddenly saw smoke on my right side. I faster stop by the road side,

come down and check. Then I try to move, got "ch ch, ch ch" sound, then lightning

then I see the tire got spark and a bit fire, luckily I check, if not can burn oh. Like

the other day I go Port Klang the whole car on fire you know.

Me : Was the passenger hurt?

Taxi Driver: That one I don't know, cos I pass by only, didn't really get to see. That's why ah,

there's no such thing as best quality! People say their car how good how good, also

have to check one, then only your can last longer. If not ah, very dangerous! The

gear change also,we keep changing gear not very good for the gear box one. This

gear I already change 3 times you know. That's why I don't like to go mountain

road one. Go mountain like Genting ah, very bad for the gear. So hard you know.

Want to change gear with 4 people in the car, don't wanna say 60 kilo lah, 50 only

also very bad for the car ah. They are not children you know. After got problem

how? So must go check one, if I fly you 4 also fly! not safe...

Scene 6

Taxi Driver: Ah, I got this friend one time arrive from airport then she go take limo back. The

crazy guy go speed 160, 140 you know? scare the h*** out of my friend! She keep

asking him to go slower he say cannot wa, cos got a next person to fetch after that.

Then my friend got angry say, wei! what you talking about? My life is precious ok?

You not much lah, taxi driver only, but my life is important one oh, so better not

speed. So that taxi driver also diam diam lah.

Scene 7

Taxi Driver: Sometimes we got good customers, sometimes got bad one. If good than good lah, if

bad than hard loh. Like got this one time got this Malay lady. Malay you know, this

Malay lady, look like some Datin. Don't know who she is lah, ask me to faster drive.

Then when got a car stop in front of us very long, she ask me to go down the car

and ask the driver to move away. Wah, where can like that?! I tell her, you want

the car to move away you go ask yourself lah. Then she scold me, say what kind of

stupid driver I am. Where can like that? You know some cars just park in the

middle of the road and go down buy goreng pisang. Like that wor! How can? You

want, please park by the side of the road lah, don't just stop in the middle, how the

the other cars wanna move? Then she also ask me stop wait for her but some

goreng pisang. Aiyo....

Scene 8

Taxi Driver: Wah, you all Sunday also got school ah?

Shirley : No, this is hostel, we all live in hostel.

Taxi Driver: Oh. no wonder, I thought you all so "kan lek" Sunday also go to school. If you all

Sunday also go to school I think you all Phd already loh. But is very good one, "Kan

lek" than can get a better job and live easier life. Not so hard. Can fly here, fly there.

Like I go this one aunty, very smart, always fly here, fly there, China, Japan,...

Because she doing marketing surveying, need to see how is the market all. Very

good one ah. Ok, you all reach already, and I think I talk too much, thank you ya.

Today, I got a glimpse of the likes of a taxi driver. I knew it wasn't easy, but never knew it was

THAT hard, until this uncle told us story after story of his job. From rude passengers to those who asks him to go against the law to those who have called him a "stupid driver". I don't know what to say or do, or to even think after this. I'm no millionaire and neither am I saint. Giving him extra money wouldn't help, and there is no advice which I could give. For now, all I can do is say a prayer for him and hope he comes to the knowledge of our saving God. I hope and wish I could see him again. We took down his number. I wonder what was he thinking when he was rattling on and on about his "not-so-favorable-to-some-customers" taxi job to 4 college students who are quite ignorant. Well, after all is said and done, I pray that I can look at taxi drivers through the eyes of God. After all, they are His precious children. And when I meet him again, I'll have the guts to tell him about my Lord. Maybe it could help him in his job. But til then, I'll always remember this particular TAXI DRIVER. And pray that he'll have some nicer customers soon.

Feelings For Japan

Saw a charity event for Japan on TV
It was organized by Hong Kong celebs
Very touching and inspirational
Makes me wonder whether the chirstians are doing the same or more

Seeing what really happened in Japan really opened my eyes
To the things I never knew or maybe wasn't even interested in
Japan is Japan, I am here in Malaysia
Doesn't affect me whatsoever
Screw my ignorance!

Watching footage of the earthquake
Seeing people cry for their lost loved ones
A person standing in the what seems to be the aftermath
A huge pile of houses, cars and maybe even corpse
Praying for all that is lost, shattered and gone
But holding onto what can be hoped for

My tears threatened to start falling
Well, at least I have my emotions back
And feelings still intact
But is God really there?

I hate myself for asking the same questions
Does God know what Japan is going through?
Does He feel the pain they are feeling?
Does He know the hardship they have to go through to rebuild a whole nation?
Does He feel for those who lost families and are left alone?
Does He know that there will be a rise in statistics of the many orphans there?
Does He see what we are seeing?

If yes, where is He now?
Why does He allow it?
Why not reveal Himself and safe people from pain?
Or just punish the wicked and safe those who are just?

Hell would be flooded with so many people believing in other Gods
According to our knowledge of Japan what are the odds?
But sometimes I have to pinch myself in the belly
And realise that its not always that easy

I cant just hope or think that God is in control
I have to know deep down in my heart and truly believe
That God knows what is going on
And His hand is still upon everything whether we believe or not

I will have to keep praying and start praying even more
To keep believeing that the Japanese can still have what is hoped for
To know that they can rebuild their community with the help of God
To just believe despite how unbelievable it may seem
That the questions they throw at God will turn into praises and exaltation before Him

But there's still this cynical part of me
Thinking that the Hong Kong stars are singing not for the cause of charity
But for the sake of their own popularity
For it is April Fools today
What if the 7 million raised will suddenly all go away?

But thats just the cynical part of me
A part that is to be thrown away

God, please give me a heart for Japan
That I may see them through Your eyes
That though people may say they have sinned
And this is the punishment given
You are ever-forgiving
I pray you would bring the healing
As they pray on their knees through kneeling
Let them know that there is good God out there
Who knows what they are going through
Who sees their pain, feels their cry and wants to wipe their tears
Give them the peace you have given me
Most of all give them Salvation
And bring down your Glory
We need You, Lord
The Japanese need You
Help them in the rebuilding of their city
A Christ-centered one
And nothing less
And despite it all
You truly are a good God.

Yesterday I had no feelings
Today I'm feeling for Japan

I want God's heartbeat
Not only for Japan
But for the lost worldwide
For the end is near
And when Truth is revealed

Let us not be LEFT BEHIND.