Monday, December 31, 2012

My 2013 Resolution

"I want to know Your heart"...♥

6 simple words that could change our world. By realizing the true meaning of it, we see ourselves through the eyes of our Father and what He wants for us and so much more, these 6 words suddenly felt like the world to me. He sees more to me than what I see of myself and my future. My identity and accomplishments (past, present & future) are mirrored in His heart. Now, I just have to keep knowing....

My new year's revolution for 2013 even as the clock strikes 12 later, it may seriously change my perspective of life and in turn- THE WAY I LIVE.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Abuse and detoxification

Abuse and then detoxification
Stuff and things that have happened
Polluting things off its origin
Making it "fit" into what we believe in

In the taxi on the way to college's library
I hear some cars honking
The horn was invented for safety
But now we decide that it's unnecessary

We hear the honk and we get scared
When it's suppose to warn us for safety
Instead we glimpse with fury at the driver
"Why on earth did he do that?!" we wonder

Or how we acknowledge and describe the way God moves
Because He did not work in our "own" preconceived way
Doesn't mean that we should blanket it
Making sure He doesn't do it with other people

The subtle change or way of thought
Thinking its minor but its actually abuse
Makes a whole world of difference
In this we never gave a second thought

Abuse is always or most of the time
Paired with the words "physical" or "verbal"
But how about the way we think?
Are there such things as the abuse of "thoughts"?

Belief shapes paradigm
And paradigm shapes perspective
Which ultimately shapes our actions
So is it time for a paradigm shift?

To not think we know it all
Because only God knows it all
And even with that He chose to keep the "end of the world" -unknowingly
Does that speak of humility?

"Unknowingly" as in, the ultimate secret
I know it may not make any sense
But I'm thinking real hard
And allowing the detoxification to sink in

Its just that sometimes we become so sure of ourselves
Secured in the pattern of thought we have
Deleting every other truth that may come
Just because it did not align to our personal experience

My Pastor once taught me to not "blanket" a certain way
Onto everything else that may seem logically "swayed"
Like most of the world who would conventionally say
Because God is not limited by my thoughts or my "way"

So now in this serious state of being "mentally challenged"
I just have to allow God to move in His own way
The "abuse" may have been done
But then detoxification can also be done

So I'll just allow myself to soak in His LOVE
Knowing that it is not the end of the world
For my Father in Heaven- the future He holds
And for that I'm fully secured even if all else fails....

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

One Vicious Cycle

One vicious cycle
That's what it looks like
Something drowned and entangled so deep
Of it you really don't know what to think

They say "Second Chances"
Are the chances Grace gives
But what if someone takes that for granted?
How far would Grace comply?

Caught up in this vicious cycle
Trying to come out of it untangled
But for flesh and blood is entangled
How would I come out of this unmangled?

I look up and "believe" that God is in control
Not knowing whether my belief is genuine or artificial
It has come to this point where situation seems beyond all hope
Making it hard to even believe in Hope

"The abused CANNOT help the abuser"

Something I learned about inner healing
Unnecessary help and mercy
May just come in the way of God's glory
What's right to us is not necessarily right to God

How do you help a person
Who burns the one who helps
How do you help a person
When he's too proud to accept help

Even to the point of death
Evil seems to have a hold on him
Disillusioned in his lonely world of "one"
No one can speak into him

Irrationality clouds his mind
As he demands for 24-hour attention
Whining about how no one cares for him
When those who care only gets hurt

Manipulative in a subtle manner
You won't realized that you are drained
Of your emotions, efforts and intentions
You get sucked in turning the victim

As legal papers are signed
And law and constitutions come in
What seems to be the hard way
May turn out to be the only way

That he needs God
And not fame, riches or pride
The last has brought him to where he is today
But there's still no sign of repenting

I don't know what to think, say or pray
For God has been there and has  never forsake
All I can do now is keep having Faith, Hope and Love
And believe that one day we will all get out of this
One vicious cycle....

Friday, December 7, 2012

In Awe and In Wonder

In awe and in wonder of who my God is
How did this feeling bud?
By sitting down on that hostel car park divider
Kinda my favorite spot to sit when I have the extra time
(especially after midnight where less people's around)
Realizing the times where real significant conversations took place there

I sit down and gaze at the stars
Resting, breathing, reflecting
On why I'm feeling the way that I'm feeling
Even after a long day's work
With stress, emotions and a never ending to-do lists
5 more assignments and a big prayer run tomorrow
Deadlines not reached, deserving of "red cards"
But Grace comes in and occupies that void
I understand why I'm here again

Realizing that with God everything and anything is possible
Can't believe that you could do so much and go non-stop
Yet not feel drained out or passed out
But feel such a sense of fulfillment
When God replaces all your "agenda"

Started with a good conversation with my dear Pastor
Where she talked and walked me through this phase of a major transition in life
Having "accidentally" sat through a fire prevention talk which was very helpful indeed
Funny part is, my friend and I thought this was a talk by some outside preacher
On how to maintain the FIRE of God in church
When it was actually some fire department guy teaching on the prevention of fire accidents
The irony! (LOL)

Had lunch with part of the full time team
Who happen to be very wonderful friends
And some of the closest actually
Really look up to them
So easy-going, fun-loving and approachable
One even "found" me the first night of college I felt so "lost" in hostel

Then I was off to print some prayer cards for the run in college tomorrow
RUNTAR in fact, a smaller version of the "life-changing" run: RUNNAT!
Was real excited and thought I could get the printing done by half an hour
Ended up staying there for about 3 hours because they won't do the cutting for me
Talk about flourishing business where they don't need to pay attention to minor details

Got such a headache after that phase
Finished an assignment with dear college bestie which was way overdue
Blood pumping in head, tried to focus on reading the last few touches
Got it printed and couldn't wait to get out of that confinement
Which confined me, my whole afternoon!

Rushed over to a friend's place for the last meeting for our waited run
Was totally excited about the run despite the different technicalities and utter confusion
Took a breather and realized that we were rewriting history
Being the first college to adopt this Prayer Run method
Realizing that news on this would and are already in the process of being covered
I STOP. and think. BECOMING more aware of what God is doing
And wondered how I ended up in it

Then rushed off to see a movie against my convenient liking
Secretly wanted to back out of this plan, planned long ago
For it was a movie I wouldn't choose on my own
But the fact that it's "quality" and not "academic" time with classmates
I went along instead dragging my feet on the inside of my heart

And to my surprise this movie caught my full attention I would say!
Hands down the best movie I have seen in 2012
Best movie in fact, on my list after "A Walk to Remember"
Which was seen years ago

The Kingdom truth and intelligent conversations
Reenacting what my dad once told me when I was a kid
When Pi believed in 3 different religions
Still young, still learning, in awe of the many gods
Pi's dad told him not to believe in everything
Because that way, you're not really believing in anything
I guess you know which movie it is now

I love it because it made me think
About this faith I have
And in what I'm really believing in

Not sure what the director was thinking
Or where he came from
The lessons he intended the viewers to take home
Vague but so appealing
To me at least
For that I'm still thinking

STRONG Kingdom truth
Embedded in what seems like a messy sort of confusion
He who has ears let him hear

The power of His irrational love for us
Director Ang Lee has gone beyond my expectation
Despite the Director of Brokeback Mountain not being my fave
This show made me see the creative and ingenious part of him
No wonder the many Academy Awards

I can go on and on and on and on about my day
But somehow somewhere I need to stop for here is not where I stay
I have to move on and not live in the past whether bad, good or awesome!
For my God is a never changing God
Making me realize more and more each day
Of what I blessed girl I am

Therefore to be in awe and in wonder of who I am and who my God is
Shall always be on my mind in a continuous state
For then is where......I AM TRULY LIVING 

Our very own RUNTAR prayer cards!!!

More that just a movie.

Just me being happy with babies!

Prayer Card image courtesy of Andrea Teo! A very dear friend and fellow committee of this RUNTAR 2012!!!