Tempted by God's awesome creation!!!

Ok, so yesterday my relatives and I went to 2 islands for them to go see the beautiful islands(one is from England, and the others Australia) and to also get to know each other more. Ones Pulau Manukan, the others Pulau Memetik I guess(lol, just spellin using suku-kata)

Anyway, i didnt really feel like goin, cos mainly we go there to swim in the beaches if not theres really nothing much we can do, but my monthly friend came so I was skeptical whether i wanted to go. So I went with the intention of not going into the waters but just sitting by the beach and chatting with my uncle and cousins. However when 2 of my relatives rented snorkels to see the fish inside I was kinda interested. so I just went to deep my feet in the water avoiding any water contact with my upper body..lol.. that didnt work because we were so close to the fishes that i was drawn immediately!!!!

It was CRAZY!!! To see the fishes swimming in schools all around you and right in front of your face was magnificent!!! That is even an understatement, its just totally indescribable for anyone who loves nature. I mean, can you even believe it that God created nature with everything planned out and He has even input into the little fishes brains not to be afraid of wierd,huge scary humans acting all surprise and curios about them. Haha.. if I were the fish I will be totally freaked out when I see this wierd creatures with huge goggles and this tubes sticking through their mouth just waiting to take a glance of me just for their pleasure..

Changing my own perspective and looking from a fish's perspective really showed me how awesome God created them. They didnt even look intimidated by us! Just enjoying themselves swimming with their friends ignoring how close they were to the same species that eat them for dinner or catch them for pure fun. It was just a spectular sight knowing that God put in every detail and knew that even though the first thing that comes to our mind with the word "fish" is "food", He still incrypted in their cute little brains that its ok to swim around us (i think)

Of course it wasnt all fun, we got stung by Jellybuds throughout the whole experience but it was all worth it. I'm really proud of my cousins Abby and Wanda, 12 and 11 who didnt whine much but was also mature enough to 'take a step back, and admire God's creation' . My other cousin Melvin was also a real gentlemen for piggybacking us in the really deep parts and letting all 4 of us jump onto him when Deb saw a real seasnake!!!! That seasnake really did give me the creeps! When Deb saw it first she was like "ok, dont freak out, don't freak out, breath well with your snorkels" and when she was holding onto Melvin and me in a safer place she screamed "I just saw a snake!!!" that totally freaked all of us out! I and Melvin being typical teenagers and wanting to stare dangerous creatures in the eye wanted to go have a look so she brought us to the same spot, I was really nervous and breathed before putting my head into the waters, went in couldnt see a thing and went really close (partly because of my shortsightedness) i got so close to what seems to be a rock, looked closer, saw the white scales and totally freaked out!!! Looking back i think that was really funny yet dangerous....but that snake didnt stop us from staying in the water til our lips got all salty and painful which made food in our mouth tasteless!

I really wish I had a underwater camera to bring what I just wrote to justice. But that cant be done so you guys should go check it out for yourselves! And please call me along too..haha
Oh ya, and don't worry my monthly friend didnt draw in the sharks... which was also a case that scared us all especially Abby when she realised.....

my celebrity crush!!!

Ok, I'm actually quite surprise that I am saying this, but i really do think i have a crush on a celebrity whose not that popular..lol! I have always look up to female singers like Kelly Clarkson and bands like Daughtry, love their music, love them. But never actually love love them as in have this feeling all over when you see them sing or hear their lyrics.This was even a shocker to me when i felt the way i felt looking at Drew Seeley on youtube. Doesnt ring a bell? I told you he wasn't that popular! well maybe among the western side he is but i doubt any of my chinese chinese friends even know who he is... anyway back to the point.

I first heard about him as the singing voice of Troy in High School Musical(HSM). First saw him in the HSM concert, but he never really did struck me til I saw him in a youtube video.The words he wrote and sang went straight to my heart, don't laugh.. even I still don't know why, lol!
Anyway, bought the DVD "another Cinderella story" and he was the main actor in it, kinda like the Prince Charming! Even then i wasn't that impress cos he seemed to be typical like a Zac Efron, Jesse Mccartney kinda guy. But when i knew he wrote the songs he sang, that really caught my attention. And his videos are clean i guess... like not sexual and stuff which is typical nowadays.So i guess he is going against the flow, writing his own music not letting managers create him, but focused on creating a courier of his own.

I guess the other qualities that draws my attention is his love, talent and passion for dancing, singing and writing.... in which are also stuff i love to do!!!But I guess he's a bit too old for me, cos he's 26, but nowadays age doesn't really matter.. does it? Now all I have to know is whether he is a christian or not....lol... just ignore me

This time last year

This time last year
I wasn't myself
walked around with head stooped down
thinking crazy thoughts that polluted my mind

This time last year
never said a word
but the words that did come out
were really weird ones
so weak that i couldn't control myself
not even the words that came out from my mouth
for the words spoken i felt
came from a different source

This time last year
I was so not myself
afraid of every single little thing
from the sound of the tv
to the songs from the radio
dialogues and lyrics were twisted in my mind
making me think that its me against the world

This time last year
I was hurting myself
but most importantly I was hurting the ones I love
I didnt know it that time
for I wasn't even myself
but when I see the aftermath
then is when i realize
I have made the closest people to me
worried and scared of how I was behaving

This time last year
I didn't even feel alive
like literally
my presence, my body was on earth
but somehow my mind took me too a far away place
I'm not quite sure where
But i'm sure i don't wanna go back there

Here and now
I'm feeling so good
chatting with a close friend
just being my typical talkative self
But it is seriously by the grace of God
that I'm even writing this
right here and right now
for what i am going to reveal in the entries to come
may be really shocking to some....

SPM's over!?!

time flies and before i know it, SPM's over!!!
but 1 thing i really learn from this experience is that SPM is not everything.
And i have my friends to back me up on this.. hehe
cos even from the start of last year, teachers were like " you all better buck up, 1 more year and SPM" and in the beginning of the year
"its less than a few months til you all sit for the ultimate test"
but surprisingly, the closer we get to the real thing the more complacent we become.
my friend whose always top in class went through this exam with ease not even feeling it.
ha ha, but not for me. I did have a few sleepless nights and stuff but it wasnt as bad as PMR(screaming and singing all over the place)
SPM is important as a stepping stone and its good to get good results!!! but if we dont its not the end of the world!
*fingers cross. i just hope i do well*

people all around me

People all around me
Judging me from my appearance
My actions, my sayings

People all around me
Think they can sum up a person
With just a look of the eye

People all around me
Just look on the outside
But never on the outside

BUT...

Why do I care so much
Of what people think of me
For its silly on my part
to even think like that

They think they know a whole lot about me
But they actually don't
For the one who knows me best
Is the One above

So the next time if I do the same
Judging people for the sake
I'll remember the words from someone I look up to
Rachel Scott- a martyr of faith
whom was also my age =)
"always be a see-througher and not a look-atter"

So the next time people think
They know something about me
But it's actually not true
I'll just let it go
If it's a compliment, I'll keep it
If it's a comment, I'll work on myself
But I wont let it tear me down
No, not this time
For I know we're not perfect
And I'm happy, content and grateful
with just the way I am!!!

*this is just something that came while i was studying, suddenly putting myself in the shoes of celebrities, world leaders, big shots and even typical teenagers. the pressure they feel under the magnifying glass of people whom have nothing better to do than judge. But don't get me wrong, I love writing and I write this in a very optimistic way. peace!!! (also a reminder for myself not to judge others..hehe)

These last days of my high school life

fui soon, christina and me

me and my beloved class teacher

5 Dinamik- class of 2008!!!(we can really go crazy.lol!)

These days in school were a blast!!! Not only cos we got to be closer to each other, we could all just be ourselves with no masks on. I guess this happens when you grow up and start to mature, realising that you wont be able to see some ppl you love ever again in your life. However I hope that we'll all be able to meet again someday.


me & my snow girl-sharon

shan & howe with Jason being his typical self--a lamp post
(lol, no offense Jason)

The 4 tears i cried

tried not to cry

not wanting to give in to the devil

held my tears so tight

prayin that it will not fall

but the rejection felt

from friends I thought who were more than just friends

cut so deeply in my heart

couldnt hold it any longer

but just to let go

those tears that fell were

tears of sorrow

tried not to cry

wanting to be strong

telling myself

I'm worth what I worth

made in God's image

beautiful in His eye

but thoughts came in

and crowded my mind

unpleasant ones

that were not good for my soul

those tears that fell were

tears of defeat

tried not too cry

but it was comin too strong

talked to God

my 1 true friend

what i heard?

"Don't worry, I am here"

heaviness left my heart

and suddenly i realize

that whoever puts you down

may not even realize

for the devil uses the ones we love

to bring us heartache

but that wont stop me

for being grateful to my friends

for we are only human

and we all make mistakes

those tears that fell

were tears of relief

tried not to cry

but just couldnt help it

not only was I feelin God's presence

He was showing me His love

not only in the spiritual realm

but in the physical too

from who else but my beloved sis

still lying on my bed

I hear my sis from the top bunk

singin to this octopus soft toy

givin it a name

Octaleg or Octyleg

couldnt make it out

she didnt know i was cryin

for I pretended I was asleep

but her voice and her presence

was kinda like a wink from God-

therapy to my heartache

tellin me that He has placed ppl in my life

who love me for who I am

His way of tellin me

that though I have doubts

Doubts of whether He's listening

as a friend or a daddy or a

A King to his princess

He has assured me that i can find a friend

in people around me

and also in Him

and those tears that fell

were tears of JOY!!!

this afternoon. comin back from school, felt a slight depression comin.went straight to bed. Asked and beggged God to take it away cos i don't wanna fall back into the cycle, the same time last yr (more will be said in another post) writing kinda for my own therapy