Somewhere I belong

Sometimes we take for granted the beauty of where we live in.

Even as I sit hear eating my last lunch in the hostel's canteen
Somehow something inside of me starts forming
A feeling I can't put my finger on
Knowing that I won't be staying here for long


It's not the food I know
Even though it'll be the last time they're selling
Some say it's cos of food poisoning
But to me the food has never been that great


But how can it be
For going home I'm excited as could be
The mixed feelings entangled in me
Making it unclear for me to see


And then a thought comes in
Something straight from the heart of God
"This is where you belong now"
A place I am placed where God wants to save


How the "Big Bang theory"
Or how circumstances takes place
Making me cross paths with the people here
Amazes me more and more each day


Somehow I know that my few years here
Is what I can take even if it feels way more than that
Hostel and college carries countless of Divine memories
Defining and Amazing, changing my course of life


I don't know where the future will take me
Or who'll I marry
But deep down I'm sure off
The place which God have placed me


For it's right here and right now
A temporal staying which launches me into eternity
Destined for an indescribable destiny
I know that this "not-as-cool-as-other" hostels is truly
Somewhere I belong.....

With a beautiful surrounding and great friends, what more should we ask for?

A place where we can just be our funny-little-selves!

We love where we're at! Our beloved Hostel!!!!

Feeling the Untouchable

As I'm here thinking of You

I wish I can touch You

To just reach out my hand and grasp the fullness of You

To feel You on my skin

And know that You're here

Right before me

And when I try

All I touch is nothingness

Not even the air hold weight which I can withhold

I feel nothing in front of me

Just the road ahead, endless, mysterious

The feeling  of unknown right before me

I think of the times when I look at the sky

And instead of seeing millions of stars

I see a slight twinkle here and there

Not allowing the confusion of stars and satellites to haunt me

I just close my eyes and believe

That even though I can't see

Their existence still live

And then I do the unthinkable

Instead of my hands, I use my heart

Hoping that with everything in me

It will reach out to Yours

As my heart touches Your heart

And Yours touch mine

Somehow I know things beyond me will start happening

I begin to feel Your love sweep all around me

The way You take my breath away in an instant

Knowing that I'm everything but alone

As I feel the touch of You

Not physical but more real

As our hearts align

The Being of who You are incepts in my mind

As my heart beholds Your beauty

Worries and fears go away

The knowledge of how much You love me

Suddenly makes the biggest mistakes okay

Knowing that You're here right beside me

Living on the inside of me

I just to have to say again

"God, You take my breath away"

This is the beauty of our relationship

Which defies the definition of religion

You call I answer and the same goes around

Something not many people have just yet

But with Faith I believe that someday

The world will get

To know its more that just physical reality

But a spiritual truth

Besides, facts are the lowest form of truth

And You are the Truth

And that is why I have no doubt in 

FEELING THE UNTOUCHABLE

Humility

My Dearest Mommy

Yesterday was my mom's birthday

And I sincerely must say

That I am humbled by the fact 

That I was gifted with such a gem

She's worked hard and strong

Not letting the way of life define her

But allowing God's sole plan

To go before her

In my twenty years of life on earth

I have learned so much from her

Her tenacity and subtle steadiness

Making her a pillar of much worth

Her actions of grace speaks louder than words

Determination in getting things done

Especially concerning the things of God

Has taught me to live my life for Him

She's different in a way

Making sure we put God in front of everything

Protecting our Sabbaths

Concerned about our spirituality

She made me stay a year back before entering college

To make sure in faith I'm not shaken

And on the word I shall be rooted

Keeping my self in God truly grounded

And now my sister is doing the same

I hope she realizes that free time with mom

Is running out fast

As we enter college and the rest of our lives

My mom has taught me to persevere in prayer

For that's how she got me after 9 years of praying

That is like half my age!

How did she do that? 

Truly by His Grace

She speaks of inner strength in her wonderful being

To never ever compromise on what we believe in

She can be vocal at times

Standing up for the things of God

Allowing the fear of God to precede the fear of men

She once texted my sister and I

Struck by a sentence from a Christian magazine we both love

   'Holiness precedes power'
    "So true ya, what do you think?"

Caught us by random

Which received a questioning reply from my sis of

"You talking to me?" o.o LOL!

Works and toils throughout the night

Trying to make the best out of everything she can

Sometimes bringing negative attention

Questioning people

Doubting her capability

But she is never shaken

And this I shall learn from her

For she knows who she is in Christ

And prophecies given defends her outright

Putting back things to perspective making them align

My Dearest Mommy

Oh what would I do without you?

You have taught me in the things you say and don't

The way you walk so much of  your talk

Sometimes I think you need a break

I pray the Lord will continue to bless you

As you walk in His eternal destiny for you

For you have always been obedient

Although it was hard with two young daughters

I have learned so much from you

Although we may quarrel in small fights

Deep down I know we just come out more tight

The tears we shed together

The belly of laughter's released

The way you look forward to watching "7th Heaven"

And "Touched by an Angel"

How you make us sit down and make cookies together

Or how we share talks over meals or nothing

Catching up on lost time

Both knowing that we can never turn back time

But still holding on to whats is left to our rights of each other

I look forward to those times

And even distance can't separate us

As we talk for hours on our free line

Me filling you in on the unending happenings in college, life and church

And you telling me how work and everyone is doing back home

This mother-daughter thing we have here?

Is totally precious and priceless

Coming here and seeing the world

Now I understand that not a lot of people get to partake of this

Thank you Mommy

For being who you are

Just being yourself

And not allowing anyone to dictate who you are

Teaching me integrity and dignity

All with LOVE, FAITH and purity

Making sure I'm in the hands of God

And getting all excited with what He's doing in my life

Besides the greatest gift of life you gave me

The greatest gift was when you surrendered my life into the hands of God

Devoting me and Deb to our Father in Heaven

Mommy

You have taught me some priceless lessons

I can learn no where else but from you

I don't how can I ever repay you

But just to say thank you

Of course I'm gonna treat you!

Can't wait to see you!

And I thank our Dear Lord for you

I sure hope it's not too late to say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
 to you!!!!

My Mama and Me!

PS: If this day did not exist, there would be no you. And if there was no you, there would be no me. Therefore in this I'm truly grateful. I LOVE YOU!

Temporal Hits

10 days after a new year and I get hit
Not the way where good sense is knocked into you
Nor the way you see blur lines and stars over your head
But a hit straight into the heart
Forced to bear the heaviness that don't linger but stay

So many things are happening and escalating
And even without a chance to say "breathe"
You feel the full force of events at once released
Not really suffocating you, for they're all good
But I'm still an emotional being coping with the moods

Last night was just awesome
God as a wild fire
Intense, unpredictable and untamed
Throwing me off tangent (almost literally)
Yet giving us clear directions in proper ascending

And then an overflow of yesterday's outpouring
Into my bedtime and up to wake time
I don't know what to conclude of it
But I won't sing lies as the lyrics go
"Mold me, Refine me, Use me for Your plans"

Not prepared for the exam
Yet I went it not knowing what to expect
A whole question left me in wondering
What on earth was I thinking
It's not an 'A' now but a pass that I'm hoping

Never felt it this bad in my entire college life
It's a bit over a year and a half
Managed to maintain my CGPA (which surprises me)
All up til now
To still hold that rate, I don't know how

Thought I could suppress the pain I feel inside
Of unbelief, regret and disappointment
In no one else but myself
Why didn't I study harder
I am the one to blame

Then I try rethinking, reanalyzing and secretly hoping
That it is all a dream and that time could turn back
To when I still had the time to study hard
To cover all my notes, lectures and books
To be a good student and do what I do

But no point reliving what is undone
You can't turn back the hand of time
The hurt you keep inflicting upon yourself
Does no good but only harm
Why the self-deprecation, when all it does is kills...

As I let out my discontent by going to the movies
Hoping that seeing "Jack & Jill" could make me laugh
To laugh my worries away at a funny comedy
Even behind those laughter, deep down I know
That the pain inside, still resides

Then I realize that this is only a temporal hit
Something the devil does cos he exist
Seeing how I'm entering the destiny God has for me
Making him jealous with full of deceit
Trying to get me, as so it may seem

Because so many things have been happening
The evil one can manipulate my mind
Making me think that I have messed up priorities
Nurturing a start of a chain of negative thoughts
Belittling me, hoping me weak

That I would blame it on God
Blame it on circumstances
Blame it on myself
Which he almost succeeded
But now I know his underlying motives

I caught myself thinking
That there's no need of self-torturing
Cos then to the devil I'm aiding
And of that I shall have no part in
For I'm a daughter of the King

This is only a temporal hit
One that makes me stand up right after I fall
For God's got my back
And He'll catch me when I fall
Just like how He did so quickly today

Let out my emotions
But not with anger and frustration to Him
Just soft words telling
And tears that were flowing
For I have passed the phase of questioning

And I feel Him and hear Him
Through the wind that blows at the right times
And the skies that paints of His creativity
Hearing Him tell me everything is okay
And that there are more to life then just grades

And then I have dinner with 2 friends for the first time
And I see open doors and hearts availed to God
From a few minutes it turn into hours
And deep down I know God is working again
In me and through me

Prayer group went very very well too
Not having the time to prepare cos of my last minute talk
I already knew what God wanted shared
To be bold and reverent in His presence
Not treating Grace lightly yet humbled and in awe

And right now I stand amaze at the swift hand of God
Which moves so quick not allowing me to soak in my despair
That when I get hit, with a proper reflex
I can come out of it just as quickly
And go on to do the things which God has entrusted in me

Temporal hits may come more frequently these days
But in this I shall not be afraid
For His rod and His staff
They shall comfort me
And He will never ever leave my side

The more hits that come
The more I shall get back stronger and tougher
Knowing that He who is in me
Is greater than he who is of the world
And with that and my identity intact
I know I'll be fine

So come and get me with your sly tricks
For you are actually nothing but a toothless lion
Trying to get me but with no avail
Cos my Daddy King, He always prevails
And in Him I'll entrust the safety of my life

Temporal hits
Are nothing but temporal
So right now I'll focus on what is eternal
That's souls and compassion for the lost
Knowing that Jesus is the answer for the world today
I'd rather be occupied by Kingdom issues
Than small petty stuff like crying over bad grades (lol!)
Cos I know who I am in Christ
And that truth and love is eternal

And so when you get hit down too
Whether its like a tow-truck kinda hit
Or a slight knock of the wind
Know that God's right there to catch you when you fall
He's got your back no matter what you think
Anyway, though the pain is there
It can be only temporal
If you choose it to be
Remember, it's all in the mind
A battlefield that's so define
It may lead you to utter defeat
Or a glorious, triumphant victory

Look to Him
And learn from Him
The way He attacks situations
With the slight of His hand
With not much effort needed
He'll take that hit for you
The pain will subside
But His love imprinted will remain
For he took so many hits, punches and kicks
All from the source of bitterness
So that we don't have to endure them no more

After all
What is God's all consuming fire and power
Love so amazing we could never define
Compared to this temporal hit
Whose power is nothing but temporal
Our God is greater
So don't mind when the temporal hits come....

See, temporal hits don't stay long.

Everyday Miracles- Making it a norm

Miracles, signs and wonders have been happening so frequently in the past 3 days that I have to constantly digest all that is happening. God is good. Making short and long legs grow even, giving height to those who wants more (thinking they're too short) , healing my ulcer (yes, He not only heals cancer but even small things like ulcers), taking away headaches, pains and tummy aches. The latest and most incredible was of a girlfriend who had her right eye blind. Even she herself wasn't sure of why her right eye started deteriorating when she was 15 and became completely blind in one eye. Having about 4 to 5 surgeries in a period of about 4 years, with each surgery amounting to about 10 to 20K, it was crazy. The emotional, physical, psychological and relational pain she and her family had to go through. But I saw God put a stop to it, and opened that right blinded eye, right before my very eye. The girls were in tears. The guys and all were overwhelmed. For I believe it was the first time for every person there, to have witnessed how great a miracle. 

She started crying and gazing, saying that she can see clearly. That gush of excitement and adrenaline rushing, can't help us comprehend what we just saw. Is it true that she can really see? Or is she being pressured to say that cos we were so many. I regretted that I doubted in my heart when we were praying, "Can You really open her eye? I know You can, but maybe not tonight? Silly me, O little of Faith!!! I was being so naive and being very rude and undeserving, doubting the hand of God, the creator of the Universe, the One who created the human body including the eye!

My friend did a few test on her, to see how much in percentage was her healing. At first she saw blur colors and shadows of people. Being able to see an outline of her surrounding, something she couldn't do before. (That's why she avoided sitting at the left of people just in case she didn't know they were even there in the first place.) But that night, she could vaguely make out those at her right. But it still gets better. We continue to pray as she could only make out shadows and outlines, for clearer vision, she needed to be able to read out words with the use of her right eye. We prayed and prayed, and after perseverance, worshiping God with a guitar, she made out the words of a shirt wore by a friend on her right "Miracle under the Azzuro Moon", our prom night's theme, sounded sweeter than it really was, spoken by a person who couldn't even make out the letters before. We started screaming, crying, some literally wailing, while I just fell to my knees to touch the tar road to know that all this was really happening. We were all truly overwhelmed with God's miraculous healing power.

We praised God and thanked Him. We believe this is just the start of a season of overflowing with miracles and signs and wonders. The big and small, the significant and insignificant. All that matters to God. I pray that as this miracle happens to a girl who has known God, strengthens her faith and the faith of the witnesses, more miracles such as this should happen upon pre-believers as well to show how real and loving our Father God is.

As for me, I shall doubt no more and have a renewal of the mind, having an expectancy for more of such happenings to arise. To believe that God won't stop this healing movement but escalate it faster and swifter and more rampantly. To start getting used to it. Cos isn't that what His word is all about? To bring Heaven on earth and to see everyday miracles become an interesting norm?

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

because he has anointed me 

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

and recovery of sight for the blind,

to set the oppressed free,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Luke 4:18-19

PS: Sorry for the bad recording, it was our first time. :) It would get better in the next miracle healing, so do stay updated! Love y'all!

Subtle and Special Reminders

Its really crazy how things are happening these days
Nights on average with about 3 to 5 hours of sleep
Passing up assignments at 4.49 when its due at 5
Running countless of trips to and fro in a huge college-not fun
And having assignments being passed up later than the deadline

However, God has proven His grace and mercy over and over again
The favor given was never seen so great
Teacher who swears they'll never postpone deadlines, postponed them
Lecturer not present at her table during the deadline
Giving us space, making time ample

This one time I felt so alone
Cos we did the ultimatum by reshuffling the whole class
Groups where people didn't hate each other but wasn't fond of each other
Forced to do assignments together
Talk about the culture clashes, background mixes and communication lapse

It was the bright idea of a class rep and her assistant
To mix the students around to avoid being too clicky
Cliques broken for just one sem
To foster more friendships were our attempt
Little did we know that in people's hearts, they weren't content

But I don't regret
Because I still survived this sem
The hardest sem just yet
But I have a feeling I'll say that for every next sem
Cos it just gets more challenging as every year gets

1 subject on the Malaysian Constitution
Another on our Mass Media
Journalism 2, where deadlines are deadlines
And the tutor treating us like "real" journalists
Wanting genuine prominent interviews with "unreasonable" deadlines
(I doubt its unreasonable deadlines but some famous people just make things more difficult)

Toughest subjects just yet
And we were 'smart' enough to reshuffle
Making the lone riders the need to hustle
Giving us lessons to learn
And bringing out in teammates, their true colors

This one time I was rushing this particular assignment
Doing almost everything all by myself
Worried of the content, the Harvard referencing
Is my analyzation critical enough
Meeting the standard of higher education?

Through the running from CITC to class and back again
With my legs so tired but forced to carry me
A "not-so-close-friend" bumps into me
Saying "You haven't told me about your angels stories!"
A "we'll sit down one time and I'll share with you" comes from me

And then for that split moment as we rushed to our different destinations
She going off somewhere while I to class
With the adrenaline of rushing accompanying my
Something within gently reminds me
"Don't forget your glory encounters, and know that I am here"

A subtle, gentle yet special reminder
Coming from a friend whose curious of the Supernatural
Someone I meet less than 3 times a month
Reminding me that I have special encounters to share
And being adamant that until she hears them than only its fair

Or the way the skies were beholding the stars
Like a blackboard cleanly erased
Making the next few strokes of a chalk not vague
So many stars, so bright and beautiful
Gently reminding me again of my wonderful Creator

This special reminders means so much to me
That God comes through the strong sounds of rushing winds
But also through a still small voice that no one else can hear
If only we're quiet enough, to stop and breath
From the busy life we live than only can we see

The greatness of our God
The wonder of taking pleasure in all of His beauty
The stars, the trees, my college and friends
The sense of the urgency of a 'deadly' deadline
With a subtle and special reminder that God is still in control

I realize that although I want Him always on my mind
Busyness may subconsciously rob Him away
But nothing is too hard for Him
And with ease He just eases back into my thoughts
With the Subtle and Special Reminders He gives....