10 Years Redemption, 10 Years Fulfillment

Coming to Bethel School of Superntural Ministry (BSSM), I've gotten to meet lots and lots of different people, young and old from all walks of life. It always leaves me in awe to see how there are soo many more radical Jesus-lovers out there and despite background, skin color or social status, we're so hungry for God, it places us on a same level as one humongous global family. So this is Cheska from the Philippines, a dance teacher that taught me dance in a one day hip-hop workshop my mom signed me and my sister up before we even knew. But I'm so glad she did because back then she didn't know particularly what she was doing, but God knew. God knew that it wasn't just a seed of beautiful connection and friendship He was planting, but also a seed of revival that would eventually connect me to Bethel, because fast forward 10 years of wandering away from God, Cheska is now a third year student in BSSM! She was one  of those friends (or seniors) who cheered me on when I was just "thinking" to come. Little did I know that I was a "sign" from God to her in terms of redemption....

Me and Cheska! Meeting after 10 years in America!

It was when I was reflecting on her 10 year breakthrough that I realized that it was also my 10 year breakthrough of depression!!! I tried taking my own life when I was 16 and 10 years later I'm still ALIVE!!!!!!!! In your face, devil! God is so good to me, and I'm so in expectant for the future and all that it holds! I want to live life in joy and abundance and God is just giving me that!!! So let's kick fear in the face because it's just an illusion! 2018 here we come!!!

Also, here is a link to donate to Cheska for her expenses here in Redding for groceries, rent, etc. If you have a heart for dance and Hollywood, please support her because she has a call to go into dance industry and reform it for Jesus! And man, can she dance! Just do as God leads! You never know, you may just be funding a future Bieber dancer! hahaha..

Paypal: francesca.tabifranca@gmail.com

Or cashapp: $FrancescaTabifranca

Is it for Me or is it Not?

I thought that I didn’t learn much from the worship leading amt (elective) because most of what was shared came from a “mega” church point of view with an abundance of super talented singers and musicians to pick from.. a far cry from what my home church situation is. And then we got Kalley. I’m still marked by what she said. How her sharing about worship came from an overflowing well of substantial depth for the sole purpose of adoring God. How amidst the platform, followers and fame, Jesus will time and time again come back and say “is it for Me or is it not.. is it for Me or is it not.” And then you always come back into the alignment of Him before you and that’s really all that matters. Whatever follows is secondary to the grace we experience when we’re face to face with our first love. And I found myself thinking, “Why so much struggle lord? Why do we go to great lengths to come to a place like Bethel to seek for more of You and then struggle with the enormity of the prophecies spoken over our lives?” In which He replied, “If there is no war, there will be no victory.” So whether it’s direction for the next stage of our lives, finances, miracles or the salvation of a loved one, I’m confident that my “yes” to God whether big or small is a resounding “yes” throughout my generations. Until I see God face to face and spend my ultimate victory in all of eternity. And my relief is that the war has already been won and all we have to do is live out that beautiful story God has written for us. It lies in leaning into Him and abiding. And in that I rest my case. #bssm #worship #grateful


Joanna Finchum (1st Year Worship Pastor) & Kalley Heiligenthal (2nd Year Worship Pastor)

When I do....

When I find the one I love, I want to be so in love with him it will be tremendously hard for me to hurt him...

Looking back on 2017

Coming to BSSM (Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry) in Redding, California was such a big move. An overwhelming one to say the least in the most challenging yet wonderful experience of my life. Words can’t describe what I feel and all that I have learned here. It is also through wanting to process my thoughts and reflections through blogging that I realised my last post was from December of last year! What a long break I took?! There’s so much going on here that it’s real hard for me to prioritise time to journal so I think blogging will give me that necessary time spent sitting down and reflecting on my process and heart posture. (That, and the fact that I almost never look back on what I’ve written in my journals maybe because I don’t like my handwriting or how I feel that it’s so unworthy or even boring to be looked upon.. something that I might need to dig deeper into maybe?)

Anyways, it’s the 30^th of December, second last day of the year so I thought that I’d might write my feelings of reaching my “American Dream” of attending BSSM after dreaming about it for more than three years. There have been so many testimonies and crazy happenings that I’d thought I’ll just start with these and work myself backwards from here. So I bet (and hope) that there will be more posts coming up soon just to document my life’s journey and how faithful God has been through it all.

So I came here in August, almost not coming due to a deep depression I felt. One so big that my family was worried that I couldn’t take the flight here, just for my own safety. See, I was a “danger” to myself, swallowed up in negative thoughts and partnering with the devil on who I was and meant to be. Bad stuff. Stuff we should never think about because as Bill Johnson says, “We cannot afford to have a thought in our head that is not in His”. For me, it was the exact opposite, super detrimental to my very own well-being.

But through the fire and through the battle, I took that flight on the 24^th of August, with a thousand negative thoughts mercilessly flooding my mind, I spent the first two months questioning, doubting and feeling unworthy about myself. See, when the devil knows that you are one step closer to your destiny, it will do anything to stop you from taking that step and going further in trying to push you to take your own life. So bonkers in reality but so “real” when you’re in depression. It’s crazy.

Fast forward to the here and now, and I can’t but tear up in gratitude of the goodness of my Father. The times He kept singing over me even when I couldn’t hear Him. The times He reached out His hand through the fog and I didn’t hold it being too blinded by my own pain and “sufferings”. The times when He whispered His words of affirmation over me but all I could hear was the devil’s voice screaming in my head. The times where He felt the pain of the emptiness I felt. And the countless times He tried to make me feel found when I felt so lost. He never gave up on me.

And for that I’m forever grateful. When someone does that (let alone our Maker), fights and pursue you time and time again, you seriously can’t help but just give in to the pursuit, only realising that it’s the best decision you can ever make in your entire life. And in response to that, you want to make your life all about Him, the best way you possibly can.

So here I am, with tears streaming down my face, overcome by the reckless love of God. What can I say, when all that He does is leaves me in awe and dumbfounded by His beauty. That and the fact that I lost my phone on Christmas break in Seattle five days ago. Another HUGE reason I can partner with the enemy in saying what a disappointment, careless and clumsy girl I am, which will naturally drive me down the rabbit’s hole once again. But no, I won’t partner with the devil, instead I’ll partner with truth and not let it steal my joy. Although there are loads of prophecies and memories in the form of pictures I treasure with all my heart in there, they’re not my idol. God still reigns supreme over my life and staying in His presence is better than any materialistic thing could offer even if it’s storing prophecies and pleasant memories (good things actually). It’s good in a way because all prophetic words come from Him, so it makes me rely solely on listening to Him directly than being distracted by listening to those recordings. I realised that I have been spending more time on my prophecies than being face to face with Him in His presence without mediation. Sometimes we can be so distracted by the gifts that we subconsciously forget the “Gifter”. 

I do pray for a miracle though, because I still need my phone to connect with family and friends and I don’t have the money to buy a decent one. So please pray for me on that! Haha..  Anyways, I’m so glad that 2017 has been a super blast and coming here to Bethel really got me more than what I bargained for. Really excited to see what God has in store for me in 2018!!! 

Love y’all!

TRUST

|| TRUST ||

It's almost the end of 2016, and as I reflect on life, the year and my journey, I realised that "trust" is what I lacked in the past year, and it's what I need more in the new year.

You see, I've always known that I needed to trust God for the unknown, the future the new adventures and relationships yet I feel that I can never trust enough. We have numerous worship songs on "trust", "walking on water" and "bravery", yet every time i sing it, it gives me just that momentary "5-seconds-of-courage" but after the song has ended and I go back to my daily routine, reality hits like a hard brick wall, and fears, doubts and insecurities mercilessly crawls back.

But two days back it was different. As a mentor of mine shared on prophetic words spoken for 2017, God was speaking. Deep in my heart and mind, I felt Him say, "You have always tried trusting me, but please know that I trust you too." And then it started to sink in. My gifts, talents, future and relationships are entrusted to me by God, for God. The very fact that God chose me to give these talents shows that God knows what He's doing and that He's got my back. Come what may, my circumstances, response and shortcomings does not fret God at all, not one bit. He chose me, and I Him, and that's the greatest partnership the world could ever behold.

So in the next year, I will trust and keep
trusting until I see His promises and prophetic words over me come into fruition. It can't be just trust and no action though. I'll do my part and trust that God will do His, because He's a God of His word and He never lies. So whether it's:

Starting a band
Writing new songs
Opening a business
Establishing partnerships
Pursuing studies (at whatever age)
Forging new friendships
Taking up a new hobby
Investing in new assets
Changing jobs
Falling in love (romantically)
Trying to get pregnant
Buying property
Getting A's on a test
Learning a new instrument
And the list goes on...

Believe that you've always had the faith to "walk on water", but now "trust" God that you won't sink. For if He has planted those desires, dreams, wishes, people and interests in your heart, He totally believes in you too. Trust that His plan for you will be the best "journey" you've ever travelled. For He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. So 2017, we're ready for you!!!!!

"And there will never be a day, You're uncertain of the ones you choose", Mercy by Amanda Cook.

❤️

Bogo Bras- Bras with a Difference

Why Bogo Bras

I've never once talked about products on my blog because I only blog about reflections, revelations and lessons learned or "stuff" on my heart itching to get out without needing face-to-face conversation due to the fear of being judged.... 

But lately, I have a burning passion inside of me. It started back in the summer of 2014 (UK time) when I was finishing my degree in Liverpool. I got exposed to the harsh world of human trafficking and I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted to be a part of a global movement to stop human trafficking.

Fast forward two years and I'm back in Malaysia,  even more exposed to this issue after God-given connections and researching on the subject. Malaysia is thought to be one of the countries with the highest population of trafficked victims yet we know nothing about it, because EVERYTHING is hidden. 

My heart is to start raising human trafficking awareness here in Malaysia because women are people and not commodities, designed to love and be loved and not to be used for sexual exploitation or overworked in factories without a minimum wage. 

So when Bogo Bras added me on Instagram, I was more than delighted to join the movement or buy a bra! Anything that will bring awareness and aid trafficked victims is totally my thing. And because I started going to the gym, I was in desperate lookout on a suitable sports bra, so talk about divine timing! 

Bogo Bras Mission 

The mission of Bogo Bras is to support rescued trafficked victims by helping them start their own business through "Support Entrepreneurship". For every bra purchased, one bra is donated to a woman coming out of sex trafficking to start their own business. 

With these donated bras, women will have business opportunities where it'll help enhance their communication skills, money management whilst handling inventory... New skill sets they can take to their new employers while job hunting or even when they learn to start their own businesses one day. 

With more than 45 million trafficked victims in the world today, Bogo Bras creates a safe work place for women to get back on their own feet with crucial support from fellow victims who understands what it feels like to be exploited. 

Trafficked victims usually do not have access to proper education, making it difficult for them to find jobs after being rescued, but Bogo Bras helps them through 3 simple steps:

1. Telling women they can own their own businesses.

2. There are alternative job opportunities.

3. Allowing women to support other women by purchasing a bra. 

I really really support this because after some research, I found out that big brands such as Nike has have had trafficked victims down their supply chain and therefore I'm more cautious in my purchasing these days. With Bogo Bras, not only am I not contributing to the use of human trafficking, but I'm making a statement to go against it and it's real liberating to see such brands come up with these stuff to empower women all over the world!! 

Visit them at bogobras.com for more info! @bogobras 

Heart on Fire

I wake up every morning and sleep every night
With you on my mind.

It's not that I "chose" you to think about
There's so much more that should occupy my mind
But it's you that my heart and mind keeps wandering to
Oh help me, God
This is so unreal.

We hearsay "to not awaken love before it's time"
But what if love is such a strong and fierce feeling
The more you try to control it,
The more it burns like wild fire,
Untamed and untouched.

And when is the right time?!?
Who has the right to tell us when or what we should do
The church painted this picture for me
No dating until 18
I get it...
But the moment the "right age" comes
We're confronted with problems on how to actually "feel"
How DO we fall in love?
Sadly but surely
Questions and guilt overtakes
At the slightest thought of what could be True Love.

I've never met anyone like you
4 years of college and no one
Not one guy has made me feel the way
You make me feel

Covered in goosebumps
Giddy at heart
Hoping that I could encapture the moments
In a time capsule before it's too late.
You open my eyes to wonder
The greatest possibilities of what "we" could be
A match made in Heaven which only God could foresee

You are intentional.
Determined.
Outspoken and obvious.
Scaring me that there could actually be "that" guy out there
Whose not afraid to love and be loved
Who wants what's best for the other half
And not walk around with another trophy wife

If it does happen and I pray it does
You'll be that dream I never dared dreamed of
Like wildfire fuelled by love
Your words and actions
Make lasting impacts on me
I can't wait for the day
Where I can openly say
My heart's on fire...
And it's because of you.