Bring it on!

I had a bad day

K, so it started from yesterday

But didn't know it will spill over to today

And it hurts even as I say

Taking so many posts

Is it worth the cost?

Taking on the leadership of prayer meeting

And there's already people questioning my ways

What am I to do?

Seriously am so konfewsed!

People can really bring you down, don't they?

Whether it's inferiority, timidity or just plain jealousy

Don't understand why they can be so mean

Making every opportunity easier to give up and give in

But I'm glad that God's giving me these duties

Just the fact that I'm called and chosen

Makes me feel honored that He's trusting me

Giving me assignments that aren't always easy

And the post for E & F in CF

Thought it would be easy

But it takes more than that

Thank God for good mentors at hand

God is good

Giving me friends to put me on perspective

Not condoning self-pity

But righting priorities

So when I fall down and fall down again

I'll just pick myself up just yet again

For God has my back

And my faith still intact

Friends with spiritual maturity

Giving advice so profoundly

I have nothing to loose

And everything to gain

Yes, there will be a few people in my way

Friends that seem more like stumbling blocks

No, I won't let them make me feel inferior no more

For my identity is in Christ

And I'm saying that unapologetically

So say what you wanna say
And do what you wanna do

But remember when your laughing at the way I communicate with God

You're kinda laughing at God Himself...

He has my back

So just BRING IT ON!

My Little Sis

"She sips her drink while her sister cuts her meat"

Haha..!That was the sentence our friend Jonathan said of me and Deb in a whisper into his fist while childishly filming a fake documentary of us during

Cynthia's farewell dinner. He was so impressed by the "so-called'' love me and my sis had that he wanted to do a documentary on "Sisterly Love" or something like that. Seriously? I just think he misses his sister back in NZ. The whole night he was in awe of the way Deb and I talked to each other, shared our food and respected each other. It was kinda stupid! lol, for him to be so amazed by it all cos I didn't really think it was anything special. It was us just being our normal selves! He was kinda distracting, talking into his own fist as a mic and pretending to describe our every move and act just like what you see in National Geography where the commentator speaks about the deer, lion or giraffe. We actually felt like animals!

When I asked him why is he doing that and to stop, he even went, "When you see National Geography documenting on deers, do you ever see a deer talk to the camera? no right? And that is exactly what you are doing! don't talk to the cameraman, just continue!" Talk about the utter discomfort of being filmed by a hand-shaped camera with a fake mic and every move described plus being compared to deers, of all things!! He kept saying "oh, I can feel the love" and "Oh, I may just cry here"...dramatic much! He also did the trick all reality shows do now to make things more interesting and controversial - make us fight. It didn't work cos the whole situation was hilarious and him doing that made it more funny than sad!

But somehow, I think the love between us sisters have gone deeper. Just like the saying "you don't know what you have til it's gone" means literally. Me going to KL have made me appreciate her a whole lot more!

My little Sis

Someone I miss

How I do wish

That I can give her a kiss!

(haha! cos she's such a tomboy she can't

even bear me kissing her on the cheek)

My little sis

Loves playing the bass

She scored so well

I'm truly amazed

(distinction for Grade 5 and one

of the highest score in Malaysia)

My little sis

Is so humble she'll be in a fit

If she sees what I wrote above

For she rather keeps
Her achievements to herself

(she's so humble a prophet had to tell her

its ok cos she's humble enough)

My little sis

Is crazy with cats

A cat-lover at heart

She even loves the strays

(she sometimes still talks about our cat-Angeldeo

who went missing a long time ago)

My little sis

Is good in almost everything

Studies, music and handling our youth group

She has it all under her wing

(and she does them without stress

but ease, how does she do that?

Must be God, =p)

My little sis

Is not so little anymore

She's bigger than me

Lots have thought that she's my older sis

(plus the increase in height after me leaving for KL,

just one inch and she jumps for joy..haih)

My little sis

Is growing up so fast

I bet with wings she can soar

For she's truly talented right to her core

(I hope her God-given talents would bring her far)

My little sis

Though I'm envious of her

Every time I see her play the guitar

I'll love her forever

(when could I ever play like she does?

Lord help me)

My little sis

Is growing in God's way

Telling me to not backslide in college

Praying for me as so she says

(I can really see her love for God)

My little sis

Is maturing so fast

Her "littleness" would not last

And the past would be "the past"

I wish I can freeze time

To go back and relive the past years

For I doubt I've truly appreciated her

And now I wanna redeem that

For we're growing up a tad too fast

Me off to college and she very well soon

We may never stay in the same house

If circumstances keeps us apart

I pray that she would keep that love inside of her

And never ever let it go

The love she has for God, friends and cats

Family, music and bass

That she may flourish into a beautiful flower

However tomboy she is

You never know she may one day be more girlier than me =)

Thank you God for giving me Deb

The best sister I could ever have

No one else could take her place

Help her in her journey ahead

As she pursue the things she loves

If its music show those who are against it

For I believe You have given the talents she deserve

For a greater purpose of Yours

(oh, did I tell you that she plays the drums, keyboard and guitar as well?

Any guy would be so lucky to have her,hehe...)

Bless her as she blesses others

With her strong but pure character

Pushing others to the right path

Never compromising her values

And thank you God for Jonathan!

For without him doing the lame documentary

I would not have seen what he saw

A bond shared between two sisters

Unconditional love and care

If it wasn't for him

I wouldn't have known how deeply and truly I love

MY LITTLE SIS!!!

Deb and her self-proclaimed million dollar song

Back in KL

I woke up missing my family and mom especially.Just yesterday morning I was in church back home, and now I'm in TAR college's CITC drafting this.Still quite hard to comprehend...

But all in all, I'm truly grateful to God for seeing me through every step of the way. Sitting in the car on the way to airport, was just talking to my mom bout the prayer group...again.(something I keep talking about back home, i guess she may feel tired of it, lol) And it can't be coincidence that my friends are going to KLIA to see another friend off on the same day I'm arriving in KL! God is really taking care of me every step of my way! Mom says its cos I honored him in my past years, but I would rather think that He's blessing me with wonderful friends that are all met by divine appointment! hehe...

I find that it's easier to do my devotion here maybe cos I have to solely rely on God with no family around and am subconsciously depending on Him and Him alone that's why spending time with Him comes natural. I like that! but I still have to work on being able to do my devotion anytime and anywhere with the same undivided attention I give Him here in hostel.

It's the start of a new semester, and I'm totally excited! Although there are some things I dread like my wonderful prayer group friends leaving all to soon and the laundry and results which are coming out soon enough, I'm taking all this in with God's help. I just love Him!

They just don't seem happy

Another upside coming home is that I get to watch Oprah! ok, so she maybe into New Age and stuff but her show is quite informative and interesting to watch, I really look forward to her episodes =)
Just saw an interview with the "Twilight" cast and another old one with Micheal Jackson. Seeing the part of them "not-acting" or performing really opened my eyes to another side of who they really are and what they really feel despite the red carpets and millions of fans.

Bella,Edward, Jacob...
Characters fans are crazy over
Mom's dissing their duties
To relive their first loves and memories
(Twi-moms, I just don't get them)

They seem like they have it all
The fans, the money, the fame
But even in an interview
Loneliness poorly disguised is viewed

You can see it in their eyes
And from the answers they give
With not many friends
They rather stay home on a weekend

Millions of people will do anything to be in their shoes
Yet somehow compared to them I prefer where I am

Michael Jackson
The King of Pop
Always being on top
But what a sad battle he fought

A battle that should not even be a battle
If he had the confidence he wouldn't have to face
The controversies of his nose, skin color and kids
Trying to make up for whatever he thought he missed

He changed a whole generation of dance
With his "thriller" and "moonwalk" (seriously, he's talents are beyond me)
Yet he doesn't see himself
The way his million of fans and God sees him

It's easy to point a finger
Like my typical self
Always criticizing stars for the tiniest wrong they do

But this time seeing them in the interview
I cant help but feel sorry for them
It's like ....I don't know
I guess they wont feel a complete fulfillment til they have what I have
An awesome relationship with God

For Michael Jackson
It may be too late
But some people said he accepted Christ the last days of his life
That's just rumor but I sure hope he did
Cos life on earth didn't seem like a pleasant one for him

As for the "twilight" stars
1 or 2 are Christians I think
But I guess you could rate where they stand in wanting to star in movies that comprise of vampires and werewolves...

Maybe I'm wrong about this whole issue
Maybe they are happy on the inside or in their own privacy
I don't know
But seemingly what was seen in that interview
They just don't seem happy
And when God sees his own unhappy
He's unhappy as well
I hope they'll receive Him into their lives not just on a superficial level
But on a real genuine one
For it's only then
That they will find true happiness
That will last forever into eternity...

A Broken Home, A Broken Heart

Just came back from his place
And after months away, I must say
That things haven't really changed
In whatever way

An almost empty home
Owned by a lonesome loner
The condition of the house
Depicts the condition of his heart

A broken closet stripped to its bare
No top, no sides, just 4 legs and a drawer to spare
A refrigerator that cant stay close for long
A paint can with bricks have always been the trick

Kitchen cabinets that cant stay close too
Bricks in tissue boxes as "stoppers" they will do
Sofas worn out to its base
Sponge out, wood seen, making it a pitiful scene

Carpet with its sponge so flat
It could pass off as a toilet rag
Slippers worn here, there and everywhere
For the inside, outside is seldom swept

How do I reach him?
And make obvious of what's already seen
The depressed state he's in
Almost a lifetime it has been

Another year and he'll be 6 decades old
The clock is ticking
And he's still not believing
How can the devil be so deceiving?

What is there to do?
What is there to say?
When everything points to The Way
But his blind spot is in the way!

What I can do now is seek God and pray
To never give up or be dismayed
To believe there is hope
And believe there's a way

For when the time comes
And when the impossible happens
It would truly be the end of
A broken home
And a broken heart...

The end of my 1st semester (reflection)

Sitting here in KLIA's McD, reflecting...

So I guess what was given to me was way more than what I was expected. I think I have grown so much as a person in this 4 months.They say college life is the best time of your life, and I'm already believing it. I'm just but starting to embark on this journey, and the lessons learned are already so many. Seriously thank God for His grace and mercy.

My alarm has turned from mommy's nagging to my hand phone ringing
My hands has become my own washing-machine
My allowance's no longer handed to me but I have to find Mr. ATM
My timetable is flexible making indiscipline even more capable

I've learned so much
About lessons and myself
Never knew I was that gullible
That is something I'll have to work on
Same with my blurness, and my laziness, and my procrastination...
K, I should just stop there. XD

Of course life in college wasn't always a breeze
There were times where I felt rejected, inferior and almost depressed
Times where I called out to God but didn't get an answer
Feeling alone and hopeless like life's not worth living

But God was always there
I guess its all part and parcel of His big plan for me
Allowing me to go directions I dread
Letting me fall to pick me up again
I may not or will never understand His ways
Why He allows certain situations and circumstances
But deep down I know His ways are higher than mine
And so all the more better, kinda hard to comprehend

Thrown into a world where swearing and flirting is all ok
I had to find friends that would only go God's way
With the culture shock, glad I met a flock
Who most of the time had God on their thoughts

It made it a lot easier to be who I should be
I wasn't alone
By God's grace He has shown

I also learned or was even forced to solely rely on God
For He's the one who for me will go against all odds
Friends come and go (something I totally dread!)
But He by my side will forever remain

I've learned so much
More than I ever thought
Just this 4 months
And I've already been to Ipoh and Melaka

In college for every aspect
The sky's the limit and that's just the beginning
Every friend I've known
Every lesson I've learned
Every emotion I've felt
Has played a huge part in this reflection

But most of all
It's truly God
For He knows it all and what the future holds
Just humbled and honored
To know that I belong to Him
His daughter, His child
Forever protecting me through this journey in college...

HE IS JUST SO AMAZING!!!

The end of my 1st semester

Its 4.29 in the morning and I'm still not yet sleeping. This will be my last post in hostel for this sem and weird but true, never knew I'd feel this way in such a short time. The sense of belonging and homeliness I feel here is more than I can imagine. I guess God has worked it all out for me. I'm gonna miss this place even if it's just for a few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to go home to KK and see my family and friends, I miss them, I really do, but it's hard to be torn between two places you call home. (Another "first" feeling I have never felt until now, maybe I should keep adding stuff to that blogpost, then again, maybe not =p)

May 9 was the first day I stayed behind

In the hostel I slept, hoping I'll be fine

Missed my family, missed my home

Cried myself to sleep for I felt so alone

Fast forward 118 days

To go back home I shan't delay

It's 5th of Septemeber

Can I cope? that's something I wonder

Torn between two homes

That's so not a norm

For I never believed

That I'll be so attached, undeceived

I've learned so much in this first 4 months

Of my first college phase, its more than mere fun

The lessons learned and friendships earned

Are so overwhelming, better than what I truly deserve

I've learned to be independent

To hand wash my clothes at the right timing

And to be mindful in my spending

To do my devotion everyday

Even if I don't feel like it, I shall not sway

To accept people even if they're not your "type"

For people are special in God's eyes

I've learned to bath more often as well

2 to 3 times a day, LOL

Without a heater =(

I still wanna be cleaner

Met a group of awesome youngsters

Who meets every night to pray and fight

When I say fight I mean spiritually

For I believe the devil aint happy with youngsters praying

Especially at this age, its very rare

And spiritual warfare the devil wont spare

(It's just soo cool that this deserves a post on itself =D)

Done so many other wonderful and crazy things too

Went to Melaka for a photo shoot

Won the MC title in TalentTime Night

Went to McDonalds til its 4 in the morning

Joined the prayer group that prays 4 nights a week

Went to Ipoh for a Hillsongs conference

Played Floorball with a bunch of pros

Attached myself to a group of Indian friends

Did an assignment from 8pm to 10am (nonstop!)

Got kicked out of a game arcade for squeezing our butts into rides "only for children"

Watched a Glee marathon til 6 in the morning

Never ate so much ice-creams and waffles in my life

And it goes on and on...

The best part, I enjoyed myself through it all

to be cont, my laptop batt is gonna be flat..