Temporal Hits

10 days after a new year and I get hit
Not the way where good sense is knocked into you
Nor the way you see blur lines and stars over your head
But a hit straight into the heart
Forced to bear the heaviness that don't linger but stay

So many things are happening and escalating
And even without a chance to say "breathe"
You feel the full force of events at once released
Not really suffocating you, for they're all good
But I'm still an emotional being coping with the moods

Last night was just awesome
God as a wild fire
Intense, unpredictable and untamed
Throwing me off tangent (almost literally)
Yet giving us clear directions in proper ascending

And then an overflow of yesterday's outpouring
Into my bedtime and up to wake time
I don't know what to conclude of it
But I won't sing lies as the lyrics go
"Mold me, Refine me, Use me for Your plans"

Not prepared for the exam
Yet I went it not knowing what to expect
A whole question left me in wondering
What on earth was I thinking
It's not an 'A' now but a pass that I'm hoping

Never felt it this bad in my entire college life
It's a bit over a year and a half
Managed to maintain my CGPA (which surprises me)
All up til now
To still hold that rate, I don't know how

Thought I could suppress the pain I feel inside
Of unbelief, regret and disappointment
In no one else but myself
Why didn't I study harder
I am the one to blame

Then I try rethinking, reanalyzing and secretly hoping
That it is all a dream and that time could turn back
To when I still had the time to study hard
To cover all my notes, lectures and books
To be a good student and do what I do

But no point reliving what is undone
You can't turn back the hand of time
The hurt you keep inflicting upon yourself
Does no good but only harm
Why the self-deprecation, when all it does is kills...

As I let out my discontent by going to the movies
Hoping that seeing "Jack & Jill" could make me laugh
To laugh my worries away at a funny comedy
Even behind those laughter, deep down I know
That the pain inside, still resides

Then I realize that this is only a temporal hit
Something the devil does cos he exist
Seeing how I'm entering the destiny God has for me
Making him jealous with full of deceit
Trying to get me, as so it may seem

Because so many things have been happening
The evil one can manipulate my mind
Making me think that I have messed up priorities
Nurturing a start of a chain of negative thoughts
Belittling me, hoping me weak

That I would blame it on God
Blame it on circumstances
Blame it on myself
Which he almost succeeded
But now I know his underlying motives

I caught myself thinking
That there's no need of self-torturing
Cos then to the devil I'm aiding
And of that I shall have no part in
For I'm a daughter of the King

This is only a temporal hit
One that makes me stand up right after I fall
For God's got my back
And He'll catch me when I fall
Just like how He did so quickly today

Let out my emotions
But not with anger and frustration to Him
Just soft words telling
And tears that were flowing
For I have passed the phase of questioning

And I feel Him and hear Him
Through the wind that blows at the right times
And the skies that paints of His creativity
Hearing Him tell me everything is okay
And that there are more to life then just grades

And then I have dinner with 2 friends for the first time
And I see open doors and hearts availed to God
From a few minutes it turn into hours
And deep down I know God is working again
In me and through me

Prayer group went very very well too
Not having the time to prepare cos of my last minute talk
I already knew what God wanted shared
To be bold and reverent in His presence
Not treating Grace lightly yet humbled and in awe

And right now I stand amaze at the swift hand of God
Which moves so quick not allowing me to soak in my despair
That when I get hit, with a proper reflex
I can come out of it just as quickly
And go on to do the things which God has entrusted in me

Temporal hits may come more frequently these days
But in this I shall not be afraid
For His rod and His staff
They shall comfort me
And He will never ever leave my side

The more hits that come
The more I shall get back stronger and tougher
Knowing that He who is in me
Is greater than he who is of the world
And with that and my identity intact
I know I'll be fine

So come and get me with your sly tricks
For you are actually nothing but a toothless lion
Trying to get me but with no avail
Cos my Daddy King, He always prevails
And in Him I'll entrust the safety of my life

Temporal hits
Are nothing but temporal
So right now I'll focus on what is eternal
That's souls and compassion for the lost
Knowing that Jesus is the answer for the world today
I'd rather be occupied by Kingdom issues
Than small petty stuff like crying over bad grades (lol!)
Cos I know who I am in Christ
And that truth and love is eternal

And so when you get hit down too
Whether its like a tow-truck kinda hit
Or a slight knock of the wind
Know that God's right there to catch you when you fall
He's got your back no matter what you think
Anyway, though the pain is there
It can be only temporal
If you choose it to be
Remember, it's all in the mind
A battlefield that's so define
It may lead you to utter defeat
Or a glorious, triumphant victory

Look to Him
And learn from Him
The way He attacks situations
With the slight of His hand
With not much effort needed
He'll take that hit for you
The pain will subside
But His love imprinted will remain
For he took so many hits, punches and kicks
All from the source of bitterness
So that we don't have to endure them no more

After all
What is God's all consuming fire and power
Love so amazing we could never define
Compared to this temporal hit
Whose power is nothing but temporal
Our God is greater
So don't mind when the temporal hits come....

See, temporal hits don't stay long.

Everyday Miracles- Making it a norm

Miracles, signs and wonders have been happening so frequently in the past 3 days that I have to constantly digest all that is happening. God is good. Making short and long legs grow even, giving height to those who wants more (thinking they're too short) , healing my ulcer (yes, He not only heals cancer but even small things like ulcers), taking away headaches, pains and tummy aches. The latest and most incredible was of a girlfriend who had her right eye blind. Even she herself wasn't sure of why her right eye started deteriorating when she was 15 and became completely blind in one eye. Having about 4 to 5 surgeries in a period of about 4 years, with each surgery amounting to about 10 to 20K, it was crazy. The emotional, physical, psychological and relational pain she and her family had to go through. But I saw God put a stop to it, and opened that right blinded eye, right before my very eye. The girls were in tears. The guys and all were overwhelmed. For I believe it was the first time for every person there, to have witnessed how great a miracle. 

She started crying and gazing, saying that she can see clearly. That gush of excitement and adrenaline rushing, can't help us comprehend what we just saw. Is it true that she can really see? Or is she being pressured to say that cos we were so many. I regretted that I doubted in my heart when we were praying, "Can You really open her eye? I know You can, but maybe not tonight? Silly me, O little of Faith!!! I was being so naive and being very rude and undeserving, doubting the hand of God, the creator of the Universe, the One who created the human body including the eye!

My friend did a few test on her, to see how much in percentage was her healing. At first she saw blur colors and shadows of people. Being able to see an outline of her surrounding, something she couldn't do before. (That's why she avoided sitting at the left of people just in case she didn't know they were even there in the first place.) But that night, she could vaguely make out those at her right. But it still gets better. We continue to pray as she could only make out shadows and outlines, for clearer vision, she needed to be able to read out words with the use of her right eye. We prayed and prayed, and after perseverance, worshiping God with a guitar, she made out the words of a shirt wore by a friend on her right "Miracle under the Azzuro Moon", our prom night's theme, sounded sweeter than it really was, spoken by a person who couldn't even make out the letters before. We started screaming, crying, some literally wailing, while I just fell to my knees to touch the tar road to know that all this was really happening. We were all truly overwhelmed with God's miraculous healing power.

We praised God and thanked Him. We believe this is just the start of a season of overflowing with miracles and signs and wonders. The big and small, the significant and insignificant. All that matters to God. I pray that as this miracle happens to a girl who has known God, strengthens her faith and the faith of the witnesses, more miracles such as this should happen upon pre-believers as well to show how real and loving our Father God is.

As for me, I shall doubt no more and have a renewal of the mind, having an expectancy for more of such happenings to arise. To believe that God won't stop this healing movement but escalate it faster and swifter and more rampantly. To start getting used to it. Cos isn't that what His word is all about? To bring Heaven on earth and to see everyday miracles become an interesting norm?

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

because he has anointed me 

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

and recovery of sight for the blind,

to set the oppressed free,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Luke 4:18-19

PS: Sorry for the bad recording, it was our first time. :) It would get better in the next miracle healing, so do stay updated! Love y'all!

Subtle and Special Reminders

Its really crazy how things are happening these days
Nights on average with about 3 to 5 hours of sleep
Passing up assignments at 4.49 when its due at 5
Running countless of trips to and fro in a huge college-not fun
And having assignments being passed up later than the deadline

However, God has proven His grace and mercy over and over again
The favor given was never seen so great
Teacher who swears they'll never postpone deadlines, postponed them
Lecturer not present at her table during the deadline
Giving us space, making time ample

This one time I felt so alone
Cos we did the ultimatum by reshuffling the whole class
Groups where people didn't hate each other but wasn't fond of each other
Forced to do assignments together
Talk about the culture clashes, background mixes and communication lapse

It was the bright idea of a class rep and her assistant
To mix the students around to avoid being too clicky
Cliques broken for just one sem
To foster more friendships were our attempt
Little did we know that in people's hearts, they weren't content

But I don't regret
Because I still survived this sem
The hardest sem just yet
But I have a feeling I'll say that for every next sem
Cos it just gets more challenging as every year gets

1 subject on the Malaysian Constitution
Another on our Mass Media
Journalism 2, where deadlines are deadlines
And the tutor treating us like "real" journalists
Wanting genuine prominent interviews with "unreasonable" deadlines
(I doubt its unreasonable deadlines but some famous people just make things more difficult)

Toughest subjects just yet
And we were 'smart' enough to reshuffle
Making the lone riders the need to hustle
Giving us lessons to learn
And bringing out in teammates, their true colors

This one time I was rushing this particular assignment
Doing almost everything all by myself
Worried of the content, the Harvard referencing
Is my analyzation critical enough
Meeting the standard of higher education?

Through the running from CITC to class and back again
With my legs so tired but forced to carry me
A "not-so-close-friend" bumps into me
Saying "You haven't told me about your angels stories!"
A "we'll sit down one time and I'll share with you" comes from me

And then for that split moment as we rushed to our different destinations
She going off somewhere while I to class
With the adrenaline of rushing accompanying my
Something within gently reminds me
"Don't forget your glory encounters, and know that I am here"

A subtle, gentle yet special reminder
Coming from a friend whose curious of the Supernatural
Someone I meet less than 3 times a month
Reminding me that I have special encounters to share
And being adamant that until she hears them than only its fair

Or the way the skies were beholding the stars
Like a blackboard cleanly erased
Making the next few strokes of a chalk not vague
So many stars, so bright and beautiful
Gently reminding me again of my wonderful Creator

This special reminders means so much to me
That God comes through the strong sounds of rushing winds
But also through a still small voice that no one else can hear
If only we're quiet enough, to stop and breath
From the busy life we live than only can we see

The greatness of our God
The wonder of taking pleasure in all of His beauty
The stars, the trees, my college and friends
The sense of the urgency of a 'deadly' deadline
With a subtle and special reminder that God is still in control

I realize that although I want Him always on my mind
Busyness may subconsciously rob Him away
But nothing is too hard for Him
And with ease He just eases back into my thoughts
With the Subtle and Special Reminders He gives....

Life is Beautiful

Something I got out of my devotion today..... *cheers!

One Thing Remains

As I'm tossed and thrown into the sea of assignments, tutorials and unreasonable deadlines, I know that His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. No matter how hard I try to outrun myself in finishing my work on time, regretfully pushing God's time aside, I will never ever outrun His love for me. His grace, love and mercy is sufficient for me. No matter how tired, confused, stressed and messed up I am in the whirlwind of my college life right now, ONE THING REMAINS, my love for Him would never fail as well.....I feel like I'm falling in love with my Jesus more and more and more and more each day!

Verse 1:

Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant in the trial and the change
One thing... Remains (repeat)

Chorus:
Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me (3x)

Verse 2:
On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains

Bridge:
In death, In life, I'm confident and
covered by the power of Your great love
My debt is paid, there's nothing that can
separate my heart from Your great love

PS: Got suddenly reminded of this song when I was surfing the internet in Singapore, wanted to feel God even when I was far from home(hostel) and the words 'Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me" came and I "googled" it (because I have a vague memory of hearing this song in church once) and the moment I heard it,  I was just overwhelmed with His presence that it brought me goosebumps and tears! Now in my room as I'm finishing up on my tutorial (gotta stop the procrastination) , and hearing the birds start to chirp to the rise of a new day, no fear has come, only contentment, knowing that as a new day dawns, His love for me is no less  still the same.... and the renewal of mind that comes with it just makes me feel His love for me increases every single day. I just love this song that speaks of a simple yet frequently forgotten or unearthed truth....

Deep words

Deep words I still have to digest but will cherish.... God is just blessing every aspect of my life. I guess when we take a step towards Him, He seriously takes 10 steps towards us, and messes up our whole life in a very interesting and peculiar way. I stand in awe of what my God is doing in my life. May you experience the same! Cheers!

It was all Me

Even as I continue to soar so fast and high in my (long and interesting) spiritual journey with God, it is really really easy to take an accidental, subconscious step of pride and just fall off the cliff into my own self-destruction if I think all these crazy, heavenly (yep! I went to heaven), divine happenings happened because of.....ME.

You see, I have been true a really dry season in the last semester, seeking God and wanting a touch from Him, although He showed up in the most peculiar ways I wanted to hear directly from Him, to know Him and see Him. Little did I know that you really have to be careful with what you ask for because He is just blowing my mind with what He's doing in my life right now. Open doors everywhere (strangers, random people), friends that I have been praying for asking me about God, classmates being more aware of CF (even if it's cos there are "cute guys" from the photos), people from elsewhere attending our CF, 3rd Heaven experiences, dreams, bible insights, divine answers, favor with God and men and so much more.

If I think that all these are coming at me because of my works or effort, the way I pray every night in our hostel prayer group, how I fasted, the way I'm reading more of the bible or how I'm being such a good child of God obeying His commandments I am totally WRONG. God allows me to experience His greatness because of Him and not me.

It is something I have been learning in my church, that spiritual gifts, promises, financial blessings, life in abundance is given to us not because we're good enough (base on what we do for Him) but what He wants to give us just because HE IS LOVE.

I can fall very easily into pride thinking that my self-effort has brought me to where I am today, smack right in the bulls-eye of God's promises and blessings for me. But God knows best and even before I can bask in my self-righteous glory, he led me to this through my devotion time.

⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9

To not dampened the effect and truth which jumped out at me, I'll just copy the whole thing from my devotion.

"....we all want credit for the stuff we do. And God is the same way. When he does something great, he wants us to know that it was him- all him. ...Through Jesus death, we were brought to life. Our sinful hearts were transformed into hearts that desire him. We were made pure, holy and blameless in his sight. And we had absolutely nothing to do with it...it's all him. Knowing that we have such an amazing gift-salvation- it's tempting to think that we were somewhat responsible. We want to think that because we did something good, God rewarded us. But God says, "No way. You've got nothing to brag about....it was all me." It's only through God's grace that we're saved. Take time today to thank him for his grace and for your salvation that's not dependent on who you are or what you've done- only on who he is and what he's done."

I don't have to explain anymore, you get the picture. =)