Goosebumps on my legs

I wake up late
More than just "way too late"
It's past noon and I have a list of things to do
But You catch my attention before anything
And make me sit and spend time with You


After brushing my teeth and cleaning myself up
I sit on my bed with things in my head
I take out that Choco Pie a dear friend gave me
Instead of dirtying my sheets I eat it outside
With thoughts of You embedded in my mind


I sit down and look up into the skies
Let the wind's breeze take me away
Breathe in all of Your blessings
Content of where I am and who I belong to
I gently close my eyes


My head lowers as I feel You closer
You enrapture me strongly with Your tender LOVE
I feel goosebumps surfacing on my arms
And then something new
I feel them on my legs


You love me so and wanna touch me whole
Never have I felt You in such a way
As you touch me and hold me this way
In Your arms I know I'll never be the same
Even as I feel these goosebumps on my legs...

Praise in Defeat

I'm late for a meeting

Because for too long I was sleeping

Coming back from Kingdom Invasion

I bet the enemy got threatened and started invading

Walked to the house where we were having our meeting

Heard music from a guitar and voices singing

Felt the presence of our Lord like a mighty wind

Felt weak, tired but a light starting to ignite

Fever and all I sat on the last empty spot

Next to a dear girlfriend of mine

Guessed is wasn't just me who was in a state of defeat

Crazy when exams and deadlines come together and meet

With a "Kingdom Vision" and "Finals" at two ends of a spectrum

The emotions which strings between begins to sink in

The reality of the mundanity of this sinking earth

Making it an 'unachievable' dream to bring Heaven on earth 

I sit there at let the tears flow

Where were they coming from I do not know

How do I praise my King

When all I feel is defeat?

I open my mouth but nothing comes out

Yet it's overflowing on the inside of my heart

Feeling so sick that I can't even sing

I reluctantly heave into a state of defeat

My heart wants to sing but my mouth won't comply

With head down I let the tears flow

Hoping He sees my heart

Where my spirit is so much stronger than my flesh

Different thoughts flood my mind

And I know there's no other way but the Divine

Who could get me out of this state of defeat

But on my part I'll have to reach for His present hand

I reach it and take hold of it

With what is left I push emotions and lethargy aside

This battle has already been won

And I would want to be fit for my entitlement

I sang my praises although it was not like the usual

My voice still soft I wondered why it couldn't get any louder

I did not let my sickness however

Get in the way of me worshipping my King

I told myself I shan't be praying for anyone today

For how could I do it, being in such a state?

But as I sung my praise, supernatural strength arose

And there I went onto praying for those

The worship and prayer ended

And with a smile I knew that the devil has been defeated

For I realize something I never knew before

It's because it can only be realized when you're there stuck in total defeat

That when I feel the weight of responsibilities hanging on my shoulders

And sickness in my stomache making my knees go weak

A deliberate and determine decision to say to my spirit arise

And not allow my own flesh to get in the way

I realized that if I set my mind to it

I can praise God in any circumstances

Let the tears flow but life goes on

No time for self-pity

I walked in a failure

And walked out a victor

Learning a new lesson

That I still can give Him

Praise in defeat....



Bad day cos of some Dirty Laundry?!

Woke up at 10 and mentally listed down my to-do list. Lecture got cancelled and that means more time to do some laundry, assignments, reading and the "endless" spring cleaning of my room. Oh ya! And there was PnP to be done. Short for "Publicity and Promotion" for our Easter event coming this Wednesday. Since I had more then a weeks load of clothes to wash (due to my uber busy schedule), I decided to be practical and use the washing machine provided in our hostel, something I rarely do to safe cost plus its cleaner hand washing them on my own. But it's the beginning of the month and I do have some spare to change so I load my 2 buckets of clothes and throw my bed sheet in and walk up one floor to where my blocks washing machine was placed and there was nothing. The note above it stated that there will be new washing machines replaced and that we have to use those at Blocks A, B and C. Now, I live in Block F so its quite a distance to walk all the way to the other blocks but I thought it could turn into some good morning exercise with 2 heavy buckets and the detergent serving as dumb-bells. Plus, I can talk to God on my way there and spend more time with Him while waiting 30 minutes for the clothes to wash.

Block A: Someone else had her clothes in the washing machine and it stated 20 minutes left. Didn't want to wait that long so moved on to Block B.

Block B: Yay! Someone just finished her laundry and the clothes were in 2 filled pails by the washing machine. I poured in my detergent, separately threw in my clothes and put in my six 50 cents. None went in. The stupid  machine just kept giving me back my coins. Another 15 minutes there trying to get my coins in. (For one thing, it's rare that I have so many coins in hand, for another, how did the girl before me manage to get her coins in?!) Started thinking about different ways.Waited for a girl staying at that block to finish brushing her teeth and washing her face. And when you're in a hurry, the wait seems like it takes an hour. Asked her and she had no clue.

*Thought to myself, should I just ask a guy friend to wash my clothes in their washing machine? No. That wouldn't be ethical.

With one of my soiled shirts, I regretfully and grudgingly wiped off as much detergent as I can off the base of the washing machine hoping I did not waste too much and that it can still be used for when I actually get to wash my clothes. Gave in, cos the coins just did not want to go in. Moved on to Block C. Now with grumbling I thought, if I did hand wash my clothes I may be all done by now! What a way to start a "good" day getting hit like that (by the devil!)

Block C: Only 1.75 is needed. Another broken machine where we can save cost by cheating and just putting two 20 cents in and the machine will be all dysfunctional in a good way, accepting a mere 40 cents to wash a whole load of clothes when it should cost 3 ringgit. I've cheated before, many times until they got the machine fixed and we had to pay the full amount. I guess what goes around comes around because after feeding it six 50 cents, it was still 25 cents short! There is no 5 cent hole, so can you feel the agitation? What if I put in another 20 cents which I didn't have right then and it still needed 5 cents more. (And all this talking about the cent down to it's half like 25 cents is making me go dizzy!) Anyways, I was fuming by then. Just stood there. Didn't blame God but just questioned why when I had a whole day ahead of me with things I must and need to accomplish. 2 friends helped and got me a last and final 20 cent. If this wasn't gonna work I won't even think of what I'll do next cos it may be.......unthinkable. But thankfully, it accepted my coin and I paid 3.20 for something that primarily cost only 3.00. What to do now? (a) Continue to sulk and think how my day could get anymore worst. (b) Call mom to tell her all that I've received from God in the past few days with church and all. Chose the latter.

After a good chat with her, things seemed better but I was running out of time and couldn't do half the things on my to-do list. Changed my bed sheet and rushed of for the course to course promotion for our Easter event.

 

Self-designed!

To cut the long story short.....

It was the toughest one yet, so much so that my friend had to pray under his breath for me as he worked on getting the video on in the computer to show some hundred students. The teacher wanted them to comment on my presentation skills = =. I'm there to promote Jesus! Not to be graded for humility! And the teacher threatened and challenged us whether we still wanted to promote. Still proud that we gave a confident YES!!!

After about 6 or 7 lecture halls and a classroom, I had to rush off to finish an assignment. Straight after that, to worship practice for CF the next day. Still with loads on my mind, I did it all with peace in my heart. And after practice, we had a prayer meeting and this was what happened.

It was crazy!!! Never saw God move this mightily in this circle of friends!! I want it to happen in a bigger way again!! 10pm off to a small briefing for "Kingdom Invasion" in Singapore! (super duper excited about that!) and 10.30 for prayer. And so my day ended pretty well but before I call it a night, we have assignments to rush cos I won't be here week 6 cos I'll be in Singapore. So it's 6.57 in the morning, and I'm still sitting here in the canteen, just finished reading through our final work of assignment and compiling our presentation slides. And the birds are chirping and there was the morning prayer through the speakers and the maids are here starting their day by doing their chores while I haven't ended mine. 

And so now I will go to bed without distress, although knowing that my clockwork has been a mess, knowing God is still at hand and that in my heart I still have peace, I shall go to bed and rest and wake to a new day in 3 hours and less.....

*Don't mind me! I'm just happy! :D

Catching My Attention

Woke up late and missed a class

Feeling regretful I start to think

Why this, why now

 I never miss my class!

Then I feel all lost and after washing up

I just sit on my bed

What to do now?

I sat and sulk

Fighting my urge to reach my cell and play Sudoku

Something I have been doing way too much lately

I felt the lead to just pray and worship

For it's ALWAYS an appropriate time to do that with Him

And so I reach for my guitar and strum something out

The last 2 strings makes this weird ringing sound

Trying not to fret and just to stay calm
I start praising God in an unwritten song I sung

Then I thought and think to myself

It's been quite a while since I've done that

Spend undivided time praising my King

And suddenly things starts falling back into place

God will do anything to catch my attention

To have that one-on-one time spent with Him

I'm not saying He made me miss my class

For that was all me

But He'll allow it for He sees different the way He sees

Quality time with His daughter is His priority

And that means its Him before classes, friends and events

The true reason of why I was created

To have communion and praise and worship Him

To be in awe of Him, of who He is

To sit there on  my bed and sing to magnify Him

There's no where else I'd rather be

So I should discipline myself all over again

To spend time with Him before the world snatches me out

For it's through missing a class and what seemed like a "BAD" day

That stopped me from being off track and realigned with THE WAY

I'm His priority and so is He mine

And I've come to realize that even drowning in all of these busyness

He'll take time to fish me out by

Catching my attention....

In- House Church!

Traffic Jams

Never had I yearned for a traffic jam this bad

But this time is different

It's Your all consuming Presence

The way you fill me so deep wtihin my soul

That I know in this car

I am not alone

I hope for red lights

And stay on the left lane

Even though it is so bumpy

I still stay hungry

For more of Your presence in my life today

Like an Aurora Borealis

You amaze me again and again

Although that beautiful light can only be seen in the North Pole

I feel You right now right here in my car

So sweet

So tangible

I wish I can lock this moment up

And replay it whenever I want

I wish every traffic jam would be as good as I went through today...

The Tornadoes inside

As I lean back in this chair thinking of what just happened

Trying to focus on what You're telling me

And at the same time reliving the scenario just now

I feel a turmoil, so subtly fierce inside

Not understanding but subconsciously realizing

The tornado inside of me

Looking at the stars just now

How they seemed to be shining so beautifully

Basking in their wondrous glory

You tell me You painted them for me tonight

For a scene like that I've waited and not seen

For months, hoping, believing

Not only hoping on the stars

But that change back home will start to bud

But nothing happens and all I see is a vicious cycle

Nothing unlike what I feel inside

The merciless wind stirring up of filthy dirt

Getting into my eyes

Making me cry

I let the tears fall and emotions unwind

Hoping that as they sleep

No one will hear me cry

Nothing is said off my lips

Though its a ten-thousand word essay I want to release

The mix feelings and emotions I can't resist

And now You're telling me this

Help me obey and in my heart believe

Goosebumps cover me

Because Your sweet presence is all over me

But my feelings don't get numbed

Instead, from tears of defeat

They turn to tears of relieve

Knowing that you will tame that tornado raging inside of me

My Shammah

Never leaving me nor forsaking me

I look up the skies and the stars are erased

One second they're there
The next they're gone

But You stay the same through the ages

And Your love never changes 

Thank You God

I place the tornadoes into Your hands

For the winds shall cease at You command

And that cycle will subside by Your Grace

I place my future and emotions into Your crafting

Including the ugly things

Like the tornadoes inside....