Open doors and so much more
The things happening in my life
Leads to what He stands for
Answered prayers, no more insecure
Realized my jerking and dancing in the Spirit
Took away the 'joyful' part of me for a 'minute'
The confusion and disillusion
The many questions and not so helpful interventions
Been praying for 'open doors'
Since all my life (as a Christian)
"God bring them to me, it'll be easier that way
then me forcing You down their throat." I pray
And so a dear friend of mine
Shares how just in her 3 short months as a Christian
Have been experiencing open doors
Here, there and everywhere
Despite the odds and challenges she faces
She obeys.
Preferring things to slow down a bit
She reluctantly follows His voice
(But it still works!)
Sharing with me on how a 'neighbor' got saved
Through her 'visible' jerking
And how a taxi driver paid her
For the prophecy and prayer she gave
I was 'jealous' and wanted that
Facebook chatted with her to ask to pass me the anointing
And at that very moment received a timely message
From a 'treasure' we found from Treasure Hunt
And in it was a message from a girl from Iran
A friend of a friend (our founded trasure)
Asking me about Christ and Church
Hungry for the knowledge of my King
And so that open door came
A huge, big one which opened right in my face
Confirming for the 'hundredth' time that I belong to my church
Despite the many many skeptical thoughts
Brought her to church
Didn't have to do much work
For it was all His doing
And my part in just obeying
So be careful of what you ask for
For when God answers and speaks
He leads you in tremendous ways
Just like how I met my open door
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
Fear of the Future
No more fear of the future
I think of this I'm quite sure
As I have this liberation
Of having no more tension
Gripped by the fear of not making it
Of being a cleaner or a sweeper
Deceptive thoughts that crept in
Crippling me in that present moment
Confidence lost
And victorious thoughts gone
I seep into this subtle depression
A world where I end up a failure
But I'll never reach my future
Two girls once told me
For when I've reached it
I have my "next" future to "fear" about
So there is no point
In worrying for something
That may never be of realization
For when it comes in motion
I'll be able
For my God is able
I'll be calm in the storms
And strong against the winds
The past months I tried looking, feeling and being happy
But deep down you know it's just all in the making
Right now, I'm totally sick with a bad sore throat
But deep down I feel peace and in the knowing
That my God holds the Universe
My future career, happiness and husband :P
My destiny belongs to Him
Fitting in His palm
And for that I can be reminded of Jeremiah 29:11
Being so sure of the fact that He is sure of my future
Although I'm quite clueless at the moment
I have no more fear of the future....
I think of this I'm quite sure
As I have this liberation
Of having no more tension
Gripped by the fear of not making it
Of being a cleaner or a sweeper
Deceptive thoughts that crept in
Crippling me in that present moment
Confidence lost
And victorious thoughts gone
I seep into this subtle depression
A world where I end up a failure
But I'll never reach my future
Two girls once told me
For when I've reached it
I have my "next" future to "fear" about
So there is no point
In worrying for something
That may never be of realization
For when it comes in motion
I'll be able
For my God is able
I'll be calm in the storms
And strong against the winds
The past months I tried looking, feeling and being happy
But deep down you know it's just all in the making
Right now, I'm totally sick with a bad sore throat
But deep down I feel peace and in the knowing
That my God holds the Universe
My future career, happiness and husband :P
My destiny belongs to Him
Fitting in His palm
And for that I can be reminded of Jeremiah 29:11
Being so sure of the fact that He is sure of my future
Although I'm quite clueless at the moment
 |
| via my opera |
Friday, September 28, 2012
It. Is. REAL.
It is REAL.
The feelings I had in the last semester
The doubts, the pain, the negative wonders
The insecurities deduced to mere "hallucinations"
Were way real than what I thought they would be
How do I know?
The absence of it paints a clear picture
Of how "presently" real it was back then
Now I can smile without pretending
Laugh without having that weird plastic face feeling
And sing like I'm soaring
That I wasn't hallucinating
But actually going through a wilderness
I didn't know and acowledge
Knowing that even in this present darkness
I can see my precious God
And realize that He's taking me out of this phase
Into His marvelous light
I won't doubt that I am weak
Sometimes as a leader
We put up a strong front
Like it's a crime to have feelings
To be real and raw
To be vulnerable and weak to those around you
I've come to realise that its not "just me"
But a part of life
We were wired that way
With emotions and feelings
After the fall of Adam
The negatives of life comes with the package
But my God took that package and redeemed a better one for me
And as a redeemed person
I am partaking of His goodness
Happy and content with where and who I am
So in this I shall be confident
That I'm not some weird person with crazy emotions
Cos I realized that just like me
Most of my friends have these feelings behind closed doors too
So I don't have to worry
Cos as much as I feel bad, sad, tired or neglected
I will eventually feel good, happy, refreshed and accepted
In Christ and in those that He has placed around me
Because..... It. Is. REAL.
The feelings I had in the last semester
The doubts, the pain, the negative wonders
The insecurities deduced to mere "hallucinations"
Were way real than what I thought they would be
How do I know?
The absence of it paints a clear picture
Of how "presently" real it was back then
Now I can smile without pretending
Laugh without having that weird plastic face feeling
And sing like I'm soaring
That I wasn't hallucinating
But actually going through a wilderness
I didn't know and acowledge
Knowing that even in this present darkness
I can see my precious God
And realize that He's taking me out of this phase
Into His marvelous light
I won't doubt that I am weak
Sometimes as a leader
We put up a strong front
Like it's a crime to have feelings
To be real and raw
To be vulnerable and weak to those around you
I've come to realise that its not "just me"
But a part of life
We were wired that way
With emotions and feelings
After the fall of Adam
The negatives of life comes with the package
But my God took that package and redeemed a better one for me
And as a redeemed person
I am partaking of His goodness
Happy and content with where and who I am
So in this I shall be confident
That I'm not some weird person with crazy emotions
Cos I realized that just like me
Most of my friends have these feelings behind closed doors too
So I don't have to worry
Cos as much as I feel bad, sad, tired or neglected
I will eventually feel good, happy, refreshed and accepted
In Christ and in those that He has placed around me
Because..... It. Is. REAL.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Reflections, pains and gains...
As I sit here typing this out
I know that it's my last day in KK somehow
With the need to pack and fly off later
I still can't fathom how aerodynamics can allow me to be here this moment
And transport me there in the matter of hours
Now I'm here
Next thing I'm there
The past few months have been more than just dry
Dry's not the word
Maybe more like the struggle to survive
Because I still feel God
Very much tangible in fact
But that's the thing!
It's all the jerking, laughing and shaking
Second-guessing the manifested intention
Then there's this whole end-of-diploma dilemma
Should I continue or should I not
Counting the pros and the cons
The time spent and how much the cost
Would suddenly leaving, halt me at a lost?
Also the identity issue
Why I'm not that pretty
Or not that tall
"I'm putting on weight! "
Focusing on what is all wrong
And then the issues societies face
The background clashes
Not sure what to stand for
Everything can be backed up by Word
But what does God say about these?
So a tough sem led me into a tough sem break
Whatever the reason
Ended up sleeping for up to 14 hours
Body clock turned upside down
Diminishing my holiday plans
Of the many things I wanted to do
Coming back this round also opened my eyes
To the things God is doing in my state KK
The significance of the mountain, the rituals, the race
All adding up to the all-knowing facet of my King
Makes me wonder, am I here to stay?
Which then again leads me back to a huge unnecessary problem
What would I do in the future?
Should I still study journalism if I don't want to be a journalist?
Would I ever end up being a "somebody"?
Cos the lie incepted is that I'll end up a nobody
Which reminds me and bring me back to the first few struggles mentioned earlier
The MAJOR one in fact
Stupid "fear-of-the-future"
Crippling me so bad
Disabling my happiness of living in the present
And I realize all these problems and negativity
Are kinda intertwined as a whole
If I'm affected spiritually
My emotional and physical side will be affected eventually
Far worst when it comes mentally
Loosing all confidence in who I am
And what I believe in
Is the stand I'm taking really worth standing for?
Shaken to the bone
Feeling all alone
Oh ya, and the unnecessary attention I'm getting
All from the wrong places when I'm wishing the right
Making me go dizzy
I shall not put up a fight
But what time would it be when the "time is right?"
And the request/demand to actually move out
Out of hostel to a more "homely" place
Something I'd never do at my own wish
With the great things and happenings
I don't wanna miss whatever God's doing
Turning 21 has been crazy.
Funny it seems.
Ironic to my previous post.
What should I do? Who would I be?
When questioned wrongly
Opens a door for the enemy to be grimmy
To feed on that one thought
Expanding and furthering it
Into a whole lie that could even take lives
It's also hard when the people you confide in
Are there but no more there
Feelings evoke sticky situations
Allowing lots of misinterpretations
Maybe I shall keep it all in
But through this over doze of depressing thoughts I remember my Savior
And what He has done on that cross
This one paragraph can defeat all the other negatives
Saved by Grace through faith
In abundance I shall live
The devil may have been happy up til the last paragraph
But I will keep fighting cos I want to be like that post shared on Facebook
I wanna....
I shall fight against my weakness
Cos if handled well could be my greatest strength
I can look at 21 and say: "Hang in there you're still young, so just bear another few decades of striving and surviving in that state of the coming unknown, gripped by the fear of marriage, status and looks. The struggle to survive in a down-trodden economy. To have the simplest life you can, not rich, not poor, just enough with the absence of risks."
Or I can look at 21 and say:" You know what? you're only 21 and even though you've experienced a fair much don't let it stop you from experiencing so much more! The wonders of the unknown kept in the safe palm of your Dad and God. The greatest guarantee is not in money, health or who'll you marry. But the greatest guarantee is your hope in God. And that'll be the only guarantee you'll ever need. And eventually, everything will fall nicely but not perfectly into place. Things need not be perfect, this shall I remind you because when we envision a picture-perfect life, it sends us into a never ending delusion to fight for perfection. So what with the economic downturn. Don't forget who your Daddy is. There will be pain, strains and struggles but rest assured that you'll come through. Never ever second-guess your existence. You were made for a great destiny and so much more. So when the divine timing comes, you won't find the perfect husband, job or reputation. But you will find the right husband, job and have the right reputation. As long as you stay close to Jesus, know who your Father is and know that the Holy Spirit is there to assist you 24/7. Oh ya, and you are beautiful. Don't let the world tell you otherwise. In the meantime, choose to be wise for the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Psalm 111:10. Be rest assured in Him."
I hear people entering a mid-life crisis in their 30's, 40's or even 50's wondering who and why they are on earth. From sacked professionals to this unemployed pastor with 3 kids. It really scares me, seeing I'm so caught up in a huge identity crisis when I already know where my identity lies in. Then I divinely stumble across this gem just minutes ago that...
Because I have already been found by the One who knows it all. And I'm just on the brink of discovering the greatness and hidden talents of whats on the inside of me because of the One living in me. And I have my whole lifetime to keep discovering... And that is just a pleasant matter of fact.
I know that it's my last day in KK somehow
With the need to pack and fly off later
I still can't fathom how aerodynamics can allow me to be here this moment
And transport me there in the matter of hours
Now I'm here
Next thing I'm there
The past few months have been more than just dry
Dry's not the word
Maybe more like the struggle to survive
Because I still feel God
Very much tangible in fact
But that's the thing!
It's all the jerking, laughing and shaking
Second-guessing the manifested intention
Then there's this whole end-of-diploma dilemma
Should I continue or should I not
Counting the pros and the cons
The time spent and how much the cost
Would suddenly leaving, halt me at a lost?
Also the identity issue
Why I'm not that pretty
Or not that tall
"I'm putting on weight! "
Focusing on what is all wrong
And then the issues societies face
The background clashes
Not sure what to stand for
Everything can be backed up by Word
But what does God say about these?
So a tough sem led me into a tough sem break
Whatever the reason
Ended up sleeping for up to 14 hours
Body clock turned upside down
Diminishing my holiday plans
Of the many things I wanted to do
Coming back this round also opened my eyes
To the things God is doing in my state KK
The significance of the mountain, the rituals, the race
All adding up to the all-knowing facet of my King
Makes me wonder, am I here to stay?
Which then again leads me back to a huge unnecessary problem
What would I do in the future?
Should I still study journalism if I don't want to be a journalist?
Would I ever end up being a "somebody"?
Cos the lie incepted is that I'll end up a nobody
Which reminds me and bring me back to the first few struggles mentioned earlier
The MAJOR one in fact
Stupid "fear-of-the-future"
Crippling me so bad
Disabling my happiness of living in the present
And I realize all these problems and negativity
Are kinda intertwined as a whole
If I'm affected spiritually
My emotional and physical side will be affected eventually
Far worst when it comes mentally
Loosing all confidence in who I am
And what I believe in
Is the stand I'm taking really worth standing for?
Shaken to the bone
Feeling all alone
Oh ya, and the unnecessary attention I'm getting
All from the wrong places when I'm wishing the right
Making me go dizzy
I shall not put up a fight
But what time would it be when the "time is right?"
And the request/demand to actually move out
Out of hostel to a more "homely" place
Something I'd never do at my own wish
With the great things and happenings
I don't wanna miss whatever God's doing
Turning 21 has been crazy.
Funny it seems.
Ironic to my previous post.
What should I do? Who would I be?
When questioned wrongly
Opens a door for the enemy to be grimmy
To feed on that one thought
Expanding and furthering it
Into a whole lie that could even take lives
It's also hard when the people you confide in
Are there but no more there
Feelings evoke sticky situations
Allowing lots of misinterpretations
Maybe I shall keep it all in
But through this over doze of depressing thoughts I remember my Savior
And what He has done on that cross
This one paragraph can defeat all the other negatives
Saved by Grace through faith
In abundance I shall live
The devil may have been happy up til the last paragraph
But I will keep fighting cos I want to be like that post shared on Facebook
I wanna....
I shall fight against my weakness
Cos if handled well could be my greatest strength
I can look at 21 and say: "Hang in there you're still young, so just bear another few decades of striving and surviving in that state of the coming unknown, gripped by the fear of marriage, status and looks. The struggle to survive in a down-trodden economy. To have the simplest life you can, not rich, not poor, just enough with the absence of risks."
Or I can look at 21 and say:" You know what? you're only 21 and even though you've experienced a fair much don't let it stop you from experiencing so much more! The wonders of the unknown kept in the safe palm of your Dad and God. The greatest guarantee is not in money, health or who'll you marry. But the greatest guarantee is your hope in God. And that'll be the only guarantee you'll ever need. And eventually, everything will fall nicely but not perfectly into place. Things need not be perfect, this shall I remind you because when we envision a picture-perfect life, it sends us into a never ending delusion to fight for perfection. So what with the economic downturn. Don't forget who your Daddy is. There will be pain, strains and struggles but rest assured that you'll come through. Never ever second-guess your existence. You were made for a great destiny and so much more. So when the divine timing comes, you won't find the perfect husband, job or reputation. But you will find the right husband, job and have the right reputation. As long as you stay close to Jesus, know who your Father is and know that the Holy Spirit is there to assist you 24/7. Oh ya, and you are beautiful. Don't let the world tell you otherwise. In the meantime, choose to be wise for the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Psalm 111:10. Be rest assured in Him."
I hear people entering a mid-life crisis in their 30's, 40's or even 50's wondering who and why they are on earth. From sacked professionals to this unemployed pastor with 3 kids. It really scares me, seeing I'm so caught up in a huge identity crisis when I already know where my identity lies in. Then I divinely stumble across this gem just minutes ago that...
Because I have already been found by the One who knows it all. And I'm just on the brink of discovering the greatness and hidden talents of whats on the inside of me because of the One living in me. And I have my whole lifetime to keep discovering... And that is just a pleasant matter of fact.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
The more I seek You
The more I seek You
The more I find You
The more I find You
The more I love You
I want to sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breath
Feel Your heart beat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
It's overwhelming...
 |
| Till the day I can feel and lay on Your chest tangibly, I shall savor You in every other way that I can... |
Song lyrics by Kari Jobe, photo via vldahermos4.wordpress.com
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Turning 20
Turning 20. A drafted title lost and buried under the many titles I see on my posts lists. (Talk about procrastination) Being lazy to find it, I shall just retype this post title and get along with it. But its not just mere procrastination here, I mean, I am a great procrastinator (something I'm not proud of) but never to this extend. I have broken my own record - procrastinating for more than 360+ days. Somehow, I feel that blaming ''procrastination" may be unseen for because deep down I know that ''procrastination" is not the culprit here but rather "Gerontophobia". Yep! Googled to find the real term for "the fear of getting old" and I got that.
I guess turning 20 really scared me because it was a "one-step-forever-taken/no chances of going back" out of my teen hood and into adulthood. No more being sweet sixteen, or nineteen really scared me. Scared me enough to delay blogging about if for a year. Not sure why I felt that way. Maybe it was the fear of more heavy responsibilities. Maybe it was the fear of not being able to whine or get things my way like how I used to when I was a kid. Maybe because by law I would be charged with a heavier sentence if I ever commit any crime compared to the leniency if I was still under 18. (Just kidding! Not going to happen :P) Maybe it was the fear of my future and everything that comes with it. Maybe it was the fear of not being able to act goofy, gullible and wacky at the same time all in the name of fun rather than to look stupid. I really don't know. But one thing's for sure. I didn't want to turn 20. Rather, I thought of Peter Pan and his good fortune of never aging.
But one day short of a year later, I'm starting to realize that with a true understanding of this God-given life and the beauty that comes with it, I'll be able to age with grace. Maybe even grow into someone more beautiful as I grow older not because I'll have money to buy cosmetics to doll myself up but because I'll mature in the things of God and know more and more of my true identity, worth and value in Christ. To see the true beauty that my Father sees in me. To be what I've been hoping and praying to be, a Proverbs 31 woman.
I'll be turning 21 tomorrow and I'll be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. But in this past one year, so many wonderful things have happened in my life that it leaves almost no room for doubt, knowing that God's got my back! As long as I'm in my Savior's plan, not doing things my way but His, even the fear of the future goes away and I'll be living right in the centre of His appointed destiny for me with life in abundance that it'll just blow my mind far reaching beyond what I've ever dreamed of or imagine.
People say turning 21 is like finally receiving your key to freedom and independence. Some people even buy real key charms to wear as a resemblance. My mom got one for me but she made sure it got paired up with an additional cross to resemble that I'm never doing it alone, always putting God first in my life. I love her so!!!
If I were still the same me a year ago, I might even go into a minor hypertension-anxiety phase thinking that I would never be able to make it in life. But I'm a year older now and a tad wiser by the grace of God and I shall walk into being 21 with confidence knowing that God is by my side. Which reminds me of a sentence I saw in my sister's devotion that made me come to terms with my Gerontophobia and the unknown future that comes with it. "That there are no guarantees in life unless you are committed to God. Because that is the greatest guarantee you can hope for, which also happens to be the only one you will ever need because it guarantees you things and happenings far beyond you've ever imagined." Therefore I shall not fear getting old but be excited of what God's going to do in me and through me in the years to come!! Excited to be turning 21!!! PEACE!
And just to spare you the eye sore of weird pictures of me splashed with water, flour and cream....
I guess turning 20 really scared me because it was a "one-step-forever-taken/no chances of going back" out of my teen hood and into adulthood. No more being sweet sixteen, or nineteen really scared me. Scared me enough to delay blogging about if for a year. Not sure why I felt that way. Maybe it was the fear of more heavy responsibilities. Maybe it was the fear of not being able to whine or get things my way like how I used to when I was a kid. Maybe because by law I would be charged with a heavier sentence if I ever commit any crime compared to the leniency if I was still under 18. (Just kidding! Not going to happen :P) Maybe it was the fear of my future and everything that comes with it. Maybe it was the fear of not being able to act goofy, gullible and wacky at the same time all in the name of fun rather than to look stupid. I really don't know. But one thing's for sure. I didn't want to turn 20. Rather, I thought of Peter Pan and his good fortune of never aging.
But one day short of a year later, I'm starting to realize that with a true understanding of this God-given life and the beauty that comes with it, I'll be able to age with grace. Maybe even grow into someone more beautiful as I grow older not because I'll have money to buy cosmetics to doll myself up but because I'll mature in the things of God and know more and more of my true identity, worth and value in Christ. To see the true beauty that my Father sees in me. To be what I've been hoping and praying to be, a Proverbs 31 woman.
I'll be turning 21 tomorrow and I'll be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. But in this past one year, so many wonderful things have happened in my life that it leaves almost no room for doubt, knowing that God's got my back! As long as I'm in my Savior's plan, not doing things my way but His, even the fear of the future goes away and I'll be living right in the centre of His appointed destiny for me with life in abundance that it'll just blow my mind far reaching beyond what I've ever dreamed of or imagine.
People say turning 21 is like finally receiving your key to freedom and independence. Some people even buy real key charms to wear as a resemblance. My mom got one for me but she made sure it got paired up with an additional cross to resemble that I'm never doing it alone, always putting God first in my life. I love her so!!!
If I were still the same me a year ago, I might even go into a minor hypertension-anxiety phase thinking that I would never be able to make it in life. But I'm a year older now and a tad wiser by the grace of God and I shall walk into being 21 with confidence knowing that God is by my side. Which reminds me of a sentence I saw in my sister's devotion that made me come to terms with my Gerontophobia and the unknown future that comes with it. "That there are no guarantees in life unless you are committed to God. Because that is the greatest guarantee you can hope for, which also happens to be the only one you will ever need because it guarantees you things and happenings far beyond you've ever imagined." Therefore I shall not fear getting old but be excited of what God's going to do in me and through me in the years to come!! Excited to be turning 21!!! PEACE!
 |
| I got saboed turning 20!!! |
 |
| Part of the best gifts God has given to me :) |
Bullied.....and bullied :p
PS: I wouldn't have put these photos up a year ago, but with a more secure me now, I really don't mind! Had lots of crazy fun btw! But fingers crossed, sure hope I'll be spared this time. A girl's gotta feel beautiful on her birthday don't you think?!
And just to spare you the eye sore of weird pictures of me splashed with water, flour and cream....
 |
| HAVE FUN AGEING!!!!!! |
Friday, April 20, 2012
I need You
I feel lousy right now
And that's why I need You here somehow
Although sometimes I've vowed
To never think bad or look down
On my circumstances and whereabouts
Somehow I just end up sitting here in a sulk
I hold myself from blaming ministry
From blaming the situations I'm in
Or the circumstances I get thrown into
Looking back it seems like I've grown a lot
But how much have I actually grown?
The talk with mom this morning
Was very very eye opening
Events and before the beginning of me and deb
History untold kept tight and unfold
Suddenly like a ram with tiny unseen cracks
Bursting out in a full force measure
Something I can't quite take and swallow
Rushing waters at a speed so fast
Emotions go untame but I stay in control
I need to be strong
To grow up I should
Thinking of the way and the journey this far
It has not been easy and I'm amazed at the outcome
God is good.
God is soveriegn.
And He knows best.
But regret does come in
Was I ever a good older sister?
An obedient daughter?
Sometimes I wished to redeem myself
But the pass is the pass
No point crying over spilt milk
Or undoing what had already been done
Or doing what is undone
Wait, I can still do the latter!
So there I was sucked up in the mesh of emotions
Should I go home? Go over to Dad's? Or go for prayer?
None of which I momentarily preferred
Started pacing around
Something not good at all
Then I started talking to You
Tried to praise You in song but words didn't come out
Figuring out the words of a song in my head
How did it go again?
And there it was like a wind that hits so fast
Goosebumps all over my arms and legs
Not unlike anything that has never happened before
But something so new and fresh, raw yet real
You caught me offguard with that speed You were coming at
I stand amazed
You don't need to hear words off my lips
Yet You read what's written on my heart
Right there in the centre of Your awe-inspiring presence
Letting me realize that You're here for me
You've always been
Making me feel so even more sure that
I need You............ desperately.
And that's why I need You here somehow
Although sometimes I've vowed
To never think bad or look down
On my circumstances and whereabouts
Somehow I just end up sitting here in a sulk
I hold myself from blaming ministry
From blaming the situations I'm in
Or the circumstances I get thrown into
Looking back it seems like I've grown a lot
But how much have I actually grown?
The talk with mom this morning
Was very very eye opening
Events and before the beginning of me and deb
History untold kept tight and unfold
Suddenly like a ram with tiny unseen cracks
Bursting out in a full force measure
Something I can't quite take and swallow
Rushing waters at a speed so fast
Emotions go untame but I stay in control
I need to be strong
To grow up I should
Thinking of the way and the journey this far
It has not been easy and I'm amazed at the outcome
God is good.
God is soveriegn.
And He knows best.
But regret does come in
Was I ever a good older sister?
An obedient daughter?
Sometimes I wished to redeem myself
But the pass is the pass
No point crying over spilt milk
Or undoing what had already been done
Or doing what is undone
Wait, I can still do the latter!
So there I was sucked up in the mesh of emotions
Should I go home? Go over to Dad's? Or go for prayer?
None of which I momentarily preferred
Started pacing around
Something not good at all
Then I started talking to You
Tried to praise You in song but words didn't come out
Figuring out the words of a song in my head
How did it go again?
And there it was like a wind that hits so fast
Goosebumps all over my arms and legs
Not unlike anything that has never happened before
But something so new and fresh, raw yet real
You caught me offguard with that speed You were coming at
I stand amazed
You don't need to hear words off my lips
Yet You read what's written on my heart
Right there in the centre of Your awe-inspiring presence
Letting me realize that You're here for me
You've always been
Making me feel so even more sure that
I need You............ desperately.
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